community-based psychiatric adventures of the mentally normal

[Mitchy1nge]

am not sure if mavis is still in this one

Hello. Job interview went really well thanks and I'm cautiously optimistic
CMHT interview went less well and I kind of shrugged my way through the torture. They then rang DH to tell him I was aloof and defensive. He's not sure he is meant to do about it

On the plus side I have lost 4lb after 3 days of weight watchers after gaining 2stone on meds.

I have been pooing like a trooper

Oh bugger them with their "aloof and defensive". You seem fine to me, and you clearly came across well at your interview, so maybe it's more about them than about you. What hostile language to use about someone asking for help.

Well done on the weightloss.

congrats on all that poo!

and the interviews, maybe will be more relaxed at next CMHT appointment?

I am still trying to like homeland but is a bit shit I think

would rather play blackjack

I just don't get how they expect you to discuss your innermost thoughts when it's the first time you've met them and the opening question is "tell me about your overdose suicide attempt". It ain't going to happen sunshine and I don't trust you

Grrrrrrr not thinking about it anymore it makes me mad mad mad.

not the warmest or most sensitive opener is it

Agree entirely Ivy.

Mavis seemed so much more chilled out today despite being pretty much sober. Perhaps it's because I wasn't so energetic today.

I don't understand why I'm eating so much. Worthless stupid fuck.

I was an idiot to thinkni could ever not be fat. Being depressed makes me eat too much. Medication makes me eat too much. I'm fucked. I don't even get why I'm eating. Nothing tastes of much any more.

what sorts of things do you eat in that frame of mind?

your diet sounded difficult, I know it's not a weight loss plan but it sounded quite restrictive

(given up on homeland, found something called 'weight of the nation' which so far is about the bogalusa heart study)

I'm eating my normal shitty restrictive diet, composition-wise, just way too much of it, and a little high on the dairy and carbs. Over 1700kcal every day since Sunday. 2300kcal today. I was easily sticking to 1400kcal a day, most days. Now it all seems hopeless and pointless to stay hypocaloric, right up until I finish eating, at which point the regret and self-recrimination kick in. It's this sodding atypical depression.

Usually I have no trouble sticking to my eating habits. Just this arsing arsing depression.

Stick with Homeland Mitchy, it's brilliant.

I never made it past episode one

it doesn't sound too bad

(not to downplay how awful you feel, only that it sounds like an adequate intake for an adult - not excessive)

but am not great at this kind of thing

I'm currently sitting on a backlog of recorded Battlestar Galactica episodes - it's a lot better than I'd have thought.

This morning I started out thinking ok, I have bought a dress for night out, I will henceforth stop eating so much crap. Then at 11 I had some biscuits, kit kats after lunch, massive piece bakewell tart for pud and am now enjoying a . Comfort eating is addictive.

24 hours in a&e - I think there's a masochistic element given the last few weeks.

ok will pick up the latest homeland season on 4OD

only started watching it because a running friend said carrie reminded them of me (a scene where she was pacing a bit manically, later she went on to have ECT which looked good) I love pacing, I call it 'active relaxation'

I like her shag anything approach, she seems like someone with our mental disorder but how can she have that job?!

It's not excessively bad but it's way more than I normally eat, and I've not been able to exercise normally. I think my actual TDEE is low because of my fucked up metabolism and I need to remain chronically hypocaloric to try and deal with visceral fat, to improve my metabolic syndrome. I know all this and yet I still bloody eat.

I want to shut up about my shitty self. How has today been for you, Mitchy?

Yeah it's just completely incomprehensible to me CIQ, how it's possible to make a decision with one part of yourself and go against it with another part of yourself.

it just sounds like an unsustainably big calorie deficit over time but bit hypocritical of me to say so

was ok once I got over the whole cognitive impairment episode thanks, tapering is weird, am only running short distances every other day (although long one tomorrow) and hardly at all next week

have completely run out of lithium and diazepam and any spare anything

lots of riding tomorrow after run, want to take the brown one hunting one last time (prob in Feb) if vet thinks is ok, if not have been offered use of lovely hunter for as often as I can afford

You should probably get hold of some lithium

I've been on 1200-1400kcal a day for the last six months, probably less for the six months before that (I wasn't calorie counting). When I'm not depressed it's totally doable. I was planning to get down to goal weight then work out maintenance calories and continue from there. Then my brain decided it hates me.