Winter in the village - support for all kinds of MH issues - depression, anxiety, OCD, psychosis, bipolar...

[creamhearts]

I know the thread is a bit dead but I thought I would start a new one and see if we can keep it going xx

I've not heard of that med lesmis, I hope the switch is ok.

Sorry I'm on my phone I've ready everything but it's not staying in my mind to reply!

I had a really good couple of days but today I've crashed again. Dd2 is teething and entering the terrible twos. I've got coursework to get done before work tomorrow but I'm finding it so difficult to retain information, the house is a tip, I've got an ironing mountain. Feel very overwhelmed. My anxiety has skyrocketed and I still haven't managed to get in with the gp.

(((Lem)))

slushie are you on any medication at all? Sorry,i haven#t managed to read back, i feel guilty but today has been horrible.

I am fuming with my DP, he does this every time i have a meltdown, i KNOW it is really hard to live with someone with mh issues but even though he says he understands, he doesn't see it as an illness. I don't choose the be this way, i feel like anxiety has stolen my life from me. I was happy, confident with good qualifications and a future, but now i feel like a nothing person. The only thing that is keeping me going is my DD and my dogs (although the poor things are driving me nuts just now because i was too shot away to take them for a walk today and now i have to go to work).

Slushie, i told my doctor about my confusion and my brain being addled and she said it was very common, i sometimes forget what every day objects are called, its really embarrasing.

Thanks for the hugs snowy - how are you getting on?

Not seen you for ages hoochy - are you ok?

Love to all, sorry for monopolising today but this thread has kept me above water, just.

You're not monopolising.

I'm struggling, CPN2 cancelled today, CPN1 is on leave.

Thats crap snowy :( they shouldnt do that.

There's really no need to apologise or feel guilty here lem. We all give what we can when we can and that's okay.

I'm sorry to hear your DP's never been very supportive. Whilst he may say he understands, clearly he doesn't if he doesn't see it as an illness or acts very supportive towards you :(

I think it's normal to forget things. Heck I don't even know what day of the week it is most of the time and my vicar recently told me I don't remember much after I said I couldn't remember two previous conversations we'd apparently had. So I really wouldn't worry about it.

My mum has a mantra written on a fridge magnet: "those that matter don't mind, those that mind don't matter". I think the same can be said about your forgetfulness - anyone who minds or judges are not worthy of your wonderful presence. Though things are really tough at the moment and it probably doesn't feel like it right now, you're an amazing person. You're always really kind and supportive towards people on this thread even though most of us have never met one another. You're most certainly not a "nothing person". Mental health illnesses are awful at making us feel that way, try to remember it's just the illness talking though. Nobody is a "nothing person" and we all have something, however big or small, to contribute to society - you have a DD who you love very much and your dogs, that in itself shows you're not a nothing person :)

(((Slushie))) terrible twos are really hard work. You have my sympathies. Don't worry about housework or ironing - those things can wait if you've got a lot else on or simply don't have the energy or inclination. Not good about anxiety - I hope you manage to see GP soon.

I booked an appointment to catch up with mine as they won't put my ADs on repeat until I got back but now I've realised it's at the one time I can't make! Going to have to phone them tomorrow and rearrange.

Sorry snowy. Didn't see your post. That's rubbish :( surely they shouldn't be allowed to do that - seems highly unfair!

(((lem))) so glad you spoke to the go. Def worth giving another drug a go. Hope its an easy taper out/in thing. Sorry to hear about your dp too. That really doesn't help. You're doing all the right things and jeez tax returns are a nightmare when you don't have an anxiety disorder. Take care tonight.

snowy rubbish about your cpn. Is there anyone you can call if you need to speak to someone?

slushie oh that sounds tough. Just to the minimum needed. I echo faith's advice (and I love that mantra)

pulled thinking of you too.

Hi to everyone else, esp warm hugs to all who are struggling. As someone wise said upthread these short days cannot be helping, I'm looking forward to March (only 6 weeks-ish). I have had a better day - got some painting done - but wiped out now -grrr!

gp even lem. Oh and I am constantly looking for the word for things and people and, everything!

