"putting the SPRING back in our step - village support for depression and anxiety"

[LEMmingaround]

Heres the new thread guys. What is this, thread 9?

This is a thread that is situated in a virtual village of support for those suffering from mental health issues, or just those struggling with what life throws at them.

Please feel free to join in.

[BluBurd]

Make life easier on you all CIQ, it won't harm them to go to bed an hour earlier to watch a DVD, I will do that on occasion with mine if I'm particularly worn out.

I think you should, just to keep her aware of how you are feeling. CBT that thought too, question it and turn it around. Even though we won't act on such thoughts it's still distressing to have them.

[ColouringInQueen]

Thanks bluburd. Must go to bed - more sleep is definitely needed. Take care.

[BluBurd]

I'm anxious this morning guys. Because I woke up without anxiety and feeling happy. I am still feeling happy. Is this normal? I'm scared it means I am manic. It's a bit overwhelming after weeks of sadness.

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi bluburd ah this mental health stuff is a pain isn't it. It is ok to wake up feeling happy today. Unless you've gone off spending loads of money and picking up lots of men try not to worry about the manic thing. It feels strange cos you've been feeling so down recently, but just try and let it be, and take things easy.

needaholiday I don't think being off for three weeks is a lot so can well imagine you're not ready to go back.

In GB people with depression take an average of 41 days off with depression (not sure if working days or weeks)

bbc article

Personally I think anything less than 6 weeks is too little. Esp if you take time to find the find medication/dosage. Do you have an appointment set up with your GP? - if not, worth a call...

Well I did manage to get out of bed this morning but it was sooooooooooooooo hard. I usually clean and tidy the house on a Monday. Well I managed to tidy my bedroom and put a load of washing in. I did manage to do a bit of drawing for ds. Spoke to GP - and was honest about the desire to escape. She was lovely. Said I'm doing everything right. Said it was tricky with me cos I can be so rational and insightful even when really ill. She said ultimately if I don't pick up after another week then worth going in for a chat. But I can speak to her Tue or Thur if I feel worse.

Hi everyone else.

[hoochymama1]

Hi Ciq sorry that you are not feeling great. Be kind to yourself, lovely girl. And go back to the nice gp if you do not feel better soon. Maybe an alteration of meds is needed? I feel so tired at the moment, and sometimes have feelings of panic, for no reason. WTF

at blubird hope you feel better soon, just go with the flow and do something nice for yourself, and ?

Needahol the first time I had depression I was a teacher, and was off work for seven months. It takes ages, just take the time that you need. Be gentle with yourself, your health is more important than anything.

What happened to me was after the time off, I realised that I couldn't go back to my old job, and started applying for other things. I was offered an MA course in a local uni, and started on a two year course a few months later. It was good for me, and gave me a chance to have a new life.

Then, the depression hit me again,18 months later, but this time, as the GP knew me she got me on A/D quite fast, and I was ok (apart from feeling yuck for a while, but I kept going, due mostly to this thread, and didn't have to have any more time off).

One more day off tomorrow, then work again. Just did lots of planting in pots outside, it feels good to do.

((( all )))

[SnowyMouse]

I feel awful Hope it's just a blip

[DumDum32]

Ditto snowy I feel awful today as well despite the sun being out :(

((( all ))) sorry no energy to reply to everyone individually but thinking of u all x

[ColouringInQueen]

(((hugs))) snowy, dd

[SnowyMouse]

(((( all )))) too. May tomorrow be a better day

[NanaNina]

Oh snowy you so rarely say you feel awful - is it the depression that's affecting you and/or the voices. Can I join you in feeling awful. I only feel half human by about this time at night. I have only had a couple of good days this month and the intensity of the bad days is hard to bear. Was meant to see pysch on Friday but when we got there we were told he was on holiday and letters had been sent out changing appts. Mine had been changed from 7th March to 28th March but I didn't get the letter! Also my CPN is off for 2 weeks. Am seeing psychologist tomorrow but she upset me last week so not looking forward to it.

Sorry DD you too are feeling awful. Mental illness is totally crap (as if we didn't already know that....)

Hi hoochy and CIQ and everyone else.

[Salemthecat]

Hi everyone, hope you don't mind if I join in?

I was diagnosed with depression in November and started on citalopram. I've gradually had my dose increased to 30mg about 5 weeks ago but I'm at an all time low.

I've been having counselling with rape crisis but I haven't had a session for a few weeks, and my gran who I was quite close to passed away 2 weeks ago.

