Can you help me write a letter please?

[IAmDoneNow]

I have sent off what needs to be to the ombudsman. I have one set of tests left and I am done. I have kept going for years for the children and for the truth. There is nothing to go on for now.

Can you please help me write some letter for my children please.

I want them to know they are loved and this was not their fault, that I can't go on living anymore.

I have been treated badly my whole life, never been loved or cared for, had little kindness shown to me, been very ill physically and dismissed both myself and for them. I nearly lost them due to domestic abuse and medical and cafcass neglect, the court is now aware and a false accusation of munch by proxy, the court didn't agree and the children were left with me. Court papers out of context were released without court permission and I was witch hunted for years by everyone except social services. We got no help and were treated like sub humans.

I dont' feel safe anymore, I can't trust anyone, I am scared everytime I open post, hear the phone, meet professionals, there is a knock on the door. I feel so alone.

I am physically unwell, there is no cure for most of it, no treatment.

I have nothing to live for.

I am dragging my children down. They will do well with the money I can leave them and the freedom that will give them, there is nothing more I can do for them.

I don't want any help, I want to be left in peace, help is never help it is abuse.

My plan is not to use some medication that keeps me alive once I have had these tests, and to just die that way. I am holding out for the tests as they may help with the children's treatment.

You have something to live for, more important than anything. You have your children and they need their mummy. Even a poorly, broken mummy is a million times better than no mummy and broken mummies can get help. Please reach out and talk to someone in real life. Start with the Samaritans, they won't judge, or pressure you x

There is nothing that can be helped. Only two things I have going on can be helped, the rest of the physical stuff can't be. What I went through can't be fixed, it went on too long. The truth is with the court, it is on our medical notes and I am getting the ombudsmen to look into correcting files else where.

I just need these last tests as they may help the children.

I will pick a time when it won't be a terrible time for them, to hurt a bit less for them. I will probably have a stroke in my sleep so it won't be anything horrible.

I just want to do them some letters for when they marry, have babies and so on, so they don't feel unloved or abandoned.

If I was a dog I would be put down. I should not have to suffer physically or mentally anymore. I can't live with what they did to us, it is hauting me and life is very difficult as it is. I just want to go now and find some peace and not be a burdon. They can have nice letters and some money to make their lives more comfortable.

I was never liked and because they were with me no body liked them or wanted to do anything nice for them. They may have some love and kindness when I am gone.

Where are your children now OP?
How old are they?

They are fine, I have to do some tests before.

I just want some help with some nice letters please.

I was thinking for wedding days, when they have children things like that. At least they will have a letter and some money to make their life more comfortable. It is all I can offer them. I can't carry on living with the pain of those false allegations, being treated like rubbish for so long and the fear of knocks on the door any more. I can't live with poor health and no life any more. I am lonely and scared and all I try to do is do anything to stop myself thinking about what they did to me and my children due to not understanding what is wrong with us. They understand now, the children will be fine, I just need this last test as the results may help them. I can be free then. I will not use some equipment, and they will not be here when I do it, so I will be found dead, I won't suffer as I won't know anything. I am brain damaged anyway from the lack of oxygen when they were calling me mental and being nasty to me in person and on paper because they thought I was mental as apparently that is all mental people deserve, and when that happened I had no idea it happened in my sleep, so I will just slip away. I don't want to be in a world where people do this to other people like a pack of lions after prey.

I am holding out for the tests as they may help with the children's treatment.

what are you talking about? Do your children have a genetic illness inherited from you?

What false allegations? Have you been accused of deliberately making your children ill or faking that they are ill?

I am lonely and scared and all I try to do is do anything to stop myself thinking about what they did to me and my children due to not understanding what is wrong with us. They understand now

But the court agreed with you. you were listened to, and you won. Your children were returned to you. What would be the point in going through all of that only to die and leave your children without you anyway?

How old are they?

the children will be fine

Growing up in the knowledge that their mother committed suicide and left them alone? I don't think so.

Why are you brain damaged through lack of oxygen? Have you been sectioned in the past? You need to explain a bit more.

If your illness is so severe and so limiting that you have no quality of life then you should look at proper voluntary euthanasia through the proper channels. That way your children can get counselling and support to help them understand your decision and deal with it. But you need to wait until they are old enough to understand. Anything else is too cruel.

