Winter in the village - support for all kinds of MH issues - depression, anxiety, OCD, psychosis, bipolar...

[creamhearts]

I know the thread is a bit dead but I thought I would start a new one and see if we can keep it going xx

i totally don't remember being "normal" i think that was why i was asking if this is as good as it gets. you may know this already but vit b deficiency can really affect your mood. its a fine balance as too much can lead to agitation - arrgghhh. might be worth having a word with the dr about that.

I also can't remember ever being "normal" it feels like I've been this way forever. The funny thing is I've only been suffering for the past 5 years and it feels like a lifetime.

The walk did do me good yesterday thanks for asking lem although it was freezing cold and still is. It felt magical this morning dropping DD to school as it was snowing. Not settling of course and DD announced she wanted to build a snowman like Elsa and Anna from Frozen. I had to let her down gently.

nana I do have family support but day by day it's diminishing as they all want to see me improve but of course that's not happening both physically/mentally. I do have a carer also which is a great help - it's weird I feel like my daughter in the morning as someone helps me get ready like I do for her everyday me and DH had to move in with my parents about 5 months ago (no choice as he works full time and I have to have someone with me at all times). On paper it seemed like such a good idea I'm not so sure now

I've got B12 deficiency for which the G.P has given me tablets (cyanocobalamin) My mood has been pretty cheap so lem I make you right about that. As for the headmonster - that has just become a daily nuisance! Sorry to hear U've not been able to eat much nana in my case it's been a blessing in disguise to help me loose a bit of weight. Hope the nausea feeling passes for you soon.

Seeing my therapist later so hoping I can offload all I have in my head. don't know how much of it I'll be able to articulate once I get there as all I seem to do lately is cry in the sessions. Hey ho at least it'll get me out the house for a bit.

Hope everyone is having an ok start to the morning. and or if anyone fancies it.

Shannara I would describe myself as already being in the big dark well but I'm desperately trying to climb back up the bricks to get to the light above. I'm fed up and there's no help :'(

I am sorry you feel unsupported obesssinphases. Its so difficult isn't it? Are you on any medication?

Not so happy today, but not in total meltdown either, so another positive.

I can't help but wonder what normal even is? I mean, everyone gets stressed and worries don't they? Am i ill? Or am I just needing a kick up the backside? I honestly don't know.

lem its hard to tell isn't it. But I do know that when I am feeling well, I don't even think about this stuff - I'm busy being happy and doing stuff. So I think these ruminations are a sign that somethings not quite right. Sometimes you can distract yourself, sometimes you can't.

pulled it is so hard to remember "before" isn't it. In 2011 I think things were reasonably OK, but I simply can't remember. Really hope the B12 treatment makes a difference.

I got another walk in today which was good. I felt better this morning for having put a bit of space between dh and I.

nana no there's no separation in terms of moving out options, and I'm not at that stage at the moment. But just allowing myself to think of it as a possibility in the future (never done that before) has definitely taken the pressure of today. I'm well aware of my vulnerability, am keeping friendship in limits.

Very busy morning supporting a friend and my parents (dm has convinced herself she has something terminal, and df is freaking out) so am now rather drained. Lunch break due. Take care all x

Oh CIQ I hope I didn't offend you with my post last night about your friendship. I shouldn't post in the early hours as I can be tactless when I'm tired.

Pulled Like you I've been suffering for 5 years - coming up 6 this year, and you say only 5 years but it's a bloody long time and I'm sure you are just a young woman, whereas I'm well........quite old! Didn't realise you lived with family - I suppose that's a mixed blessing!

no you didn't nana.

Have completely crashed now.

((((CiQ)))) talk here if you need to x

(((( ciq )))) can u just cuddle up with the kids on the sofa under a warm
duvet & watch some crappy tv.

nana ur right it's a mixed blessing alright! I don't want to sound ungrateful but since I've moved in I've basically taken charge of all the finances of the house as no one else can be bothered to keep up with bills and stuff. I can't unfortunately help out with housework due to my physical state so think it's the least I can do. My efforts go unnoticed because it's not physical stuff. It just makes me feel like I'm wasting my time they just don't realise how draining mentally all that can be for me. They just don't get mental health. But at the same time they do help me out a lot with DD. I just gotta stop feeling selfish I guess and be grateful for the help I am getting from them. I just can't deal with comments like "just get over it" and "pull yourself together" when I'm in a really shitty place. I dunno I'm blabbering now. I'll be turning 34 in the next few days and the thought of living with all this for another potentially 30 years plus depresses the hell out of me

Anyway enough crap about me. How is everyone doing this evening? Thinking of u all x

Hi all , I've been lurking since I said Hello a couple of days ago.

I just wanted to post this. It's a description of depression that I read on MN ages ago, I'm afraid that I don't know who posted it though:

It isn't just 'feeling low' or having a temporary sense of worry about your life, it's a mind-numbing unshiftable mental and emotional exhaustion that seems to put out all the lights including the one at the end of the tunnel.

^This is exactly how I feel sometimes / a lot of the time. I often feel completely wiped out when I get home from work, I can't even be bothered to do 'fun' things. I even showed it to DH to try to get him to understand.

