"putting the SPRING back in our step - village support for depression and anxiety"

[LEMmingaround]

Heres the new thread guys. What is this, thread 9?

This is a thread that is situated in a virtual village of support for those suffering from mental health issues, or just those struggling with what life throws at them.

Please feel free to join in.

[SnowyMouse]

I'm feeling anxious about the journey, I'm having to use the chair I can't push to get there, so taxi and train.

[Victrix]

Hope the trip goes well, Snowy

I'm sorry so many others feel the same as me, but also glad I'm not the only one.

I think the worst of it is that I KNOW it is ridiculous but I can't not do it.

[Wipedoutmammy]

Hi all,

I'm new on here and my life is a shambles. I've been struggling with mh for as long as I can remember. The past year has been unmanageable. I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD and had a few hospital stays for overdoses. I tried to hang myself last night. There will be a child protection meeting on Monday and I've been told my kids will be placed on the register due to them being emotionally damaged due to me self harming, eating disorders, and drinking to numb. My ex husband has moved into my house and I'll be homeless shortly with no income. My ds has autism. He's stable now though the effects of getting him to where he is now has also taken it's toll on me through violent and challenging behaviour. I'm normally a fighter but I can't muster up any more. Meds have recently been changed to mmertazapine. Not getting any benefit yet. I love my kids but there's nothing left. :( xx

[fluffybunnies246]

Hello wipedoutmammy glad that your attempt didn't work and that you've come on here

Are you getting any help with the PTSD except for the pills? I hope so.
Are you also getting any support from Social Services? Like parenting support? Even if you didn't have MH probs having a child with autism is very challenging. If exh is moving into your house, are the kids going with you or staying with him?

[Wipedoutmammy]

Hi fluffy thanks for replying.

The home care team have arranged a referral to the self harm team and said today they feel I have deep psychiatric issues. Despite me telling them repeatedly I feel I cannot keep myself safe they feel I am not at risk to myself. Ss have been involved for sometime with my son on and off - they have previously admitted though that my parenting skills and management of his behaviours have been excellent. I'm just burnt out though. Myself and the children left originally to live in a women's aid hostel so I've pretty much dealt with everything including statementing, appointments, ABA therapists etc. The kids dad has been brilliant over the last few months though so he's been stable for the kids. I'm just frustrated and don't have the energy to do anything any more though. It's a nightmare and I honestly can't see a way out other than to let him continue to have parental control until I get better.

[NanaNina]

Hello to one and all.....thanks nethuns for your words of comfort about my shingles anxiety. I think my attack must be quite mild as I'm not in pain and don't feel unwell. Also had a good couple of days depression wise, but oh god I so needed them........it's a shame that you have to work because you sound like you could do without that responsibility. Can you cut your hours down - I know you don't want to let your employers down, but you can't help being ill. I think the trouble is when we are mentally ill rather than physically ill we feel guilty and that somehow it's our fault that we can't manage..........well that's how it affects me, and sometimes I even feel ashamed. I know it's irrational but I honestly think that there is still a huge stigma attached to mental illness, despite voluntary organisations like MIND and RE-THINK doing their best to bring things into the open and dispel some of the myths about mental illness.

Ed hello - so nice to see you and sounding "very together" - so pleased for you. Are you finishing your PGCE - think the last time you posted you were job hunting - any news on that front? I wondered why you were asking about sleeping tablets - are you having difficulty sleeping (strange if you are as I remember when you slept whole afternoons (even days) away...........GPs don't like prescribing sleeping pills as they can be addictive as you probably know. When I had trouble sleeping (before my relapse of depression) the GP used to prescribe me zopiclone 75mg and I used to talk half which worked a treat. She would give me a 14 tabs for 30 days. I think zopiclone is less addictive than the old fashioned benzos.

Victrix your list made me smile and well done on sorting it all out in the end.

Silvery hello and glad to hear you are feeling better.
Snowy hope you manage the travel and have a lovely weekend.

