Just wondered if anyone with PTSD/Complex PTSD fancied a chat?

[pepsiandshirley]

I've accepted I'min this for the longish haul, have a great therapist, get out and do plenty of exercise, spend time in green spaces, stay positive etc etc.

But I'd just love to speak to someone/anyone else who understands what a bitch trauma is (any kind, whatever the cause - trauma is trauma!)

Joining, Hello.

Having a bad couple of days so I will go read the thread and then come back and introduce myself properly. I have a diagnosis of cPTSD with dissociation.

I start therapy today, to start processing what happened... I don't even want to go, would much rather bury my head. But that won't help. Been very disassociated the past couple weeks, have a feeling I'll be dragged back to reality today. Can imagine it's all going to be worse tonight. Wish me luck :(

I too have recently been diagnosed with C-PTSD related to trauma in childhood and domestic abuse. At work now so bookmarking for later. Thanks for starting the thread Pepsi.

Hope your first therapy sessions goes well Sail

Thank you

Hi Pandora and welcome, I'm so sorry to hear of your history of trauma and loss. I hope some more comprehensive treatment can be organised for you soon.

With regards to your question on working, it's only within the last 12 months that I have had any awareness/understanding of my trauma history.

Until I went to therapy I just thought that my total inability to relax was just me being weird, my lack of focus was me being stupid, my clumsiness/forgetfulness was just me being inept. I had used denial so well in order to convince myself that nothing bad had ever happened to me I didn't even know that anything was 'wrong' with me. I just thought that I was wrong.

I was able to work full time without problems because of the denial/repression. However, in the last year since digging everything out in therapy I have some very bad days with anxiety..I do hold down a job but it's very flexible and I can rearrange my schedule to get around the bad days. It works for me and keeps me focused but I do struggle.

I have been offered a place to study a Masters in September and want so badly to be well enough to do it. I know the challenge I will be setting myself doing uni/work/primary school age kids (in fact I recently did a 2 year uni course and that's when my 'depression' - which turned out to be cptsd manifested itself in full).

I think it's about finding a balance, where possible. Knowing where I want to go and what I want to do keeps me so motivated to try and overcome this thing.

Welcome creating and notcarol - we'll be here whenever you're ready to talk.

Sail - you are very brave to be embarking on therapy, it's a long game and you're taking the first positive step, so well done. Let us know how it goes if you feel up to it. Wishing you luck.

And welcome flippin, sorry I missed you there! Look forward to chatting at some point.

Hi everyone. Just been directed over here from another thread.

I am short on time right now but I've RTFT and there seem to be some links between illnesses and CPTSD. It's worth googling Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACES). There is a proven link between 4+ ACES (they have a list of 10 groups) and clear health issues in adulthood. The main website is here ( https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ ) but there is lots more that stems from it.

There's a good TED talk about it too. How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime by Nadine Burke Harris.
https://www.ted.com/talks/nadineburkeeharrishowwchildhoodtraumaaaffectshealthhacrossaa_lifetime

Back later.

Hi to all the new posters. sail really hope your therapy session went ok.

notadutchie I had completely forgotten about ACE's.

I heard about them on the radio a couple of years back and just wept when I realised that the childhood traumas I had wanted to leave behind were actually impacting on my physical health and may continue to do so in more serious ways.

Having been in pretty permanent fight or flight for most of my life, it doesn't surprise me that this would eventually take it's toll on my body. I just didn't expect it to be so soon...... or so severe. (Housebound with ME -for those of you with a bad memory like mine )

No worries pepsi and thanks :)

There's so much on here that resonates with me. Dissociation, intrusive memories, the horrible horrible exhaustingness of hyper-vigilance, chunks of my childhood that I just can't remember, triggers...speaking of which, one of mine is changing the bedding. This is due to a horrible incident in my childhood and every time I change mine and my sons bedding it comes back.

During a long period signed off work last year I went to a a wonderful therapist who I just clicked with and so much stuff came out. They were the one who suggested C-PTSD. When they described all the symptoms it was like the pieces of a jigsaw falling into place. Having that clarity was good.

Getting the diagnosis was a positive step as I've been able to access specialist therapy (after a very long wait) - I've just started. It feels very much like a work in progress though.

for everyone, because it's so hard and..well... flowers are nice.

I found the ACE study pretty limited, if only because it entirely diminishes the impact of sibling abuse.

