Wrists Bitches unite

[WristBoundLatexBitch]

Here is our special place

Haven't read the whole thread as I'm struggling to focus tonight but popping in to say hi. Spent today avoiding some jobs (hoovering!) but I'm feeling stupidly proud of myself. Filed YEARS worth of bank statements. Sounds stupid but at my worst I couldn't even open the envelopes. It's been years since I filed them. It's such a stupid thing but I think you lot will get it!

Oh and I want a pony and to go kayaking. Not on the list for tomorrow though!

I'm not giving up on you all. I'm still here and so happy I made a place for you all. I've just suddenly got extremely paranoid that someone may recognise me and thought I should stop posting . It I feel the need to tell you all about today. I had an amazing day, I went shopping I baked I cooked and cleaned and me and the kids had a little party

I didn't get out to get milk, and I literally had a cob of corn for dinner hahaha. My lovely boyfriend bought milk, bread and tortellini for dinner for me, so I cooked myself a lovely meal in the evening :P

Wolfie good job on the paperwork! I am in the stage of not opening stuff, haha!

Hi everyone. I found this eventually.
I feel like Eyore. No joy in anything. Im diagnosed and on meds. Just finished six months counselling.
Which has led to better boundaries but now feeling so alone because it means I've cut off people who were in my life. I have major trust issues.
Im finding my course really difficult because im paranoid about what people say to each other but not to my face. Keep telling myself its seven months and then im done. But then the other life stuff will kick into gear (finding job, moving). Trying to focus on the now but now isn't fun.
And I fear that since very little has gone right in my life thus far, what's the chances that the future will be any better.
My list of woes (without mentioning the crappy relationships I have undergone):
I have dyspraxia, pcos, cfs (being investigated for fibromyalgia) and bipolar type two with co morbid emotional instability disorder.
I don't have real people to rely on. Meh. Thanks for listening.

Funny you mention Eyore, if anyone watches spongebob I often hear swuidword in my head and his "I just can't be happy" random I know but it sticks

We yore and sqidword obviously

Fuck sake Eeyore

I also made an amazing big leap for me today

Hi latex good to have you back! Glad you had a good day.

Welcome 101 I am also dyspraxic. Glad you have been able to move away from the toxic people, in time others who you can have healthier relationships will fill the gap.

wolfie we are both rubbish at opening bank statements, think it could be denial for us...

Well -I've survived - glad it is over but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
I think made easier by going to somewhere near the start where I ended up with a glass of wine.. Asked I would have refused - not good with my meds - but I wasn't given the choice. Only had a few polite sips and it could have been a disaster but actually was a good thing, took the edge off. And the fact it was raining meant we cut it short and could look slightly miserable... and I guess the exercise helped as well...
Just glad it is over - and I should be able to have a quiet day tomorrow (although I do really need to do that admin)
I also need to arrange for 2 repairs/engineer visits for home ...have been putting off for weeks - just two phone calls, will feel better when its done -but really can't face it. I think someone who didn't know/understand depression would struggle to understand why that is so hard...
purple great news about your psychiatrist - but a word of warning. (And I did dither whether to say this or not but forewarned is forearmed.)
Mine has cancelled all 3 appts I have had - just delayed by a week but the first one I got the letter on the day. I had built it up so much - counting down the days - I was gutted. Also the first appt I think I thought on some level (even though I know better) he was going to wave a magic wand and make everything fine - instead it stirred up a lot of stuff and I walked out feeling worse... However I did feel slightly better after the second one -and getting your first appt is real progress - just don't build it up too much

Well done cracking can understand the magic wand thing, think thats whatII've been hoping for. I just feel I started asking for help 2 months ago and its just got worse and worse despite doing everything I can think of to stay well. Think I was hoping for someone to fix me, or at least give me the answer to fix myself. Also felt worse after councelling last week, going again tomorrow and feeling nervous about how I will feel after.

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone.
Been awake since 2,can't get back ti bloody sleep.I tried ring gp yesterday.no app til next Monday! They do have a stupid system releasing few app on the day so I think I may try again this morning.I not sure what they can do tbh.I came off AD 3year ago as start get horrendous migraines that had me blind in one for 3days at a time nd discovered was the bloody meds giving me them(optician actually point it out when I went to him think summat wrong my eyes). I've been pitching n swinging ever since.some days I hold it together,others I a raving half wit!!I've always found AD leave me feel numb tho,and whilst dampens down my distress (and in particular ocd)it also destroys any potential pleasures too.I don't find anything kids do/say funny,never have(even fleeting)moments happy.maybe that's just way my brain,or does anyone else feel like me that?

Zoo,
....very much so. I try and manage without meds for that very reason... However it is a choice between mood and enjoyment... At the moment .i am back on meds.

Good to know its not just me feels like that.anyone got Amy tips dealing depressed oh.I pulling my hair out (not literally)and its grinding me down as the effort sucks my soul dry try manage him

Zoo I get the joyless feeling if my dose of ADs (SSRIs) is too high. I am on mirtazapine now, they're not SSRI and it has a completey different effect one me. I'm not depressed at the moment, for the first time since I was about 9, I have been free for a year now! Never had such a long break from it before, though crippling anxiety has taken its place (but not as a side effect, it came on way after I started them). Also regarding your other half, could you make him a love book? I made one for my other half when he was depressed. It was a book with pictures of happy memories, and little notes saying why I love him etc. It's very difficult to live with a depressed person, you have my sympathies.

