"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

Struggling today. Sorry I haven't posted on here before, but mostly my anti-ds keep me vaguely normal, but occasionally the mad escapes.
Today I have been mostly getting upset at the fact my ds hasn't been invited to the birthday of one of my apparent close mum friends. He's the only one out of our group not invited. I really hoped my awkwardness wouldn't impact on him, but apparently it has.
I keep thinking everyones life would be so much easier if i wasn't here. these aren't suicidal thoughts, just genuine observations. I just struggle so much, and i hate the thought of DS missing out because people are pretending to like me.
I just hate me sometimes. Hate that i want to fit in. hate that i wanted better for Ds and its not happening.
I wish i was a more friendly, interesting person

((Kelper)))

Welcome. I'm not in the best place myself this eve and can relate to a lot of what u say. I'm on ads too but today the mad was escaping - like that phrase!

It is entirely poss that your ds hasn't been playing v much with hers hence no invite but I know with depression specs on thats v diff to believe.

NanaNina, Lem and CiQ Thank you all for your kind messages to me, they made me smile and cry when I just read them, as I stayed offline all day. But I wanted to read the thread this evening as I always have to see how peoples days have been.

Thank you for caring about me, and collar dove will take up her perch again on the thread.

I rang in sick this morning to work after dr signed me off yesterday with acute reaction to stress. Manager was day off so I also texted her to let her know, and that I would put my sick note in the post. Nothing... No response and I have waited all day for her just to acknowledge my text. Yet I know she always has her hand glued to her phone.

So instead of trying to put this out of my mind after calling in sick, I will now have to ring in tomorrow when she is back to make sure she got my text, when I don't really want to speak to anyone. It's exactly this kind of thing that draws out my agony and stress and prolongs it.

Off to bed now for another angry sleep tonight then! I will soon be able to do dot to dot on my body with all the finger tip bruises I wake up with! X

Morning everyone, it is a gorgeous day here - hope you are all having a good Friday.

My GP continues to be awesome.

Glad to see you're back collardove - you have rung in sick, texted your manager and are sending in sick note, so surely that's enough. I can't see why you need to phone the mgr tomorrow to see if she got your text.

Sorry I can't just recall all the details of your work problems - do you feel your mgr is "against" you for some reason. If she chooses not to answer your text, then so be it..........or are you worrying about what she thinks of you being off sick. You do have a right to be signed off sick and shouldn't have to worry about it. Easy to say I know when being objective. We all worry about all sorts of things, so maybe tell us a bit more about this worry/anxiety about the manager.

It's raining here and I'm feeling a bit flat and unmotivated - my lovely CPN was here this morning for 2 hours and she made me feel a bit better. I am due to change meds soon and am stressing about that.

Sorry your not feeling so good again CIQ - do you have any triggers that bring about bad days. I never do and so it's more of a mystery why I go to bed feeling fine and wake up feeling crap ...........hmmm.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Snowy sending you warm wishes through cyperspace x

(((( all ))))

morning / afternoon really

great to hear about your good gp victrix and jealous of the sun - dark grey clouds here...

(((snowy))) not good? Sending hugs. Any good tv on?

nana my counsellor is always looking for reasons... its hard to identify them sometimes, but on reflection I think its a mixture of being very tired, realising at weekend that I enjoyed my brothers company more than dh's and realisation that I've only got 2 more weeks at college, then term finishes. Don't start back til October plus ds' birthday so lots to do.... (party today)

Have just sat down from being busy all morning. Have to go out at 3 for school run and then straight into ds' party. Hopefully I can sit down again about 8!

Thanks CIQ, I can't settle to anything at the moment.

Hi all, I hope everyone's day is ticking along ok?

Nana - we have a very regimented sick reporting policy at work, one slip up in the notification procedure could make a difference to whether you get paid or not...

I didn't ring as it happens in the morning, I checked Royal Mail if the sick note that I sent recorded 1st class was signed for. Helpfully the automated service informed me it can take up to 15 days to update after delivery!
I am building myself up slowly and have been since 9am to either ring or text her! If there is a chance I may get paid still I need to do what's necessary.

I get on ok with the manager,but she's not big on understanding MH issues, and I probably exhausted her sympathies when I was off for a month earlier this year. But on the other hand she hates anyone being off sick...

CiQ - I hope ds has a good birthday party! I read how you were feeling last night, so I hope your busy day today has distracted you from that.

Victrix - it does make all the difference to have a good GP. I have also been lucky to find one who is supportive also, and seems to read my mind of what I want without having to ask. Only once receiving a minor telling off for abruptly stopping my ad's a few weeks back.

Ds returns from uni tomorrow, so I must try my very best to smile through my agony once again. I am determined to try and get through the day tomorrow, and possibly Sunday without descending into the tearful heap in the corner of the sofa he is used to seeing when he comes home.

Going to make a very good chocolate cake now to welcome him home X

Well, managed to get the sick line in to work with only around 50 laps of the living room and an hour of doing a jigsaw as procrastination this week, I'm going to call that progress and reward myself with chocolate.

Victrix if you were here I would give you a slice of the choc fudge cake I just finished making. It is courtesy of Betty Crocker - but it is damn good x

I've ordered chinese takeaway as a distraction, nothing to reward myself for

Had my mock interview today - this really confident woman started talking every time I was asked a question! Where'd she come from?! Was really proud of myself and hope it brings good things :)

Conversations at home - they're happening in dribs and drabs. I'm going to tackle the big one later, over dinner. I know what I want to say now: that I know that I am worth something, but my estimation of my worth is much lower than it should be, and I want some help learning how to deal with the low points better.