I can tell you now that being penetrated by someone only 2 years older than me had a far bigger effect on me than my mother repeatedly putting me down. But the ACE study doesn't measure that.

That's not to say that it isn't useful. But in my case it is woefully inadequate.

In any case, I have an ACE score of 4 without the sibling abuse...I'm not sure how they decided that being penetrated by someone less than 5 years older than you has zero effect, though....it seems madness that my CPTSD was cause by something that doesn't even merit a score on the ACEs study..

I've only read the first few posts but wanted to post before reading the rest.

I've got C-PTSD caused by childhood trauma which wasn't dealt with at the time plus a rape when I was 30. I am now 48 and my symptoms are so bad that it's actually crippling me.

I saw my GP and have had one course of CBT which really didn't do much at all although it was that lovely lady who let me spill my guts and basically suggested I have C-PTSD rather than just depression and anxiety.

I know I need to get further help but have been put off by the myriad of professionals I've seen over the years who have been quite frankly, fucking useless. I am guessing I need someone experienced in PTSD rather than just a general shrink.

My life has pretty much closed down to house/shop/GP/hospital and immediate family and one or two friends. I can't go anywhere without DP unless I've been there at least a dozen times and I am fully confident I can get there without assistance. I cannot be in crowds, I get absolutely terrified with people being behind me and start to panic. I hate being touched by strangers, even someone accidentally bumping into me. God, the list is endless but it really is so hard to just function.

I'm back - first session was okay. She's already gotten to the root cause of why I won't let myself cry, so I'm thinking she's good. She seems lovely.

I've been reading up on c-PTSD aswell, alot of it resonates with me but I wasn't abused as a child. I met my abuser when I was 18 and he was my partner. I fled to refuge 3 years ago and have been struggling through a criminal trial ever since?

Hi Sail, I'm glad it went well.

To clarify the difference between CPTSD and developmental trauma..

They are essentially the same thing - being trapped in an ongoing situation where you are constantly having your personal or bodily (or both) integrity compromised with no escape.

Developmental trauma is the label used for when this happens in childhood and you are still developing core mental functions.

CPTSD covers this ongoing situation but can occur to a situation in adulthood - e.g. forced prostitution, domestic violence.

So there is no reason that you wouldn't fit the criteria for CPTSD.

Thank you for explaining that Pepsi, that makes a lot of sense actually!

Hi pirate, definately look for someone experienced in trauma. My councellor explained that conventional talking therapies can retraumatise you and make things worse. This definately happened with the first therapist I saw.

Glad it went well sail

ACE score is interesting, I knew there were some links but never knew about this study. I have a score of 9 and it's comforting to read some of what I struggle with is linked to that.

It has made me more determined to not become a statistic, prove that score correct though as well.

Joanne Stubley, who is head of the Tavistock Trauma Clinic has a wonderful open-access resource on the different variations of PTSD - you can access it through this link.

repository.tavistockandportman.ac.uk/1040/1/Dr%20Joanne%20Stubley.pdf

The reccommended current treatments for complex trauma are EMDR, trauma focused CBT and psychoanalytical psychotherapy. I would recommend asking advice from a specialist Trauma service such as the Tavistock, or Pottergate, or Clinic of Dissociative studies on who in your area is well regarded. I've had disastrous experiences with clinicians trying to treat me for PTSD or anxiety with no knowledge of cPTSD or dissociative disorders.

Pepsi I also have some misgivings about the ACES, primarily in how the catégorisations are made. However, I think it's useful as an indicator. And it's a rare study in the sheer number of people involved (17.5k). Especially as it relates to trauma other than that in veterans.

I've been having trauma therapy for 1.5 years now. In my case, things like rape as an adult have been relatively quickly dealt with (not painlessly though) through EMDR. The CPTSD is somewhat "stickier".

One of my biggest issues at the moment is that my DH has Aspergers and is unable (and partly unwilling because big emotions are terrifying for him) to understand me, or even read anything about what I'm going through. It's unbearably lonely coming home after EMDR and not being able to lean on him, discuss how I'm feeling etc. I have to pretend I'm neutral (or happy, but that's usually impossible) for him to be ok.

And I read about relationships with people with Aspergers that said it's fairly common for people with CPTSD to have relationships with people who have Aspergers. Essentially the emotional unavailability is something we have a much higher threshold for than people without CPTSD. Which makes sense.

The result is still heartbreaking though.