Would you LTB?

[WibblyWobblyJellyHead]

If your spouse:

Doesn't work, but also does minimal childcare as all DC at school.

Does very little housework, and in fact has the MIL round once a week to clean.

Can't be trusted with any access to money or cards due to a history of running up horrendous debts or buying bottles of wine everyday.

Because of the debts you have to work overtime every day and wfh several evenings a week.

Rarely cooks for the family.

Has lost their driving license so you have to take the DC to their evening activities.

Frequently ends up hospitalised due to self inflicted injuries.

Goes days without a shower and has days when they don't get out of bed at all.

Has put on nearly five stone since you met and no longer makes any effort with their appearance.

Makes huge purchases like a new car and a dog without consulting you.

With all of that going on, would you LTB?

Yes. Without doubt

Sounds like your life would be easier without him. How many kids ?

I think you know what most people would do, but yes, I'd LTB. Or more precisely, I'd make TBL.

Yes. But assuming you're the one paying everything he'd be the one doing the actual leaving. Tonight.

Your oh sounds very depressed, tbh. But yes, I'd leave. Wouldn't have the strength to deal with all of that.

It sounds exhausting, surely life would be better alone, can you leave or would he move out?

Yes I'd certainly want to leave, but it sounds like this person is mentally ill. Not that that means you can live with it, but I'd worry if they were entitled to access to the DC, with that level of non-functioning.

Can that be addressed, will they see a doctor?

See the tricky thing is - that sounds like some serious Mental Health Issues, and did you really marry for better or worse?

I think I would look at leaving because of what the DC are learning about relationships and if there was no commitment from that person to try and get better ie seeking help, taking medication and attending therapy etc I'd have to question letting them stay in the family home.

A lot of that sounds like my mother.

And my father should have booted her out 20 years ago for the sake of my younger siblings.

So yes, I would definitely LTB.

Is it possible to talk to your oh and get them to see the GP?

Perhaps a trial separation to five him / her chance to get back on their feet.

Sorry, give not five.

Is this you OP?

The situation sounds unsustainable and I am not sure AIBU is the place for it.

100% not suggesting this is a reverse at all but i read it as an op admitting all that about their situation and I felt more sympathetic.

The kids do need to come first though. So no, YANBU

Have you posted about this before? Seems very familiar.

And yes, I would LTB.

What does his DM say?

Lots of assuming it's a bloke.

Sounds like a hell of a mess of mental health problems but ltb.

That's what I thought.

There are some pretty serious MH issues at play, and they are in therapy but changing meds at the moment so probably more unstable than they have been for a while.

Lots to think about.

Without a shadow of a doubt. What exactly is he bringing to the relationship/household?

Dunno. Id be deeply unhappy. Is he depressed?

Things would have to change for me.

Yes, it's me.

I'm pretty much non functioning at the moment and this isn't what DH signed up for. He and the kids would be much better off without me.

It could be beneficial to live apart for some time if that is easier for the well person.

As someone who had a complete breakdown it is very painful to read how many people condemn the mentally ill so readily.

You see the response you have got is because they assumed you were a bloke.

They wouldn't be better off without you. Are you getting help?

How long has it been this way?

Your situation sounds absolutely untenable but with respect it isn't for you to decide what your DH signed up for.

Has he given any inclination that he wants to leave? Could you offer some sort of respite by staying with a parent or having a parent stay with you?

Op I thought it was from the beginning.

What do you think would be most beneficial to you getting well again - staying full time at home or perhaps spending a lot of time with your parents if that is possible?