SPRINGTIME in the VILLAGE (Support for all Mental Health Issues)

[NanaNina]

Thought I'd start a new thread what with it being the Spring Equinox and all that..........and there's another reason. I'm hoping to re-connect with people who used to be frequent village visitors, but like me, seem to have fallen by the wayside. Of course everyone is welcome in the Village, so I hope more recent visitors understand my post and will not feel de-valued in any way. The stigma of mental illness is alive and well I reckon so we all need all the support we can get.

SO - CALLING

Vicar (she started the Village thread some years ago and occasionally pops in) Edwinia'sRevenge SnowyMouse (where ARE you?) SilveryPussyCat CIQ (I know you were having a tough time) Lem (once a very regular visitor) Hoochymama Pyrrghena collardove Victrix Pulled Creamhearts (previously FDG) MentalPsychiatrist KeemaNaanAndCurryOn (miss you and your wit)
FaithLoveandGrace MySpideySenseTickles

Would love to hear how you're all doing. I'm much the same, up and down, mostly down this month.

I've probably forgotten lots of people, but that's all I can bring to mind just now.

hi queenofknickers and everyone else
im drowsy too ,everytime i sit down i feel my eyes closing - horrible feeling.

i have to stay awake as i might not get to the toilet in time-- had to take my bowel prep this morning ,and all i want to do is sleep.

im sure there must be some meds that keep you asleep at night but doesnt effect the daytime -im going to ask next week. ive been having worrying side effects to and im supposed to double the dose thursday.

QofK I could have written your post today. Somehow we have to keep on keeping on though god knows how.........x

Drowsy here too. But managed quite a long walk earlier with dm.

Hi all, just popping in to say hello. Just about keeping my head above water but it's hard, hard work. Am picking up bits of performance (my degree is in Drama) here and there, and odd bits of voluntary work. Frances I take risperdone, that helps me to sleep but I manage to stay awake in the day OK. I struggle with fatigue as part of my fibromaylgia though, and often prop myself up with coffee.
My days feel very long at the minute. It is hard work trying to stay stable.

Well done Mythical that is good progress.

Oh god having horrid suicidal thoughts and wierd thoughts - keep thinking the bird in next doors tree is "the bird of death" wtf? Half my brain is crazy and the other half knows it! I've banged my head against the wall for a bit which was a relief, plus won't leave marks.

DH is beyond fed up - he said he's at the end of his tether. Funny that - I wish I had a tether.

Had some diazepam and got back in bed. Fuck this for living.

QoK sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Hoping the diazepam helps. Xx

((( qok ))) really hope the diazepam helped. How u doing now? X

Hi, thanks for replying. The diazepam helped plus I has psychotherapy in the afternoon which also helped. Currently feeling much better - just afraid the horror will return...

Just try resting and getting an early night if u can qok glad ur feeling better now hold on to that!

I'm still around, I've had some time away from the village I was finding it all a bit too much and triggering.
I'm not doing too bad at the moment, been quite level for a while, more mildly depressed than anything but at least I've not been hypomanic.
Im getting quite anxious now, the holiday we booked is next week, mil is coming but was rushed to hospital a few days ago and has only been released this morning they're still not 100% sure what it was but she seems ok now. I'm also getting really anxious about the whole holiday what we need to pack, what we still need to buy, wether or not to pay £100 for breakdown cover for just one week.
It's my birthday while we're away (wedding anniversary the same day) and I'm oddly sad about it, Dh says I can't have a cake because he's not carting a birthday cake halfway across Europe and he doesn't want to get one there. I also know I've not got any presents coming because a couple of weeks ago everyone clubbed together to buy me a new sewing machine when mine died I feel really guilty for thinking it but it feels like my birthday is just going to slide by unnoticed.
I'm dreading going swimming too, I have had a few pretty bad days and have scars on my legs, it's obvious what they are from too.

I've got so many things I need to do but I can't muster the energy to get them done.
And I dyed my hair pink ready for holiday and I hate it, it's too pale and makes my face look ill, I should've just stayed with the blue I've had for months. I'm going to put a blue dye on top of the pink and hope for the best.

Sorry to read about so many having a bad time. Huss to all that need one.

I killed the village. sorry.

Still lurking. Had a bad couple of days after a few good ones. My head feels cloudy again and anxious sick feeling is back. Hopefully its just temporary though. How is everyone else doing?

Hi everyone, can I join in?
Was a previous poster on threads as CIQ.
Sadly back as depression is back after a very hard 6 months on top of a rubbish couple of years. Have so much on my plate at the moment, its just not possible for me to stop. Have been doing my best to be kind to myself and actually felt great in March but mood very low for the last few weeks and anxiety has been v difficult this week.

I recognise some names, hello to everyone. Need somewhere where I can be honest about how I'm feeling, and not have to put on a brave face as I have to most of the time, esp with DCs.

Anyone around this pm?

Hello spring I remember you as CIQ. I am a long time lurker here - ocd and social anxiety - so feel that I know you a little and had wondered how you've been getting on recently. Sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. I'm here and I'm sure there will be other posters around later Thinking about you

Hello Spring, I remember you as ciq. Sorry things are horrible.
I've been having rough days myself, lots of uncontrollable crying, agitated, restless, low mood. Struggling to deal with the death of dd' s Dad, my ex partner, some six months on from it all.

