thread in which the Mentally Normal sustain a stream of fascinating chat

[Mitchy1nge]

and die of being cold

I don't think you win the award for Most Fascinating but I now know more about horses.

I have no MFP friends. Too ashamed of all the crap I eat maybe.

who does win that award then?

I win the Perseveration About Podge prize though, right?

I'm going for Poster Most Obsessed With Diagnosis/Medication/Psychiatric Treatment. It's a challenging goal, but there it is.

I am a strong contender for Poster Who Most Longs to be Bludgeoned Almost To Death and Stabbed In The Head, Face, Neck and Chest and Disembowelled and Cut Into Pieces and Set On Fire for Being Too Fat To Lead A Normal Life

I had read fascinating as dull. I don't know why, NO letters are the same. I was trying to be encouraging by telling you you're not the most dull...

When I was much more overweight than I am now I sometimes really struggled in group therapy/support contexts with people with AN/BN as it was really hard to hear people go on about how awful being fat is and not take it personally But always tried to remember that it was their own stuff they were thinking about and really nothing to do with me or my excess body, probably far worse for them than for me, and that they probably would be mortified to think their distress had caused other people upset.

I felt fatter at 5 stone than I did at 10, because I knew I could see that I had got smaller, so I noticed the fat-ness more.

I do that too Caulk - read the exact opposite of what is written

Yeah it's all fucked up and not greatly correlated to actual weight.

Also, for me at least, I can't tell the difference between people's size. So anyone bigger than me is all clasped in the same group of "about a size 16" and everyone smaller than me is "about a size 6". I cant tell if one person is bigger than another, only compared with how big I think I am.

Lots of people are either really bad at guessing sizes or frequently misjudge other people's sizes in an attempt to be diplomatic. Three separate people have said to me "but you're tiny!" when I tell them I wear a size 18 on top (not that it's a common topic of conversation but with chat about clothes, it's often relevant to mention you need to shop in the plus size range.

)

hard to hear people go on about how awful being fat is and not take it personally

am really very bad for doing this, especially considering one of my children is in the long term process of recovery from anorexia and possibly worse even than that is wearing clothes #3 outgrew some time ago and complaining out loud about being Too Fat To Lead A Normal Life while I'm wearing them it just seeps out of me without thinking - but of course I got it from my mum, who also has or had sisters who were similar (my cousin died three years ago of pneumonia arising directly from her fucked up eating habits) and of my six siblings two are really weird about food, my long distance running brother is underweight and quite sort of orthorexic, his sport lets him hide his mental abnormality out there in plain sight I think, very anxious about eating correctly and 'healthily', while one of my sisters does a version of that chew and spit thing, which I didn't know was a thing until recently but she's always done it - has a teaspoon of houmous, for example, lets it sit on her tongue for a few seconds then spits it out. She bangs on and on about Being Fat despite having an enviably athletic physique, and runs most days (but not long distance, is more of a gym enthusiast)

it's not an excuse but is hard to override all this when you have always been immersed in it, and everywhere I look generally I see support for restricting calorie intake and exercising more - probably sounds like excuses but these are quite powerful external forces when coupled with this constant constant sense of urgency within

other people pretty much always look nice to me, my PT for example, claims to weigh 60kg (is quite a bit shorter than me, I think that would be verging on overweight even at my height) but she's incredibly compact and strong and fit

I don't find fat on other people's bodies horrible at all, although am glad to have weaned myself off those programmes about the super morbidly 500lb type obese because they really are not nice, it's just my own fleshiness that repulses me

so that was therapeutic for me, using thread as a counsellor nodding dog

Wednesday is ok so far, #3 went to school having dyed her face, neck, ears and even some parts of her hair bright blue in the night. Am doing Lying Down (maybe some knitting!) and watching stuff about running on youtube before mucking and riding out, an appointment this afternoon, visit to a nearbyish 6th form this evening

must buy spinach, feta, yoghurt today

It's hard to cope with a dysfunction/illness/whatever which is constantly externally validated by your surrounding culture IYSWIM (sorry, words not my thing in the mornings).

everywhere I look generally I see support for restricting calorie intake and exercising more

Yeah that's what I meant.

Brain not working; didn't sleep well.

sorry to hear you didn't sleep well, would offer to send the melatonin (which am pretty sure I or someone else just bought over the counter, maybe in Italy though?) but am rubbish at that sort of thing - I sent a MNer the Asylum (the workout discs that follow Insanity, great names) and it took me months to actually do it it's a bit embarrassing

obviously is internal too though, it's completely and fully in keeping with how I feel and what I want to do and how I'd like to see myself and I just find the whole thing incredibly soothing and comforting (but I know it can also be a source of distress, in situations where I can't monitor or record my weight which I like to do multiple times a day , or if for some reason I feel I can't put on a Public Display of Eating when required - which is a skill am usually proud of - perhaps because my weekly mileage is down or I can't subsequently restrict to get round that or something)

it is snowing HEAVILY

am excited about riding in it after lunch but slightly dreading the cold

Uber jealous of snow- there is NONE here.

Is #3 pleased with her hair?

Asylum. Tasteful.

Sean T just makes me want to tie him to a bed and force-feed him cream cakes until he's forty stone.

Thanks for the thought re melatonin but couldn't in all conscience turn a fellow MNer into a drug dealer

Still no snow here.

I've had thoughts of tying him to a bed too but no cream cakes involved, just me riding him relentlessly until he pumps me full of hot (there's the creamy stuff!) sperm

yeah I think she is pleased, is quite a daring act of rebellion (her dad told her not to) and she went off to school pretty cheerfully, on time, in the actual taxi for once

oh no don't stop snowing

am thinking I might not do any riding, just lie down, feel tired, stay warm etc

A smattering of snow here, but it's going
The sky looks full of something though, Caulk. Have they predictrd snow later?

Yeah that might be okay too. Then I could eat the cream cakes myself to replenish my energy. Am sexually frustrated and eating a pint of sugar-free jelly for breakfast

Just rain.

are the two things related - the sexual frustration and the jelly?