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New back pat list of what we managed to do today however small

189 replies

notagiraffe · 14/06/2016 19:15

Used to have a thread like this and it died out.
This is for people struggling, either because of depression or AD side effects, to be very productive. Let's pat ourselves on the back for what we did manage to do, not what we didn't.

Today I worked at a food bank for two hours. Very busy.
Planned a lesson.
Will teach for two hours this evening.
Cooked healthy tea for family.
Tidied kitchen and put a wash on.

That's it really. Intended to go into town to run errands this afternoon but was too tired. Not a lot but not quite nothing either...

Anyone else?

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cutefluffyunicorn · 11/07/2016 07:12

morning all
deep well done for making a start on packing. and the list is the way to go! so sorry to hear about your friend.
giraffe glad ds had a good bday
holydefinitely make the most of your child free afternoon- a rare treat indeed! I didn't really drink enough to have a hangover as such - just enough to make me slightly more grumpy than normal!

I didn't get much done yesterday - tired from being so busy on the Saturday I think. I did manage to do a big food shop though so at least everyone will be fed this week!
work today, but hoping I can finish a bit early. still feeling quite tired actually.....

Trickymoments · 11/07/2016 18:09

Hello everyone. I haven't posted for a while mainly because I don't feel I'm achieving much at the moment. I am finding being a parent very tough indeed.
I have inflammatory arthritis and I'm going through a bad patch & am struggling.
I work each day until 2.00pm & then pick the dc's up & am at home with them in the afternoon.
The pain I've been in lately means I can't face doing anything much with them & it's even a struggle getting their tea. I do of course but they are both fussy & instead of making an effort to make them healthy meals I've just been giving them pasta & pizza too often because it's easy &
I know they'll eat it. I feel like I'm letting them down eating rubbish but I can't face thre arguements & tantrums otherwise.

Often I just want to sleep as the pain is exhausting but I can't leave them alone. They're beahviour is getting worse & they fight over everything. I haven't got the energy to even discipline them properly.

I'm find housework, washing, ironing etc physically hard & food shopping I keep putting off as I just can't find the energy even to do an online shop. I do have a helpful dh but he doesn't always seem to see what needs doing and then it builds up and stresses me. Also I hate telling him how bad I feel as I just think I must be a misery to live with.

I'm sure my MH issues stem alot from having this condition as the pain & discomfort that can occur makes me feel depressed. I am on meds and usually they control it well so I don't suffer much with it but the last fee weeks have been awful.

I know this is meant to be a positive thread and I'm sorry for moaning but I have found the posters on here to be kind & supportive & as I can't tell anyone in real life how I feel I just wanted to vent a little, I hope that's ok.
I just feel like I'm not a good mum and that my dc are going to be affected by my physical limitations & resultant low mood. After an afternoon of dc's helping themselves to snacks, then having a screaming match, then not eating the cardboard tea I cooked them, as soon as dh walked in I ran upstairs to hide in bed. This is not the kind of family life I'd hoped for &'it's all my fault.

notagiraffe · 11/07/2016 19:40

Hi Tricky - post whatever you want on here. It's a pressure-free thread.

When DC were small I had depression, undiagnosed for a few years and they practically lived off tinned spaghetti, because that's what they wanted. I learned not to worry and just add healthy stuff around it - grated cheese on the tinned pasta, carrot sticks, cucumber sticks, sweetcorn with pizza, wholemeal toast with baked beans - or that 50/50 bread if they don't like brown. Add a glass of milk or smoothie and some sliced fruit for pudding.

An HV told me as long as they get food from all the main food groups: protein, dairy, carbs, fresh fruit and veg every day it doesn't matter what those foods are too much. When they're older and you're feeling a bit better, you can experiment. DS had spiced lamb kebabs with roast peppers, peas and carrots today. But he lived on cheese sandwiches and tinned pasta with cheese for years when he was fussy and I was shattered. Please don't add to your worries by feeling bad about what you feed them. They're not hungry. I bet you they're not malnourished either. Back pat. And look after yourself.

Not done much today but felt a lot better and haven't keeled over and slept all afternoon, which is a plus.

Back pats Holy - sounds like you did a lot.
Hope you get an early night Unicorn

Did some tidying, hoovering, sweeping, dusting, polishing this morning.
Made lunch for DH and a work colleague who came over before a meeting locally.
Took DS swimming.
shower and hair wash
Wrote a blog
organised a work meeting for new project
cooked tea
stuck a laundry load on and need to switch it over to the dryer.

That's it for today! Early night I think.

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OhHolyFuck · 11/07/2016 20:33

Tricky I agree, it's not a competitive thread to out do each other, if you're not managing much, that's ok but keep posting so we can support you

I totally get the whole 'finding parenting exhausting' thing, it's bloody knackering on its own without any other conditions to try to manage too
If it makes you feel any better, I threw ds2s wellies across the room earlier because they were being too much of an arse to put on, we all have shouty snappy moments, it's human.

I'm not sure practically I can offer anything of use, I'm sure you'll have thought of all that already, can I ask how old your kids are?

Trickymoments · 11/07/2016 21:36

Thank you giraffe & holy. My dc's are ds 8.5, dd 4 (going on 14)!!

Had a quick chat with dh after i'd calmed down a bit. We agreed we need to put in place some more rules & consequences so that the dc know more what is expected of them & to try & make things easier for me. We have tried before but I'm afraid to say I am not always consistent with sticking to our ideas as sometimes I just don't have the energy so they end up doing what they like!