101 Welcome to the bitch club! I have Bipolar II as well, are you on medications for it? I take lamotrigin, it keeps me more even and stops my hypomanic episodes being crazy high! I kinda miss it though, and it doesn't touch the depression side of things...

Cracking I will try not to build it up too much, it's more an appointment to try to find some medications for me. I have been told I can only access therapy if I am suicidal (by one psych) and by a psych nurse I was told the waiting list is over 6 months, and that there is no point putting me on it. I will fight to be put on it however, as I know it can help. I have had about 6-7 years worth of therapy when I lived in Norway, and it really helps me have some insight to my own mind and feelings, and helps me work out solutions and coping strategies. All in all I find it very helpful, though CBT doesn't help me at all.

Today's highlight is getting the food shopping delivered, as we do every Tuesday :P I ordered some mikado biscuits, which I love... Haha!
Not planning on going outside, as we're going to toddler groups both tomorrow and Thursday, and I need to conserve my energy for that.

That was a wall and a half of text! xD sorry!

Purple -I went to get assessed for ADHD - and it took months to get an appt but after talking to me is worried about my state of mind...talking about getting me 'stable' and on the right meds before we go any further.
I had therapy (was suicidal a long time ago) and I know what you mean about knowing how your mind works - I literally blank things off I can't deal with/do anything about now (don't let myself think about them) and know when it is the depression talking...catch the negative thoughts.
My problems are the physical. I know the feelings of despair, the lack of energy, motivation are the depression. I know I need to make changes in my life but I don't have the energy or brain space to do it. I see the depression as not really part of me - it is an illness but one that I should be able to fight and defeat (with help) - I've beaten it before when it was worse and I can do it again - if that makes sense. But it is having the strength and energy to beat it and the will to keep fighting it, to not give in to it...

Morning guys,

zoo hope you have some luck getting an appointment.

purple not tried them will have to give it a go.

Got pilates class soon, trying to decide if I've got the energy to swim too. Feeling pretty rubbish today.

Hi purple yes on a medium dose of quetiapine.

Morning,
Just checking in to say Hi to the oldies & newbies here
Me & DD9 didn't go out ToT-ing, stayed in instead & enjoyed the people coming to us. DS13 went to a friend's house & watched a film with a bunch of mates, ate pizza & sweets. Not ideal nutrition but hey ho, we'll make it up today (probably!)
I'm exhausted & a bit low today so won't say much other than I hope you all have a good day & manage to get outside & do a bit of pottering in the lovely Autumn-ness.

Morning all and welcome to new people.

I've had a bad early morning but have perked up since coming into my new office (nice team, unlike my last job).

purple/cracking I know this is a stupid question but how do you get to see a psychiatrist? My GP will give me ADs and I have had counselling and CBT through talking therapy but I really would love to have some sort of assessment. My CBT therapist said I had PTSD, and I agree, and I would like to be able to have that confirmed or not.

Likewise, I am at the maximum score for GAD, yet I don't have a diagnosis.

I'm finding my MH is making it hard for me to enjoy my new relationship as I have this constant anxiety that DP is going to run away (not helped by the fact that we are negotiating an open relationship).

In fact, it's making it hard to enjoy anything. I would like to be able to laugh at stuff again!

I'll be getting out for a walk and some climbing later though.

salted me too.

Starting the Mirtazapine tonight, and got councelling. Pilates was good, but decided I didn't fancy a swim today. DH trying to pursuade me to watch the next episode of the series that sparked my major pannic attack last week so obviously not getting it. Also decided to knock on door when he came home last night then jump out at my with his hood up! Luckily, I'd got the blinds open so I could check who it was and knew it was him. He seems to go from being really worried about me to minimising things, suppose its his way of coping with the guilt he feels that his illness triggered things, but its pissing me off.

must glad your new team is nice, it makes so much difference. There's no way I'd be able to cope with an open relationship and IMO sounds like a recipie for disaster is you have insecurities to start with. I had an on off relationship for years when I was younger until I realised the only reason I put up with it was because my self esteem was rubbish and I didn't think I'd find anyone better. Finally realised he was only interested in me when there was nothing better on offer, getting away from that situation had a hugely positive effect on my MH at that time.

Anxious it's a fair point, but I have been doing this forever and don't think I will change now. I'm working on my insecurities in tandem and whilst it is hard, I know that I can't ever be monogamous myself, so it wouldn't be fair to expect from someone else! But, yes, it might all end in tears, but that will be for a variety of reasons if it. I hope it doesn't though, because he is great. It's not on/off and we are committed emotionally....we just explore sexually with others sometimes (responsibly!).

Sorry your DH hasn't been helpful. I am sometimes astonished how people who know us well can't figure out when something isn't ok. I always find myself making excuses for them. My DM is always telling me "well just try not feeling that way" despite my constant explanations (and her own experience) that it just doesn't work that way.