Apologies for the self-absorbed post .

Don't apologise wasted its a helpful description of something that's so hard to explain.

Thanks pulled, lem. Can't believe you can such extremes of emotion within 10 hrs. Parents wore me out. Bumped into friend from church in town this pm. What was all that about? feel like I've been losing the plot. Anyhow bubble well and truly broken. Feel rather stupid. Tho counsellor said it was nice to see me smile properly when we talked it through. Shows what I crave and what I'm missing. Had another chat with dh tonight. Said a few more things. Dh took them Ok. Did also say that if things got unbearable for me he would be prepared to move out, tho obv that would be v hard for the kids (like I don't know that! ) feel exhausted by it all and no end in sight.

Anyone around this morning?

Im here. Bad morning so far but hoping it will get better as dh about today.

Hi mythical really hope things pick up for you. Glad it helps having your dh around.
I am trying to summon up motivation to get off the sofa and tidy DSs room as it looks like a bombs gone off. Then I'm meeting a friend at 1. Haven't spoken to her in a while as she was the one who suggested I get a job which sent me into a major downward spiral. But do want to try and sustain the friendship.

Hi all, I've currently got a break in the lab so thought I'd check in on everyone. ciq how are you doing now? Hope things have improved since this morning. It's nuts how much and how quickly emotions change isn't it, I get that in the space of a few hours.

Re feeling normal - what is normal? I have been up and down for at least 6 years now and if I'm honest, it has probably been longer than that. I can't remember who

wasting that is a really good description of depression. NN I can totally relate to the whole when things are positive, it's hard to imagine feeling so crap. It's a really rough road to walk isn't it, being so up and down.

Sorry for the rushed message, I should get back to work. Hope everyone has a good afternoon.

thanks faith

Faith do you work in a lab? I was a scientist before the anxiety buggered everything up.

I can imagine it was hard for you to see your friend CiQ but if she is a decent person she will understand, it is up to you if you feel you benefit from the friendship.

Shit day for me here, but ive coped, just about. My mother is going off on one again, called me to rant about being given the wrong antibiotics (long story) which of course she wasn't, all the Drs are just kids learning and they don't knowwhat they are doing. The phone cut off because the house i was working in with DP has poor signal sowhen she rang me back she said, ive put the phone down on her too many times so she doesn't want me to phone her again, and she wont phone me

Why she is being like this i don't know, but i am not going to call her, i just don't have the emotional energy to deal with her crap at the moment.

We are broke so DP is in a bad mood so my trying to be positive, well, its not really working :(

Fuck

Nana? are you ok? I saw your comment on the other thread and thought it was fine actually, in response to the initial OP i think it was spot on, of course the subsequent posts did highlight how unwell the DH is.

Thanks Ciq. it started to improve but then dh suggested we go to lidl and pick up some cheesy ciabatta rolls and doughnuts for lunch (think he's trying to fatten me up ) and I thought I'd try, so went with him. We only got a few other things but by the end I was willing the payment machine to hurry as was dizzy and panicky and holding onto stuff. I was trying to 'give in' to it and normalise it but it doesn't work.

lem yes, I'm doing a phd in chemistry. I was working in industry for a year but there's a definite ceiling without a phd so I went back to do the phd. That's cool you were a scientist too though sucks about anxiety. There have been many times in my previous job I had to escape to a quiet corner of the lab and pretend to be working there whilst trying to get control of my anxiety. Thankfully things are nowhere near that bad at the moment and so far I've not had to do that yet - though it's very early days so no doubt at some point I'll be in that situation again. Sounds like you've had a really tough day. Parents can be so difficult to deal with at times. I'm glad you've coped (even if just about). Are you doing anything this evening to chill out?

mythical it is so hard but I think it's really positive you went with DH and got through it. Not sure what to suggest, I think things eventually work out and going to shops etc does get easier, but in the meantime try to see it as positive that you got out and you made it back :)

Thanks Faith, yes I will think of it like that. I suppose its good I even went out as a week ago I wouldn't have.

ah faith you're a proper scientist. i was a biochemist that sort of morphed into a geneticist. i really miss it :( my PhD years were the best years of my life.

just doing nothing tonight . ive got a stinking headache.

there have been a fair few scientists on this thread - not sure what that says about science!

Hello from an artist .

Managed to pop round to a friend from school. Turns out these selling party eveningy are more serious than I realised! But at least I wasn't the only one who didn't pay with any cash! Several people spent over £100, as I'm such a skinflint at the moment I found it quite weird. Everyone was complainning about their husbands, talking about their shopping trips and holidays, I didn't feel that I fitted in but I survived. Feel that mins is just ask over the place soooo up and down I'm struggling to work out what emotions are true

Sorry about all typos. Should say mind is all over the place - and clearly my fingers

Good night x

I always find those selling parties weird. I always feel like I have to buy something even though I dont really want anything. I usually look for the cheapest thing. Its basically so the hostess gets what she wants for a discount. For some reason I find them really cringe worthy.