MP thanks for your re-assuring words about shingles and eye sight. I'm afraid I'm a bit prone to health anxiety and worse case scenarios. I hate google because it tells you more than you want to know, whereas the old Family Doctor books just gave you a paragraph. Of course no-one twists my arm to go on Google but I do. Hope you manage in clinic - are you going back on reduced hours - phased return - does that happen in the NHS I wonder.

Welcome wipedoutmammy so sorry that things are so tough for you and you certainly have an awful lot to deal with, so it's small wonder you are feeling defeated. I too wonder if you are getting any specialist help with the complex PTSD - many MNs on these threads talk of a therapy EMDR (can never remember what the initials mean) that is meant to be very effective for PTSD.

Did you leave your ex because of domestic violence - just wondered as you said you'd been to a Women's Aid REfuge - if so that's another huge thing for you to cope with - do you mean the kid's dad is moving back in the family home to care for the kids - but what about you - where are you going to live. Do you have any relatives/friends who can offer you support which you desperately need.

Sorry if I've missed anyone out - oh Lem how could I forget you!! Re dishwashers, my DP is obsessed with it and won't switch it on or "fire it up" as he puts it, until it is jammed packed, but for the first time in 40 + years of living together, he empties it and puts stuff away in the right places - he never ever did that before we had the dishwasher - it's changed my life!!

[SnowyMouse]

Welcome Wipedoutmammy I hope everyone has a good weekend, I probably wont have internet access.

[Wipedoutmammy]

Good morning,

Thanks for your lovely welcome everyone.

Nananina - yes the relationship was abusive and that's why we left. There is no action plan for me yet. I'm finding the home care team at best judgemental and unhelpful though I have to comply with whatever they suggest as ss have told me to.

Dd has a birthday party tonight so I'm getting her all sorted with a pretty dress and her hair all done. I'm just focusing on that and perhaps washing myself.

Hope everyone has a good stable dayxxxxxxxxx

[LEMmingaround]

Welcome wipedoutmammy - my word, you sound like you have had so much to cope with, no wonder you feel like you've had enough. I actually think you are bloody amazing - your children are lucky to have you, you clearly love them very much. I hope your DD enjoys the party and im sure she will look lovely in her dress xx

Sorry to read about the shingles Nana :( It can make you feel very run down and you'll need to rest and look after yourself. I had shingles on my bum and on my foot at the same time - i felt fine though but my dr signed me off work for two weeks with strict instructions to rest - i got bored after a few days and went back (i was in a job i loved at the time so that made it easier i guess) it went - it was pretty painful though. My mum is prone to attacks of shingles if she gets run down. Remember that it will be nerves in your face near your eye, not your optic nerve etc which is very very separate. I think most people who suffer from recurrent cold sores are affected in the same area - it sort of sits there doing nothing then if you get run down it gives a cold sore - my dp gets some real monumental cold sores if he is run down or if he is out in the sun, so expecting the summer batch soon. I have them occasionally, but no where near as bad as him..

[nethunsreject]

Hi all, Welcome wipedout, you have done amazingly well to get through such difficulties .
GOod luck today snowy.
Get your feet up Nana .
Morning LEM, morning EVERYONE!

I'm feeling hellishly anxious today, free floating. GP has prescribed me Propanalol, but not keen to take more pills as already taking 200mg sertraline fgs! Might take some on Monday as I have commited to go to a work thing with my colleague - she's collecting and taking me back so don't need to negotiate public transport (which terrifies me atm), but having nightmares about it! SHe asked if I was up to going when we talked last week and I stupidly said yes!!! I am my own worst enemy at times, but I kind of hope I might feel better/less guilty for doing something and she will 'look after' me and is generally lovely and supportive. You're right Nana, it is to do with guilt, though tbh I'd be the same with a physical illness !! Though I'd not feel the need to constantly justify myself which would be nice!!

[fluffybunnies246]

Afternoon everyone

wipedoutmammy I agree with LEM you are bloody amazing!!! You've done SO much, and that must have taken a whole heap of strength and determination, and it sounds like you have achieved a lot. It's great that social services recognise that you are great with your son and that they have evidence of you functioning well as a parent. Is the child protection thing just about you then, or is it about your ex?