Lesmis I'm on 45mg of mirtazipine (?) I was on quetiapine but gp started changing my meds in October and its not right yet.

I understand how u feel about being a non person. I feel the same. Depression and anxiety rules my life so much that it often feels like that's all there is to me.
Sorry your dp isn't being supportive.

Snowy sorry your cpn isn't available, when will you be able to see them?

I am taking your advice and ignoring the ironing pile. Dh did a quick tidy round so it's ok to be in. (Clutter makes me feel massively stressed)

I don't know when I will see them.

To be fair, i have put my DP through hell with my anxiety so now any sign of a meltdown and he is defensive and dare i say it spiteful. He said some really hurtful things to me today. The worst being that he hates what we have become.. I know he blames me for our financial situation but it can't be just me surely i haven't dragged him down that much?? I don't know - he came home from work like nothing had happened, although he is distant - all i want is a cuddle but hes being "off". Do you know what makes me angry - I was so stressed to meltdown levels today, doing HIS tax return for HIS fuck up business with his non-existent records and he blames me Its always me, he gets jobs done to slow, under prices, but the reason he isn't doing well? becuase i haven't finished designing his website. It does make me wonder sometimes.

slushie - i hate ironing, i only iron on a strictly need to basis. Right now the only thing that gets ironed in this house is DD's karate gi.

Snowy, if you are worried, can you call the emergency team? It is very bad of them to leave you not knowing when your next contact will be.

CiQ i am glad you got some painting done, makes me feel better about number crunching all day.

lem this isn't the first time you've wondered about your DP IIRC? (Unless I am projecting - I had just come out of an emotionally abusive relationship at the time (I think) I remember you saying something) It certainly sounds like his attitude is contributing to your current state of mental ill health.

its not helping silvery i have to say but i understand why he is like it.

i took the escitalopram my nerves are still shot to fuck and i feel as sick as a pig.

(((lem))) this morning. Hope you got some sleep.

((( lem )))

I'll see if they make contact this week

((( lem ))) ((( snowy ))) ((( all )))

I'm not coping at all at the min. Saw my therapist yesterday and well I just cried the whole session which is pretty much what I've been doing all week now. SH thoughts are getting harder to ignore, voices are at there creepiest and I only managed an hour sleep last night. I've fallen into a pit and can't climb out

(((Pulled))) can you speak to your gp? Cpn? (Not sure whose care you're under) maybe worth something to help you sleep at least. Do you have much rl support - can you ask a couple of friends to text you a couple of times a day?/ask a friend/relative to come over and just keep you company/sort out stuff while you watch tv? Sorry to bombard you, but do seek more help and keep posting here. Thinking of you x

Pulled, you have been throuh such a lot recently with your pain and numbness, you are bound to be struggling :( I think its good to use therapy sessions for what you need at the time and if that was to cry then it sounds like a useful session, but of course then you still feel crap, which is pants. I used to feel so bewildered after my counselling sessions.

Is there anything that you are able to do by way of distraction ? I find if things are really shite that playing mind numbing games on the computor (instead of mnetting and facebook that require active thought) are useful and i allow myself to do that - they suck up hours of time but so be it. If it helps. I think I should be doing things but right now im too anxious to pick up my crochet, why? because im scared i wont be able to find the needle . So candy crush it is!

Im around all day and will check up on the thread, hopefully calmer than i have been. As predicted ive found other things to frett about by not blind panic so hopefully i can chat and distract if you need it.

How are you CIQ, thanksfor the post yesterday, it wasa weird day for me, i posted in aibu because i wanted to rant about my anxiety and didn't want to bore you guys with it even more!

Snowy - i hope you are coping. Do you find any distraction in the computor games at all?

Hi. Would it be ok to join you? I suffer from frequent panic attacks and have had some CBT - sadly still suffering so could do with a thread like this. x

Pull up a chair likeican - how are things for you just now? are you on any medication? How did you find the CBT? i am wondering about giving it another go - i had it before but i don't think i gelled with my counseller.

