Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi

[Fairydust26]

going through abit of a crappy time with anxiety/health anxiety at the mo so thought it would be a good idea to create this thread. I always find that when I’m feeling anxious writing it down makes me feel a little bit better so hopefully some of you might too and we can support each other through this crappy time as I know it can make you feel pretty lonely. I’m trying to not drag myself back to bed and write today off so I’ve made a cuppa put the heating on sat by the xmas tree and going to try and have a clam Saturday so come say hi

Welcome UhOh4321😊 I too feel like I’ve been a worrier my whole life like it’s in my dna unfortunately! Good that you’ve given yourself a week to get used to the medication the side effects at the start can be horrible but just take it one day at a time and fingers crossed they don’t last that long for you and you start to feel better soon. I’m on sertaline but there is a couple of people on this thread that are on citalopram that hopefully will have some advice for you on that.

How’s everyone doing?

I'm doing great today. Didn't sleep all that well last night so did some list writing and planning. Watched the sunrise with breakfast on holiday and decided to make some lent resolutions, rather than giving something up. So I've reached out to some friends I've not talked to in a while and decided to set myself three small goals every day. I'm feeling far less overwelmed about the pregnancy now. Also talked to my granny which is always nice. First time I've felt chatty in ages.

Can I also recommend a book called the pursuit of happiness and why it's making us anxious. It's written by a lady who moved from England to America with a small child and got lonely so explored the typically American pursuit of happiness. Its got chapters that cover work, children, god and social media. It's funny, insitful and shocking and I found really put things into perspective for. Best book I've read in a long time. Spoiler: you don't become happy by working hard to achieve it

Hi all,

Can I join here please? I feel like a tad bit of a fraud in some ways, because my anxiety isn't bad all of the time, but there are certain times or situations when I (and others) notice it more.

I have a trauma assessment next week, which I'm apprehensive about. I've been stepped up straight to stage three for CBT. I didn't know it had gotten this bad really, and hearing someone say I needed to be stepped straight up made feel even worse. The practitioner said its definitely anxiety based rather than depression. I feel like I'm rambling, but I guess I don't really know what I should say?

Hi Woolfai and welcome, I've only been on this thread a couple of weeks, and like you don't suffer all the time, but it can start at any moment, the thread is lovely and supportive. It's good that your practitioner is stepping up the support if she thinks you need it.

Deborah - I'm glad you are feeling better, thank you for the book recommendation, I will look out for that. I too have some Lent resolutions, one of which is to really work on my mindfullness, another is to leave my phone downstairs at night so I can't go on MN if I wake up in the night and can't stumble on anything upsetting just before bedtime. I have decided I will leave it downstairs, come down in the morning and make a cuppa, do my mindfulness app then take it back up to bed for reading just while I finish my cuppa. I am also going to practice watching TV without checking my phone every 5 mins (I spend far too much time on MN and FB).

Weirdly, I have got something to properly stress me out this week and it has totally focussed me on getting it sorted and pushed away the anxiety (local authority messing me about big time with my DC's special needs provision). I'm in a "don't mess with me" mood now.

@whoknows good resolutions. I've just woken up at 4 am and gone on mumsnet simply because I used my phone to check the time. That's anxiety doing what it should be doing by focusing you. I've been in 'don't mess with me moods.' so much more often now I'm pregnant. I'm normally so quiet and passive. Good to practice some assertiveness. I'm a bit wary though as those moods often swing into tears and/or being signed off work with stress which I absolutely hate. Allthough, I think I'm more often depressed which has blunted my moods. Grr, hope you get things sorted out with your local authority. I've split my goals into categories, one is spiritual, which yesterday was doing some artwork. I've never really got into mindfulness personally. Tried an online course first time I was off work with stress. I realised lots of the relaxation techniques I allready use when I can't sleep. Then tried it again second time I was signed off but as soon as I tried clearing my mind and focusing on my breathing, it went shallow and I felt panicy.

