Good morning everyone. Just found this thread and new to this part of the forum but mnetter since 2012. So today is my birthday (totally angling for some love here) and I also called the GP to make an appointment to go back on citalopram after a nearly 2 year break. So all in all feeling a bit shit!
In a nutshell, been suffering on and off from panic attacks for about 15 years. First major bout I dealt with without meds and made lifestyle changes that helped alleviate them.
About 10 years ago, after some major events including breaking up with dp of 6 years and severe illness of a parent I went on citalopram which basically saved my life! I was able to continue working and functioning again and started to enjoy life without constant fear. Was on 20mg which was the perfect dose for me to alleviate the chronic panic attacks.
So early 2012 found out I was pregnant. At the same time exp decided to leave me for OW. I realised that coming off meds at this time would probably not be a great idea BUT was so worried about effects on dd that I came off with no side effects and no anxiety. In the past two years I have had a horrendous time dealing with exp (usual horribleness of control issues, not caring about dd, rarely seeing her, issues with maintainance), have had to hand my notice in at work and also lost my home. I have actually suprised myself by coping (albeit with a constant underlying sadness) but I genuinely think the pregnancy/bf feel good hormones kept me going for a long time.
Anyway, last week hit a wall. Literally. Funnily enough was just starting to feel OK again, starting to build my business, trying to relax and enjoy dd, getting more sleep etc etc and then suddenly wham, all the symptoms came back, and last night had full blown panic attack. First for about 6 years! I guess I could see it coming in a way and I genuinely do not think one specific recent even has triggered it, I think trying to do it all (ie lp since birth) as well as heartbreak over dp leaving, dealing with his shit as well as another severe illness in close family has just literally seen me go over the edge. I think my body just can't cope anymore. I am suprised it happened just now, as I was starting to feel I was getting my life back together but I guess I am just so exhausted from the past two years.
Anyway, sorry for writing an essay, I just wanted to say hi, glad I found this thread and will update as to what happens with meds. Last time they put me straight onto 20mg but this time I am going to try and go 10 then 20 as I need to function for dd. My main worry is gaining weight again as gained about 20 lb last time which didn't exactly help easy my depression. Also plan to start running again as I truly believe this to be a great aid in dealing with MH issues.