Can someone please hold my hand for a bit?

[iveburntthetoast]

In a nut shell: I'm under the crisis team, bipolar, suicidal, plans. I don't think I can keep going beyond tonight. I've tried PRN meds and every distraction technique under the sun.

I rang the crisis team for help earlier todaythey can't see me until 7pm, which seems like a lifetime away. DH will need to drive there and traipse the DD's all the way there (45 mins each way). Last time I was given an 'appointment' for 8pm, I dind't get seen until midnight. I think I need admittingand I don't say that very often. I've used up every ounce of energy I have. But last time I went through this whole rigmarole, they just dismissed me as needing more sleep (my CPN had already been in contact and told them it was bad, but they ignored that.) Or, quite likely, there will be no beds on the local ward anyway and I don't want to go out of area (hospitals with bad reputations). I've been admitted many times so I know the ropes. I'm worried that if I tell them everything and there are no local beds, they will section me and force me to go out-of-area. Or I keep stuff back and try to find out if there are beds so that I can keep the choice of whether to go in, but then they will probably just dismiss me. Things have changed a lot in the last few years at the psych hosptial--and not for the better.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just hanging on.

Curled in a ball is fine but do you have a pillow and duvet? Keep warm. I know what you mean about not telling the whole truth to be able to come home. Although my best friend was over today and she's a psych nurse who regularly does assessments and says they're trained to know when truth is half told, but also to make an educated diagnosis as to what will serve a patient best. She was ruing the lack of beds and resources too. Keep safe.

That's shit. MH services are just so overstretched

Pleased you have your DH with you

How you doing toast? X

Oh, love.
This time 3 weeks ago almost exactly I arrived on the psych ward.
I got discharged just before Christmas.
I didn't want to go (wasn't sectioned but it was clear I would probably have been if I hadn't agreed to go in). It was actually really helpful. I don't feel great, but I don't feel I have no other way out than ending my life any more.
Please be honest and let them help you.
All the

Hoping the night was alright, and that today will feel a little safer for you.

Couldn't read n run. Hope ur ok. Thinking of u. Xx

Well, I made it through the night. I feel angry at myself for that. Another year--I'm being a morbid sod, but I doubt I will see it through to the end of 2017. There's just too many times when I'm sucked under. I think at some point, I'll lose the battle.

Take each day as it comes. Talk scream shout write do anything to distract your self x

Thanks for the posts. The crisis team are coming at 2.30--they rang earlier this morning to see how I was. Pdocs are rare creatures that only come out during a full moon.

I'm pleased you're still here toast, even if you're not feeling it. Look how strong you have been overnight, you're winning - and I hope that crisis team can help get you feeling better soon.

Morning toast. You may not feel it but you're doing really well. You're engaging on all levels - on here, DH, crisis team - and still thinking about your DDs. I know it's completely different but the AA principle of one day at a time still holds true. An hour a time is fine.

Concentrate on getting through until 2. Sending lots of

Hope it goes ok with the Crisis Team. Try if you can to not think of the rest of 2017 - it's too much. Just today

Hope the crisis team meeting goes well

Thank you for the posts. I'm just waiting for the crisis team. I don't think my husband can keep on staying up all night. But I did have a better sleep last night than in a long time. Sleep deprivation is a massive trigger. I find that if something disturbs my sleep, my mood drops, the thoughts start racing and I get this horrible, burning energy running through me. That stops me sleeping and it all spirals down.

Anyway, I'm waffling.

You're not waffling. Hope they are with you soon. X

Thinking of you Toast

Yes, thinking of you.

How did it go toast?

They were OK, thanks. Just had a 'break down' (don't know what else to call it), such intrusive thoughts and like I'm on the verge of losing control. Spoke to someone at the crisis team for a bit and then laid on the floor again. I think I might really need to be in hospital, but I've no idea where I would end up and I can't face the thought of it. Not long until I can take my night meds and hopefully they will help a bit. I can't believe how much medication I'm throwing down my neck and still feel like this.

Do you feel any better since having the breakdown? Did it help to let some stuff out? Did the CT come up with any sort of plan?

I've I know how shit it is being an impatient I've been there but maybe it will help?

I know the lack of beds and being away from your family won't be easy but sometimes
I think people need the break.

You sound like I've sounded in the past, please hold on it will eventually get better. I know it's hard to imagine it when you feel bogged down by the blackness but it won't last forever. We all have blips it's just getting through them in one piece

Do you dislike going in because of worrying about the DCs? My MiL was always relieved to go in. She complained endlessly about various things while she was there, but was quite reluctant to come out. She knew the things that bother her would still be there, I suppose.
Do they usually manage to stabilise you when you are in, then send you home? Sorry if those are intrusive questions.

Pkl I don't know the op's view but as an impatient you have pretty much unrestricted access to a doctor who can change or increase medication straight away.

In my area at least you can have a 6 weeks wait to see a doctor even in crisis situations. Which is really shit.

Hope your ok iv'e