to give up now

[BabsCabsIsLocal]

I can't bear the pain

Things still give me pleasure, just it's not worth it overall on balance.

Having lots of random thoughts but now I feel like crappy attention seeker for needing support. I'm so confused about what's ok or not

Feelings are never wrong. You feel you need help, love, you feel sad. Next you need to decide what to do with them. How to find that next step that helps you feel a bit better. Don’t give up. Have small goals. What used to be your drive in life?

You're not an attention seeker! I'm sorry MNHQ shoved your thread off here, that's not cool. I wish I could help; I wish I could make it all better. My only tip for making friends is to pick a really niche interest and find people that do that - it's where I have met some really excellent people - we're all weird together. Hugs.

The weird thing is, I don't (or didn't) struggle in social situations, it's always been keeping friends or fully being accepted that's the problem. There always seems to be the one or two horrible people who can manipulate others so it's easier to cut me out, or just as life changes im not a close enough friend to keep.

I don't know what to think. It's so confusing. When I asked for help, really believed I deserved it, I was viewed as entitled and attention seeking by mental health services. Now I physically can't open up in real life, I'm too terrified. So I'm not sure how to think/feel about myself, iyswim. And that's separate from being realistic about what support is actually available. (Also my GP is so unpleasant (and bonkers!) I'm too scared to see him. Or any of them, tbh, they really view me as a waste of space. More than I ever have.)

I feel like screaming "none of this makes any sense!! Whatever I think/feel/do you tell me to think/feel/do the opposite!"

Some health professional are just as shitty as some of the general populace are. If you can change GPs, I would, as you should not have to feel scared to see your GP. I was told to look out for teaching practices, as they often have lots of GPs and lots of support for them. Mental health services seem so stretched these days that it's almost impossible to get one at al, never mind a good one. I'm sorry they were so shitty to you. Have you tried writing a diary? It helped me get the words out of my head, and talking to myself in that way did help. It's not a patch on having a real person to talk to, and I understand that.

Ok I'm going to be blunt
You have fought all your life, you're exhausted by it
You could give up.
I didn't mean to be trite when I said you need to love yourself. I know that. Trust me.

Don't give up
Please
I don't want you to and I don't even know you. But from your posts I can say 100% I think you sound like an amazing person

People let people down in epic ways
But don't give up

"But I know I need love, i know that's the only thing that can heal now. And our society confines that love to romantic relationships, unfortunately."

IMHO love is not confined to romantic or sexual relationships, I love my friends and as a Christian I love God.

I wonder if you have tried a religion, or maybe those who were unkind to you were associated with a faith group and this puts you off.

I just wanted to say that love can come in other guises, IMHO.

I know you posted about having this moved back to AIBU but did you also message Mumsnet. I can do that too if you want, just report the thread and asked for it to be moved back to AIBU.

Just keep talking if it helps, at all.

OP can you change your doctor? They sound incompetent.

Thank you. I need to change doctor but am a bit worried due to the hassle, and at least this one gets me through benefits assessments (without my knowledge, he just writes when they ask!)

I know love can come in other guises but the point is it generally isn't considered that way. If I was writing here what I needed from friendship I'd be told I was expecting way too much and friendship doesn't work like that! This is precisely what I mean by whatever I think, I'm told to think the opposite...

Please don't take this the wrong way - it's meant well and if I'm massively missing the mark, please ignore. Have you considered getting a dog? I am not in anyway whatsoever suggesting that a pet is equivalent to a partner, but they are pretty good at providing unconditional boundless love. I know having a dog has helped a fair few people.

Hi OP, not RTFT but if your feelings are heath related try Health Unlocked, it's a forum where you can join and post on your experiences with a certain condition.

I'm on the Endometriosis section and it's helped me no end.

"If I was writing here what I needed from friendship I'd be told I was expecting way too much and friendship doesn't work like that! This is precisely what I mean by whatever I think, I'm told to think the opposite..."

Sadly, that is the limitation of an online forum like this one. We all have different views. I would say some friendships are far stronger than romantic relationships. But no friendship comes easily and usually one needs to put a lot of effort into things. This can be very hard if you have many needs, or lack confidence etc. And it cannot be contrived, it needs to come naturally to some extent.

I really hope changing doctor will help you.

It's just very clear I don't belong in this world. I actually feel quite calm about it. Seeking help doesn't work because I'm sort of rationally depressed, well not even depressed exactly. I don't feel very bad about myself (I used to), I'm just aware that the likelihood of life providing what this broken person would need is very low. It's ok. 🙂
No decision are being acted on for a while.

Everyone belongs in this world. It's made up of all types of people. All with different life challenges and experiences

I think it's great you don't feel bad about yourself anymore, that's a positive step. Just hang onto that.
Surviving is a strength in itself

I've been wondering what to say here as I know these feelings. I know what can be meant to help often does the opposite.

So, in my own experience, I found reading helps. In particular, The Hitchhikers Guide. It's full of clever metaphors about the way we seek happiness and fulfilment and- ultimately- where we belong.

It helped me normalise feelings of loneliness and wondering where I might be placed to feel more like I belong. And it's just a good read!

Sometimes disappearing into someone else's World for a while can help you see you own a little differently.

I cant go on. I dont know why people think im not worth as much as other and treat me badly but the do. I cant make the nightmares stop. No one will help me

@BabsCabsIsLocal

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

Please do not do anything to harm yourself.

Change for your life situation could be just around the corner and you would miss it.

Please call The Samaritans now.

This s whatevert their website says.....

"ABOUT THE CALL

When you're ready, we're here to listen.

You don’t have to give your real name or any personal information if you don’t want to.

The quickest way to contact us and get a response is by phone on 116 123, this number is FREE to call."

Everyone has value, whether other fallible humans recognise that value it not, every single person is precious. Please go to your GP tomorrow and ask for urgent help, to stop the nightmares and to change your thinking which is so destructive for you. I totally understand life has made you think like this but there are ways to cope and change.

May I ask how old you. Please?

whether other fallible humans recognise that value or not

I'm early 30s.

Can't face GP as they will be rude and dismissive. Need nerves of steel to see them.

You said a few days ago you were going to change surgery, please explore this and get a place then phone your current surgery and sat you are moving. You do not need to say why etc, even if they ask you can just say the other surgery is more convenient.