Hopefully the self harm team will be useful with regards the PTSD...as lots of people who self harm have it unfortunately.

It's horrible that you have to put up with the home care team at the moment...but as the social worker says it's all about complying and 'engaging'. Hopefully if they're not that useful they'll sod off soon. Hope the party is good.

hi nethunsreject hope the propanalol works and the work thing is ok

nana hope the shingles disappears.

I was doing ok-ish for the last day...today got a letter saying my income support is being stopped because I haven't sent them information they asked for. I have sent them the information they asked for, the information that they are accusing me of NOT sending, they didn't ask for!! So...was going to try and be sociable this afternoon but back in a mess...I know that there is no point stressing about it and just trying to call on Monday but I just feel completely useless and a general failure at life and whatever it throws at you- i.e. I cannot cope with little upsets. Oh well. I need to go up the allotment as well as everything will be dying but that would involve having to talk to people as it's always busy up there. I need a big brown paper bag for my head. And a pair of sunglasses. Or an invisibility cape a la Harry Potter...

[Wipedoutmammy]

Hi all. Thank you so much for your support.

Ss are involved due to the children being emotionally affected by my low mood, inability to cope, self harm and drinking to pass out. The children have also witnessed me being carted off in an ambulance. Exdh is firmly in my house with parental control. I'm here now waiting for cpn coming round. I've just told him I need to go to stay at his place tonight. After I get dd ready for the party I know I'll need space. He's not happy. He's spent 5 years trying to get me back and the fact I'm helpless ATM probably suits him just fine. Today I smell cos I haven't washed for days and I don't even care. I don't want to be here. I don't trust myself not to cause myself harm. I hate the fact the kids are seeing me like this and the more it continues the more shit I'm in with social services. I just want to be away from all the stress and focus on getting better but everyone seems intent on forcing me to do things their way. I've lost my voice. I have no opinion and it's getting on my fucking nerves.

I did spend 3 months away in rehab to work on the substance abuse. I came home in a fantastic frame of mind to find ex dh here and pressure from the kids to take him back. Since then all hell has broken loose.

Whilst I was away the kids were great, really settled. I came back like a wrecking ball.

[fluffybunnies246]

oh dear wipedoutmammy who, exactly, says the kids were great whilst you were away? Your ex?

It's not a great thing to have a depressed, drinking mother (speaking from personal experience) but it is better than not having a mother. You have self awareness of the situation, which is a starting point that my own mother never got to The whole point is- you know what is going on is not great, and that is the essential starting block. I hope you did not come back like a wrecking ball naked and licking a sledgehammer...cos that's all i can think of at the moment (damn you Miley Cirus!)

It sounds like you do have an opinion, just that you aren't being listened to. You are in an extremely difficult situation, but it sounds like you have done so much already you can succeed going forwards. I cannot imagine what it is like leaving an abusive ex, being ill, and then coming back to find that the kids want you to move back in with him. All I know is, coming from a not so great background myself, is that kids love their parents no matter what they have done. So what they think is the best situation, isn't necessarily so. It sounds like you have made tough decisions in their best interests in the past.

[fluffybunnies246]

sorry if that is a bit jumbled...having a s**t day and not convinced that I am making any sense at all. If any offence has been cause I apologise already

[NanaNina]

Hello folks - hope you've all had a sunny and warm day today. Nethens sorry you are feeling anxious - it's such a horrible feeling isn't it and is of course the medical name for fear.........fear of the present and fear of the future and goes hand in hand with depression. I did read that sertraline was an AD that was good for anxiety too, but then the meds don't always work do they, it's all a bloody puzzle what goes on with our brain chemistry. Medics don't know why ADs work and there doesn't seem to be a great deal of research into brain disorder - or I haven't heard about any..............maybe MP knows? Do you get prescribed diazepam as they work really well for anxiety with me, mostly. GPs don't usually like to prescribe them as they can become addictive but the conslt psych prescribed mine 3 x 2mg per day and I never use them unless I'm really anxious, because with me the depression is always worse than the anxiety. I know how you feel about the upcoming event - just wait and see how you feel on the day and then decide - a very wise conslt psych told me years ago when I had my first depressive episode and was an IP "not to do anything that was an ordeal" thought these days they seem to be more into pushing you to do things. Given that your friend is lovely and supportive it might be good if you could go.

