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Mental health

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Original poster

If I killed myself, would my family be responsible for my debts?

77 replies

BarelyKeepingItTogether · 19/10/2016 22:06

Yes, I know I could google this but the idea of doing so makes me really panicky.

I am not in a good place. I am a depressive, alcoholic with a fuck load of debts. I think I am about to lose my house. I haven't been into work since last week. Emailed my boss on Monday saying I was sick. Haven't been in touch yesterday or today.

I can't DO this. I can't be a proper functioning person. I never could.

I want to end it all. I know it would devastate my parents and adult daughter but, honestly, I think they would be better off if I didn't exist any more. I've lied to them so much over the last couple of years.

But the debt thing scares me. I owe so much money. If I were dead, would my parents be liable for my debts?

OP posts:

Original poster

BarelyKeepingItTogether · 19/10/2016 22:34

any debts would be paid out of your 'estate' so effectively if you have any value left in your house that would go to your debtors

The amount that i have paid on my mortgage is less than my debts.

OP posts:

Meadows76 · 19/10/2016 22:36

^ re the above, it does not matter. The debts can be sorted. Why would anyone even suggest to a person feeling so down otherwise? I'm quite sure the OP family care more about her being alive than they do about whether or not they would cash in on her death ffs.

OP please don't worry about debts and value in your home. It CAN BE FIXED X

Hiphopopotamus · 19/10/2016 22:40

I've PMed you Barely

Please read it and respond if you can. No judgement and no guilt.

nixinoo · 19/10/2016 22:42

Please don't do anything rash. People love you and care about you. You are needed and valued. There are people you can talk to bout your debt and issues. Please don't give up. Sending all my love xxxxxxxx

galaxygirl45 · 19/10/2016 22:44

I can truly promise you that the fact you've kept this to yourself and are dealing with it on your own will upset your family far more than the debt......I'm up to my eyeballs in stupid credit card debt, but am slowly getting my way out of the dark dark place it's put me in. Telling my DH about it nearly killed me, and god he wasn't impressed but his anger was more at my hiding it than the amount as he knew something was bothering me. Talk to someone, anyone that can help - money is replaceable, you aren't. Don't give them a lifetime of misery and regret.

rosenylund · 19/10/2016 22:46

You could be me, in a very similar boat. My family would be horrified to find out what a mess I am in, having the same thoughts as you.

NinjaLeprechaun · 19/10/2016 22:49

"I think they would be better off if I didn't exist any more."
No they wouldn't. They really, really really wouldn't.

Depression lies. And that's your depression lying to you. It's distorting the way you think and making you believe things that aren't true. This isn't your fault, because depression will lie to you every time. (Depression will also make you lie on its behalf. Also not your fault.)

SemiNormal · 19/10/2016 22:53

To err is human. We ALL fuck up, every single last one of us. Some repeatedly, some people have bigger fuck ups than others but we all do it. The problem is not the fuck up but how you deal with it (or don't deal with it as it were), it seems like you're burying your head in the sand and have done for some time? I get it, it's scary and you just want to crawl into a big dark hole where you never have to face it all - but you can do it, you can face it, maybe not all at once, baby steps.

Maybe start by talking to someone about how you're feeling right now, that's the biggest concern. I imagine you'll feel a weight lifted off you just by being able to be open and honest with someone. They could help you set up a plan of action on how to deal with the other stuff, once you have a plan you may be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, a way out that doesn't involve you taking your own life. Please at least look into it, there's nothing to lose from speaking with someone and everything to gain.

FV45 · 19/10/2016 22:55

Please call Samaritans. They will hold your hand for however long you need to get you through this bit, so you can get professional help tomorrow.

Please. They have helped me many times. They don't have solutions, but will listen.

You are a mother and daughter and there are people that care for you deeply.

ADishBestEatenCold · 19/10/2016 22:56

"If I were dead, would my parents be liable for my debts?"

I wouldn't worry too much about them being left with your debts ... if you kill yourself, you will leave them a legacy of self-torture that they will carry with them every single day, for the rest of their lives.

Believe me, if you kill yourself, your debts will be the least of their worries.

Make a start on life. Call the Samaritans 116 123 and Alcoholics Anonymous 0800 9177 650.

Keep talking.

MNHQ

FlissMumsnet · 19/10/2016 22:58

BarelyKeepingItTogether, we're so sorry you're feeling like this - thanks to all who have offered support. We will send you a PM too but we would urge you to seek RL help.

Take care & we hope things look much brighter soon

dangermouseisace · 19/10/2016 22:58

OP you're in an incredibly difficult and stressful situation- don't do anything rash!

My racked up a shitload of debts amongst other things, secretly, with years of lying, until the shit hit the fan. It's scary facing it. but it's sortable. It's just money and 'stuff'. Whatever your financial situation, no-one is going to leave you without a roof over your head. You can get help to sort these things out- try calling stepchange Things may have come to a head and they will be difficult for a while but it is sortable. Even with everything we went through (other stuff) it would have been absolutely devastating if he'd topped himself over the debts and seem so pointless.

