Small steps support thread?

[Soddingepiphany]

I was thinking of making some small changes to try to get on top of my anxiety and wondered if anyone wanted to join me? Just recently my anxiety has gone through the roof and I have given myself gastritis with all the stressing, the anxiety is starting to feel overwhelming so I NEED to be proactive, not something that will come easily when I just want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world!

My plan for this morning is to actually eat even though I feel sick. Then I will get dressed and take my toddler and dog for a walk. My longer term plan is to get on my cross trainer regularly, do some of that mindful colouring (I thought it was a faddy thing but it does help me stop thinking for a while), and to take it one day at a time!

If anyone wants to join me please do.

How are things today Soddingepiphany?

I'm doing much better after a blip earlier this week which really scared me. Seeing some friends today.

It also dawned on me that my meds dose was changed a couple of weeks ago and that could go partway to explain why I had a sudden crash.

Hi Erin, it's good to hear you are doing better, I hope you have fun with your friends.

I got prescribed Diazepam on Monday and have only taken two but they seem to of stopped the anxiety spiral enough for me to get a grip of it, struggled with feeling really depressed during the middle of the week but that has also been improving the last few days.

I feel well enough to concentrate on small steps now so I'll be doing that.

Here's hoping we both continue to improve!

It is really scary when you have a blip isn't it? I've been having to remind myself that there hasn't been a blip I haven't been able to overcome so far, that thought definitely helps.

I get frightened by blips, yes. What helped me was telling other people I was blipping. It's okay to have a day like that. Just not weeks of them, back to back, strung together and getting worse.

Weeks strung together and getting worse is exactly what has just happened for me and it has sucked, really sucked. I was stupid to let it get so bad.

I need to drill it into my brain that anxiety and depression spiral if ignored. Negative outlooks and intrusive thoughts aren't evidence of fact, it's just a skewed perspective.

I need to let go of guilt, feeling like I don't do enough, I physically run myself ragged and spend my time worrying how I can do more for my family, do better for them. I think having a Fiancé/Mum who doesn't feel as though she is on the verge of a breakdown is more important than these stupid ideals I keep chasing.

I am going to tackle this properly now, is it any wonder I am constantly anxious when all I do is think that nothing is good enough? I may just write out every single thing that I want to make perfect, it would take a while but maybe seeing it in black and white would help me realise how much pressure I am putting on myself.

Sorry for the massive vent, I think I'm working through some things!

How are you Erin?

It sounds as if you are.

I like spider diagrams for this type of exercise. Or drawings.

I am doing okay. I have a gazillion things going on at the moment. Today I went for brunch with some newfound friends and then I did some retail therapy which is unusual for me. Then had a snooze. Not bad really. Trying to hang some laundry at the moment and drink a cup of hot chocolate to sooth myself. Self-care, self-care, self-care.

How's it going? I'm hanging in there. Bit stressed though. A lot going on.

Hi Erin, highs and lows right now. I am fine if I'm distracted but the moment I'm not I start to feel like I'm going to have a panic attack, the crippling on your hands and knees with terror coursing through your entire body kind.

I am taking positive steps though, going to yoga once a week and have referred myself for a four week CBT group workshop.

I am also trying to deal with the things that got me into this situation.

Please feel free to talk about what's stressing you out, how are you handling the stress itself?

In terms of handling the stress it's the usual combination of radical humour, camomile tea and diazepam. I am going to yoga, I found a good teacher near me. I go tonight actually.

I went back to work this week after four months out which is quite a milestone and just had a conversation with a mortgage broker which was not helpful so now I need to figure all of that side of things out. My therapist is working me hard at the moment which undoes me a bit. A lot going on really.

Trying to spin a lot of plates right now.

It sounds like we have the same approach to dealing with anxiety.

How are you doing today? How was yoga?

I really like my yoga class especially the mindfulness meditation at the end but last week someone fell asleep during it and the snoring was a little off putting!

Alas I failed to make it to yoga. Today was better than yesterday. I'm doing something with a group of people this evening and knackered so I just took some time out to eat and drink something. Self-care is so alien to me that it feels weird to set boundaries and say that I need am going to do that, and that I will be back soon.

Mindfulness meditation results in racing thoughts for me. I am good with asana but not ready for pranayama at the moment.

Ow! Ow! Ow! My head is all sparkly due to flashbacks and racing thoughts.

Need to eat and drink something.

Hi Erin, did you manage to eat and drink? How are you doing?

Hi Sodding Yes thank you. Feeling much better now.

