nearly did something stupid today...

[Loveisashadow]

I am 27 years old. I am a single mum. In the past year, I have started hearing voices, seeing things, have developed depression and anxiety, the symptoms of ptsd and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Then dd' s Dad,my ex, died in a fire 6 months ago.
I am very depressed.
I see a cpn and take medication. I am better than I used to be, but still can't even get the housework done.
I have nightmares. I feel constantly guilty. I have fantasies of ending it all, and find it hard not to act on them. It was particularly hard today. I am on the waiting list for psychology. I am so very, very tired.
I need to know if it gets better . I've been ill for a year and I feel like I can't cope anymore.

I went to bed with painkillers in the end orange. I have Drama group today and then my psych later. Hopefully she can be helpful. I'm Ok ish today, but haven't been right or well for ages and I think it needs a bit more help than I'm getting now.

I'm doing a little better in some ways, and worse in others. My psych said to reduce my anti physcotics and up my anti depressants. Tried to go to town today, but when I got there had to go home. Caught sight of myself in a mirror and hated it. Then when I got back, I had loads of tactile/very real flashbacks. Still have a lot of suicidal thoughts. Have just had a bath and got into my pjs as I felt dirty. Nothing seems to bring me any comfort or joy anymore.

I'm due to go for psychology soon, they ars sending me an appointment. I think I might ask them about emdr. I've been struggling a lot with suicidAl thoughts related to the flashbacks, so I think it'd be worth asking for help with it. I'm a single mum, dd is 7 and her school a 40 minute walk away. I'm out of the for ten past eight every morning. It is very hard.

No one lives by us and I don't drive. No direct buses either. When I put her name down for the school, I wasn't ill and so it seemed so much easier than it is now..

School don't know anything, though i was ten minutes late because I forgot something and had to go back for it. Was kept awake by nightmares last night and was having flashbacks this morning too. The good thing is I'm not feeling suicidal today, just really low and tearful because we were late and I feel like I'm failing at everything as a result.

I would yes. It's only ten minutes....finding things very hard today, but am going out later this evening. My friend has my dd and had her last night too.

Sorry I didn't come back, have had a really busy couple of days. I went out to an event, it was quite good. I did feel better for being out. Hope your dc are ok. My dd was off school today as she hurt her leg and was screaming and crying in pain this morning. Typically, she was fine by lunchtime and seems OK now. I ended up in tears because I felt so guilty keeping her off. Such a hard decision to make. I've ended up crying for nearly an hour. It's my birthday today, that might be effecting how I feel.

Glad that your dc are ok. Yes, I dud think that about getting her to school, but about 3 this afternoon I found it a bit much and ended up in tears. I cried non stop for about 2 hours. I think being on my own with her is a trigger for me.:-M friend came round for a bit this evening and we had some birthday cake.

Slipped a bit today. Nearly threw myself off a balcony at a shopping centre. Not as dramatic as it sounds. No ons even noticed my body willing me to try and jump over the railings. I didn't because there was a lady with a baby in a pram at the bottom.Made me think it'd be sad if she had to see it if I did.

Sorry I didn't reply. Not in a good way. The nurse is coming out today. I'm going to ask to see a Dr.

Hi Orange, I'm not well. Am having home treatment as I made an attempt on my life. They said they wanted me to go to respite, but I didn't really feel like that as I have so much to sort out at home. Am so very, very tired and resting at home, mainly.