Need help, now on Citalopram

[miserymum44]

First time on here, i really need some help and support. Its very difficult to write this but i have been a terrible mum. My 3 kids have been yelled at all their short lives, i have been rough with them and even told them i hated them and worse to my husband who isnt a bad man. I get rages that i cant control. some days im ok but i never know in the morning if it will be a good day or a rage day. My sister stopped talking to me for a long time because she said i needed help but I didnt think so and i wouldnt go to the doctor. I didnt want to be on drugs. But one day i knew that if i didnt get help i might do something very serious. Im not a bad person really but when its a rage day i hate everyone even my children and my family. I went to the doctor though I didnt tell her everything she advised me to take Citalopram. She said try it and if it has bad effects we can try something else. I dont like the idea of it but i have taken it for 3 days and i have had 3 good days though thhat may be a coincidance. Please has anyone got good experience of this drug. It has been hard for me to ask for help but I know that i need some help and support.

Citalopram helps with anxiety, amongst other things - your rages may stem from extreme anxiety, so this type of AD may just help take the edge off that, which in turns can reduce the anger/rage. 3 days isn't long, so stick with them and see how you feel over the next few weeks. It's important to seek counselling too, as ADs will only do so much. You need to develop a better understanding of what is triggering these feelings/rages and how you can better cope with situations that trigger those feelings. Being able to recognise the physical signs/symptoms of your anxiety before it hits the extreme stages, give you the chance to take action which prevents you getting worse/reacting/shouting etc. You do need to be honest about things though. What dose are you on?

Thanks for answering. I am on 20mg. I have had some counselling in the past but it didnt help I think it was the wrong sort as it just made me think even more that it was everyone else fault. iff i said my hubby has been horrible and made me angry she would agree but really i needed someone to say actually he hasnt been that bad but you have! I can feel it coming on sometimes but i have never been able to stop it once it starts. I dont know why im so angry. Im not at the moment i just wish it would stay like this. Im scared that im a scizophrenic or something. i dont know who to talk to as ive hidden this from my freinds. My sister might talk to me now but we had such a big fall out it will take time. Thank you for listening.

Have just been looking on net and have found Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Never heard of it and no ones ever mentioned it to me but sounds like exactly what i got. I need to find a support group! Has anyone on here heard of it or has got it, could this be what is wrong with me.

The right counselling can help - there are lots of different kinds out there and you need to be able to open up quite honestly to allow the health care people to refer you to the right sort. If it helps then see if your sister can help you express how you feel, what happens when you get angry and then hopefully you can access the right counselling. You do need to be open to the suggestion that you are responsible for how you react to/deal with situations that are triggering these feelings/rages, and that you need to find the right strategies to help you respond differently. You can learn this stuff with the right sort of help, so speak to your sister and see if she's willing to help you talk openly about what the problems are so you get the right help.

If 20mg is working now that's great, but if you feel it wearing off/not having the same effect, the dose can be increased. Once you are on more of an even keel, and can see things a bit more objectively i.e. knowing that your behaviour needs to be the focus, not necessarily everyone around you, then that's probably the best time to start the right counselling. You need to be open to constructive feedback where your actions are assessed and you are given alternatives ways to look at things and how you react.

Good luck. You are doing the right thing and everyone around you will feel the benefit as things get better.

X-d posts, that's good - if you can identify with that, it gives you a starting point with your GP to refer you to support groups/group counselling/individual counselling. If you meet others through this process, you might find someone who understands how you feel and that can be a huge help also.

Thanks. i appreciate your replies. im struggling a bit but i want to try.

I was started on citalopram earlier this year and I'm now on 30mg. I am in the same boat as you, as I had rages I couldn't control. I have had counselling and I am now receiving one-to-one CBT.

Sending Hugs!
X

Thanks so much, Discombobulated thats great to hear. have you had any side efects? Have they stopped the rages altogether? I will be so happy if rhey just lessen the quantity or severity. I would love to hear how you have managed this last year. And thanks so much for the hug, I don't deserve it.

Hi misery I have been on Citalopram in the past. The first few weeks can be quite tough and you can often feel a bit worse. BUT if you stick with it it can really work.

It takes the rough edges off things and things that used to wind you up just don't-it enables you to cope and feel much calmer.

All the best xx

I can tell you about my side effects but they do differ from person to person.

Thanks. I know they will differ but its still very interesting to hear and perhaps know what to look forward and know that it is worth working through them. i am on day 4 and i feel ok, bit grumpy but no rage even though the kids are all running riot! Its good to be able to discuss this with someone!

None of my side effects were too awful, bit annoying, bit odd if anything.

