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Original poster

Suicidal neighbour?

94 replies

BulletFox · 03/02/2018 07:36

I'm not entirely sure how to deal with this.

He's about 20 years older than me, I've only known him since Xmas eve, admittedly his life is very limited at present. He's estranged from family/ex partner/friends (although not in a belligerent sort of way, they're frustrated) and in completely the wrong sort of accommodation, private rented up 2 flights of stairs.

I sat with him yesterday waiting for an ambulance as he'd said he'd taken paracetamol. His mobility is bad, he's now saying he has £8 left til next week.

I can help in some aspects, e.g. I could apply for PIP on his behalf, speak to his bank (he's overdrawn), try to encourage him to engage with the outside world.

I'm really not sure what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
BulletFox · 04/02/2018 09:33

I'm quite aware this is partially my fault as I thought I could help and tried to, but it's too complex for me and I'm not responsible for him.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 04/02/2018 09:36

Why do.you need to contact anyone. He has Sw and carers let them look after him. There's no reason for you to contact anyone he's in the system has being looked after. Stop getting involved.

Original poster
BulletFox · 04/02/2018 09:41

I don't know, I guess I just react instinctively if anyone is in pain.

Maybe he is manipulative

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 04/02/2018 09:50

You should only care about your own family. No one else. They can look after themselves.

Original poster
BulletFox · 04/02/2018 09:53

Sorry if this thread comes across as being 'martyr' ish, it wasn't meant to be.

Fretter by nature

OP posts:
BertyFlanter · 04/02/2018 09:53

I’ve read all your other threads and I also knew who it would be before opening.
It’s very frustrating to see the same advice over and over again and you just dismiss it.

Just keep yourself to yourself, you do appear to thrive off the drama.

Bluedoglead · 04/02/2018 09:53

Why the fuck are you going to call round to him? He is not your problem. If he has a problem then he has eleventy billion agencies already involved with him they can do their jobs and help him, wether that’s with pip application or showering or anything else.

He. Is. Not. Your. Problem.

Runninglateeveryday · 04/02/2018 09:56

Don't be sorry you were trying to be nice. You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable situation though and he will develop a dependency on you. Step away you don't have to be unkind about it, call ambulances if he's contacting you saying he's suicidal, they will do welfare checks which his sw will get a copy of.

Original poster
BulletFox · 04/02/2018 10:01

It's not that I dismiss, it's just that I'm struggling with this a bit as it's in my immediate vicinity.

It's really not trolling nor is it thriving off drama.

I can get quite touchy about boundaries but as it's happening on my doorstep, so to speak, I'm a bit torn between trying to help and trying to keep my distance

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 04/02/2018 10:03

Why do you feel the need to be needed so much?

ladyballs · 04/02/2018 10:04

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

You need to ignore him for your own health and concentrate on building healthy boundaries.

PerfectlyDone · 04/02/2018 10:06

Your need to 'help' him is your need - YOU get something out of being needed.

Step away from the poor man.

Get help for yourself.

And consider why you keep posting about this situation, lots and LOTS of people are saying the same things repeatedly and you seem unable to take the advice on board.

Original poster
BulletFox · 04/02/2018 10:12

Ok so many people are saying the same thing.

It's not really needing to be needed, it's being drawn to detangling things if someone is in a state and hoping things would improve.

I seem to anger people when I post about this (I was hoping to hide in MH and be inconspicuous when I started this thread - evidentally not!).

OP posts:
ladyballs · 04/02/2018 10:15

Bullet, I'm not angry, I'm frustrated. You had the same advice on the shower thread and ignored it.

I've been the person running round after useless men. All the time I did that I was ignoring my own needs.

You deserve better than to be running around after this man.

Bluedoglead · 04/02/2018 10:15

What do you get out of the “detangljng”?

Weezol · 04/02/2018 10:21

By being so available you may well be hindering the other services trying to help him. Back off and leave them to work with him.

Sorting his PIP will be part of his support workers' role (my support worker was brilliant with this, I am eternally grateful).

20 paracetomol is not a suicide attempt, it is attention seeking. Stop feeding this with your response. You are adding fuel to the fire.

There is a fine line between helping and enabling. Take care of yourself and your wellbeing by stepping back.

Original poster
BulletFox · 04/02/2018 10:24

I guess I just wanted to approach it in a practical sense, e.g. make lists of what needed to be done (as in he's not on PIP as yet), make sure he gets care every day.

I'd be able to deal with that fine. I'm less able to deal with anyone getting emotionally attached to me (yes yes I know I've got too involved, my own fault).

I am listening and I'm aware of my own flaws, but his current system doesn't appear to be working and I'd like to try to ensure he's safe before I can bow out.

God I always get into trouble on MN when I post about neighbours

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 04/02/2018 10:27

That doesn’t answer my question.

What do YOU get out of detangling ?

Until you de tangle that yourself you are going to not take advice and keep going round in circles.

Bluedoglead · 04/02/2018 10:27

As an example.

Why do you need to make sure he gets care every day? What’s it to you if he doesn’t?

Original poster
BulletFox · 04/02/2018 10:34

I guess when I first met him on Xmas eve something went wrong with his care so he didn't have anyone in on xmas day or boxing day. He has mobility problems.

I find it hard to ignore immediacy. It's really not anything to do with feeling 'needed', maybe I have a flaw in this respect.

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 04/02/2018 10:42

That’s unfortunate but why is it your problem to sort? He can talk. He has access to support. He could have contacted his SW or others to sort things for him.

For all you know they’d told him for months and offered loads of other options which he had refused. Or not. But it doesn’t matter. It’s noy your issue.

purplecorkheart · 04/02/2018 10:46

I have not read the other threads but could you move out? I am sorry but this man is playing you. You seem unwilling to establish boundaries with this man. No way should you be doing paperwork etc for him particularly financial. He has caseworkers etc to do this for him. There are care systems in place but he is not telling you this so he can play you. Sorry to be harsh but everytime he asks you anything tell him he must ring his caseworker etc.

Original poster
BulletFox · 04/02/2018 10:48

I did have the impression he might not be accessing services properly.

But because I've stuck my snout in, so to speak, I do have to call up later on today and say he needs to access more formal channels.

Apologies for irritating anyone.

OP posts:
labazs · 04/02/2018 10:49

He needs professional help has he a social worker otherwise ring MIND its nice to help but easy to get bogged down

Runninglateeveryday · 04/02/2018 10:50

What's the shower situation ?!