Can you help me write a letter please?

[IAmDoneNow]

I have sent off what needs to be to the ombudsman. I have one set of tests left and I am done. I have kept going for years for the children and for the truth. There is nothing to go on for now.

Can you please help me write some letter for my children please.

I want them to know they are loved and this was not their fault, that I can't go on living anymore.

I have been treated badly my whole life, never been loved or cared for, had little kindness shown to me, been very ill physically and dismissed both myself and for them. I nearly lost them due to domestic abuse and medical and cafcass neglect, the court is now aware and a false accusation of munch by proxy, the court didn't agree and the children were left with me. Court papers out of context were released without court permission and I was witch hunted for years by everyone except social services. We got no help and were treated like sub humans.

I dont' feel safe anymore, I can't trust anyone, I am scared everytime I open post, hear the phone, meet professionals, there is a knock on the door. I feel so alone.

I am physically unwell, there is no cure for most of it, no treatment.

I have nothing to live for.

I am dragging my children down. They will do well with the money I can leave them and the freedom that will give them, there is nothing more I can do for them.

I don't want any help, I want to be left in peace, help is never help it is abuse.

My plan is not to use some medication that keeps me alive once I have had these tests, and to just die that way. I am holding out for the tests as they may help with the children's treatment.

You sound like you at least are aware and not just taking the advice without questioning it which is good. maybe you could just take the advice which is best and ignore the rest try and wee the ones who know what they are talking about.

Sorry to hear there is no cure or much treatment that must be hard to deal with in itself. My friend with MS is in this situation and also finds it hard the 'battle' she had to fend off a social worker recently who wanted to put her into sheltered housing and for her to get rid of her dog, she really had to fight to stay in her own home.. she got her GP on side and think that helped a bit and got some carers coming in to help her keep her independance.

At least once you know it will open doors in terms of treatment and benefits and the feeling that you are not being fobbed off with mental issues. It may be you could still get some support there with the diagnosis, maybe you could wait till the results then consult the GP for a way forward and some support? is there a GP there you prefer or trust more than the rest? If you are in pain, you can get referred to a Pain clinic to help with this, it might help in the first instance as it's not easy to cope when in pain x

I can take advice and only do what I want for myself.

When it comes to a child you are disempowered as a parent. I get depressed and anxious about rubbish advice, as if there was a problem and that Dr was asked for their opinion and wrote rubbish then other professionals would go off that. He could cause a lot of problems not knowing what he is talking about. Believe me I have been there before. I know how dangerous these people can be.

I only have one last set of results to go the rest is all confirmed diagnosis's of the other conditions. I have been to a pain clinic and did the physio/OT/Psychology, yes it helped, it was a long time ago now though. I cope with the pain by distracting myself.

articles like this don't help

Yes but on the positives, you sound very aware and on the right tracks to a diagnosis- then, all the other stuff that's been written won't matter anymore. Just think, I'm sure there are many people who don't investigate things or research for themselves and totally trust in everything that's said. especially people of the previous generation of my mothers and fathers age I find. they wouldn't question anything and that worries me a bit. (especially if anything unusual)

Don't think of yourself like that in terms of the children, Just try and think of the help you are doing in finding out as much as you can, that in itself is empowering. Maybe in the future things will be easier for them and they won't have to go through what you have. Think of that. maybe there will be new treatments and because of how diligent you have been in seeking out a diagnosis they might benefit from that.

They won't benefit from you giving up at this stage however I feel you have been through a lot and are at the end of your tether and understandably apprehensive of the 'professionals' however you are experienced now due to that journey. Just try and stick with the experts, I still worry that in the future my health concerns might get confused with anxiety (especially as when get ill it makes me more anxious) but am hoping if i keep taking the antidepressants I've been prescribed and do relaxation etc this will all help and if it happens again I'll be calmer. It's not easy though, having to trust in them again, hopefully due to my past surgical history they won't dismiss me as easily however.

I've been given amitryptilline which is an antidepressant for pain relief as it can be used like that in low doses. it is good for neuropathic pain. Could that help you perhaps, how is the pain relief you have working for you? It can make you quite drowsy however but that wears off with time.

I am disappointed to see people misquoting someone else to make a post appear to be something other than it was, after someone withdrew their post. what a cruel way to behave.

What kind of odd bod are you behaving in such a cruel way?

I have asked for the account to be deleted, now fuck off you fucking nasty bitch, you dont' know me and how I feel you fucking nasty bithc.

Giddy

I'm a mum of 2 with a DH and a DD with mental health issues.

I care about people - but I cant understand how a poster can have 1 user name whereby they post that they are not taking their meds because they want to die. Then, on the same day, they are using their other profile to plan the purchase of a mobility scooter and are also responding to numerous threads.

If you're truly withholding your meds you must get help NOW - if you'rr deliberately posting such things purely for attention then it's cruel to the MNers that have responded.

TBH I hope its the latter because at least you're not in any danger.

If that makes me an odd bod then so be it.

You have fought for so long, to give up now? Please don't

Oh it seems I've missed something. giddy that language isn't on.

If OPer is genuine I don't mind the abuse - I would like her to explain the dual identity and totally different threads

Im really lost by what is going on on this thread - I hope you don't mind me asking but Giddy are you the OP? just so i can keep on track is all.

What i have read in this thread from the OP is someone who is tired of fighting :( But harsh as it sounds, it sounds like you make the stand to protect your children - if you aren't around to do that for them, who will? No one, thats who. Its a huge responsibility to have to stay and fight that fight but that is what you need to do.

I don't know what condition you have but its clearly genetic and you must know that genetics is moving on at such a pace now, there really could be hope for a cure by way of gene therapy, if not now, but in the future - it may not be in time for you, but hopefully for your children, stay and fight for them, make sure those kids are at the front of the queue when that day comes. They need you, you are their mother and nothing will change that - they love you.

Can i just say that I have been suicidal in the past and posted on here, those thoughts are horrible and unwanted and you try your hardest to push them out of your mind so I probably have posted those thoughts while posting on other threads about trivial things, just to distract myself. I posted as a cry for help, as an outlet for those horrible feelings, of course i wanted people to tell me everything would be ok - no one has a crystal ball, maybe thats all i wanted - but people listening and telling me DD needed me could well be the reason im here to post today.

OP has 2 user accounts - Iamdonenow and Giddyupcowboy

Do an AS on each name and see totally different posts - she forgot to name change back several posts up

And Giddy - if you are genuine then tell us why you have at least 2 personas.

People want to help but don't like being misled.

None of that means that the OP isn't in genuine distress, ok its bad form and confusing but maybe now is a good time for the benefit of the doubt?

The mobility was YESTERDAY, I feel sorry for your DH as you have completely twisted everything about me, to make me out to be omeone else, I am waiting for this account to be deleted, I hope you are happy now you drove me away from here, you can pat yourself on the back for driving me away and convicen yourself I am someone I am not. You sond like a very strange person.