Ironically I've been stressing about an assessment with a psycatrist as I'm not on meds and I'm worried they are going to try to pursude me to take some. Also, I don't like being judged and labeled. Then, comes the guilt that other people wait longer and don't get support. So I've been writing some notes under the title 'how we can best support you' which was in the letter and puts me in the driving seat. I need to not get defensive. On a positive, got an us scam at the end of next week which is a much nicer and easier thing to focus on.

Whenever I have a chat with my mother, it’s usually about the same things. Usual phrases from me include “why am I like this? Why don’t I care enough to change? Why do I have no motivation?” etc etc. I like being in control (not a controlling person, just like to be on top of stuff like most people) and yet I am so out of control! My room is a tip and has been for a long time. I don’t think it’s been properly tidy for years if I’m honest, not for any length of time anyway. I was telling my mother how I don’t see the benefit of having a tidy room - I never invite people over or anything- the only reason would be to get my mother off my back!!
My mother did ask if I wanted to go to the GP about anxiety. She’s not so sure about medication, side effects can be nasty. She’s also had experience with anxiety, but she’s much better now. My brother hasn’t got great self-esteem or confidence either so I feel sorry for her, having to deal with the both of us.

Toffee, I feel for you. Hugs. The same question go through my head. I think a LOT about control. And the guilt I feel is the worst part. I'm the second youngest of 4 and my little brother (in his 20s) is most likely mildly autistic but undiagnosed (less mild than diagnosed relatives) and often causes my parents grief by playing too many computer games and frittering his money. My mum has actually said she feels guilty that she never got my brother a diagnosis, or me (I'm dyslexic) but I know that wasn't through lack of trying. She was just such a good mum that she taught us and helped develop coping strategies for school. I got an assessment as an adult and my brother could chose to be assessed if he thought it would help him. However, my assessment did make me overanalyse my mind, I was surprised that I was actually very dyslexic (with high IQ) rather than mildly dyslexic although my husband doesn't believe it. I go from being annoyed with him to feeling sorry for him. After I took setraline I could just see his cheeky baby face and got really upset that I'd been so mean to him throughout his life(I haven't really). I find him the best person to be around when I'm unwell as we have a special sort of communication (involves little talking).

Anyway, every family is different and has there issues and quirks. It's best not to overthink things or look back on the past you can't change. But I know that's easier said than done! You gp should be able to refer you to some talking therapies or online cbt. Good luck.

Oh, and I've heard maternal guilt starts in childhood and never ends. If I worry about my little brother so much what am I going to be like with my own child. face-palm. I'm only now worrying if the child will be autistic or asthmatic which runs in my family or have mental health issues which runs in my husbands. Will they be too smart, perceptive and sensitive.. And be misunderstood and naughty. I worked in a nursery and loved the toddlers but they are not easy. I did realise that tantrums are not as commen as I remember growing up and there is so much judgement on naughty children... OK, time to get off my phone I think and stop flooding this thread. Have a great day everyone.

I'm back.... had a week at home with DMIL for her brother's funeral, which was really sad, but he was very, very ill so a relief really.

It's been a great distraction. I'm due to go back to work on Monday but there's no way on earth I can manage it, so plucking up the courage to email my boss to tell her.

I'm finishing up at the start of April so it will only be a month left of my horribly stressful job. SIL and BF are amazed I'm even considering going back, but I feel like I need to; to make sure that I leave with my reputation intact. (however they'll all have been slagging me off anyway - it's so bitchy)

Hello everyone I’ve been feeling okay but getting odd bouts of feeling flat if that makes sense? I’ve decided I’m going to start exercising and eating healthier next week as it really does help how I’m feeling and to be honest I really should take better care of myself. It’s so easy to forget to look after yourself when you have a family, work commitments ect and I’ve come to realise that’s important too!. Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend x

