Bollockybollockybollocky HTT

[EnpoTree]

Basically I have to take bloody diazepam three times a day and be visited by HTT every day and even then the nurse reckons it's 50/50 if I'll need to go into hospital or not. This has gone too far. I'm absobloodylutely sodding fine and visited the drop-in as I was worried I was going to become not-fine and wanted to know how to stop DP worrying unnecessarily after having spoken to CMHT as I was referred from GP as I wanted to avoid becoming depressed and how to maintain my current good humour and general sparkling and effervescent nature. The lesson apparently being that being responsible and proactive with your mental health gets you accused of poor insight and told to take drugs on pain of hospital admission.

She's really fucking scared me. I will not go into hospital. So to avoid it I have to swallow pills that make me slow and stupid and sleepy even though I am totally happy with the way I am now and it's everyone else who doesn't like it. Maybe its everyone else who needs bloody medicating.

I hate this so much. I know its a bad idea to get involved in MH services. So why do I ever go back?

I run a bit too and agree carbs are important - I do eat carbs but because I metabolise them poorly I need to make sure I eat only those carbs the processing of which will be slowed enough by their shape or the presence of fats or fibre that the release of glucose into the bloodstream is low enough for my shitty insulin response to be able to deal with.

Night m&b; sorry I was slow! Took far too long drafting my "I don't think carbs are evil I just have trouble metabolising them" speech

Just dropping in to say Hi and let you know I'm still reading - we are with you. Hope you get some rest x

Any time I try to explain what foods I need to avoid, its assumed I'm a low-carber and am going to start evangelising about ketogenesis

Hi Queen! How are you? Did we freak you out with the sudden diversion down American Foods Street?

I'm off to dream of tamales. I love the flood of relief when I wake up after dreaming about eating huge amounts of obesigenic stuff and realise it was allllllll just a dream.

What even is a tamale? I can't believe I got to eighteen stone without finding out what a tamale is.

I can't believe I'm not 18 stone (got up to 12 once thanks antipsychotics, that was more than I'd weighed at full term pregnancy )

they are stodgy and delicious and spicy unless they are sweet, the filling is wrapped in stodge and cornhusk and tied and then I guess you steam it for ages, but canned ones can be baked in a casserole

oh god this makes me think of empanadas now

am meant to be asleep

this is all really disgusting food in real life

GO SLEEP LADY

not really, stay and talk dirty to me about mesoamerican comfort food

Is an empanada some kind of pasty?

yeah, deep fried

I think I'm seriously overdue a trip to the southwest but haven't left Europe for years

cannot even imagine how fat I would become if I let myself loose there

Tracy Emin's photo needs to be published on the Wikipedia page as the emblematic example of Bitchy Resting Face.

Can't stop crying thinking about what they did to my body and my mind for the sake of a mental disorder I don't even have.

How can anyone justify this?

I've been trying so fucking hard to keep this energy clean despite the benzo filth but it's just shouting angry energy and so fucking bad.

I've been trying to distract myself but it all comes back to the fact that I'm without all options. I have to go out and run.

Thanks for all the chat everyone.

Morning lovely.

How are you today?

It's odd, some of my posts are vanishing, I'll try again!

How are you today? Did you have a nightmare dream about American food?

Morning Grin and Bastard

Very tired and feeling low today Not sure what's going on here. Probably the last of the benzos making their way out. No dreams of sqweezy cheeze, thankfully Will try to push mood back up today but quite frankly it's getting harder with every passing day and I fear I am due a crash.

Grin, have you posted in Site Stuff to get Tech to work out what's going on?

sorry to hear you are feeling low today

be nice to yourself

Thanks Mitch

Unfortunately I have to go to the gym and be horrible to myself - weights, cardio, argh. Should be easier without the benzos clogging me up though.

Random HTT person today. Chatted pointlessly for twenty minutes, gave yet another person the listing all the drugs I've ever taken. I don't understand what it's for.

Also have a big drama situation with a friend of mine which has the potential to be the world's shittiest and most contentious AIBU and am considering asking the Combined Powers of Mumsnettets to tell me exactly how unreasonable (or otherwise) I was being. But I'm not sure AIBU is ready for anything like this

It involves sex, drugs, open relationships, shouting over the phone, long and incomprehensibly increasingly angry text messages which appear to have about 85% of the context missing, sexism, crossed wires, running down the road in the dark in a mad spree, playground swings, dead letter box drops, and a man who doesn't realise he's engaged to be married.

Also people who hear the voice of God and who are told by him the meanings of colours but are emphatically NOT schizophrenic and that diagnosis was overturned ages ago, disclosures of incest fantasies and rape, sex on a bed coverednin stains from at least three different men, and a cat with a poorly foot.