If I killed myself, would my family be responsible for my debts?

[BarelyKeepingItTogether]

Yes, I know I could google this but the idea of doing so makes me really panicky.

I am not in a good place. I am a depressive, alcoholic with a fuck load of debts. I think I am about to lose my house. I haven't been into work since last week. Emailed my boss on Monday saying I was sick. Haven't been in touch yesterday or today.

I can't DO this. I can't be a proper functioning person. I never could.

I want to end it all. I know it would devastate my parents and adult daughter but, honestly, I think they would be better off if I didn't exist any more. I've lied to them so much over the last couple of years.

But the debt thing scares me. I owe so much money. If I were dead, would my parents be liable for my debts?

I have seen my GP. I have had depression since I was a teenager. (I am now 42.) I am currently on Citalopram. I have realised, writing on this thread, that I haven't been taking my tablets lately. I don't know why. I think I am self-sabotaging.

You've all been really nice to me so I am ashamed to admit my latest bit of self-destructive behaviour. I have been hooking up with men on FabSwingers and arranging for them to come round and have sex with me. Thankfully, they've all been really nice but I know that I am putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation.

Op if you were my daughter I would want to know what was happening and try and help.
My lovely Dad was an alcoholic. I loved and miss him dreadfully. I wish he was here to be part of my life, to meet his grandchildren.
You are in a dark tunnel but this can be sorted.

Ok. So tomorrow you start taking the medication. Speak to the GP to check doses if you've been free of the drug for a while.

Coming off citalopram is really hard - it can be absolutely hellish if not well managed. You may well be suffering withdrawal symptoms.

You know your lovely girl needs you. The legacy of you not being there will ruin her life - it's a sad fact that those whose parents die by suicide have a massively higher chance of getting seriously mentally ill 😓

You're loved, even if you don't love yourself. But you should. Start by getting back on an even keel with the meds. Baby steps, OP.

💐💐

Thinking of you Barely

Please see your GP again

Have you ever tried counselling or AA? Everyone who says things are fixable is spot on. It's so hard to see though when you are in the middle of it all
I wish you well

I've been where you are. Felt as though everyone would be better off without me. Came close so very many times. Actually attempted it a fair few times too. Your thoughts aren't really true though. It's that horrible negativity spiralling because of depression.

Try and get some help from your GP. If you call A&E they can get someone from the crisis time our to you. Just try and think to yourself "I won't do it today". And try and take it one day at a time.

The alcohol makes things worse too as then you have the shame to add to the long list of your other perceived inadequacies.

I think you have been really brave laying all your feelings so bare. Your family love you for you. They will understand

The main thing for you tonight is to feel safe. If you do have thoughts about harming yourself please go to a&e. Are you under a cmht? It really feels as though you need someone to talk to, openly candidly.

Please seek help, it sounds as though you cannot see a way out. So let others help you

there are people who can and want to help you.

to anyone going through anything related to depression.

Do you think you may have bipolar? The risky thrill seeking behaviour and particularly the high sex drive is very common during a manic phase. As is the self medicating with alcohol.

" I am currently on Citalopram."

It's sometimes easy not to take your medication, if it's not bringing about significant change. How long have you been on Citalopram, Barely? When did you last have a review?

Any other treatment or support, other than medication?

Can only offer my input about the debts, they can be sorted and it will take time, there is so much help for you to draw support from. Without knowing your full financial situation no one can give you proper help and advice. First step is to gather details of your incoming a and out goings then speak to shelter, cab, stepchange. They are free and there to help the many people who need some impartial advice.
The decisions can be tough but

There is an alternative to what you're experiencing. With help you will get better. Please do not give your daughter the legacy of being the child of a mum who committed suicide - I have a friend whose life is forever shaded by this and I know she misses and needs her mum so much even 20 years on. Whatever seems insurmountable can be dealt with - tiny steps in the right direction will get you there. Wishing you strength.

... It can be done and is by many. Let it be one less thing to worry about by taking that first step to address.
As for the feelings and drinking. What great suggestions already.
At my darkest hour I spoke to someone and it was the turning point. It starts with that first call x

Good morning. Thanks for all your support and kind words last night.

My first thoughts on waking up were "please let it be the middle of the night. Don't be morning yet. I can't deal with another day."

You've all said that this can be sorted but it feels like there is too much to do. God, I sound so pathetic but I don't know what to do first.

All I've managed so far today was to smoke two cigarettes and feed my cats.

