Depressed & anxious about Dad

[calebsmum]

My dad suffered a severe head injury 3 weeks ago today, he's suffered a traumatic brain injury and we know that it's permanent. At first we didn't expect him to survive the first 3 days but he's doing well and starting to come out of the coma. Thing is I have a history of panic attacks and depression and i'm finding this so hard. I was close to my dad and it makes me so nervous going to see him, he can't do anything but lie there and look at you before drifting off. He can't speak, move or breathe on his own. My dad was retiring next year and him and my mum were going to have cruises, buy there dream bungalow and relax and it's all gone. My dad was fit, active and worked hard all his life and now this has happened. I just feel like life is so bloody unfair, i'm worried about my mum as she is working herself to the point of exhaustion, just stopping to sob her heart out before starting again. My dad looked like he was crying the other night and I can't get it out of my head that he's trapped in his body and but ok mentally. he's damaged his frontal lobe which is personality, behaviour and memories.

I'm on diazapam to help calm me down but I just keep feeling like i'm falling apart. I don't know how I can cope with this, I just feel like running away from everything.

Hi Prettybird, sorry to hear about your mum, the nurses put my dad in a chair and left him, he tried to get up and fell and hit his head, we are sooo angry. There also not feeding him and we don't know how long till he gets moved to the specialist rehab. My dads also been very agressive lately, he was horrid to one of my sisters swearing at her and punching the side of the bed. Am going to see him tonight but am very nervous. Seroxat is kicking in I think and i'm feeling alot better, am also able to eat small amounts so hopefully this horrid depression/anxiety is passing, it's the worst i've felt in years.

Has your mum started with rehab then?? Do they know how long it will take for her pelvis to heal? I know this is awful but I keep trying to think a few years into the future when everything is settled again.

Mum's not being fed either: Dad got so concerned about her wight loss that he is now buying/cooking her stuff that she kow she liked, plus making/buying sommthies and going in at lunch time and dinner time to enourage her to eat.

The pelvis is healing - she is allowed to stand now but with help (but she doesn't understand that)

We still don't know how long it will be until she gets to the SOuthern (the head injury centre) for a proper assessment and then hopefully a referral to the specialist rehab unit. It could be months - but in the mean time, the hospital is supposed to be trying to establish a rehabilitation routine where she is. Dad is giving them a couple of days to see what they come up with.

Remember that the aggression and the swearing are not personal - they are a function of the head injury.

You're quite right to keep focussed on a few years hence. You might not ever get your dad back totally - but you should be able to get "most of him" back.

I know we keep taking food up to my dad but his tastes have changed and stuff he used to like he now hates! Am so frustrated with the lack of care he's getting, it's really worrying my mum. I really hope your mum gets a decent rehab plan into action, what are you going to do if they don't? I'm feeling better today but it's always at the back of my mind, just want to get him in the bloody rehab place where he will be looked after!

Stroke nurse has been to see Mum and she has been getting physio. Dad is still waiting for some sort of neuropsychological/psychiatric assessment.

Dad has laready made official complaints (initially they were just queries) to the Dircotr of Stratgy Planning at the Hopsitla Trust and to our MSP. Our MSP has already tabled a question to the Minister for Health (whether he'll deal with it is another matter, as Parilaiment rises soon for the eections). She is also arranging to see dad (she is herlefl a retired doctor).

Dad is also going to see the Head of Planning for Head Injries at the Health Board - I think this is part of the response to his complaint to the Trust.

The stroke nurse was with him when he recevided the calls arranging the meetings with the MSP and the Head of Planning. She ecommented, "You are quietly assertvie aren't you!"

You don't mess with my Dad. He is nice at first - but then he will start escalating things.

(Actually, my Mum is the same - or is normally! )

What I want to know is: they are making a special case with her in allowing her to go (when there is a bed ) to the SOuthern, as the normal cut-off age is 65 - but they have acknowedged that she is a very fit 66 year old, who, after all, was away cycling in India; so, what happens to everyone else over 65 who gets a head injury? Are they just left to fend for themselves? @co the evidence is that the local hopsitals don't have a clue what to do.

Well saw my dad last night and he was really nice, still gets a little confused but on the whole he seemed really well! Also the ads have kicked in so i'm feeling alot better, also helps that the sun is shining. My dad has had another fall, he tried to get out of bed and fell, then later on he had 2 small fits. This is why he needs the bloody rehab so he can walk around without hurting himself more. Also he had another brain scan but no-one told us, if it wasn't for my dad saying 'they took pictures of my head this morning' we wouldn't have had a clue. I'm going to look at putting in a complaint about the lack of care and information we've been receiving.

Hope your mum and you are doing ok prettybird

My mum was asleep last night - exausted after a day of physio and the nurses trying to get her to do things like put on clothes.