Busy few days and a lot going on at the moment. My therapist is stirring stuff up and leaving me to deal with it, in the manner of therapists. I keep telling her I'm struggling which does not seem to stop her doing whatever it is that she things that her job is.

She's great and working me hard at the moment. Procrastinating in therapy is one of my favourite pasttimes.

*thinks that

MN is great for support whilst I work through stuff. It seems as if the working through stuff stuff will never end sometimes.

She (therapist) is not permitting my procrastinating behaviour.

I can sympathize with the never feeling like you'll be done working through stuff but as long as you keep trying and making positive steps I think that's what matters, we will get there one day.

Do you know why it is you prograstinate?

I have just realised I am probably anaemic. I have really heavy periods and it's caused anaemia before, I just put the pounding heart and breathlessness down to anxiety but thought it felt a bit different. My OH has just noticed how much whiter the whites of my eyes are too. Can't move without my heart pounding so might see if I can get an out of hours appointment somewhere.

Hello epiphany, erinaceous and everyone else in this thread - I was wondering if I can join in please ? :) nice thread.
I am soapbox, was previously Woolley , and have had anxiety the last 18 months. It's mainly work related, but it can become more general sometimes, and can very much be after therapy sessions , as I had a phase of severe anxiety after something rather horrible happened a few years ago. Which I just pushed down and immersed myself in work to overcome, slowly.
When I had an episode of bullying at work, my confidence completely went, my anxiety especially around work came back in horrific form , and I have had to painfully go back and address the background factors to the whole thing. It's a long painful therapy process and it can really bring me down.
But I am much improved, main thing is getting anxiety before a set of shifts in work now. I know deep down I can do it, but I still feel emotionally as if I can't . Next shift of this sort is tomorrow, so can feel it starting. I have plenty of strategies etc but I still find it so painful to tolerate. I have been told by my therapist, the best way is for me to approach anxiety , and tolerate it, not avoid it, and that is where I am at at the moment.
I'd be glad to join in and hope it might help offset it a bit, also just to be part of the support on the thread for others too.

Hi soapbox, you are very welcome to join us.

What kind of therapy are you receiving because it sounds like CBT could be really beneficial for you?

I have been in many situations that were unavoidable and have had to tolerate the anxiety, it really is a horrible thing to have to do. How do you feel afterwards?

Thank you for the welcome.
I am having integrative therapy which draws from several techniques, including CBT, though not pure CBT.
I do think the anticipatory anxiety before a shift would be treated well by CBT. I know I am thinking ' I can't do it' and I know logically I have, and can. It's about affirming that to myself now, having enough rest and then having the courage.
Afterwards I can sometimes feel relieved, though sometimes just low and exhausted. I find anxiety so tiring when it carries on for a while.

Meant to say,I was having panic attacks , now I have a lesser version of that.

I procrastinate because I do not want to do stuff. It is a technique I perfected when I was a student. It is a useful means of finding out what it is I am not keen on doing. I can tell when I really do not want to do something, because then I do the washing up.

I have not yet done the washing up in session. There's an idea. I could try that.

Hi Aintgotnosoapbox Good to see you and welcome to the thread. I remember you from before your name change. I am so sorry to hear that you experienced bullying recently. On tolerating anxiety, I am intolerably anxious in some situations and someone I know told me to understand my anxiety as excitement. This does not work for me though. I prefer camomile tea or diazepam myself.

Thankyou erinaceous, just for clarity, the workplace bullying started this whole process of 18 months ago. However when it happened, I sort of fell apart and I've had to go back and look at everything else I had just' moved on from'. And the cure is nearly as anxiety provoking as the original problem.
Anxiety to me I feel is like hot and cold, when you have it its unimaginable to be calm, when you are calm, it's difficult to remember what the big deal was.

Lol at doing the washing up in a session... Just an inkling your therapist may pick up on that. I spent a whole session once nearly in silence unable to even look at the therapist. I am very resistant apparently hence why it's all taken so long.
I also procrastinate, as I want , we all want, to avoid what makes us anxious.
Have you seen the tEd talk about vulnerability it's really good.

Hi. Please can I join? I started having panic attacks about 3 weeks ago. I'm a single mum to my dd (2) and her dad isn't involved at all. The panic attacks started out of nowhere and it really scared me as I didn't know what it was. I called an ambulance lol. I wasn't feeling anxious about anything before so I don't really know why. Since then I've been feeling anxious every day and have been finding it hard to control.

I've been put on propranalol and citalopram. I think the citalopram is starting to work as I've been feeling less anxious the last couple of days.

I find the anxiety comes now when I'm alone with dd as I'm terrified something will happen to me when we're on our own and she'll be all alone.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread yet bit I will!