Oh, and I've just taken my medication. I know that taking Citalopram won't have an immediate effect but, hey, given that I haven't been taking them for a couple of weeks, I feel that was slightly positive.

It's not even 9am - I'm still in my jammies and have just poured DS a bowl of cereal!

Small steps. There is nothing that can't be overcome but you need your mental health to improve before you really start to move forward. Can you begin by making an appointment with your GP (or a GP that specialises in mental health problems ) to discuss a 'get better' plan? Be gentle with yourself - allow yourself all the time you need.

There is so much going on for you it is overwhelming. When there is a huge long list of things that need fixing, it is so hard to even make a start, everything seems insurmountable, just too much.

Do one thing, just one thing today.

It can be anything. See your GP? Talk to the Samaritans? Empty the bloody dustbins and clean the loo - anything that will make you feel that you are doing something positive to move things forward.

Then just take the next baby step. You dont need to solve everything in one day sweetheart, just make a start.

I have been so lucky not to suffer with MH problems or addictions, but i have been in serious shit before and things have piled up to the point where nothing seemed worth it. In the whole they were overwhelming, but taking them apart and solving one thing at a time, i got through.

And you will too

OK, things I need to do:

(1) Phone GP for an emergency appointment. I don't know if they offer these or what the alternative is.

(2) Contact work. I haven't even checked the email that they have for me for a couple of days. I'm a contractor. They can end the contract on no notice. I assume I don't have a job any more.

(3) Open my fucking post. I live in a flat and have an external mailbox. I haven't opened it for about a week. (And I have plenty of previous form for emptying the mailbox but not actually opening the letters.) I have contacted Stepchange before but they need me to list exactly what I owe to everyone. I don't know! I'm in debt to everyone. I'm in denial. I haven't been able to face putting the actual numbers down on paper. Well, not paper, obviously. An Excel spreadsheet. That'd be worse.

Sounds good.

If you can't get an emergency appointment take the next available one and see what your employer says - they may be able to work something out.

Re the mail - could you sort into junk and 'to be looked at'? You don't need to get on top of your finances today - that's a job for the coming weeks, broken into bite sized chunks with fags, coffee and biscuits in between. Would you feel able to ask your mum or dad for help with it or would you prefer to do it alone?

Hi there Barely

We're so sorry you're having such a rough time of it at the moment.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually like to draw attention to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

We can see you've had loads of support on this thread and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as lots of other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

Sorry for hijacking your thread Barely, and we really hope things start to look up for you soon

barely that is an excellent list. I'm so glad you've decided to stay around.
If work have let you go there will be other jobs. Don't worry.
The listing debts things is really hard and does take time. My ex was the same, he didn't know and even when he started paying them off there were things that came up that he'd forgotten about, or things that were being paid twice because someone had bought the debt from someone else but he was still paying the original one. I think what is key is allocating a day to finding out as much as you can about how much you owe to whom, and getting it down. You might have to modify the list at some point in the future but it'll be a starting point that stepchange can start working with. They are a great organisation- we were getting all sorts of extremely nasty hassle and they were just like a beacon of reasonableness and calm.

I think really you need to tell GP about everything, including the sex thing as with that and the debts and suicidal thoughts a MH assessment might benefit you...

Hi Barely, just checking in to see how your day has gone?

Have you eaten yet? Make yourself something lovely for dinner and think about your plans for tomorrow.

Hope you are feeling stronger

Hi Barely - how are things?

Hi there. Sorry for not coming back to this thread. I feel bad about doing so because I don't really have anything positive to report.

Well, I suppose, there are a few positives. (Well, apart from not having made any attempts to kill myself.)

Amazingly, I still have a job. So I have been into work yesterday and today.
I didn't drink yesterday and I'm not going to drink today.

But the negatives are still really bad. My financial situation is so, so fucked. I have brought the post in but I still haven't read it.

I did read pages on the Shelter website about mortgage arrears and repossession today which actually made me feel a bit better. Just having the knowledge about what might happen helps I suppose. I am going to open my post tonight. It's better to know. Ignoring things aren't going to make them go away.

Sounds like you have made a great start! Going into work and not drinking is a fantastic achievement, brilliant you 😉

Just think of what you have achieved already, you are stronger than you thought you were, for sure.

Just take things a step at a time, open your post, do not dwell on each letter, just getvrid of the duplicates, keep the latest ones and seperate them into neat piles, then leave them for tomorrow when you can take the next step.

You are doing brilliantly and should be very, very proud of yourself x

yes....please get some help as the money dosent matter your family do. they care about you please please please phone the samaratans.......