"putting the SPRING back in our step - village support for depression and anxiety"

[LEMmingaround]

Heres the new thread guys. What is this, thread 9?

This is a thread that is situated in a virtual village of support for those suffering from mental health issues, or just those struggling with what life throws at them.

Please feel free to join in.

[nethunsreject]

Hello all, I posted here a couple of times a few months back, haven't posted since but been reading and taking some comfort from that - I'm not alone.
I am having a major depressive episode, first one in ten years!! I'm forty now and I thought this was behind me. No particular trigger, life generally was good. I had about ten or eleven weeks off, I'm back now but just a few hours a day. I'm struggling with it, but I get worse if I shut down for too long. I'm struggling with everything especially my lovely kids who are small and need a lot of input .
I'm on the max dose of sertraline now, I can function a bit, am still very suicidal at times and very exhausted just trying to keep afloat . I've got a tiny sore throat this week and that's just too much! It's pathetic really.
So, bit of a ramble!! Hope to post more regularly now .

Well done all the exercisers! I too find it helpful but not quite there yet. Nature is very healing.

[LEMmingaround]

OMG i am SOOO tired!! :( I think i have overdone it. I went to help DP tidy up after a job today, i wasn't quite prepared to be humping rubble and labouring for four hours But at least we got finished. An early night for me i think.

I am in a dilemma about my friend - i feel i should, and indeed want to continue to walk her dog for her. She is so lovely that when i texted today to say i would walk him tomorrow she said not to worry she would work something out, but i don;t know what, her sisters are nervous of the dog and also don't speak any english so would struggle if he got into trouble out on the walk and my friend cannot walk him, she cannot! But she is insisting on paying me - i really don't want to take money from her even though she can afford it, i want to do this for her, i had a lucky escape - she didn't :( i want to help. The trouble is i don't want to be pushy and impose my "kindness" on her if she just wants to be left alone - the trouble is, she is as bad as me and wont want to impose on me so i never know what to think. Her DH CAN walk the dog but he works long hours and has to commute, i just want to take the pressure off them for a bit. Do you think i should back off?

nethuns, i am sorry you are feeling so rubbish, i remember your post from before. I absolutely go to pieces with a sore throat, it makes me so miserable - you are not pathetic, especially when you feel so shit anyway. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other - you beat this before, and you will beat it again.

[NanaNina]

I vaguely remember your posts nethensreject I'm not surprised you are struggling to stay afloat - you have a hell of a lot on - depression, part time job and young children - hope you have a sympathetic helpful husband or partner. I think the thing is that we don't always realise is that if we have one major depressive episode we have a 50% chance of having another. I didn't realise that till I had my second one (15 years apart ) and I am a grandmother and retired so no major stresses. I know I keep saying it but I just don't know how you young moms manage with depression and young children.

Do you mind telling me about your experience of Sertraline (I am about to swap my tryclic (old fashioned AD) for Sertraline) and I know ADs act differently on different people (just to confuse us even more) The psychiatrist wants me over a month to swap 200 mg of imipramine for 200mgs of Sertraline. I get intermittent depression and never know how I'm going to be till I wake.

I'm a bit worried about you saying you are still suicidal - do you mean you are having suicidal thoughts but haven't made a plan, or thought seriously that you would attempt suicide. On my bad days I have suicidal thoughts and it is weird to be sitting outside in the sun when the sky is blue, wondering which tree I could hang myself from, and then deciding I couldn't do that as the neighbours might find me.

Is there any time when you can rest and relax a bit - do you have friends/relatives who can care for the children sometimes, or their dad maybe. Do you have to work - though I think you said you get worse if you "shut down" for too long.

Sorry I know others have posted but if I go back to look I'll lose this post. Is there a way of doing that without losing the post?

Lem I reckon just ask your friend straight - "I really don't mind walking the dog but only if that's what you want, otherwise I'll back off............." something like that.

[TheUnemployableLeech]

If that doesn't work lem could you take the money and buy her a present with it?

[nethunsreject]

MOrning

LEM thanks for those useful words - I kept them in my head and managed to go for a walk this morning, just kept put one foot in front of the other! I think as Nana says, just be honest with your friend and if that doesn't work then a present like Leech says is a nice idea.