Just need to say it, now.

Well done with the interview, Lollipop

Sounds good collardove

Snowy I could well go a chinese, hope you feel better x

Well done on the interview, Lollipop

Hi kelper sorry to hear of your difficulties but glad the ADs mainly keep you on track (so to speak)....how old is your son - could there be some mistake. Are you maybe feeling so badly about this cus you are have some "down" days, sorry if that's not right, it's just that when I get bad days I become very hyper sensitive. I hate myself too when the real "me" slips away and the bloody depression makes me a moaning, winging, crying mess. It's a really deceitful illness because it tells us lies about ourself, that we are shit, helpless, worthless and none of it's true. Don't beat yourself up - you will get through this setback.

Victrix you sound like you are having an ok day - hope so. It's poured with rain all day here in the West Midlands.

collardove As I've been retired for some years now I do tend to forget about sick notes and sick pay etc. I was fortunate when I was at work as I was a social worker and middle manager in LA children's services, and so when I had my first severe episode of depression in 1995 I had loads of support from colleagues and managers. I was in hospital for 3 months and made a complete recovery and went back on a phased return. When I had my second severe depression in 2009 I was retired and I missed all the help and support of my colleagues, although I do still have ex colleagues/friends with whom I am still in touch.

Ah just see you managed to get through to the "sickline" into work? Sounds a bit grim. I suspect having time off sick is a big issue these days isn't it.......and there are hundreds (probably thousands) of people who don't understand MH issues, and I suppose if I'm honest I didn't until I got caught in the grip of depression and anxiety - it's a torment and that's for sure. Hope you manage to be ok to enjoy having your son home from uni - are you a single parent? And YES to Betty Crocker cakes - they are brilliant. I'm a reasonably good baker and my favourite "adult" choc cake is the Mary Berry one - never fails, but I often use Betty Crocker if I'm in a hurry. I like the lemon ones too.

Oh and snowy - putting your ear phones in a listening to music usually helps when you are really struggling doesn't it. and YES you must have Chinese - it doesn't have to be a reward, if it helps a tiny bit then why not..........hope you've got support over the bank holiday weekend. No plans here and I think the weather is going to be fairly crappy.

CIQ - yes when I was having therapy (and she was really nice) but she was always trying to find triggers, and you seem to have identified some for yourself, but I used to get frustrated as there are never any triggers for me - the bloody headmonster comes and goes as he likes. I wish he'd go into a coma and die!

There were some people on this new thread (and I can't remember their difficulties) but remember some names MrsNoggins Vanda nethunsreject wipedoutmammy sorry that's all I can recall.

thanks collardove I have got a bit better as the day has gone on. Licking out the chocolate cake mix bowl was a nice treat. And yes to Betty Crocker - I bought a tub of ready made frosting - yum.

nana sympathies re your triggers or lack of...

well done lollipop

kelper how are you doing today?

hi snowy hope you've managed to find some ways to make it through the day.

and as nana says how's MrsNoggins Vanda nethunsreject wipedoutmammy and any other new posters?

Finally sat down again. Party went well. I was ok, anxiety building during second half but managed to keep it under control. Felt rather spaced out and auto-pilot like but hey. Ds had a good time and the cake tastes yummy cooked too.

I've been listening to music, thanks for the prompt. My CPN is coming out BH Monday as she's working the day.

Hope everyone's surviving

I powered through from 8.30am until about 1pm... knackered all afternoon

Got some good stuff done today though, will probably sleep most of tomorrow now.

As a biochemist I'm pretty confident that amino therapy is probably easy to achieve with a balanced diet a bloody rip off and as such have reported the post as advertising/spam. Sorry if its a genuine post.

Wow that was a speedy deletion!

Gaaaaaah the general low feeling is back AGAIN!

OK, that's fine, I understand there will be dips, my goal is to cope with them better. Right, need to do something to make it go away.

Going to write down all the good things in my life, then curl up with our latest book club book, I think.

Good plan lollipop

Just lost post so forgive me if this is brief. nana yr comment about the disease being deceitful was v consoling. Today I have been thinking that I am just over tired and making a fuss. I think I have had mh probs for a long time which makes it hard to know what's normal. Couple of weeks ago I was happy - is that how most people feel most of the time?

CIQ I think one of the hardest things I find with dep/anx is the fluctuations and for me that has been going on for almost 5 years. Mind I think that is largely because of my age (I'm very old........70!) I think before I had MH issues I never questioned that I was going to wake up feeling ok and apart from the usual ups and downs of life I was fine.

When I am having bad days I have no memory/belief what it feels like to be ok ( and I look around at things I might have bought and think "how did I go out and look around the shops and buy that.........." then when the bad days mercifully go, I have no recollection of what it felt like to be crap. Then I say to myself "next time I get bad days I won't let them get me down........I will fight it etc etc........but guess what - yep you've got it I can't keep my resolve.

I think it's important that you remember CIQ that you will feel happy again, even though you might have "dips" now and then. You have a busy life with young children and that makes it harder when you dip down, but I think you do incredibly well - you managed your ds's birthday party and I think you've got ILs over the weekend.

Your Q about happiness made me think........."is that how most people feel most of the time" - well the problem is of course is that we don't know how other people feel - I know that's self evident but when I am crap I think everyone who isn't mentally ill must be happy, but of course that's rubbish. As we know 1 in 4 people experience mental illness at some stage in their life, and one third of GP consultations are MH related (more in the inner cities) some are better able to cover it up than others. Oh I'd better stop as I'm starting to ramble. DP has had boring TV programmes on so I'm MNetting.