nearly did something stupid today...

[Loveisashadow]

I am 27 years old. I am a single mum. In the past year, I have started hearing voices, seeing things, have developed depression and anxiety, the symptoms of ptsd and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Then dd' s Dad,my ex, died in a fire 6 months ago.
I am very depressed.
I see a cpn and take medication. I am better than I used to be, but still can't even get the housework done.
I have nightmares. I feel constantly guilty. I have fantasies of ending it all, and find it hard not to act on them. It was particularly hard today. I am on the waiting list for psychology. I am so very, very tired.
I need to know if it gets better . I've been ill for a year and I feel like I can't cope anymore.

I'm not sure that I want respite as I still need to keep my house going and everything sorted here. My dd is with friends, so that has eased the pressure a lot.

It is hard. They said respite would possibly be for a week, but it depends on the beds etc.

I'm still thinking on it, it might be that I do better at home and being able to do things at my own pace etc, still see my friends and go out too. Those things are good for me.

They are supporting me visiting daily at the minute. DD is staying with my friends for a few days, I've been keeping myself busy doing things like ironing and gardening. Need things to keep me occupied, even though I'm very, very tired as I don't want to fall into doing nothing or sleeping all day. It's very bad for me. Am currently waiting for a shopping delivery and then might go for a walk when it's all packed away. I'm feeling very tearful and low today.

I haven't seen the new art therapy magazine, though I did buy (and read) a couple of magazines the other day. Time passes very, very slowly without dd here to keep me busy. I went on a long, long walk earlier today and was just thinking. Ended up getting the bus back because I'd walked so far. I might have a soak in the bath in a bit, then watch some TV and have an early night. Feel like I need a really good cry now I'm coming back to reality a bit.
I will pm you my adress, that's such a lovely thought, thank you.

Hello Orange

I'm a bit better, thank you. Went out to the shops and to see a friend today. He was asking a lot of questions about my voices and depression, I found that a bit upsetting.

I think he was being a bit nosey, to be honest. It's been raining and cold here today, though yesterday was very sunny.

Hello orange, thank you for the parcel. So very kind. I managed to get to town today, bought a few things from Lush. Am very very tired now though.

Home treatment kept saying that I looked tired, I haven't slept much the past two nights.

Hi Orange, still here. have been struggling a lot with motivation lately , didn't do anything today. Now have an hour before I go and see dd.

I saw her for a couple of hours,she's coming home on Saturday

It was hard seeing her again yes . I am worried now, after seeing her, about who is picking her up from school, even though I know in reality, it's my friend as dd isn't due back to me until Saturday. My anxiety is kicking in big time, telling me that I've upset my friend (I haven't) and all sorts of other things, like dd will be left on her own at pick up time (she won't as friend is doing it and the school will ring me if there's a problem), but still, my anxiety is totally out of control sometimes.

I'm meant to be going out tonight- getting there for 6.30. My friend will be there and her husband will have dd. I might leave early ish, save myself from sitting at home alone with my anxiety.