Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

1 2 3 4 5

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Given up

119 replies

muddleup · 01/07/2014 17:40

I'm on holiday with my youngest two, 14 and 16.
Behaviour from them is bad but don't expect any different anymore.
My mood was pretty bad before I came here a week and abit ago, but the last couple of days it's fallen off the planet.
I want to come home now but still have 2 days left before the flight.
My phones playing up so I can't text and now I find out my friends dad only has hours left and I can't do anything stuck in Lanzarote.

I have a week left of living as my kids go to their dads in a weeks time and I'm counting down the hours.
I can't tell anyone how I feel or my plans in real life because they will make it not happen and I really need it to because it hurts too much to live.
If I don't come back for a bit it's because the wifi is a hit or a miss

OP posts:

Report

chockbic · 02/08/2014 18:18

Will your son go out with you?

It's probably to do with their age you know, wanting to be cool and that.

Do you have any anxiety med? Or natural anxiety stuff like kalms?

muddleup · 02/08/2014 22:43

I asked him when my daughter refused, he's going out with his girlfriend.
Unfortunately I lost the plot and screamed at them both, ended up in tears and walked out.
I think I just walked and walked for hours, luckily the rain hid my tears and I was soaked. One wee old lady offered me her brolly as in her words I was going to catch my death.
I wanted to tell her that was the plan but I guess it woulnt make any sense.
I think now though I'm not going to ask the kids if they want to do something, even though I'm guessing it's just their age it hurts to be told no all the time and I guess I sound like a 2 year old.

I take a concoction of drugs, I'm guessing one of them is for anxiety, I don't know anymore. I have my yearly medicine review this week at the GP so I can ask her then.

I need to sleep, it just doesn't seem to happen anymore and I'm exhausted.

OP posts:

chockbic · 03/08/2014 14:27

I think something along the lines of relaxation techniques might be helpful. You can get them on CD, have a look on Amazon.

With the kids, all you can do is thrust the olive branch in their general direction.

Singsongmama · 03/08/2014 19:40

How you doing Muddle? Did you speak to your kids? Hope it blew over quickly.

muddleup · 03/08/2014 22:43

Feel really sick and groggy.
Took 3 days worth of pills, all that was left in my box, .
Unfortunately I'm still here, my daughter woke me up at 3 today as she was worried.
I was really sick but slept again, now I'm just feeling yucky and pathetic.

I'm in bed trying to watch the closing ceremony of the games and it's just making me cry, just reminds me of new year and I normally sleep through them as they are too difficult.

OP posts:

Singsongmama · 03/08/2014 23:25

Please contact nhs for advice - if you have overdosed there's no telling how badly poisoned you are...you have woken up but it doesn't mean you'll be alright. Please get in touch with a medical professional immediately. They'll probably tell you to go to a and e and I know you won't want to but I think you should. YOU MATTER OP, YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU, please take care of yourself tonight.

Singsongmama · 04/08/2014 04:22

Thinking about you Muddle

chockbic · 04/08/2014 14:30

Have you managed to contact your doctor or the psych team?

Please let us know.

susiedaisy · 05/08/2014 11:17

Thinking of you muddle.

Singsongmama · 05/08/2014 13:01

Me too Muddle. Waiting to hear how you are

muddleup · 07/08/2014 22:49

I saw Gp today but as it was a medicine revue I wasn't able to tell her how I was feeling. I have to make another appointment.
I'm still here, I don't know why but I am :(

OP posts:

Singsongmama · 08/08/2014 00:39

Thanks for posting, have been thinking of you.

chockbic · 08/08/2014 03:16

Is there anything you need to get out on here?

Good to 'see' you again.

Singsongmama · 08/08/2014 08:08

What are your plans for the weekend Muddle?

muddleup · 11/08/2014 00:17

I'm really struggling, can't cope with things and thinking just makes it worse.
I'm scared probably more scared than I have been before.
Kids go back to school on Tuesday, everything starts back,
Workers come back their holidays and it all starts again.

It's my birthday this week and kids want to go out for something to eat and make a fuss but I can't do that, I need it to be forgot about, it's just a bad day, hottible day that shouldn't have happened.

OP posts:

chockbic · 11/08/2014 15:49

If you can it might be good to go out.

Doesn't have to be a big thing does it?

I'm sure your kids will understand if you just want a bite to eat.

Singsongmama · 11/08/2014 19:39

I agree, just tell them what you fancy doing - low key dinner out or something. I'm sure they'll understand if you explain it to them.

muddleup · 13/08/2014 19:06

So tomorrow is the day that I dread every year.
I hate it, if everything had gone to plan I wouldn't be here now and wouldn't have to deal with it.
Its stupid, its just a birthday but I hate it.
My children don't think any different, they don't know I'm struggling especially with this bit and that's good.
They are taking me out after school for tea, I don't know how to do it, I have to but its too much.
And all this sounds so stupid :(

OP posts:

Singsongmama · 13/08/2014 19:43

It's just another day! Try not to dwell on the meaning of things. Just get through it like it's any other day. You're doing really well Muddle. Is there a reason you hate your birthday so much?

chockbic · 14/08/2014 15:15

Hope today isn't too stressful

Singsongmama · 14/08/2014 15:21

from me too. All cake is good cake, yum.

muddleup · 15/08/2014 12:07

Thank you.
I struggle with my birthday and I guess christmas too.
I hate gifts, the attention, the uncertainty of what could happen, but mainly its the day I was born, the day that sealed my fate with my parents, if I hadn't been born they wouldn't have hurt me.

If I got presents they would tell me if I was a good girl they would let me keep them, and behaviour wise I was good, I just wasn't good enough for them when they did things to me so they always took them back.

So I guess when someone puts a present in my hand I'm worried what comes next, what they expect from me, even though for 20 years it hasnt happened it still fills me with dread and as much as i can say now it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be when it gets to next year it starts again, the panic, the fear, the flashbacks.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

chockbic · 15/08/2014 12:19

Is it OK to ask what you mean by this:

I just wasn't good enough for them when they did things to me

muddleup · 15/08/2014 13:26

I was sexual abused by them and I never got it right:(

OP posts:

chockbic · 15/08/2014 13:29

Ah OK that's what I feared.

Have you ever talked about this in counselling?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.