Give me your best self harm distraction technique.

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

Just that really. If you want to self harm what do you do that means that you don't do it.

I've tried pinging a rubber band, talking to Samaritans and setting a timer. What else can I try?

For me it felt like the only way I could deal with my feelings when they were overwhelming. It took time to find other ways of dealing with them that I can actually remember in the heat of the moment! And like nearly everything in life it takes practice. I like to imagine the pathways in my brain - the self harming pathway is still there and probably always will be but I have new pathways now which are self-compassionate and don't have such difficult consequences.

I drew over all my scars once and that helped. Didn't think of it this time. Feeling calmer and then suddenly have waves of...something. I don't know what it is. The opposite of calmness.

Back story is that parents have asked to see me and for me to stay for a few days as haven't since spring last year. Terrified of them both. If I go, I upset myself but please them. If I don't go they are angry/disappointed and i feel bad.
Best friend is not speaking to me since I spent week in hospital after an overdose. Today ahe has cried on me because she has had a bad day though.

And I'm incredibly lonely.

Yes to new pathways. Mine was about anger. I didn't feel able to express it openly so I took it out on myself. Until my therapist helped me realise that I didn't have to. I like the phrase self-compassionate.

Have you talked to your therapist about it?

I have an affirmation 'I'm learning that my feelings and needs are just as important as anybody else's'. Simple but radical. Your feelings and needs are just as important as your parents'. Plus you are ill and vulnerable right now.

What would you do if you weren't worried about repercussions?

Yes, anger here too. Always thought I didn't really have any.

Oh how I laugh about that now!

Not the seeing family, although we have in the past. She knows about the sh.

I don't want to see them and am angry at them for not being kind and loving and all that crap. I don't know how to manage the anger side of it.

Yeh totally. Me? Angry? No no no.

I can now say I'm feeling angry but have no clue how to deal with it other than turning it on myself.

If you don't want to see them, don't.

I wrote down all the angry things about my parents. Some big, some really petty. It was hard because I realised I wanted to protect them and didn't want to write down things that have upset me. It helped a lot though, it was very cathartic.

Being angry with them doesn't make you bad or ungrateful, if that's what's worrying you? It's okay to wish they'd behaved differently towards you.

Yes. It's not the same but I spent most of my 30s bloody livid and ripped myself up. The only thing that finally worked to stop it was admitting what I was angry about and changing it. I'm now happier than I've been for a very long time.

I'm wary of giving advice on a situation I don't know much about but I really think you should talk to your therapist about your parents, if you can.

I have to go to sleep now but I'll be around again tomorrow. EmpressOfJurisfiction is right about talking to your therapist about your parents.

I hope you get some rest later.

It's okay to feel however you are feeling. Thinking of you.

The therapist is brilliant, and would say she doesn't think it's a healthy place to be (ie visiting them).

There's just that feeling that comes sometimes and it is just a feeling but it's the thing of everything will just be totally fine if I just hurt myself and I know it won't be a magical cure but it might make everything feel ok.

Thank you for the listening and the suggestions and ideas.

I haven't had self harm thoughts in a long time, but the first year or so after I vowed to stop, I would write. Sometimes I just wrote down song lyrics. I also cut pictures out of magazines/newspapers/whatever was lying about and made collages of how I felt. When the thoughts were really bad, going for a walk was good too, even if just around the block a few times, or in and out of streets close by.

It's so hard to stop, but keep strong. I had to avoid triggers for about two years after I stopped. You'll find what works for you

Thank you. I think writing will be a thing I'll try. Thank you also everyone who has given me a bit of hope I can stop. Off to sleep now, feeling much calmer.

Guilt was a huge trigger for me. I would punish myself for being wrong or bad, and feel better for having atoned. It's easy for me to say to you, don't see them, and don't feel bad about it.

But I know it's much harder to forgive yourself than to forgive others, and that it goes much deeper than that. Hopefully talking to your therapist makes you feel better. If you feel really stuck until then, rIng one of the hotlines mentioned above by a pp?

Hi Caulked. How did you sleep?

Morning :)

Sleep was fine, feeling pretty proud this morning for not doing it.
Thank you for your help and listening

Sorry, not a self harmer but hope this helps someone. A distraction technique I use when I can't sleep and stuff is running through my mind is to clench each buttock or thigh alternately, counting the clenches to 100 (so 1,1,2,2,3,3, etc). It gives enough time to clear what was in your mind and I have buns of steel.

Good morning. Glad you got some sleep. mymummademelistentoshitmusic, that's an idea I'm going to try. (I want buns of steel)

I want buns of steel

Oh dear

Let me know how it goes for you. I've also tried it when I've been poorly or in pain as a distraction (had a big op last year, was off work for a couple of months).

I tried it this morning when a bit panicky and was great as no one knows that I'm doing it. Anything that involves moving is helpful, especially when I can't go for a run (or when at work or at midnight). Thank you.

That's great. Glad it's helped.

I'm going to try that too, I want buns of steel.

So glad we helped, Caulked, and do stick around!

Empress - I've been around for a bit, currently have a thread about the suicide stuff and one about the post hospital stuff. I just don't often talk about the sh stuff because I'm easily triggered by people taking about it. One day it'll all be ok, just now it's an issue. If that makes sense.

Complete and utter sense. Sorry I didn't "recognise" you. Going back into work now but I'll look at your other threads tonight.