I'd tried to avoid taking any time off work for as long as I could but eventually asked to get signed off last week. It's just for 3 weeks and I thought that would be enough but I'm starting to think that might not be enough now. My line manager was not pleased and couldn't hide it from her voice. I even apologised and she replied "oh well". Feel so guilty for letting her down, I should be stronger than this.

Looking forward to getting to know you all.

[SnowyMouse]

It's both, NN I'm sorry you're having such an awful time, I hope it picks up. That's bad that you didn't get told about the psych's holiday, and I hope that the psychologist is helpful...I know psychotherapy can be hard.

[NanaNina]

Oh snowy so sorry - I'm an emotional wreck too and have to see my psychologist this afternoon and tackle her because she said something last week that made my really angry. I don't know how to go about it but I WILL because she needs to know. Is the sun shining near you though I know that doesn't help when you are in the pits. I sat in the sun yesterday consumed with thoughts of how I might hang myself from an apple tree in the garden. Mercifully I pick up a fair bit in the evening. Is the CPN due today though I know you don't find them very helpful. I honestly think people who have never suffered MI can have absolutely no idea of the torment it causes. How can they?

I'm thinking of saying to the psychologist "If you've never been lost in this particular section of hell please don't give me directions.........." read that on this thread I think. It spoke to me.

DD how are you today and CIQ and others I can't remember Hoochy yes how could I forget you. Sounds like social work is draining you a bit.......take care - and don't get burned out.

Welcome Salem there is good support here. I dip in and out of it and so do others but there are some regulars Lem and CIQ are the ones that spring to mind but it matters not, because we all know the torment of mental illness.

Right now for the psychologist.......................aaaaaaaaargh

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi salem and welcome. This is a lovely thread for having a rant, sharing your day or offering support. Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. Sounds like a good move being signed off. I know how hard it is, but if you had pneumonia you wouldn't feel you had to apologise....

I'm hanging in there. Managed to meet up with a friend this morning which was nice. Just had counselling which was OK, nothing earth shattering. Trying to unpick why I've gone downhill the last 2 weeks. There has been a lot going on and the painting commission thing seems to have knocked me for six... but head is not good. Full of grey buzzy fog that's giving me a headache. Am going to try and have a nap now before school pick-up...

[LEMmingaround]

Hi Salem, welcome to the village. It sounds like you are going through an awful lot just now, so sorry to hear about your gran. I totally agree with Colouringinqueen - you wouldn't apologise if you had pneumonia so you do not need to apologise for being ill. If your boss makes you feel guilty or in any way pressures you to return to work that is prejudice and she will be breaking the law. You need to get yourself better before you can continue with work, you might find that soon, going to work will be good for you and help you through but it really sounds like you need some time to process what has been going on. Is there a reason why your counselling has stopped? maybe you could pick it back up again?

Nana - i am sorry you are still struggling :( That is an awesome quote though, i must have missed it, been struggling to keep up with the thread. I have been trying to keep myself busy as that seems to be the best way for me to keep my head monster away but trying to be a bit less full on today, although life isn't really allowing it. I feel like taking myself to bed and saying "LEM is closed for today, please come back tomorrow" .

CiQ i was thinking about you last night, my DD1 has just painted her first "commision". She started doing portraits of animals and i suggested she do some pet portraits and try and make a little business from it. So within ten minutes my cousin asked for a pic of her dog and DD did a really good representation, not perfect by absolutely good enough to charge money for - I am so proud of her. I was wondering what it is exactly that you do at college? My DD did a BTEC first diploma in art and left with Merit/distinction however I don't think she enjoyed all the stuff learning about different artists, i think she just wants to draw and paint rather than study art, if that makes sense. I am hoping she will take on a night class to try and broaden her technical skills and give her some focus. I would have been a wreck if someone asked me to do something like that, i was worried (projecting much?) that DD would also be the same but it has worked out really well and boosted her confidence no end. I am sure your art is brilliant too - it should be a source of joy, if the commision stresses you, maybe paint stuff to sell rather than a specific ask?

[DumDum32]

Sitting at Dr surgery to get more diazepam I wish they would just gimme a month supply!

Hope all are doing well today

[SnowyMouse]

I think they are careful with diazepam as it can be addictive, I hope you didn't have to wait around too long DD32.

Good luck and thinking of you, NN!

Thinking of you all.

