thread on which to be factitiously Mentally Normal (NOS)

[Mitchy1nge]

nobody was wondering but not only am I still alive, the horribleness of my back pain has completely stopped is all a bit tender and traumatised but hooray for me

and partial hooray for the weirdness that is tramadol I suppose

My life seems to have gone suddenly chaotic again in the last couple of weeks - no food tracking, not much sleep, forgetting to exercise or doing it a LOT, lots of drink/drugs which is not usual, eating crap, all that shit. I know I shouldn't do the shit because it'll make people think there's something wrong with me but FFS. Just need to get through Christmas with family then I can go as fucking untied as I want, but until then it's like doing one of those electronic loop-on-a-wire games wherein I attempt to avoid becoming depressed while simultaneously not gaining a fuckload of weight or making people think I'm too high And the delay on the antidepressant affecting my mood makes it so hard to work out the right dosage to stay right on that wire. Fucking nightmare.

Last 24 hours have been sleepy and anxious. Baaaad fucking sign. Hence the antidepressant increase. Fucksake.

what was the decision about your antidepressant in the end - are you switching to tranylcypromine? Staying on it? Coming off?

x post

my phone takes about 16 weeks to load a thread, sorry

Well, the psychiatrist wanted to put me on a fast taper down - after only a couple of weeks on the 45 mg starting dose, instead of increasing to 60mg, he got the GP to tell me to reduce to 30, and after four days of that, on the recommendation of the hospital consultant, wanted me to go down to 15. DP and I argued it up to alternate days of 15 and 30, but after another four or five days of that I'm not happy with the effects and am going back up to 30 a day. Not happy with the hunger it induces but honestly what is my alternative? Trying to reduce the dose has seen my impending-depression warning signs raising their little heads - no more sparkly ebullience, energy rushes turning into anxiety rushes, sleeping more - so what can I do but go back up to 30 and hope this is just a minor blip? Hoping to either ease back some effervescence or at least settle somewhere that's not quite so great but at the very least not depressed.

Nobody will talk to me about tranylcypromine. This guy hadn't even heard of it. Also I suspect they will require a 2 week washout and I can't afford to do that right now - maybe after the holidays.

X-post due to loghorrhoeic verbosity on my part

Masturbating is hard I prefer to get someone else to do it.

And I know it's ridiculous because other people seemed to think I was a little too high but I'm pretty sure that I wasn't too high on the phenelzine and that it's just the initiation side-effects looking a little bit like some kind of hyperthymic mental condition in comparison to the only other way MH services have seen me lately; i.e. depressed. This fast taper is unnecessary and dangerous and I shouldn't have agreed to it.

Hey aren't you usually asleep by now, Mitchy?

it did seem a bit hasty to stop taking it or lower it so soon after starting it - people do perk up after an od sometimes don't they, it must release tension or something?

usually traditionally historically etc am a dreadful sleeper, running helps but has been a v light week, plus did late night Christmas shopping and am so easily overstimulated by all the lights and the spending and so on

also last two days have come v close to calorie goal which is a big increase and causes nocturnal exercising disorder and urges to disembowel self

early start tomorrow though, need to do horses at why o'clock and eat porridge and be on time for 'school' and run with friend and find out about transport to new unit (is last day of term) and get changed and pack for house sitting and be on time for that

Took me a couple of weeks and an MAOI to perk up but yes I don't understand why the sudden urgent need to cut down on the antidepressant just when it's working so well I would probably have drifted into a nice stable non-depressed state over time and instead I'm worrying about more bloody depression. They're obsessed with hypomania to the point where they a) see it where it doesn't exist and b) seem to think it needs urgent treatment and is far more pressing than an equivalent degree of depression.

Jesus, your day tomorrow sounds hectic and exhausting. I'm still trying to work out how to fit in a bath, the hairdressers, and the gym, all in one day.

Hope you haven't been too unsettled by that back/sickness thing. Sleep well

thanks, maybe that has disrupted things - I've smoked SIXTY cigarettes today and it's all I can think about, am compelled to go and have another while I chat more shit on the internet

could do with some cheaper habits between that, class As and running shoes and horses

how are they treating the hypomania now? Is that what they think is happening again? hope you can all sit down together - care coordinator, psych, you, dp if you want - and agree on some sort of plan together so everyone knows what is happening because it sounds pretty confusing

not that have had any class As for ages but tramadol reminds me of one or two in some ways

Sixty cigarettes is impressive Though probably still not as expensive as keeping a horse.

TBH I don't know if they think I'm hypomanic - I know the GP did but I think he was jumping to conclusions somewhat. I know I'm not, and I think they know I don't particularly like that word either. I think I'm seeing just the psychiatrist on Monday then CC in January, but other than that I don't really think there's a plan. And yes, confusing is the word. I just want to get my depression sorted and out of MH services without adding any more spurious diagnoses to my collection, now that I've discovered that a diagnosis is apparently for life and anything I've ever been labelled with, even tentatively, is stuck forever.

Tramadol probably is class A, isn't it? B at least.

Fuck, it's class C! Codeine is bloody class B. That makes no sense.

It's not murder if they're snoring, is it?

Ah bollocks to the lot of it.

voluntary manslaughter maybe?

if 'nagging' has been a complete defence to murder I don't see why snoring can't

Quite right.

So Friday has been utterly fucked so far but in such a lovely way - a long long long lost and deeply loved friend showed up, with a new horse, and is moving in TODAY what a fab early Christmas present! LOVE her, so much to BITS, prob won't see her until Saturday or Sunday but is one of the nicest things to happen in ages

and they say life is cruel!

have dramatically enhanced my usual 27g or just under portion of porridge oats and water (with nutmeg and cinnamon and stevia) at about 98 calories to an awe inspiring 500 calorie feat of gluttony with an extra 20g of oats, a banana, a lot of morello cherries, MILK (ugh) and honey

I have known all along there is an inner obese person desperate to express herself

just need to give it a mere 18 months or so to digest then can be on time for house sitting and go for a run from there

it's all good

but where are all my mentally disordered normal chatters

I have been attempting to wash myself like a mentally normal person. Fantastic news about your friend

Morello cherries

I've been making nativity costumes and setting fire to amps.