thread on which to be factitiously Mentally Normal (NOS)

[Mitchy1nge]

nobody was wondering but not only am I still alive, the horribleness of my back pain has completely stopped is all a bit tender and traumatised but hooray for me

and partial hooray for the weirdness that is tramadol I suppose

my therapist made me a star chart

recovery record gives you rewards doesn't it, is actually quite motivating, I have completed 3 of those puzzles now and have only just discovered you can have them in the music genre of your choice

think am with Joanna Moncrieff a bit (not with lithium) on how our mental disorders might not be best conceptualised as 'illnesses'

I've completed one, half way through the second. I didn't know there was music. I really like the small animals.

it's getting quite arsey, was attempting to backfill skipped snacks and a pop up thing appeared saying 'please can you at least try to put some thought into this'

sometimes it feels like massively hard work!

No way!!
I hate getting the reminder when I'm not eating at the exact time it wants me to. If however you miss it for a few days you get a "it's not late to begin again" type thing. I like it better than mfp.

I'm wondering if I can miss this afternoon at work and go back to bed. I only need to be here for another couple of hours but it's cold and I'm feeling whingey.

Yep mitchy - before this all started, I was a normal stressed fifteen year old, not sleeping that well, staying up all night occasionally to finish essays, the odd friend crisis, and with chronic headaches which I overmedicated with cocodamol and valium I found in the cupboard at home and paracetamol from the shop (later turned out to be daily migraines, and possibly medication overuse headache). A bit screwed up but in a normal teenage way and not depressed at all. It wasn't until I was dragged along to a GP under false pretences ("for your headaches") who had been primed to ask depression questions, and given SSRIs, that I started slashing myself up and feeling suicidal. I had been hardworking and conscientious and largely mentally normal after a slightly rocky childhood, such that when I was told I should not do any homework for a few weeks and take it easy at school otherwise I might have to go inpatient, I refused to slack off. I was on an academic scholarship to a competitive selective independent school, came top or near top in most school subjects, enjoyed (some) sport, worked hard, had some lovely friends, won prizes for art and writing, took part in maths competitions and inter-school language festivals, played various musical instruments, all that shit. They managed to turn a normal, healthy, diligent kid into a fucking nutcase by judicious application of poisonous chemicals then diagnosed me with bullshit conditions and poisoned me for those, too. And the whole time everyone was only trying to help so I can't even be angry at anyone but myself. I fucking resent it and wish I hadn't started on the whole thing. I often wonder who I'd have been without fluoxetine and paroxetine and venlafaxine and escitalopram and duloxetine and Stelazine and risperidone and olanzapine and haloperidol and procyclidine and diazepam and lorazepam and flunitrazepam and divalproex and lamotrigine and phenelzine. There's no way you can swallow all that (mostly as a child, and all well before age 25) and not fuck up your brain development.

So yeah. I don't have a mental illness. I have a poisoned brain and a consequently heavily disrupted life, but no mental illness.

Is it bad that I want a star chart now?

Star charts are great. The therapist gave me stickers too. Saying that, I pay her a small fortune to make me Mentally Normal so it's good I get my money's worth from her.

Stickers rock

This Moncrieff person looks interesting.

I'm only on fluoxetine, my gp doesn't like to prescribe the good drugs.

fck enpo that's a shtload of drugs. I also wonder if I had just had bedrest for a month after an awful 2012, whether I would need meds and have the "mental health probs" label when I go to see the GP about anything else.

DP is on fluoxetine. We had meds reviews scheduled on the same morning - mine was me, DP, psychiatrist and social worker sat in a room for over half an hour intensely discussing every tedious fucking detail of the exact taper and the risks and benefits of augmentation and insisting that I knew who to ring if anything changed and pulling faces at me for wanting to be away over Christmas.

His was six and a half minutes with the GP -"Working yet?" "I think so" "Side effects?" "A few" "Okay, here's a script, see me in six weeks. And give me the spare paper off your prescription so I can use it as a notepad"

And I'm not even fucking depressed any more. The whole system is fucking insane. I'm absolutely fucking fine and getting intensive psychiatric input for some reason, DP is depressed and gets "take these and fuck off". If I can just get the referral to psychology so I can do these assessment tests and PROVE there's nothing wrong with my mind, get a decent simple meds regime sorted by the psychiatrist, and get some help from psucjologival services to deal with these poisonng effects, then I'll gladly fuck off to primary care again and stop bothering them for ANOTHER six years or whatever it's been that I've been stable and sane and absolutely.fucking nothing wrong with me the entire fucking time.

Yep CiQ I wonder that too - just how many of our problems would've existed in a world without some of the psychiatric treatments and the side effects (and their INTENDED effects, which are often just as bad)

And yes to the label popping up on the screen - every time I go to the doctors for anything at all the front page of their electronic notes might as well say "FUCKING NUTTER - NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. ASSUME PSYCHOSOMATIC OR FACTITIOUS DISEASE AND TREAT ACCORDINGLY"

Been for a run, I might think I can run for a hundred miles but I blatantly can't, had to turn round after a pitiful distance because the post-smear-cramps hit like a train and my knee decided to give way. Limped home and going to drag myself into the shower.
Might order a "fuck it all curry" tonight, if I have it spicy enough it kicks off my Ibs and I don't have to feel as guilty about the calories.

yep that's the label. I know what you mean about the massive gap between primary care and psych/cmht. My dp has had loads of support in the past via gp, iapt etc, when I was just given the pack of fluoxetine like your DP. Now I'm in the system, I'm not sure that's an improvement!

I went to the gp with ds and Dh brcause ds had worms, because we all needed meds he checked my medical notes to check if worm meds would interfere with my meds but did it in full view of Dh and ds, ds can't read but Dh couldn't miss the black and white notes flashing over the screen of everything wrong with me, they might as well have put a flashing banner above my head saying "nutter!!!" I was fuming!

Know what you mean, Spidey - the brain says yes but the body says "Noooo!"

If you're anything like me you'll feel like you could go out running again the moment you get in, despite all evidence to the contrary

Enjoy the curry - what are you going to have, or don't you know yet?

Yes I don't know why it's assumed you're happy for everyone in the room to see everything on the screen. Bloody ridiculous. But then the NHS are astonishingly lax about confidentiality anyway. I once overheard a CMHT member casually and derogatorily discussing me and my holiday plans in a cafe in town.

I'm not sure which I prefer either, CiQ

I think a vegetable vindaloo, I struggle to trust takeaway meats and I need spicy, Dh has had an offer for his injury compensation after his accident, he can either have £1500 now or push it further and go through medicals etc and risk either getting more or getting nothing. The sensible vote is on accepting that offer since he's mostly better now so the medicals would show he's ok and he'd get no money anyway.

Ooh I love a good veggie curry. Hope it's nice

Good luck with the compensation. Kind of annoying to feel bought off? But you're right, it's probably not worth the risk to push for a proper judgement.

I'm struggling not to go on the thread by the poster with the 17 year old who's going on prozac and scream DON'T FUCKING DO IT IT'LL FUCK HER UP AT THE VERY LEAST AND MIGHT EVEN FUCKING KILL HER BECAUSE IT'S POISONOUS TO DEVELOPING BRAINS