Not sure I am very well

[messyoldmess]

Some of you may know about my drama with H & my separation etc. I have always felt I was dealing with things ok, but over the last couple of days I have totally lost the plot!
I don't feel I am control of my own head & feel the pressure is too great. I have experienced several panic attacks, tears & now just feel my head is really going to explode & I need to scream or something!
I know this may sound dramatic, but it is truly how I feel. I am scared I am going a bit mad.

Hi, mamama, hope you're okay.

Things are finally drawing closer, but it's all getting vey intense. It is harder than ever to live with H, but I'm still frightened of the thought of the big unknown & I think my head is overloaded with everything, which is why I'm suddenly finding it hard to cope.

Last night was a horrible night & I haven't slept well again, but the very intense pressure feeling, which gives me the panic attacks & feelings of needing to scream, have eased a little bit.

Guess GP will have to wait until tomorrow...I was kind of forgetting today was New Years Day & no surgery will be open!

Haven't read all this thread, but have been depressed around people who think depression is a sign of a weak character etc.

Depression is caused by a certain way of thinking that is set up in early childhood, so if you had any bad experiences as a child, especially the loss of a parent you will be prone to depression.

People who think it is a sign of a weak character are ignorant and insensitive, and bloody lucky they don't suffer from it.

There is a book somewhere, called "Depression: The curse of the strong"

Hoe you are feeling better in some way, you have all my sympathy

Thank you.
I am not sure if it is depression or just severe stress, but I know that I don't feel very stable & on top of things. It seems to have swooped up on me very suddenly, as I was kind of coping up until now.
I haven't slept properly for days now & know that's not helping matters.
Not feeling as panicky today (have been taking Kalms), but do feel quite low.

Silly things like keeping on top of my ironing, are becoming a struggle atm!

Try not to worry about day to day things too much! & make sure you see GP tomorrow!

I will phone surgery tomorrow & try & get into see someone.
I'm back at work on Thursday, which may or may not help!

hmmm... Might help, being busy, taking your mind off things. I couldnt physically work... I kept breaking down but, some people prefer to keep busy.

I do generally seem to cope at work. I work in the reception class of a primary school, so you don't have too much time to think!
I have had a couple of mornings (one of which was the day following our decision to go our separate ways) where I am a total tearful wreck in the morning & wonder how I am going to pull myself together for work, but once I get to work I switch my work head on & do cope.
My line manager is aware of my present situation though.

Just tried to phone the doctors & have been told they have told me they have nothing at all available today & I am to phone up again tomorrow.

Ohps! "Have been told they have told me!"
You can tell the lack of sleep is getting the better of me!

Do you think you can wait until tomorrow? If not, phone back and kick up a stink.

Yes, I guess 1 more day isn't going to hurt. My surgery are useless though!

Mikne is pretty good about that kind of thing. It a real pain if you want to book an appt in advance though, as they won't let you, you can only call on the day

Mine's the same! You have to try each morning & it's first come first served. Thing is, you can never get through to them first thing!

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I think I will do, as I am back to work on Thursday.
She didn't even give me the option to book an appt, she just said "Try at 8am tomorrow!"

messyoldmess - ring and explain you need an emergency appointment... you're sure to get one then. DH did the other week when they said "ring back at 8" etc. etc. Or even get GP to phone you back. quick discussion and he might leave a prescription at the reception, but, I guess you really do need to talk face to face first.

I guess it's not really an emergency case though.

o

I'm kind of plodding along with things. I know I'm not stable & can get tearful very quickly, but the panic has calmed a little. I will be ok until tomorrow, but really want an appointment before I go back to work on Thursday. My sleeping hasn't improved one bit!

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Thanks, Essbee.
It kind of crept up on me really. I was ok over Christmas itself - kind of too calm in my head, but I think that was because I wasn't processing it all properly. Suddenly on Friday I lost it & couldn't calm myself down for ages, but after a walk I improved. Saturday evening it all happened again, but much worse & it actually frightened me.
The only way I can describe it, is that I don't really feel very stable all of a sudden.

Anyway, you don't need my rubbish atm, as you have your own things to deal with. I really didn't want to throw all this at you. I will be ok.
How are you?

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