nearly did something stupid today...

[Loveisashadow]

I am 27 years old. I am a single mum. In the past year, I have started hearing voices, seeing things, have developed depression and anxiety, the symptoms of ptsd and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Then dd' s Dad,my ex, died in a fire 6 months ago.
I am very depressed.
I see a cpn and take medication. I am better than I used to be, but still can't even get the housework done.
I have nightmares. I feel constantly guilty. I have fantasies of ending it all, and find it hard not to act on them. It was particularly hard today. I am on the waiting list for psychology. I am so very, very tired.
I need to know if it gets better . I've been ill for a year and I feel like I can't cope anymore.

That sounds very stressful. I would get in touch with your cpn or the crisis team and explain how you're feeling. It's an awful lot to cope with even if you were feeling on good form. Please speak to someone - your little one needs you. It will get better

My cpn isn't great, to be honest. I don't know what to do about crisis, I don't have their number or anything like that. Don't even know how to get in touch with them. Feel a bit useless now, n of knowing who to contact.

hi loveis
what meds do you take?
im supposed to take one (mirtazapine)that sedates me at night - its primarily for ptsd.
have you tried hypnotherapy?

It is very tiring. I don't have a plan to act on my thoughts tonight. In mg care plan I just say I will take my sleep inducing anti physcotics and go to bed. I'm not good with phone calls. I have hearing loss; sometimes phones are my worst enemy.

I take duolextine and risperdone, Frances. Never tried hypnotherapy, though I'm thinking about going to a meditation class this week.

I don't know. That's helpful isn't it?! I suppose I posted because I wanted to be "heard" . I've never felt so alone and isolated . I keep thinking if anything ever happened to me, no one would even know, they wouldn't check. Dd doesn't even know how to use the phone. I know it sounds silly, but I get scared that I'll just fade away and no one will even notice.

Worst still, I keep thinking some thing will happen and obsessively check the plugs, taps, doors etc. My head just feels like one huge swirly mess with "stuff" and I can't work out how to straighten if all out to start figuring it out. If that makes sense.

Hi Orange, I did take my meds yes. Medication review is on the 10th for me. Have woken up with repeated negative thinking. Have a group today. Think it will take all my strength to get there.

Sorry, I ended up at Drama then had to come back and give dd her tea, bath and bed. I talked with a friend earlier, she says she thinks my anxiety has gone up over the past few weeks. I agree. I get really intrusive images and thoughts. Today was hard. I went to town as part of Drama club and high buildings and train stations are hard for me to be around. My friend says I should get rid of anything dangerous and speak with my gp when I see him on Thursday.

It was cold yesterday, but no snow. I don't have anything dangerous in the house as my meds are on two weeks only. Just had a workshop at dd' s school, but now I've come home to feeling strangely low and overwhelmed by all of the housework waiting for me.

How would you feel about accessing somewhere like MIND?

They have access to some great help. www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/

It is COMPLETELY understandable that you are feeling the way you do. And the fact you would like to change how you feel is absolutely recognition that this will change for you.

Try not to be too scared by your intrusive thoughts - there are many professionals who see these as just your emotions being expressed and are not necessarily permanent or a sign of something lifelong. You are in a great period of stress, you will react to it, and accessing help is what you are trying to do - it is just sometimes difficult to even do that !

Leave the housework. Or at least try and write a list and do only the ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY tasks for today.

I've done the neccesary stuff. Mainly making coffee and some laundry. Thank you for the link, ladyBlaBlah, I will look.

My intrusive thoughts are utterly exhausting sometimes. I am always so, so tired. I've not even done much today and yet I am absolutely exhausted already. I feel a bit of a failure because I don't have the energy I used to, and I'd really like to work, only my fibromaylagia is in charge a lot of the time.

I was talking to a Mum as we were waiting this morning, all of the time with intrusive thoughts going through my head...just thinking how she didn't know and couldn't see and how could anyone know type thing. Horrible to have.

There are people on mumsnet night and day who will respond to you.
You are going to see your gp soon so definitely talk about this stuff with them. I promise you that life does get better. It will happen, I promise.

I am going tommorow morning Arabella (great name by the way!) I am due a review of my medication and we will be trying to sort out my painkillers as I had a letter from the consultant. I am so very, very tired now. Just exhausted. Doing anything is becoming very hard work.

I know exactly how you feel on the tiredness front! I hope your appointment goes well xx

Saw my gp. He was very worried and prescribed propanol to help with my anxiety.

My CPN is next week. She's not very helpful. I can feel myself getting worse, rather than improving. It might be because it is dd's Dad's Birthday tommorow and it is dragging a lot of things up. My head is spinning with so may negative thoughts. I forgot the way back from school today, where I was and what I was doing. Going to meet my friend for coffee as she is a bit worried about me, then picking dd up later.

I just wish all of this would stop.