Has anyone got any recommendations of books etc thay
might help us improve our parenting skills?

notagiraffe · 12/07/2016 12:29

Hi Tricky,

I hesitate to recommend, as every one's children are so different, and we're all so different, so what works for one might not fit or feel right for another. But my life was genuinely transformed by Jane Nelson's Positive Discipline book. It just made loads of sense. It took all the aggression and power battling out of parenting. I found it way easier not to shout. I didn't hate myself because I no longer had to be the bully boss who raised her voice and issued threats. The whole method is based around being kind and teaching kindness when discipling and giving boundaries, rather than doling out punishments, which just makes everyone resentful and breeds a bad atmosphere.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids will Talk is also good. But tbh I found it covered just one tiny part of the Positive Discipline method, but in loads of detail. The same ideas are explained in PD in much shorter, easier sections.

An example from both books. DS2 has dyspraxia and ASD. (Which we did;t realise for years as he's high functioning.) He always has and always will daydream his life away, especially on school day mornings. I used to get so stressed, screaming at him for not having got dressed, feeling awful that mornings were so stressful for us all, and so disappointed that I hadn't managed to teach him to get ready on time, like all the perfect mothers at the school gates. There used to be tirades every day: "What have you been doing? You went upstairs to get your uniform on 15 mins ago and you'r still in your PJs. We'll be late now! time doesn't stand still you know" etc etc
After reading that book I just call one word, 'uniform!' upstairs about ten times, as I'm busy fixing pack lunches, sorting sports kit, filling forms, slurping coffee. And that one word jogs him to put on one item of uniform each time, before he dreams off again.
He won;t change. His brain is wired up to find that sort of organisation phenomenally more difficult than most people do. So instead of pressure or anger or guilt or upset, I just call out one word in a friendly voice and it works. Also, it helped just to have been given that instruction, that that's all I need to do - give a one word directive. it's clear. It's easy to understand. It's easy to follow. It's not big enough to carry much emotional weight so no one gets uptight. I'd never have worked that one out unaided. (As you can see from my posts, I'm a natural windbag! Grin)

OP posts:
notagiraffe · 12/07/2016 12:30

Sorry for all the typos.

OP posts:
cutefluffyunicorn · 12/07/2016 17:35

evening all .....
tricky you ARE doing loads. You get up every day and get dressed, you see that your dc are dressed and you get them to school. THEN you go and do a days work. THEN you pick your dc up from school and bring them home.You see that they eat and make them tea every day. You presumably at some point get them to bed. AND you do ALL of that whilst in a lot of pain. WELL DONE YOU! Sometimes I think we can place very high expectations on ourselves. When actually we are already doing a more than good enough job.
Parenting IS exhausting. I have way more grumpy shouty moments than I would ideally like. I dont always do wonderful and exciting things with dc. Sometimes they eat chicken nuggets and oven chips. Sometimes I cant be bothered arguing with fussy ds2 and let him eat toast and beans for tea....BUT they are all basically healthy and happy and most importantly they know they are loved!
some really good advice from giraffe
giraffe sounds a positive day for you yesterday - well done
waves to holy

well I was really tired yesterday so didn't do much after work.
busy evening here ...tea done, dd2 despatched to ice skating lesson, Im off to an arts evening at school with dd1...
really need to sort some washing when I get back...there has been a basket of clean towels in the dining room for 3 days now...of course no one else could possibly consider putting them away Hmm

OhHolyFuck · 12/07/2016 20:31

Evening all!

Was at work last night so tired today - got bits done like sorted the rubbish out, did school run, fed kids, bathed them and me, got ds1s things sorted for a water day tomorrow and sorted teachers gifts out.

Back at work tonight so not forcing myself and ds1 back at nursery for the afternoon so I'm going to have a nap then, really looking forward to it!

Ds1s report came home today and it's really good, makes me feel like maybe I'm not fucking him up too badly actually!

How you doing tricky?

notagiraffe · 12/07/2016 23:24

I am in awe of all of you who are holding down jobs while ill or exhausted. I work very part time these days and though occasionally a freelance project comes in, it's rarely more than a week's work, if that.
All of you who work and have DC - massive back pats. You are already doing a mighty job, even if you do it far from perfectly. that you get through it at all is a massive achievement.

I slept for four hours this afternoon but either side of the mega nap I:
walked to and from food bank (5 miles)
went for dog walk with friend another mile)
worked at food bank
did 2 wash loads
prepped and taught a class
did a bit of online CBT
helped DS with physio

OP posts:
notagiraffe · 12/07/2016 23:25

Well done to your DS on his good report, Holy

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hannahpan · 13/07/2016 19:30

Some good might be coming out of this horrendous week, so I've managed to drag myself through a little bit. We all went to my little brothers graduation today and I had to leave the ceremony halfway through because the noise and amount of people was getting too much for me and I could feel an anxiety attack coming on (luckily had the baby with me so said she needed feeding).

But, I'm being given an appointment to be assessed for bipolar. Finally. Hoping that if I get it it might help me organise some of my thoughts a little better.

Madam is shattered after such a long day so we're having sleepy cuddles in bed and I'm going to actively ignore the piles of housework that need doing for tonight and reward myself for getting dressed up (in heals and everything!) and putting myself on such an uncomfortable situation today without having a proper meltdown.

Hope everyone has had a good day today

notagiraffe · 14/07/2016 14:07

Well done Hannah - and back pat for finding an excuse that wouldn't lead to loads of questions and raised brows. Hope you have a good rest today and that the assessment goes well.

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hannahpan · 29/07/2016 10:03

Hope you guys have been managing well recently and have kept yourselves busy.

Got another appointment today, praying that some sort of diagnosis comes out of it.

Also been booked for a brain scan. Absolutely shitting myself. Poor fiancé is desperately trying to act like he's not worried bless him!

Managed to get out of the house every day for the last fortnight. Mainly hunting Pokemon but it has given me a reason to just go for long walks so not complaining.

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