Nana, yes I do need to work unfortunately, though my job is great at least and I can do 90% of it from home and in my own time. If I had to clock in and out, I'd have to be off sick or resign still. I am very up and down and looking up suicide methods one day then looking forward to getting well and seeing my kids grow up the next day. I won't actually do anything - I have seen first hand the damage it does, especially to children, though I totally understand why some people are driven to it; the pain of depression is so great. I have many comforts and lots of support so I am lucky. My Mum looks sfter the younger on 3 days a week whiel I am working/sleeping/staring into space. The older one is at school so out from 8.30 till 3.30 and gets a bus from our doorstop as we are rural so I don't even have to get dressed!
They are lovely but they are SUCH hard work. The older one is really really sensitive and the younger one is very very stubborn. They exhaust me.

I've barely managed out the house for the last 2 months and then only with dh or a good friend (other than my walk today). I find it overwhelming being out there.

Sertraline - I've only ever been on ssris so don't know how they compare to other drugs. I think building the dose up slowly is a good way of minimising side effects. I felt sick, sweaty and a bit anxious at first but side effects went after 2 weeks, then I uped the dose again. They do inhibit my ability to orgasm (which doesn't matter at the moment, but did 6 mths ago when I was well and on a maintainance dose. Small price to pay to feel better imo though. The list of side effects on the leaflet is terrifying, but I guess that most drugs are like that! I'm never sure if ADs work or if it's just the passage of time?! But I'd rather take them than not.

ANyway, bit of a ramble! Hope today is a good day for everyone x

[Victrix]

Afternoon all, hope it's been a good day so far.

Bad hip is properly acting up today so am being good and staying in and doing my physio work, and giving the kitchen a good clean. First higher dose of citalopram and the weird jaw clenching thing is back - at least nobody can see the faces I'm making!

[nethunsreject]

Hi victrix, ouch, hip pain is rotten, hope you're better soon.
I am hiding in my bed panicking. I think I've gone back to work too soon. . I'm dreading dm bringing ds2 home shortly and having to function. Then ds1 will be back soon too. I'd just like to be left alone a bit longer, till tea time would be ok!

I feel especially crap this afternoon

[SnowyMouse]

(((( all )))) Sorry I'm not up to replying to individual posts today.

[LEMmingaround]

another knackering day - but its good, i think! Friend still insisting on paying me and says it will make her feel better about needing me to walk dog on regular basis. Have told her to let me walk him for free this week then start charging her from next week.

Everything going to shit with PFA, so much bitching and in-fighting that i am considering packing it it :( Such a shame because it was proving a positive distraction for me.

DP nagging me to get a job - but im not ready :(

Sorry, haven't read posts - shattered.

[SnowyMouse]

(((( LEM ))))

[SnowyMouse]

Just popping into say good night all.

[NanaNina]

Oh nethun sorry you are feeling crap and hope by now you are back under the duvet. Are you a single parent? If you've gone back to work too soon, could you not be signed off sick again. Do you mind saying what your job is, though I understand you might not want to say. Was just wondering how much responsibility it entailed and whether that was not helping your mental health.

I think having fluctuations in depression is the nature of the beast to be honest and I am just like you. One day I am thinking of hanging myself (and yes I've googled suicide methods - was amazed at how much info there was) and then when I'm ok again nothing is further from my mind. I don remember reading that if you do commit suicide you pass on your pain to the loved ones you leave behind, and obviously it would be your children.

Sorry DP is nagging you about a job Lem - it's not as though there are a surplus of jobs just now is it.........is his business doing ok now as I know you were worried about finances at one time.

Snowy hope you manage your weekend away.

As for me - well I was diagnosed with shingles today - and I couldn't have the anti viral because I had had the rash for longer than 72 hours. There is no treatment and the GP said it would clear up in a week or so. The nerve affected is in my face, just under the eye. Of course I googled when I got home and got in a right lather because it said the main complication of shingles was some sort of neuralgia and I knew someone who had this and she wasn't someone to complain but she said the pain was horrendous - she had to give up her job and there didn't seem to be any effective treatment. Also worried about my eye as GP said if it watered or went red to contact her and if out of hours to go straight to A & E, and google said something about sight loss. I've got a bit of a history of health anxiety...................so am trying not to think I will be in chronic pain, depressed and blind in one eye!!

[TheSilveryPussycat]

Another one just popping. Still woozy for part of the day from sodium valporate, but it does seem to be making me feel better, even than before my latest episode. Somehow feeling a little more energised.

Will read properly soon.