Hi Lemisscared, thank you for the warm welcome :-)

I didn't find the CBT much help tbh, it was one to one, but each session only lasted 30 minutes & the counsellor would always be checking his watch, so yeah, it didn't really work for me. I've never been on medication as my doctor is reluctant to put me on anything, I know she's trying to do the best for me but panic attacks are so frightening I wouldn't wish them on anyone - unless you've had one, you really have no idea.

But I'm good today thank you :-) just read back and will give you another much needed hug xx

Thanks, today is a better day for me also. A friend of mine suggested a technique to help with panic attacks (personally im too busy panicking to think straight but its worth a go!) She visualises drawing a window, starting with the outside square, in your mind draw the first line, take a breath in, then the next line, breathe out, continue until you have finished the window - i think if you can catch the panic attack before it takes hold, slowing your breathing and concentrating on something trivial can block the whole adrenalin fight of flight mode that makes you feel so crap. The only thing that i remember being of any use from my CBT sessions was my therapist drawing a graph of feeling of panic v's adrenalin release, showing that you only can release so much adrenalin at any one time and it will peak and then go back down so a panic attack can never sustain itself and it will pass. I try and visualise that curve sometimes, although i suffer from a more chronic anxiety that sits there all the time rather than panic attack, i have had them and i know how vile they are.

That's a good tip thank you, but like you, I'm always so overwhelmed with panic I can't always think straight! ha. I've somehow trained my mind to always think the worst.

Hope you have a good day & look forward to chatting more soon. x

Hi folks - sorry you're still anxious Lem - it's early days with the new meds so hang on in there (can't do much else can you)

Pulled you have SO much on your plate I'm not surprised you are so down......but don't know what to suggest. I know you have mental health and physical health problems, which is a very tough call. Sorry I can't recall exactly what MH problems you have - is it Bipolar?

Snowy hope a CPN manages to get to you soon. Sounds like you're struggling at the minute.

Slushie I am on 45mg mirtazipan too - but have put on SO much weight. Has this been a problem for you? Am starting to reduce to 30mg and hopefully get off them altogether, as I haven't noticed that they have been particularly beneficial.

Welcome Likeitis I have had panic attacks (but very rarely) and yes they are scary. It's more depression with me.....which can get very bad sometimes.

FLandG hello - sorry can't recall your back story - will go back and have a look.

I had an appointment today with a new consultant psychiatrist at the Trust and my CPN spoke very highly of her, said she was very caring and thoughtful, so was hoping she might have some ideas to help the fluctuations I get ...........but she was on a training course and I saw an idiot - a complete and utter idiot of the 1st degree. He made me so cross (and I was having a good day) asking me stupid Qs "how bad were you when you went in hospital" WTF? How is that relevant. "These pills are supposed to make you happy!!" "Really" I said -" I thought they were meant to create some balance in brain chemistry" - "Oh yes and that" says he. Then he asks about my reduction in another AD I'm on and starts to write, saying "so they made you tired" - "NO" I said "I haven't mentioned being tired.." I was stroppy - he was so irritating. Then he said one of the things that always irritates me "well maybe you'll feel better when the sun shines.........." SO many people have made similar comments - "NO" I said "my moods are not related to the weather....but he persisted - "well most people feel better in the sun" so I repeated my comment in a more assertive way and he changed tack - but it got worse. "What were you expecting today" he said. I was very tempted to say "to see someone who actually had some knowledge of depression and didn't ask stupid questions" but I said I wanted to reduce the Mirtazapine because of weight gain. He went into a long and detailed account of how I might feel worse etc etc., and was talking to me like I was some sort of half wit. I said I understood all this and could he advise on a safe reduction plan, so he suggested cutting down from 45 to 30mgs for 1 month and then another appointment, which seemed ok. I will ensure that the new conslt psych is there for my next appointment!

It's fortunate I was not having a bad day because if so I'd probably have walked out..........