Oh Lem shingles on the bum and sole of feet...........FGS!! I think I've only had a mild attack as I haven't had any pain and don't feel unwell. Also the headmonster has mercifully been slumbering for a few days now!

wipedoutmammy - you sound in a very distressed state - have you got a good CPN - someone you trust, as that's so important. Wondering how you feel about your ex as can't quite work that out. So he wants you to stay in the house too. Incidentally you don't lose parental responsibility for your children, as it's shared equally between you. Do you mind saying how old your children are. Please don't hold it against me but I was a social worker and middle manager in a LA Children's Services and have about 30 years experience all told, but retired in 2004. You've mentioned this "home care" team - who are they exactly and what are they meant to be doing - are they meant to be supporting you? I think it's important that your voice is heard as social workers are meant to work in partnership with service users, that's the basic tenet of the Children Act 1989.

Keep on keeping on - your children need you, probably more than you realise. Are you getting any therapy/counselling of any sort?

[Victrix]

I remember sleep. It was nice.

I am never complaining about insomnia after a bad night's sleep again.

[Wipedoutmammy]

Good morning all,

So sorry you had a bad sleep Vic. It's just awful feeling bad but not able to rest properly. Xxxx

Thanks for your advice fluffy. I really appreciate you telling me your experiences. You're so right - my kids need me here. I need to focus on the fact they remember me well and able to have a really brilliant happy time with them. I hope you're feeling good today xx

Thanks nana. My kids are 12 & 9. The eldest is as. I have a full residency order for the kids and have agreed to parental responsibility being taken over temporarily by their father. The residency order was granted 4 years ago when we first went to the woman's aid hostel. Since then I have struggled for him to have a laid out plan of contact. He was more concerned that if this happened I would be able to find a new man lol. Like I needed that. So I pretty much didn't get a break at all. Ds with as was incredibly challenging to deal with and I repeatedly asked ss for help and respite. There were instances where he attacked me so badly I had to call 999. He was on respiridrone briefly too. He's very stable now and it's been said that perhaps as all of the pressure has eased - perhaps this is why I've finally crumbled.

So sorry this is so long but I'm really delighted to have found you all. I can talk without being judged (I feel bad enough already).

Hugs to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Wipedoutmammy]

Oh fluffy - my wrecking ball moments have been completely fully clothed lol lol lol

[nethunsreject]

Hi all xx
Not having a great day so far, stressing myself stupid about work tomorrow and getting cross with Dh not understanding how bad I feel .
Sorry no individual chats, feel crap, will catch up soon! Hugs to all, .

[LEMmingaround]

Just popping my head round the door - we are going to need a new thread? Any ideas for a name? I am on phone so can't link. Anyone fancy starting new thread?

[LollipopViolet]

I'm struggling. Really, really struggling. Not sure what the point of my existence is, and feel a total failure. Friends leaving home, having families, getting married. Me still at home at 24, no job, no significant other, a degree I can't use and 2 years of retraining ahead to work in a new field (which I do enjoy).

There's no point.

And I've done something a bit daft (not dangerously daft, but daft nonetheless).

[Wipedoutmammy]

Hi lollipop,

So sorry you're feeling so bad today. Sometimes just getting through a day is a feat in itself isn't it? I think the one thing I realised when reading your post is that I also (many years ago lol) thought that jobs, relationships etc would bring me happiness. It didn't work out that way. On a plus note though, I'm learning to like myself and be kind to myself. Can you do something that makes you feel good today? Something that won't take too much out of you. I straightened my hair today for the first in weeks. I look less like a scarecrow. Maybe tomorrow I'll put on some make up. Big hugs to you xxxxxxxxxx

[Wipedoutmammy]

Sorry nethun, thought my post earlier had gone live.

I hope you get through today. Is there anything in particular your anxious about with work tomorrow? Xxx

[LollipopViolet]

I've started a new thread for us all :) Hope you like the title :)