Clenchy achy jaw
Constant yawning
Vivid film-like dreams (no nightmares just vv real dreams)
Constipation

I think they are fairly common, although not everyone gets them.

I was told by my GP to always take with breakfast so as not to disrupt sleep but not everyone is given that advice.

Hi misery mum

I am also on Citalopram 20mg daily. For the very same reasons as yourself. I have been taking the AD for about six months and I have seen a HUGE change in my behaviour. Whereas before I was apoplectic with rage and prone to bouts of sadness, I am now much more relaxed, calmer, able to cope better when my baby is crying (something I struggled with greatly) and things are better between myself and DP. I was in a dark place before the drug, but now I've never been better. I am healthier and happier. Please stick with it, trust your gp, the best thing I ever did was go and talk to someone about how I was feeling. Sending you big hugs. Xxx

Wow thats really interesting! I have very vivid dreams already! I can look out for those things anyway. I have been having them in the morning as I remember to take them then. Have they been helpful to you? Was rage your problem?

I was just very down misery, bit of a short fuse, couldn't think straight. Not rage really just overwhelmed by stuff.

hello there - i am so glad you have been to your GP, that was very brave of you.

I have been on citalopram twice now, have beenon them over a year now. What you describe sounds like me - extreme anxiety making me unable to cope with every day life. Total rage one minute, utter despair the next.

I found that counselling was a bit hit or miss for me - it can be a bit wallowy. Some people benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy which focuses on how you cope with things, how you think rather than looking for reasons.

I found that the first time i took citalopram i didn't really have any side effects and they seemed to work straight away, the second time was harder and i was quite poorly, suicidal thoughts, the works.

I do get the vivid dreams, nothing scary but very very real.
Find it harder to orgasm
but other than that nothing. Doesn't really matterwhen i take them.

Here is a linkto a support thread that i post on, a few of us are on citalopram on there and it is good to know you are not alone.

Don't be hard on yourself - you have taken a step to get help, thats a really good thing.

Thankyou We areall stardust i really appreciate all these responses. You can find quite negative things on the net so i was worried but its great to hear from people who it has been helpful for. when the kids grizzle it can drive me mad even though i know its normal but its like it clicks a switch in my head and i cant stand it so if the drugs stop that happening it is great. i am so pleased for you that you are now happy.

Thanks Lem. I hope you are feeling good now. The suicidal aspect is very worrying i dont think i would cope well with that. did you stop taking them then? Counselling hasnt helped me. i know it is very effective for some people and some counsellors are better than others i guess.

I was suicidal before i started taking them misery. I didn't stop taking them, i was given diazepam for a week to help calm me further and assessed by a psych, put on the list for counselling. Given an emergency number if i didnt feel safe. It passed.

I guess one of things you could do is look at what triggers the rages, make a diary and see what things you can change. I find when i am hungry is when my rope is shortest.

Hi Miserymum

Everyone deserves a hug, remember it's not you, it's the illness. The wonderful thing is you've sought help, which is the hardest part.
My side effects were similar to others on here

Difficult to orgasam
Very vivid dreams

It took a few weeks, but I'm a very different person now, certainly not in the dark place I was

X

I know exactly what you are talking about. As soon as my ds would start to cry I would feel the rage building in me, begin to get anxious and grip the sofa basically not knowing what to do. That doesn't happen anymore - when my son cries I go to him and soothe him. Things are as they should be, for me anyway.

I am glad to have heard all this. it seemed like i was the only one and i felt like such a evil person i was so mean to my kids and dh.(not all the time, i love them loads) the reason i fell out with my sis was she said i was mad and had a mental illness but ireally dont and i cant bare to be told that. i now feel after reading all this tthat there is a future and this can be controlled. I'm really sorry to hear that you all have had problems but it is so good that you are happier now. i hope that i can come on here in 6 months and say i am a different person now and i havnt had a rage. Weareall stardust, i wish all i had done was grip the sofa, sometimes i was really nasty, a real crap mother.

Honey, I could tell you stories. You were the best mum you could be. Please don't beat yourself up. Please. You are amazing for asking for help. Not enough women do. Your children are safe, happy and healthy. If you're a bad mum, so am I. But I'm not - and neither are you. Everyone is here to help each other. We are here for you. You have our support. Together we'll make it through xxx

Here here WeAre. The hardest part is taking that 1st scary step in reaching out for help. And that's what you have already managed OP. That alone makes you a better mum. keep posting

Had a difficult weekend, went to my MIL who thinks DH can do no wrong but had big row when we got home. feelvery depresed thinking of the future. Dont want the rages but dont want to feel depresed either, do you think the citalopram could cause that? I am still uneasy taking them,