I cant stand my baby

[drivenmad]

The title says it all really. I am sick to death of all his crying. I do everything in the world to try to make him comfortable and happy and he just cries and cries and moans. He is a miserable person to be around 24/7.

There. I just had to get it off my chest.

Hi again! I Am wearing my baby now in a sling made for me by Soupdragon for which I am very grateful!! He is sleeping peacefully.

I really feel so much better now! I am feeling guilty at this thread title though... I cant stand my baby sounds so harsh. I love him to bits!! Anyway I am feeling much much better now! Cant believe one of my threads made MN newsletter!

its so good to hear that you are feeling so much better. Dont feel bad about the thread title there are loads of us who understand exactly what you were going throught and could certainly understand and sympathise with you.

I used to live in colchester, just off winnock road lovely area I still miss it and I moved years ago!!

Hi there, i can really sympathise with you. Like some of the other ladies i have been through a similar experiance myself. I found the crying drove me round the bend. My son's dummy used to fall out too and i would mutter under my breath about cellotaping it to his face. I also thought about throwing him against the wall (of course i never did these things and never would!). I used to feel terribally guilty about having these thoughts but they are normal and i am sure loads of mums feel the same but they would never admit it or say it out loud in fear of someone reported them to social services.
Thankfully we have got over the problems as he has got older. There are still times where i hate him but mostly i love him to bits and he is the centre of my world. When he was younger and the crying got too much i would just leave him for a few minutes in his mosses basket and leave him in his room and come downstairs and drown out the noise with hoovering or something. Maybe listen to music on headphones?? Then when you are calmer go back. Going out in the pram always sent him off to sleep.
I havnt managed to read the whole thread but has your HV shown you how to massage your baby to help the colic? It works a treat.
I know alot of the ladies have said things get better, stick in there because it really does. You will get better too. I too am suffering with PND - its really common. Excersice has really helped my PND, that and sleeping when my son does(getting as much kip as i can).
Goodluck with things

Sorry, I've come to this late and everything sounds calmer now, just wanted to say i had exactly this with my ds, though with him it was reflux. Everyone else complained about colic in the evenings, but I had no sympathy (sorry fluffytree!). He screamed every waking moment and so loudly I used to wear earplugs. He screamed when I put him down, in the sling, in my arms. I have no memory of him with eyes open without yelling. It was so bad I'd be able to hear the screaming ringing in my ears even when he was asleep. Once I called my dh in from the other room to look because - ohmygod - he hadn't cried for ten mins. I thought I'd found a special way of holding him. Then he started again. Nearly punched the HV oe day when she said it would "help if I relaxed a bit". I so wanted him to be happy but he was miserable all day and all night. It does get better, he's 17 months now and such a happy little thing (though still shouty!) but it's living hell while you're in the middle of it. Took him about 5 months. Don't feel bad about anything - it's unimaginably hard to live with! Wish I could do more to help, good luck!

phew - feel exhausted now having relived that!

hey nolongermad, just wanted to say hello and it's so good to get to the end of this thread and hear you feeling better. It can be soooo tough and I nothing can prepare you pre-baby for what it's going to be like. I found it really did get easier after 3 and a half to four months in. Babies just start to understand you and you them and it's not so crazy so hang on in there lovely... everyone has moments when it just feels incredibly mad and awful so don't feel bad. Good for you being honest - no wonder this thread got highlighted. You've done thousands of women a HUGE favour by sharing what you are feeling so smile about that!

thanks olatt for sharing your story and perchance, sally & helen for your support. Thanks for making me feel better about this dreadful thread title!

Little baby and I are doing really well still - even though he has had a rough day with crying we have still had smiles in between and I havent felt so angry in days, its lovely!

hi nolongermad. just reading your thread has been like reading about how my dd was as a newborn.she is now nearly 10months and i promise you she is a happy sociable delightful little thing. i so understand what you are going thro. i could not take dd anywhere for the first four months as she was permantly unsettled and screaming. nights were hell and like you she would not be put down, somedays i carried her in a sling the whole day,my friends babies were not like it and the isolation of that was terrible. unless someone has had a fussy baby like this they cannot understand.i often felt that people thought it was my anxieties making her like it but i know now this was not the case. we took her to a cranial osteopath and it did help a little but she basically 'came thro it'at about 5 months. for a while i felt a terrible loss for those months that i felt should have been happy but now i have a wonderful daughter who fills me with joy every day and i promise your son will come thro it. i can recommend a great book- the wonder weeks by hetty vanderrjit. it helped put a different spin on things.

Totally agree with missymum. Its very hard when you've the crying, wont be put down baby, amongst your friends babies, especially when they dont like what everyone elses baby likes - pushchair, carseats!

Take a step back, anyone cried at all day and sleep deprived would feel bad - if thats pnd - i call it the reaction of a sane person. You are just brave enough to express normal reactions - which many arent because they are thought to be "unnatural".

It doesn't help when youre told "relax and the baby will too" - as you already feel like its all your fault, or "sleep when they sleep", if they wont sleep without being attached to you and even if they do youre so tired and wound up you cant sleep!

Take as much help as you can to allow your self some time. Avoid child care books (make you feel inadequate) and dont beat your self up.

We are all different personalities and babies are different people. Just because you have a crying, clinging baby now - my experience is that this can turn in to a very loving, happy little boy.

Best wishes x

My answer was always to get straight back to work and leave someone else to deal with the crying. It's very effective. You'll feel a lot better.

Xenia wish i had thought of that! haha

missymum and housmummy thanks for your input. I know my little darling will grow into himself one day. I dont think he is very good at being a baby!

nolongermad, I'm glad things are looking up a bit for you. It's so intense with a little one, especially an unsettled baby like yours/mine. Glad you're managing to enjoy bits of it as well!