Hi all, i'm new here, I suffered anxiety a few years ago, I did not really realise what is was until after much testing there was nothing wrong with my heart and it was decided it was anxiety. Once that was decided by the professional it went away very quickly with some helpful tips and management. But this year, just after xmas it surfaced again, and I am trying but failing to conquer it. exercise is good for me, but i think i have been over done the kick starting healthiness and have got a little heart muscle strain now, which isn't helping me, so be careful of that fairydust26. my mind without my knowing goes to bad places and my heart follows before I know whats happened i have pain and think 'this is it, its definitely a heart attack, this time i'm definitely going to die'. But I don't, I'm still here. Its making me tired, and sleep can be difficult, mind loves a good negative wandering then. I am currently trying to pin point what triggered the anxiety to come back, while still trying to convince myself i don't have a horrendous heart problem. I feel if i can find the trigger I might be able to deal and get back to normal again for a while. I am trying to be positive, but not lie to myself and force it either, as my sub conscious will just catch me out later that day. The evenings are getting lighter so getting out walking the dog and with the horses for some fun, not just the boring jobs in the evening will become easier and hopefully help me. Am tiring of battling along alone and underneath me telling myself im not dying, (I still think I am). Was reading online recently and 1 of the most important things about anxiety is for the sufferer to be confident there is not a physical problem, as the worry of illness can just make it worse. So am speaking to my doctor to see if they can check me out again. just to be sure my anxiety doesn't really affect me in busy situations, its when im alone it attacks me and I do not fear being alone, I actually quite enjoy the peace but apparently my anxiety feels this is a good time to make itself known at the moment, but Have fun weekend planned, nothing to stressful, lesson on my horse and having a bit of a clear out at home.

Hello to everyone. I have got through my week off and enjoyed it! I'm looking fwd to back to work but also the wknd with my dh. I can't believe no anxious moments this week and just enjoyed being, it's been lovely. Feel very happy and almost like I can face my trigger, but not quite.... Hi to those who are struggling xx

Hello all. toffee, I know exactly what you mean about tidying up. For me, the cleanliness of my house directly reflects the state of my mental health - and having everything tidy makes me feel so much better. Can you get a cleaner in just to help you start off?

I am doing OK - I even managed to deal with some social anxiety in relation to a man I am interested in. I wish that my brain did not immediately jump to the negative "he obviously hates me" when he has given no such indication and in fact the evidence suggests quite the opposite!

summer my counsellor lady tells me to think about it in factual terms.

fact

or

opinion

that really helps me.

gttia & summerbreezer glad to hear your both doing somewhat okay!😊. Welcome GrassWasGreener I can resonate with your post very much comfort in knowing there is others that understand what your going through hope you have a peaceful weekend .

trooperslane2 thats a good tip

toffee my mum came to visit over xmas and it was after that my anxiety re surfaced, it was ok but was a tense few days, I wonder if that after the christmas work rush is what pushed me over the edge. Pretty sure I was tense for the 6 weeks after black friday - new years.

I try consciously looking for a positive, i find that helps, then focus on the positive thought, no matter how small, to try and deter a negative spiral. I do not talk to my mum about things, just can't, never have, its good that you can talk to yours toffee, and she listens with out over reacting or dismissing you, thats a little positive right there

Grasswasgreener, I also have found Christmas difficult the past couple of years. Last January (2017) was the best month recently, probably
Because I came off olanzipane, an anti-psychotics which made me so numb. Anyone else been on anti-psychotics? I think I was on them far longer than I needed, and allthough I was diagnosed with having a psychotic episode, I think it was just sleep deprevation (about 72 hours) and anxiety. Had my first anxiety attack and developed a temporary stutter. So I'm anxious about getting insomnia again or being kept awake by a baby.

Generally, I'm feeling positive. I went shopping for an organiser today and bought a lovely little book from wilkos called 'my goals' where I can plan and track my goals and write to do lists galore. I'm going to leave my phone downstairs tonight, hope I get a better sleep tonight.

I find it useful to give myself a pep talk in the mirror and listen to music with headphones and do some writing. Also my baby is starting to hear now so I'm singing a bit.

My Councillor said something very useful. She said to stop negative thinking in its tracks by imagining a stop sign then repeating positive mantras. Eg I am positive, I am strong even if I don't believe it. I decided to add I am organised, I am competent because I often think of myself as disorganised.

