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Mental health

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Original poster

Life is joyless and largely pointless

35 replies

pastelballoons · 03/02/2017 21:00

Sorry for such a somber title but hey. If you can't say so in MH where can you?

First of all ... I don't mean this horribly but please don't make suggestions as I can almost guarantee I've done them.

I had a middle class upbringing but following my mums death in my teens my dad met a woman within weeks and remarried. After that things were so hard at home and after I went to university it was made plain I wasn't wanted. I spent university holidays working in caravan parks, holiday homes up and down the country. Obviously it was very lonely.

I did get a good professional job, bought my own small home, but things were still lonely. I suppose I'd got used to being alone. I did well at my job but it was all I had in my life. Then I had a huge setback (which wasn't my fault at all but nonetheless was hugely damaging from a career perspective.) I do two jobs now to try and keep things together.

I have friends but they have their own lives. No partner and no real prospect or having one. Almost at an age where having a baby could be tricky (36.) Lonely. So so so lonely.

I have the most awful pent up anger in me and I suppose it's all the loneliness and pain I feel. I attack myself, sometimes beating myself round the head with a shoe or hardback book or anything. I scream.

I don't see the point in seeing my GP. I feel like having a good career was the only thing I had in a sense that gave me something to be proud of, now that's gone I have nothing and I have no one.

Thanks for listening. Sorry to whinge on.

OP posts:

roseteapot101 · 03/02/2017 22:52

roseteapot101

Perhaps the people you have met so far are just not your tribe. It doesn't mean you can't. Also for some people, friendships are slow burners, you know someone for practically years before you actually become friends. Don't write yourself off.

thank you but

After years and years of trying i just cant deal with it anymore.

I have lost old friends and my sister the only one to understand me committed suicide,i have tried being myself not being myself being optimistic nothing works,people soon vanish,i have even tried to make friends with people of similar problems they vanish,no one stays around long enough to bond with.People avoid me

I have poor audio memory as i had brain damage as a child.Although my visual memory is near perfect i cannot remember a conversation i had a few hours prior.Just partial fragments of information . Subsequently no one wants to know you when you cant remember who they are ,their name,their day to day what makes them who they are.

I must accept this or what little of my sanity i do have will fragment .Sometimes people are just very incompatible

Original poster

pastelballoons · 03/02/2017 22:55

That's really how I feel. Resigned to a flat and small and sad life. Inevitably, friends get married and have babies, and I have spent years - decades really, being the supportive secondary character, being the gentle friend to steer people through relationship problems and pregnancy and babies and now they are settled and sorted and I'm not. Will I ever be? Probably not.

OP posts:

roseteapot101 · 03/02/2017 22:56

pastelballoons Fri 03-Feb-17 22:40:40
I do volunteer smile but it's not enough somehow.

Cat never stops eating. No joke. Either that, or he wants to go out, then in. Perfectly normal cat then grin but he doesn't give meaning to my life or anything like that. I'm fond of him but I do find him a bit of a nuisance if I'm honest blush

Some cats are but they are a weird mix like humans they all have their own unique personality

Trying2bgd · 03/02/2017 23:05

rose, that's awful. I really feel for you. Are online friendships easier for you? It may not be exactly the same but still can be a lot of fun. I love strictly (don't tell anyone) but I don't have anyone in RL who feels the same way so I have to share my thoughts and opinions on strictly forums!

I have to go to bed soon but I don't want to leave either of you in such a frame of mind.

pastel - start being a gentle friend to yourself. If someone you knew felt the way you are feeling what would you say to that person? make another appointment at the GP and this time go.

roseteapot101 · 03/02/2017 23:09

pastelballoons Fri 03-Feb-17 22:55:04
That's really how I feel. Resigned to a flat and small and sad life. Inevitably, friends get married and have babies, and I have spent years - decades really, being the supportive secondary character, being the gentle friend to steer people through relationship problems and pregnancy and babies and now they are settled and sorted and I'm not. Will I ever be? Probably not

The one friend i have is my guy and i got him by sheer chance.I met him at comic con in london .I am a size 24,like to talk about history and table top gaming.Yet we get on like a house on fire.

There is the right fit for everyone the problem is when your very incompatible its hard to find the one in in millions that you get along with.Look for a guy that likes to talk about the same boring stuff you like to talk about and looks wont matter.

dating sites are used by people focused on looks mostly

i know this a weird suggestion but some camping groups on facebook have group meet ups.It gets you out somewhere new and its a place to talk to people.I find campsites a good place to meet people and the undercanvas group a friendly place.

I may not have friends but going camping lets me go somewhere new and forget some of the bad stuff

Original poster

pastelballoons · 03/02/2017 23:11

I think the falling in love and all that ship has sailed. Sad, but true.

OP posts:

roseteapot101 · 03/02/2017 23:17

pastelballoons Fri 03-Feb-17 23:11:04
I think the falling in love and all that ship has sailed. Sad, but true.

Then travel thats what i do it helps clear the mind to get away once in a wile but i do recommend camping .People are a lot friendlier on campsites

Giving yourself something to look forward to helps

roseteapot101 · 03/02/2017 23:22

Trying2bgd Fri 03-Feb-17 23:05:22
rose, that's awful. I really feel for you. Are online friendships easier for you? It may not be exactly the same but still can be a lot of fun. I love strictly (don't tell anyone) but I don't have anyone in RL who feels the same way so I have to share my thoughts and opinions on strictly forums!

I have to go to bed soon but I don't want to leave either of you in such a frame of mind.

pastel - start being a gentle friend to yourself. If someone you knew felt the way you are feeling what would you say to that person? make another appointment at the GP and this time go.

thank you yeah tried that to .Online is easier but never find anyone willing to talk.

You find other ways in life to move on its hard but you learn to just accept it

Trying2bgd · 04/02/2017 12:30

Hope you are feeling better today and maybe a little more positive about things

SiBrUK · 10/04/2021 23:31

@mumofthemonsters808

The way you are feeling is making you unable to see the woods through the trees.You sound like you are being flooded by negative thoughts and they are crippling you, hence the request to die. The loneliness allows these thoughts to run wild. Please ring the Samaritans, sometimes just hearing a voice, can ease the pain.

You underestimate and dismiss your achievements, because the way you are feeling is twisting everything.Here's my take on things:

You've survived without a family, this alone is a major, major achievement.MOst of us are loved and nurtured by our parents, until the day they die, I've got friends still reliant on their parents in some shape or form and they are 50.You had to function alone as a young woman, it takes some doing.
You are educated,you are a home owner (all achievements).Yes you may be rubbish at online dating, but who isn't ?. You describe yourself as ugly, most of us are just average looking, I bet my bottom dollar you are too but the distorted thinking makes you insist you are below this mark. You have friends, yes they may have commitments but you're able to form relationships.
Even the loneliness can be turned around, but you need to put yourself out there. You need to make a conscious decision that the loneliness is not going to haunt you and this involves opening your mind and trying new things be it a walking group, dance class, anything that gives you contact, occupies your mind and gets you away from four walls. Join anything you can, if you don't feel comfortable cross it off the list and onto the next one. I go to a kick boxing class, I'm shit at it, but I've met some great people, I count down to the next class because I enjoy it so much. I understand you've got to be in the right frame of mind to do this though.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it makes me so sad to read posts where people sound so unhappy. Stay with us OP, we may be behind keyboards but our ears are open.

Great reply MoM

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