He will definately grow into himself ,its like they are angry to be born isn't it? Did you have a difficult birth by any chance? As am pretty sure that often comes into it too. I remember sobbing to my mum that dd could never be awake and happy at the same time and given her lack of sleeping that meant she seemed permenantely unhappy. From reading the thread you sound happier. That is great as you are doing an amazingly difficult job but it can only get easier i promise..

nolongermad - don't feel guilty about the thread title - a friend of mine had the "spawn of the devil" (her own words,) who cried non stop 24/7 for four months. Turned out he had reflux and he grew out of it. She wasn't overkeen on him in the beginning though, in fact she admitted that she was relieved (for a nano second,) when he stopped breathing once. So, it sounds as though you are doing a brilliant job to me.

Sounds tough. My LO had bad days and then the best thing to do was to go OUT. Didnt matter where - anywhere would do. the crying sounds far less bad in an open space. Wrapped him up warm and walked. He was (and still is at 1yr) always happier outside than in.

I just read your thread I am glad you are feeling better , I had to wear my breastfed baby all the time and he slept at night attached to me on and off all night for 11 months. I tried a sleep clinic where you do controlled crying but i could not do it my ds was determined and would not stop crying. He was awful for crying like yours, and ds would not even let dh have him when i was in the bath so i would bath to sounds of screaming untill i learned to put him in his buggy in the bathroom with me so he could see me and I could wash in peace, but it did get better, and you are able to put them down eventually, it does not last forever. in hindsight with my ds's personaltiy it makes perfect sense, they are individuals and that why controlled crying does not always work and thats why other peoples babies are so different , you are doing great. glad you have a sling, eat!, watch tv ! lol

Hi there,
I remember being where you are now with my DD, and I know it's no help right now, but they do start to smile more and more as they get older and then they get easier to like. You are not inadequate, you are just tired and depressed. Even getting out of the house for a walk would be better than staying in as you will feel the vibes as long as you are in the house, but I remember what it's like, you are just so tired you don't feel like doing anything. I'm near York and will be glad to help, if I can - bring you a piece of cake, come and take him off your hands and go for a walk with him for half an hour or so, if I can help? Let me know.
:-)

Hi again!! here I am with another name change The name says it all really. I am doing so much better. Down to: THE SLING!!! It works wonders, he is so much happier being carried around all the time!! and second to that is I think the anti depressants I am on have finally started working!! I am even getting lots of smiles from him!! Its lovely.

KarWildcard thank you so much for your LOVELY offer!!! I'd love to take you up on it but unfortunately I live in Essex so its too far Thank you though its so sweet of you!

My baby is a darling after all (this isnt to say I dont have moments where I am tearing out my hair but its all ok)

Jennyleaves I couldnt believe your post!!! You are such a trooper going through all that for all that time!! Your LO must love you to bits though to go that mad when you were out of sight!

I've just read this thread and, after feeling really upset for you and your baby, I am now so PLEASED for you :0

My DD was also colicky and needy when she was little and if it hadn't been for discovering slings, I don't know how our relationship would have survived. She is now 7 months and the most wonderful little girl and people always note that she seems really happy and doesn't cry. From really early on, perhaps 6 weeks after we got our first sling and ditched the buggy, she became very sociable, and friendly. I carry her all the time and LOVE IT! I will now really miss her when she grows out of wanting to be held. I get on with my life and she joins in, rather than having had to close down, frightened in a buggy. Babies need to be held. Check out www.slingmeet.co.uk and thebabywearer.com

(Oh, and you won't need a personal trainer to get your pre-pregnancy figure back, either.....:0 )

Hi,
Where abouts in/near Colchester are you - thats not a million miles away from me.
Popeye

I hated my baby from 6 weeks to 6 months as she screamed unless being held - I went back to work to get away from her, it is awful.

Have only skim read so my two bits of advice;

Try cranial osteopath, my friend ds moaned/cried/whinged ALL the time after the first treatment he was much improved - sat in is car seat in McDonalds without moaning/crying/whinging for the first time ever.

Ask for help from home start through your HV, find a childminder/friend/neighbour to give you a break.

My dd had acide reflux even though she was my 3rd I was fobbed off with it's colic until she was months old - put her on gaviscon and silence it was heaven.

Am really thinking of you - I really really really hated my 3rd for many months.

feelinggreatnow I'm glad other peoples experiences helped you and that you are feeling better, my baby is no longer a baby but i remember what you described and just thought I would post. hope things continue to improve

My daughter was EXACTLY like this, being my 1st I thought it was normal, never sought any help etc just held her all the time she was always awake between 4 & 7am. It stopped at 3 months and thankfully enough we were living with my parents, my partner and I ended up doing 2 hour shifts around the clock cuddling and comforting her this resulted in my partner dozing off with her on his chest and dropping her from the bed onto the wooden floor...not to mention the row that followed. My mum intervened when she could see that we were both falling apart with sleep depravation and would take her at 7am so we could sleep at the weekends! Have you tried infacol or Dr Browns bottles they seemed to improve things A LOT for my little girl?

has someone said cranial osteopath???/ could really help.

sorry if repeating some other poster.

sympathies, it's grim and entirely normal to feel the way you do.

if you live in london i know a fantastic cranial osteopath.

Just read Jennyleeves post and I too had a sling which my daughter loved, my mum used to wear her in it whilst doing the ironing! And I was also subject totaking the carseat into the bathroom whilst I showered so she could sit in it...she wouldn't have any of it unless her sheepskin was in it though!