He won't stop crying and I don't want him anymore.

[2Babies0Bumps]

My 4 week old for the last week just screams all day long and I am not exagerating. It is constant and it is pushing me to the edge.
I already have a toddler to contend with.
Both pregs were planned and wanted.
If someone was to come and take him, I wouldn't care.
Right now he is screaming unconsolably and I just want to walk out the door with my firstborn and never come back.
Please help me.
I can't be bothered to change my name as you can all see.

2Babies0Bumps have not read all thw thread but just wanted to add when dd was about that age, white noise still worked .
We made a tape of the hairdryer - also I put her moses basket near one of the speakers and put classical music - sort of dramatic but calm stuff and got in the bath to chill . Hope you find some things that help , it may seem endless but it will get better. good luck

Nothing to add other than the one thought that went through my head as I read this...

"God I love Mumsnet"

You lot are really fab! 2B0B- hope your feeling better soon

hi - i am new to Mumsnet but could have written your post. I am probaby repeating a lot of what has been said but my DS (now 18 weeks) cried for hours too - turned out he had silent reflux. He has been on Meds for 11 weeks and is a different baby. The other thing that helped was swaddling him really tightly for all his naps - he used to cry for about 30 secs when i wrapped him but it instantly calmed. Also sucking on a dummy to get him to sleep was a life-saver and totally worked (i used to take it out of his mouth when he was asleep so i didn't need to go back and keep putting it in). I also recommend the Happiest Baby on the Block CD/Book which is by Harvey Karpf (you can get on Ebay or Amazon) and his tips work. Good luck - i remember sobbing to DH that i wanted to give him back when he was 4 weeks old as the crying was so awful but as i am sure loads of others have said it does pass.

i dont want to use formula but as i have mentioned further down the thread, if i give him one feed of formula, he totally changes. he still gets wind, but not as bad and he doesnt cry following it. he actually goes to sleep for about 2 hours! i know it is because formula forms rubbery curds in their tummies, which makes me feel sick, but he sleeps, which is better for him than crying and dozing for 10 mins at a time.
i dont appear to satisfy him. once we've used both boobs he still roots about for more.

stick to b.f it does get better and easier just give him as much as he wants and try expressing between feeds so you can see how much he needs so you can judge it a bit better,also try feeding him in different postions, i round facing the other way from normal better for my d.d as it gave her easier access and also made breathing through her nose easier.

I haven't read all the way through so sorry if I'm repeating some advice you've already been given. I had a similar experience for the 1st 7 weeks with my little boy (now 8 months). He spent hours feeding and cried inbetween. I saw a private bf advisor who was great and gave me some good practical advice. Feed them from a bottle for 3 consecutive feeds to see what they take and express for the same period to see what you produce. You can then work out if there is any shortfall and top them up if they need it. You don't have to give formula in the bottle feeds if you already have some expressed milk. I had a shortfall so continued to bf, which meant he was getting all of my lovely homemade milk, and then let him take a few ozs of formula which filled him up. This was fab as it meant he was full and would stop crying, but the best thing was it gave me a break and allowed me to fill up again so the next feed he wouldn't need so much formula. I found that after a few weeks I had much more milk and could stop the formula. Worked for me, but I did struggle with the formula because of all the guilt, but once you realise the baby is happier it doesn't matter so much.

I talked to another recent Mum today who had similar problems. Her health visitor sent her to the hospital to have the quality of her milk tested and found that there weren't enough nutrients in it, so baby was hungry all the time. She ended up having to bottle feed, but said she felt much more loving towards her baby and actually started to bond which hadn't happened before. I know how you feel about not wanting to give up on bf and there is alot of guilt attached to formula feeding, but it may reach a point where it is worth it to allow you to bond.
Hope this helps.

2babies, ds was sensitive to milk in my diet. I could eat cheese and yogurt, but no milk or ice cream, not even the smallest amount. Have you tried varying your diet?

All I can say is I have been there. My dt1 was such a screamer, he seemed to be permenantly red in the face. I did manage to bf him but there were times when I felt really panicked that he wasn't getting enough hence the screaming. I think in retrospect it was a mixture of colic just being a anxious baby and wanting to be on the breast. I had a 20 month old and found it really difficult to balance his needs and the dts.
I remember willing dt1 not to wake up, he always did, I would put him down and creep away and then 20 mintutes later there would be that cry.
I felt like killing him sometimes and I felt so angry with the poor little mite as well, why couldn't he sleep or stop crying.
If you think it is PND again and you are at more risk having had it once I would be proactive and start some ad's now rather than wait until its much worse.
Lastly (haven't read all the thread so may have missed this) but you really need to get as much support as you can, my dh helped me through this, otherwise I don't know what might have happened.