I don't think anyone is going to help you write a suicide note, if that's what you want. But I don't think it is what you want really, is it?

What do you mean about 'not use some equipment' ? Are you on some sort of dialysis, or rigged up to oxygen?

I just wanted help with some letters, if that is not going to happen then thanks for your time.

I will write letters that won't make the children feel guilty or anything.

It seems that people who have no idea about medical things, who can see we have diagnosis's and who don't know us, who are not social services feel continually the need to investigate me over and over to this day years after the court and a court psychiatrist with our medical records had no issue with me. I never lost residency of the children it happened in private proceedings it was a domestic abuse allegation, the police fucked up in handling dv. Followed by medical neglect there has since been an apology, the court knows. Despite all of this certain people think they know better and continue to abuse me and fail my children to our face and in paperwork. As I say SS, and courts have no issue with me, it makes no difference, once someone leaks out of context court documents with no court paperwork people it seems are very keen for witch hunt after witch hunt as they seem to think the court and SS have not got it right, these people went on things that now make them look stupid. they went on trying to blame me for what is now been proven to be physiological health issues we had, as evidence of me being a bad person/parent, when it was physiological. For example my child being bowel issues was evidence to people with no medical training and no access to medical notes of me being a bad Mum, turns out from tests it is physiological and the child needs an operation to fix it and it is linked to the genetic condition we have that was missed and misunderstood. I could go on... I am an eternal scapegoat, no matter how much medical evidence they get that they are wrong they carry on witch hunting it will never end they don't want to be wrong.

I don't want to be someone's scapegoat any more.

Should have been with no court permission rather than no court paperwork.

It is professionals who do it. I moved and they speak to the people from where you moved and they poison them and they bully you too.

I think a lot to do with it as well is they don't want to spend resources on my family and it is a handy excuse to not spend their budget they always moan about their budget.

I was in the garden earlier this week and I saw two people come to the door in suits with clipboards, I nearly collapsed. It was JW religious people. Every time someone knocks on the door I am so scared it will be social services.

I have to take my child to a new Dr next week, I am scared the old hospital have poisoned them. The old hospital told CAMHs that my child's health problems were mental and I put in complaints, I am scared they have poisoned the new people. I am scared of witch hunts all the time. They are either nice to your face and write horrible things behind your back or they are horrible to you and write horrible things behind your back. I have no trust in anyone any more.

Education is one of those that failed the children and who witch hunted.

The old hospital tried to block the tests that another hospital said the children needed, eventually they got the tests one lot to go and it proved the old hospital was wrong, it was all physical in us all.

Hi OP

I am having difficulty understanding the heath/medical problems you and your children are suffering from but would it be worth contacting a charity or support group that specialises in these particular issues? These groups maybe able to help you and offer you some support.

I haven't read if you have any RL support family or friends you can turn to but if you do, do they know how this is affecting you?

As others have said please contact the Samaritans as sometimes just talking to someone can help.

The new Dr may believe the old hospital. I am scared to go there. When they were making the appointments with me they were trying to get my children away from the hosptials they are at that are doing the tests and go with them instead. The hospitals I finally got the children under are the best with their condition. There are some Dr's who don't know about these conditions and some that disagree with the Dr's I have the children seeing. I don't want the children seeing some numpty again. If anything went to court again a numpty would be believed. I want my children to have the best care and I want to make sure no more numpty reports are written. I feel so ill at the thought of seeing a new Dr, I get the impression they are trying to take the care away from those who can help the children, I feel there is an agenda, I have learned to trust my instincts now.

I have nobody in rl, just a new neighbour who has been kind to me.

The charity is broken hearted. One specialist won't retire, the geneticists are really upset and angry. They are trying hard to fix this, in the mean time others like us suffer.

It depends, they may be on the side of Dr's who think it is nothing and a mental health problem or they may be on the side of Dr's that think it is real. They will pretend to your face they believe you or be nasty to you, and mess up our lives or they may not. I don't want to go through this anymore.

The old hospital didn't want to let go of the children, they tried with all their might to keep hold of them even though we moved a long way away and they had no speciality. The children just need a local hospital to oversee the specialities elsewhere to co ordinate and for the bits they can do locally. This new hospital before I took my child wanted to have all the care there, the children are under the best the one's who made the medical leaps and have the most experience yet they want to take my children away from that. That scares me a lot for what they are up to.