Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

I cant stand my baby

133 replies

drivenmad · 29/10/2006 17:14

The title says it all really. I am sick to death of all his crying. I do everything in the world to try to make him comfortable and happy and he just cries and cries and moans. He is a miserable person to be around 24/7.

There. I just had to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
intergalacticwerewolf · 29/10/2006 17:49

Have you had much cahnce to go out on your own (even just to the supermarket?)

I used to do this every weekend when DP was at home,. because it was so nice to go somewhere that didn't have screaming baby accompaniment in the bcakground

Original poster
drivenmad · 29/10/2006 17:49

we dont have anyone around I could stay with or leave the baby with. I need to just grin and bear it.

OP posts:
Original poster
drivenmad · 29/10/2006 17:51

well I dont drive so there arent many places I can go. I can go for walks... not right now. But tomorrow or something but I Am too knackered. The bestI can get is DH having him in the other room. Of course he is being good as gold for his daddy. I Am so fing inadequete.

OP posts:
puppydavies · 29/10/2006 17:52

it helped my dd to carry her facing outwards against my chest (as though outward facing in a baby carrier), with her knees drawn tightly up to her chest. you can do the same thing with a sling for some hands free.

i know it doesn't help right now, but dd's 'colic' (no screaming, just crying whenever awake and only sleeping in motion) ended the day she turned 12 weeks. it sounds like forever if you can hang in for another week or so the ads and nature may start to work.

much sympathy, i remember only too well being where you are now.

intergalacticwerewolf · 29/10/2006 17:55

No you aren't!!! You are tired and depressed, there's a world of difference.

Having a newborn is hard work, but it does get easier. Have you got anywhere locally where you can meet other mums?

Go and have a long soak in the bath. Have some time to yourself. Read a trashy book or eat some chcoclate.

puppydavies · 29/10/2006 17:55

you're not inadequate, you're coping as well as you can in a heart-wrenching situation. there will be an end to this.

motherinferior · 29/10/2006 17:58

You are not inadequate, you're worn down and exhausted and you have no backup and remember lots of us have been there. Please don't feel even worse than you have to, honey.

Original poster
drivenmad · 29/10/2006 17:58

thank you. oh there he goes again. he was so quiet I went upstairs to make sure they were ok.

I do feel totally inadequate. I cant help it. My DH who is brilliant with him keeps talking me through what he is doing like he is trying to teach me.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 29/10/2006 17:59

Your DH isn't there day after bloomin' day!

It will pass, it really really will.

puppydavies · 29/10/2006 18:01

is it possible for your dh to take some holiday to give you some kind of break, or at least extra hands?

Original poster
drivenmad · 29/10/2006 18:01

WHEN OH WHEN will it pass? When will I get a smiley baby????? Who looks at me and... SMILES?? More than once every other day I mean.

OP posts:
intergalacticwerewolf · 29/10/2006 18:01

MI is right, he gets away from it so is therefore calmer. I used to resent the fact that my DP was so much better with DS1 than I was, but he didn't have to listen to the screaming all day

Original poster
drivenmad · 29/10/2006 18:02

well he is working from home a lot more. And he helps a lot over night. He is brilliant! He just cant give me a happy baby

OP posts:
puppydavies · 29/10/2006 18:04

time will give you a happy baby, i promise.

Original poster
drivenmad · 29/10/2006 18:06

by the time this little thing is happy I should think he will be moving out.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 29/10/2006 18:08

Have you tried cranial osteopathy? Some people swear it works miracles for colicky or screaming babies.

Have you tried him in a Coorie fleece pouch? They're simple to put on and the baby lies in it all scrunched up in a hammock. We used to call it the Magic Sling of Sleep and DD (now 8 months) spent a lot of time in it as she pretty much refused to be put down. It's great - you can go to the toilet in it for a start! and is hands free. And if they fall fast asleep, you can lie them down in it and slither out, wrapping the sling fabric snugly round them to see if it tricks them into thinknig your still wearing them. Worked for DD over 50% of the time.

I have have a fleece throw left from making one for another MNer (I assume it's another MNer and you're not the smae one ) and would gladly make you one too they're a piece of pss to make). Email me on iamsoupdragon at blueyonder dot co dot uk. I promise not to let on who you are.

BabyDragon has tipped me over the edge into screaming at her because of her lack or sleeping etc so you can be certain I won't be judging you. This is a very short period of their lives although you don't realise that when you're in the midst of it.