Hello Spring - have been wondering about you as I know you have had a real tough time and were struggling with MH stuff and r/ship problems. Think you were still taking meds weren't you - have they been changed, dosage increased? How about DH - how's he doing - wasn't good last time you posted. You were craving some space for yourself (physically and emotionally I imagine) but that wasn't working out. Wonder why there is so much fluctuation in depression - how we can be fine one day and crap the next. I've had a really bad March and April (been changing meds) but the new one stopped me sleeping and didn't help with the depression, so gone back to the old ones.

I still have my lovely CPN and the conslt psychiatrist who is new to the Trust is lovely - very gentle, caring and never rushes me and will see me as often as I need. I've been having strong suicidal thoughts with the new meds, but at least I am sleeping again now...... though back on the old meds. Depression is so bloody wearing isn't it. Are you doing any painting?

Spidey SO good to see you and NO you didn't "kill the village" - it's still here!! You're going on holiday aren't you - I know that will make you anxious.

Hi to everyone else - sorry can't remember everyone x

hello snuffling (lovely name btw) nice to feel I'm familiar to someone here . Sorry to hear about your ocd and social anxiety. Hope you can post again.

loveis hello nice to hear from you iykwim but rubbish to hear about your rough days. I can well imagine you're still struggling six months on. That's so hard.

I am now six months on from dh's almost successful suicide attempt and the experience is still vivid.

Well I have managed with the DC on my own all day as DH has been visiting his dad in hosp who is critically ill and realistically in decline... I suspect he has a couple of months top.

Thanks nana yes am still on meds (tho clearly they are of limited effect!) I have been coping ok given everything that has been going on (my "d"m also bedbound since Oct) stupid school stuff etc etc, but the last few weeks my mood has massively slumped. phq9 score 18 whereas it was not even on the scale in March. Gutted to be back in this state of mind

Glad to hear you have good support tho poorly. What meds are you on now? Yes I am just about managing to paint. Am exhibiting in June - another thing which is freaking me out at the mo. Dh is doing better thanks, tho situation with his dad is shit timing. Feel very sad for my family and my kids mental health prospects...

We set off on Thursday, Dh tried to cover all the possible ways of making me less anxious, we have two cabins on the ferry so if I need to I can be alone in a room, the caravan he's booked is on a little wooded island and is a bit out of the way so It can be a little more of a safe haven, mil is hopefully coming with us providing she's feeling better, she's my best friend and will help out with ds, there's three bedrooms in the caravan mil gets a room, ds gets a room and I get the other one, depending on my anxiety levels and how I'm feeling Dh can sleep in my room or there's a sofa bed in the living room. He sleeps on the sofa at home, partly to give me space at night and partly because he's weird and likes sleeping on the sofa.
I'm a bit worried about mil, I've not spent this length of time with her since I got Ill and I try to put a brave face on and have kept the worst of it away from her but she will probably see a new side of me after this holiday! She suffers from anxiety and depression though so is quite understanding really.

And to top it all off I've suddenly gotten really broody, Dh categorically doesn't want another baby and in all honesty I know it would be a terrible idea, when I had ds I almost lost him and while I was pregnant I had such bad spd I had to use a wheelchair towards the end and had pain for a year after ds was born, the consultant said that I probably shouldn't get pregnant again as I would probably get spd again and it could cause permanent damage.
Not to mention what pregnancy would do to my fragile mh.
Sensibly I can see Dh point but I feel like there's a part of me missing and I want more than anything to hold my tiny baby and sniff tiny baby head and watch ds grow and teach silly games to his new sibling. I feel like the part of me that's missing is my potential child floating out there in the ether and waiting to be born but there's no way I'll ever get to have another baby so that piece of me will have to stay in my dreams and in the ether.

I apologise, I appear to be quite chatty tonight.

Don't apologise spidey

quiet here tonight. ..

Hello spidey and spring , sorry it was so quiet yesterday....hope you are both doing OK. I'm not great, lots of tears and anxiety over..well, everything really! I've got a job interview tommorow afternoon too, I think that has really knocked me for six- I've had to prepare for it and it's a 4 hour group assesment. I'm very, very nervous and my depressive thinking seems to be out of control right now. Have been crying lots this morning.

My Dad is on the way to collect dd for the afternoon. I'm going to see my friends at 4pm for a little bit, so I think a few hours away from the house and responibilities will be good for me.

Hi loveis really good you're going to see friends soon and get a break from family stuff.

Personally I think you're v brave doing a job interview. Wishing you loads of luck.

I am feeling shit this pm.

Well I managed 3 hours of doing stuff this morning Inc a walk - which is all good. But now my brain is completely fried and have dcs this pm and doing bedtime

Well yesterday's 3 hours looks like a major achievement today. Texted a friend who's a counsellor asking to meet for a cuppa so had a bit of a chat tho struggling to think enough to answer questions. ran couple errands and by the time I got home was so exhausted fell asleep. Alarm woke me 2 hours later and I've been sitting in a chair since. This isn't good is it? Dcs to get soon who both have activities this pm. prospect of simply leaving the house makes me feel panicky and emotional.