All I can say is I have been there. My dt1 was such a screamer, he seemed to be permenantly red in the face. I did manage to bf him but there were times when I felt really panicked that he wasn't getting enough hence the screaming. I think in retrospect it was a mixture of colic just being a anxious baby and wanting to be on the breast. I had a 20 month old and found it really difficult to balance his needs and the dts.
I remember willing dt1 not to wake up, he always did, I would put him down and creep away and then 20 mintutes later there would be that cry.
I felt like killing him sometimes and I felt so angry with the poor little mite as well, why couldn't he sleep or stop crying.
If you think it is PND again and you are at more risk having had it once I would be proactive and start some ad's now rather than wait until its much worse.
Lastly (haven't read all the thread so may have missed this) but you really need to get as much support as you can, my dh helped me through this, otherwise I don't know what might have happened.

fredsmummy

I have been following this thread.I have to tell you that your practical breastfeeding advice sounds really good. I think it's definately worth a try.

"Feed them from a bottle for 3 consecutive feeds to see what they take and express for the same period to see what you produce. You can then work out if there is any shortfall and top them up if they need it."

Except you do not express the same amount that the baby will get for him/herself!! The baby is far more efficient than a pump. Also, most babies will take a few extra ounces of formula even if they're full because they don't have to work at it like breastfeeding, just suck the teat. I'm certain TikTok (bf-ing counsellor) has said this on many other threads. Do not feel that you are not supplying enough for your baby on the basis of expressing and comparing with bottles.

Soupy is right. I was always a rubbish expresser but exclusively bf ds from 4 weeks to 6.5 months. If I had gone on that advice I'd never have got him off the formula.

I think Tiktok or mears have used the analogy topping up (with a bottle) = dessert. You might not actually be hungry for dessert but still eat it because it's there and easy to eat. A baby is the same.

I got from mixed feeding to exclusive bf by a combination of trying at breast (he was refusing in the early days), expressing and gradually decreasing formula. It was exhausting but can be done!

(and he is still bf now - hard to imagine he ever refused!)

2babies0bumps - how are things now? Hoping it's all settled down a bit now, if you want to talk or meetup with anyone in Swindon, then you can email me at [email protected]

Your lo sounds like my ds in the early days - it doesn't go on forever I promise!

i moved from swindon to devizes this year, have a lovely 14 week old , but i dont drive.
today i feel isolated, was going to under 5,s but its pouring and cant be bothered getting ready etc

anyone out there

excuse me if i'm being dim and have it all wrong, but don't babies actually need less breast milk because it meets their nutritional need better, so the idea of checking up how much formula they take and topping off breast feeds to ensure they get the same amount of liquid doesn't really work- you could give them 8oz of water which (obviously) would not meet their nutritional needs as much as 2oz of breast milk iyswim!!!
mufti- are you bf? if so, put a film on, sit with the baby & give youreself a break!

excuse me if i'm being dim and have it all wrong, but don't babies actually need less breast milk because it meets their nutritional need better, so the idea of checking up how much formula they take and topping off breast feeds to ensure they get the same amount of liquid doesn't really work- you could give them 8oz of water which (obviously) would not meet their nutritional needs as much as 2oz of breast milk iyswim!!!
mufti- are you bf? if so, put a film on, sit with the baby & give youreself a break!

thanks to justamindlesszombie , now its stopped raining , and hes asleep, so im going to brush my teeth, and get out of the house :-)

soupdragon & foundintranslation

I appreciate what you are saying, but how does anyone actually know whether a baby takes more than a pump? You don't know how much the baby takes from the breast, which is the whole reason you get stressed.

All I can say is that it worked for me as once the baby had a top-up he didn't want feeding again for 4 hours, rather than the usual 30-60 min break I was getting.

There is a lot of pressure to bf, and in an ideal world it is the best thing, but if it isn't best for mum it certainly isn't best for baby. What baby needs is a happy mum who isn't at her wits end.

I think the most important thing for desperate mums (and I speak from experience) is to try what sounds best for them. Listen to lots of advice and pick out what suits you. And don't feel guilty - your baby won't remember where its milk came from, just that it's mummy loves it.

ohhhh...
just to add salt to the wound i we now have fecking thrush. ds' mouth is plastered and my boob is all itchy inside.
have cream for me and drops for ds but he really can't latch properly now.
but... his screaming is much better.
have not managed to get to p.o yet to pick up soupy's sling.
have got book from scattercushion- really great book, have used the calming methods with much success.

how does anyone actually know whether a baby takes more than a pump?

You can do it by weighing the baby before and after a feed and seeing what the difference is. A bit extreme but my mother did it with us in her more paranoid moments...

Unless you have the scale and do this every time, you won't know if on any given feed your baby has taken more than you would have pumped. But it is possible to generalise from the times it has been tried into a general rule that an efficiently-latched baby takes a good deal more than a pump.

I know my DS took a lot more than a pump, because if he didn't he'd be dead by now (I could only ever pump about an oz, absolute maximum 2oz on a really good pumping session).

Not commenting on your situation or what you did you did what worked for you and your DS, and good for you but as a general principle the idea that the pumped amount is generally equivalent to what a baby would get in a feed is just wrong.

Got delayed mid-post and cross-posted as a result.

Sorry about the thrush -- that really sucks on top of everything else. But I'm glad the book seems to be helping. Keep venting here if that's helping too

How's the thrush today?