As I say, email me if you want to try a fleece pouch sling (google "coorie"). iamsoupdragon at blueyonder dot co dot uk

puppydavies · 29/10/2006 18:11

when dd was around 4 months old i sat her in her bouncy chair while i did the washing up. she smiled and gurgled a bit, looked at me and played with the dangly toys. for about 10 minutes. i thought "this is what i thought having a baby would be like" and dissolved into a puddle of tears.

it can be shockingly hard to begin with, and it can drive you to the edge, but it really, honestly and truly does get better. i'm still getting over those first few months years later - i'm expecting again and can't get excited because to me a newborn baby is a terrible thing.

you're not alone, you're not inadequate, you're not going to feel like this for ever.

popsycal · 29/10/2006 18:13

where are you inthe country?
iI am in the north east - if I am anywhere near you, I will be glad to help if i can

Naughtynoonoo · 29/10/2006 18:33

DM - You say that DH is brilliant with Baby, you sound like a brilliant mother and it is understandable why you are feeling down. WHere abouts do you live, if it is near to me I will come round and help you if you like - I am in Kent btw.

tribpot · 29/10/2006 18:44

When ds was this age, dh was much better at managing him than I was (he had reflux - ds I mean - and had to be carried literally 24*7 for the first 11 weeks, was a nightmare and we were both at home). I just couldn't cope with him at all, it was awful.

Getting out for a walk will definitely help you, perhaps with ds in a sling.

Time will definitely help you, unfortunately you just have to survive this period first! Make sure you get some time for yourself, and try and watch some funny TV, it will lift your mood even if you don't want it to! I got addicted to Sex and the City during ds' early days.

An MN meet-up, with mums who are completely sympathetic to a crying baby (unlike mums in real life who make you feel like a complete bloody failure if your baby cries more than theirs) will also help.

You cannot do any more than you are doing. You are doing a great job, even if your customer feedback doesn't reflect this yet

CastsSpellsWitchySpells · 29/10/2006 18:45

dm - he sounds very much like my dd. It turned out that she is milk intolerant, which we finally discovered at 15 weeks. You say he's been tested for everything, but there isn't a reliable test for this intolerance (as distinct from allergy). If you are bf then give up all dairy products yourself, and if ff then ask your doc if you can have a prescription for nutramigen to try.

AardvarkTwo · 29/10/2006 18:45

My baby is now six months old and the crying is now getting slightly better but like you I just think he is a miserable baby and there is NOTHING I can do to stop it.

Many times I have just left him to cry in a safe place and got on with other things (he is a twin, and I cannot hold him 24/7).

He screams and screams but will fall asleep quite quickly if left and the crying does become more bearable over time I think - in fact now it irritates me more than anything else. Some days are just hideous though.

I spend a lot of time telling myself that by the time they start school most children aren't crying ALL the time.

bloodysideup · 29/10/2006 18:47

drivenmad, you sound as if you have the patience of a saint, caring for your boy while you feel the way you do. I take my hat off to you.

Others have made loads of great suggestions which I can't add to, I just wanted to say that you WILL one day have a baby who smiles....and then it'll pick up so quickly, because the more he smiles the more you will smile, and the more he will smile back...etc etc....It will come, just hang in there.

I think you sound an amazing mum.

mckenzie · 29/10/2006 19:15

So sorry to hear what a rough time you are having Drivenmad and although I don't really have anything to add i would just like to second soupdragon's suggestion of the cranial osteopathy and also to offer my help if you live anywhere near me? I'm North London/Herts/Essex borders.

mumandlovingit · 29/10/2006 19:23

my eldest son was the same.he wouldnt sleep in a cot, he'd cry as soon as he was put down, if he was awake he was screaming,crying,feeding or throwing up.i havent got 1 photo of him under 7 months and smiling.

i would cry and cry not being able to console him.please make sure that you stay in touch with your hv and doctor about your antidepressents and help with this.

i carried him around in a sling or had him laid on his front on my chest all the time.the only way he would sleep in his cot was pillows as it moulded around his sides and he thought i was still holding him.im not saying you shuld do this as i know its a risk of him smothering himself.

its the only way that i could get him to sleep during the day by him falling asleep crying in my arms and then going onto the pillow in the cot and me constantly checking him to make sure he hadnt rolled over so he couldnt breathe.i never had him like that at night.i wouldnt risk it.i mainly just sat next to the cot in the lounge (we had 2) so that i could at least have a break from him being held even though i was still next to him.

is he bf or ff? i was recommended cow & gate comfort.they didnt recommend it until after he was ok though so it didnt help me.alot of people ive spoken to about his problems including new midwives etc have recommended it alongside dr browns bottles.lactose can cause this crying and a bf baby has got alot of lactose in the breast milk.its not just in formula

just an idea.could you change to it or ask the hv or doctor for a lactose free milk to try and see if it wll help calm your baby?

i'll stop going on now.i know it is so hard but please please, dont think that any of this is your fault or that your baby doesnt love you etc.he does.he will get through this and you will get through this.

keep posting when you get stressed and let him cry for a little bit.it wont hurt him if you leave him in a different room safe for 5 minutes and it will help to calm you down.

thinking of you.