[Salemthecat]

Hope your appointment went well NN .

Hi LEM, I had to cancel a couple of appointments when my grandmother became unwell and she had a cancel an appointment one week as well. I've got a session tomorrow afternoon so I'll just need to see how it does. I'm not very good at discussing feelings and things but I suppose I'll learn!

Hope you manage to get some time relax!

[NanaNina]

As soon as I went in I said to the psychologist "There's something I need to say" and she said "please do" and listened intently. She said she couldn't really remember saying the things that upset me and wondered if that had started a bout of bad days and I said I wasn't sure but possible. Thing is I like her and she's free (!) on the NHS - I have about 5 sessions left I think. She's always been trying to stop me from making a differentiation between bad and good days, but that's just not possible, and I can't seem to get it through to her. It's as if she thinks I can somehow "pull myself" out of a bad day and I know some people can, but I just can't because they are always so awful, though improve sometimes through the day. I feel that the depression controls me and that there isn't anything I can do to stop it.

She gave me some numbers to ring if I felt suicidal and there was a chance that I would try it but I think it is suicide ideation and don't really think I would.

Salem it's small wonder you've dipped down with the loss of your gran - as I'm sure you know loss of some kind is almost always at the root of depression. I wish people like your boss could just experience mental illness themselves (just for a few days) so that they would understand how horrible it can be. Do you mind my asking if you could be suffering from PTSD related to the trauma you have clearly suffered.

DD - I don't understand why medics have different ideas about diazepam. The conslt psychiatrist prescribed them for me when I was an IP and a nurse said to me "Oh Dr X will have you on these for ever" - I am written up for 2mg x 3 per day and I only use them when I am having bad days, so have loads of them really and yet you can't get them. I know they can be addictive but that's if you are taking them constantly and upping the dose and then needing more and more, but surely medics should trust us to use them sensibly.

Hi Lem - I like the idea of going to bed (which I often do during the day on bad days) as somehow the emotional pain seems less when under the duvet. Are you ok btw - sorry I've lost touch a bit with the thread. Did I read one of your posts when you said you were on 20mg diazepam a day??? Did I mis-read that - is it more anxiety with you than depression though it isn't always possible to tell the difference is it.

Snowy any change or are you still feeling awful. I can't really understand why they can't get your meds right. I know you miss the art therapy too. Can you do some drawing or messing about with paints at home. I do colouring in adult books with lovely brush pens and it does distract me on bad days.

Hi to everyone else - sorry I can't remember everyone.

[SnowyMouse]

I've got psatels at home now, it helps a bit.

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi all

nn I sympathise re: the not being in control. Take care today and hope you get some benefit from the spring sunshine. Colouring sounds lovely!

snowy how's today going?

dd hope you had some success at the docs.

salem hope your counselling is helpful.

lem just wanted to come back to you on a question from an earlier post. I paint with oil paints. Am on a rolling adult ed course - its not a qualification but its a day a week so good content and time to practice - and be with some other nice people. Painting a load of good paintings and trying to sell them is an options I've started to look at - not easy and doesn't tend to generate much income. Commissions on the other hand can bring in three figure sums... But they're a lot more stressful and I'm realising you would probably do several paintings for a commission to get one you're happy with...

Woke up feel less lethargic (tho still knackered) and a bit more motivated. Decided to get a lot of the little errands run that have been bugging me... But by the time I got out of the first shop I was feeling very anxious, with a tight chest, but can't identify a particular stressor - it doesn't seem connected to anything in particular. I did get lots done but brain feels worn out now!

[DumDum32]

Shakey, dizzy & sleepy not a good combo.... Got an appointment at job centre now which cannot b missed :(

NN sorry ur feeling bad I can relate with the sucidial thoughts that's been troubling me too past few days. Glad u told all to psychologist that could not have been an easy step. Bad/good days I have been told is a good way to look at how your month goes overall so I find it useful personally.

Hello to everyone and ((( all )))

Hoping this week shows some improvement for us all as I sure as he'll can do with one good day!

[DumDum32]

ciq dr have another 2 weeks worth so yeah a bit of succes. Well done on ur day so far u have done well with ur errands.

Right must get my fat self into fear and make way to job centre :(

Have a good day all xxx

[SnowyMouse]

I'm soso CIQ, might try to get out and about later for some fresh air, feels chillier than it has been. Thanks for asking. Good luck with all the errands, you can do it!

Good luck with the appointment, DD32