The alcoholism and depression is sortable too- it just won't be overnight. If you haven't already, make an appointment to see your GP. You need help.

You have people who love you, and they would much rather have the depressed, alcoholic, debt laden you than the massive empty gap in their lives if you weren't there.

There are people and organisations that can help you and want to help you, if you let them. One day things will be better OP

dangermouseisace · 19/10/2016 22:59

sorry- my ex racked up debts

Original poster

BarelyKeepingItTogether · 19/10/2016 23:03

I won't kill myself. I don't want to do something that'd fuck up my parents and daughter for the rest of their lives. I did try to kill myself as a teenager. I thought my parents would be relieved.

But if there was some kind of "delete your existence from history and no-one would ever remember you" button, I would press it in an instant.

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 19/10/2016 23:08

Wishing there was a delete button is a common feature of depression...it's the voice in your head that whispers all sorts of crap to you and when things are black it's so easy to take it in. The depression is one of the first things to tackle - and slowly the dark mist will start to clear and the voices will quieten. You can do this.

Mollmoo · 19/10/2016 23:08

As everyone else has said, please please please go to your doctors in the morning. Or if it's available go to an out of hours surgery now! Do not leave there without a sick note, medication and if available a referral for therapy. Then go and see your parents tell them what's going on, you don't have to disclose the full details. Also contact Citizens Advice who should be able to help you sort out a plan for consolidating your debts. If possible stay with your parents for a few days or see if they can stay with you so that you can rest a bit. Also for the first few days I had bad side effects to my meds and don't think I'd have got through it alone.
You are not alone in feeling like this. I've been there. You are ill and need to get help. I won't lie to you, getting better takes a while and it's tough! But, you can do it.
Your family love you and need you, especially your daughter. You may have messed up but they will forgive you and will most likely want to help. What they may never forgive is you killing yourself. Give them the chance to help, please, you will be surprised. Also just talking about it and getting it off your chest will help so so much.
Please keep in contact and let us know how you get on. Sending love & hugs.

Medicaltextbook · 19/10/2016 23:12

On the point you asked no your family wouldn't have to pay your debts from their money but they would have to deal with losing you and deal with sorting out the debts but this is about so much more.

I have in the past thought that though it would be very painful it would be better for others if I was dead. I know the thoughts are powerful but they are not true.

It is very hard but it is possible to get through these feelings. the Samaritans can just be there to listen to you, email them or there are branches. By the way the number PP have shown is free to phone. They were great help to me.

Please go to the GP. If you just don't know how to start write something in advance- once I started by giving the GP something in writing and wrote at the end that I could try to talk about it with them.
If you can't face that you could even show them your first post from here.

Your family cares about you as a person, as do people on MN. It's not about how successful you are. Try to hold onto this knowledge even though they feel like empty words.

ADishBestEatenCold · 19/10/2016 23:14

"I won't kill myself."

Good choice, Barely.

Next step is to call one (or both) of those numbers. You can talk about how you're feeling, if you want to, or you can simply tell them that you don't know how to say how you feel.

Samaritans 116 123
Alcoholics Anonymous 0800 9177 650

gettingitwrongputtingitright · 19/10/2016 23:15

You are so impotant to your loved ones. Nothing else matters.

Medicaltextbook · 19/10/2016 23:17

Just seen your post about the delete button - it is a very good description of a horrible feeling. Best wishes tonight

LittleMoonbuggy · 19/10/2016 23:18

Everyone is important, special and valuable as a person. Including you.

Life can be damn hard at times, with no obvious solutions to problems. But stay string. I've seen from others commiting suicide that it's a unique kind of hell to inflict on the people closest to you. They spend the rest of their lives feeling guilty and heartbroken.

Please do seek all the help you can from GP and family- same for others posting similar feelings to OP on this thread.

LittleMoonbuggy · 19/10/2016 23:18

*strong

OhMrsQ · 19/10/2016 23:28

Hi BarelyKeepingItTogether. I've been there. All of it. The debts, the depression, the substance abuse problem. I think its so good you have acknowledged you are at rock bottom. I would also like to say there is a lot to be said for taking it one day at a time.

Firstly, I think a visit to the GP is in order. They can help you with medication/counselling for the depression which will be a great start.

This is all do-able. I promise. PM me if you need to.

You do have people who love you. Its just very hard to see it with the depression and alcohol whispering otherwise in your ear xx

DiegeticMuch · 19/10/2016 23:29

They definitely wouldn't be liable for your debts. I deal with "deceased" cases at work (accountancy) so I know the drill. I also deal with bereaved relatives and they're often heartbroken at their loss. Please reconsider suicide. It's your choice of course, but I really think that it's the wrong one.

Ammv · 19/10/2016 23:33

We all have situations that we feel we can't get it of. But please be reassured that you can be helped.

Please see a GP about the feelings and thoughts you are having. It does help to talk things through.

There are so many agencies out there who can help to get debts down, support you in making smaller repayments on loans etc

I don't know you but your life is worth so much, not just to you but to all your loved ones

Please speak with someone

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