[nethunsreject]

Hi silvery, that sounds a bit encouraging, hope you continue to feel better, if woozy.
Hello snowy : )

Nana, ach, shingles isn't very nice. Dr Google isn't much help though, is it? Like worst case scenarios possible! I have had shingles twice and it was really ok, I was fine again in a few weeks, not what I'd been led to expect from the internet!!. For the following year I had a little mild niggly pain where the shingles had been whenever I was a bit run down or had a cold or whatever. I know near the eye is a bit scarier, but afaik it seems that if you're not too sore now then hopefully you'll be fine. Obviously I am not a doctor!! But anyway I hope you feel better from it soon.
I have a DH who is mainly fantastic, however he has his own issues at times. He is very worried about me . He is very loving and supportive, but a real worrier. I spent yesterday pm in bed, the evening was ok despite dreading it, the kids were well behaved and cute.
Work - I would LOVE to go off sick again but feel I can't. They have been so helpful that I don't want to let them down. ALso dh thinks work is good for me as otherwise I spiral down even further, which is true too. Also we need the money, not for 'extras' but for food, bills etc.
I will totally out myself if I say what I do, but it is very emotionally hard at times.

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Hi all,

just letting you know I'm still around. Mostly on the up these days; but I still think of you all.

but I have a question for you.

someone I know told me they were on sleeping tablets. I've since found out that they are taking amitryptiline. When googling I'm not sure this is a sleeping tablet but more an old tricyclic. AD which is rarely used. Does anyone have any experience of this medication. Thinking about some of the more mature residents of the village. snowy? nana? silvery?

[SnowyMouse]

I've never tried amitryptiline Ed (I'm mid thirties, btw ). Oh no NN, I hope you get better soon. Big hugs NN and all. Good luck with work, nethuns I need to pack today.

[Victrix]

Afternoon all, hope it's a decent one.

Sorry in advance, this is going to be a long one!

I'm getting really hacked off with my complete inability to do anything. Today's example, sending my line in to work. Should take roughly 2 mins to scan and email, instead:

1. Attach printer cable to laptop
   
2. Walk around the living room
   
3. Switch laptop on, put line from GP in scanner bit
   
4. Stand in conservatory for 5 minutes
   
5. Scan sickline
   
6. Walk around the living room
   
7. Debate format of file name for saving sick line to desktop
   
8. Walk around the living room
   
9. Clench jaw for a bit
   
10. Drink a glass of water
    
11. Save file
    
12. Open email program
    
13. Walk around living room
    
14. Walk up and down stairs
    
15. Open new email, add recipient email addresses
    
16. 3 more laps of the living room
    
17. Deep thought of what subject line should be
    
18. Walk around the living room
    
19. Actually type subject line
    
20. Walk around the living room
    
21. Attach file, type the world's shortest message and hit send
    
22. Experience feeling of deep and true existential dread
    
23. Compulsively rub arms while pacing around the living room for 5 minutes.
    
    Also, I have been putting this off since Wednesday

[SnowyMouse]

Well done for getting it done, Victrix

[Victrix]

Thanks Snowy

[LEMmingaround]

Wasn't going to post just now as catching five minutes between the madness that has become my life this week. Not a bad thing really.

Could not ignore that post victrix - you could be me. If I get asked to print or email stuff these days my heart sinks. I wash up by hand because the dishwasher befuddles me. I am 43 . Mother of two with a phd in biochemistry ffs :( I do find that im better with more complex things though. Odd.

Hi ed

[Mentalpsychiatrist]

Quetiapine - my god the somnolence. I knew it would be bad but this is ridiculous. 'Working' from home as I can't drive in the mornings but I'm back in clinic next week and have no idea how I'll manage to not slide off the chair and onto a patient.

Nana, sorry to hear about the shingles. It's very unpleasant but the risk of losing your eyesight is really very low so try not to worry. My mother had shingles around her eye about five times and was fine, we'll she wasn't, she died, but not from the shingles!

Well done Victrix, I know how days like that work.

Ed, amitryptiline is often used to improve sleep in patients with fibromyalgia or similar but it's used at a much lower dose than would be used for depression..

[SnowyMouse]

Good luck with the heavy week, LEM I remember quetiapine being like that, I think it gets better/you get used to it, but I can't remember how quickly. I found the extended release version was less sleepy, but not all trusts allow it to be prescribed.

[EdwiniasRevenge]

So sorry snowy I just thick of you as one of our matriach's.

so so so sorry.

[SnowyMouse]

No problem, it's hard to keep track of everyone, and I'm not sure I've said how old I am (((( Ed ))))

[SnowyMouse]

I'm honoured rather than offended

Only a day til I see family.