Hi, feeling very anxious right now. I have been 4 years without diazepam due to high anxiety however so worried about my 22 month old daughter. I am so sure she is autistic but waiting for help is driving me mad. Time to see the gp to control this anxiety.

Deborah - I use a notebook as a bullet journal, helps me organise my life and my thoughts, although the to do lists never seem to get any shorter. It definitely makes me a bit more organised. I take it upstairs and write in it at night too (especially now I have banned myself from taking my phone up). I wasn't very good this morning with my phone though, day off work and didn't need to get up early, went down for a cuppa at 7, took it and phone back to bed and still there 90 mins later . Still, it's better than being on the phone at bedtime.

Grasswasgreener, one of the things I have started doing in my bullet journal this month is writing down one nice thing that has happened each day. Also one achievement, no matter how small.

Moonshine, my son is autistic (Asperger's Syndrome), he's secondary school age now and doing really well. It was when he was about your DD's age that I realised he needed additional support and started the ball rolling. I totally get your anxiety about waiting for help, it's awful, has your GP or HV been supportive about referring her for diagnosis? Any other support, nursery, children's centre etc? I have found my branch of the National Autistic Society to be a great support too (you don't need a diagnosis to get help from them).

Moonshine, hugs. I have a few autistic (aspershic) people in my family. My little brother, for example was a terror at that age, biting other children all the time and having tantrums over things like moving his carefully lined up cars (well, I found it fun to wind him up). Hope you get support you need. When I worked a nursery, they were reluctant to label too young and were always reassuring parents that children develop at different ages. I worked mostly with 18 months - 3year olds. There was one girl I thought was autistic (started nursery age two with little language or social skills and loved singing and music but not much else). I don't think there is really any time pressure to get a diagnosis. Easier said than done I know.

My cousins' son is the only diagnosed autistic person in my family (aspershic). My cousin is quite anxious and always knew something was wrong. Strangely he was a very chatty social toddler and nothing like as different as my brother. Her son is 10 now and very smart, and headstrong. He loves lego. My concern with early diagnosis is that you might give a child an excuse for bad behaviour, teach them that they are different or something is wrong with them. My cousin did this a bit but she got better. but getting the support you need is the most important.

My husband works in a special needs school with a behavioural difficulties class so we have talked a lot about autism. It's so varied.

Thank you both for your replies. It's so difficult right now to air my concerns as people in my close circle are saying all the right things and trying to reassure me all is fine but I know somethings not quite right. I feel like people are very quick to dismiss anything I say regarding my concerns and I'm starting to bottle everything up. My health visitor has sent a referral for paediatrician but as you know it could be up to 8 months before I have my first appointment. I paid for my daughters first speech and language session last weekend to get the ball rolling, at £60.00 an hour I could probably stretch to one a month 😔. I feel so guilty having to work full time, my partner works FT also and my mum looks after her in the day. The nursery won't accept get until she is 2 so end of March will be when she can attend. Having said that, I will be sick with worry as she is non verbal... Need to keep telling myself that I can't hold her back. Anxiety is a struggle at the moment but it has really helped sharing on here and your replies have been a comfort. Xx

You know your baby best, eg something not being right. Your clearly a great mum, getting her sessions with the language specialist. The girl I mentioned had one to one language sessions with a member of nursery staff and I saw a huge change in her from when I went to uni then went back to the nursery in the holidays was huge. She was saying big words like wonderful and beautiful. But I think she was 3 by then and wasn't talking in sentences. You've probably heard it loads before but at 22 months being non verbal is not that unusual. When her speech does come it will be that extra bit special and rewarding. I think the most rewarding part of working in my nursery was seeing the children learn to talk.

Also, moonshine. Is your daughter an only child? And doesn't have much time interacting with other children? I only asked because I noticed a trend in the nursery that children with older siblings developed their speech earlier. So it really doesn't sound abnormal that your daughter is still non verbal.