"putting the SPRING back in our step - village support for depression and anxiety"

[LEMmingaround]

Heres the new thread guys. What is this, thread 9?

This is a thread that is situated in a virtual village of support for those suffering from mental health issues, or just those struggling with what life throws at them.

Please feel free to join in.

hugs (((silvery))) so sorry to hear you've been so poorly. Really hope you start to feel better soon.

Aw, thanks folks.

Today I slept and slept (before posting on here). I got out on leave Tuesday last, and was properly discharged yesterday. Tbh, the ward I was on didn't help much in itself, as I was tormented by continuous Radio 2 (and other music stations). Plus it was too hot. I pity the other patients who had to put up with me pacing and ranting for several days.

So now it seems they want to say I have bipolar. But I would prefer to say that I have sometimes had stress-induced hypomania, as my depression went when I took steps to divorce my Ex. I've nearly got the house sorted, 2 years nearly since he went, in fact that sorting was part of the recent stress.

I feel relatively OK, although like mp am finding it a bit hard to get started on things.

Oh me too sorry you have had a setback silvery - I was only thinking about you earlier today. What meds are you on - can't remember were you still taking meds before or had you finished with them as you were doing so well, other than feeling sleepy? I agree that psych wards are no help at all really and I would never again go in on a voluntary basis. Assuming (like me) you were on an Older People's Ward (as in over 65) and there was nothing in the way of empathy! You really must try to take things more slowly and keep your stress levels low if possible.

I've had 8 days of sheer crap (apart from one afternoon last week) and it's taken me till about 9.00 tonight to feel human, which is why I'm still up at this late hour.

mp I don't mean to be rude but why would you give yourself a "medication holiday" - surely that's not a good idea with bipolar, or indeed unipolar, or any other mental illness is it? Hope you are back on the meds and will even out - it must be hellish difficult to do your job when you are feeling so crap.

Hello CIQ snowy you mentioned you were struggling?
And DumDum I worry about you as I know you've had a really rough time lately.

Hello everybody, just want to say hello really, and that I hope you're all doing ok. I've had a really busy week with family visiting. It all threatened to get a bit much on Thursday night because suddenly a tonne of work landed on me - there's a chance something I've been working on for best part of three years is about to go tits up - I could feel the dread sink in and I plucked up the courage to tell relative about my meds and managed to take a few hours for myself to do some work. I feel that was quite a big step in the right direction for me and it did help redirect the anxiety this time. Still not sure how the work thing will pan out but trying to focus on saving it rather than be negative about it. I guess this is changing thought patterns, isn't it?

(((hugs))) everyone.

Nana, it's not a rude question. Sometimes I go off meds because I manage to convince myself that I don't need them and will be fine. Other times, like this one, I chase that mild mania in the hope that I can manage it because it's such a great feeling. Either way I always end up learning a painful lesson.

Hi swoop hope the work stuff can be salvaged but try not to worry too much (much easier said than done I know)

MP - Presumably though you wouldn't be advising a patient to stop taking meds for bipolar because they "don't need them." Is there a psychotic element involved in bipolar disorder - if so is this when you convince yourself you are ok and don't need the meds.....just wondered. Sorry you always learn a painful lesson.

Another horrible day for me - empty, flat, miserable, no motivation, only just up and that took a lot of effort - one crying bout, made worse as DP isn't here. The weather is like my mood, grey and cold.

Hope others are doing better than me.

Nana, I would never advise a patient to go off meds but I have a tendency to consider myself above my own advice. I can become psychotic very quickly when off my meds or otherwise having a manic relapse. No psychosis this time but only because my mania was spotted by my CPN. I should point out that I'm not seeing patients at the moment, I have some sense!

Had a busy and nice weekend which has helped me to focus on other stuff than my anxiety. Underlying niggles for the week coming though and am aware that I need to take it really easy. Also worried that I am going back into my fear of fear cycle because I had my first pa for about 6 yrs...hate the fact that they're back.

I've got my first therapy appointment tomorrow (of 6). Feeling slightly unsettled about it. Sorry you're struggling so, so much NN I hope the meds change helps. I hope the work situation is manageable, swoop. How are you today, Silvery? I think it's easy to tell yourself you don't need meds, that's why I reduced meds before Christmas, and I got psychotic as a result. I'm using an online mood tracker now, my CPN recommended it, they can look at it too. Glad you've had a good weekend, Giggle

Hello my lovelies
Nice to be back in the village, feel so at home here. Feels safe.

Hope you get on with the sertraline, Nana, it's all I've ever been on, and I upped my dose to 150mg last week. Feel a bit better, without the usual sicky side effects

Good to hear about the therapy Snowy I think it all depends on the therapist, some are great, some not so great! See how you get on. Hope your having a pleasant afternoon. I've done nothing all day but eat and read the paper
Ooo I have an assessment for a CBT course next month. This is something that I have not yet done, and my thinking certainly needs improvement.

Sad to hear about you Silvery MH is like a cat and mouse disease, you feel ok, then, whumph...

Work is ok, though the paperwork is outrageous. I'm just giving myself a year of it, and if I get through it will be a bloody miracle I feel as if I am walking a tightrope, i just haven't fallen off yet

Mental I know what you mean, but i have accepted that if i'm on meds for life, it's not the end of the world.

Lots of love to everyone, esp new villagers

I was only thinking of you this morning Hoochy and up you pop and the same thing happened with Silvery recently - maybe I'm psychic - hmmm wouldn't put it past my brain to malfunction in any way it pleases! Yes I gather the paperwork is horrendous now, so ridiculous as it is unnecessary. You are doing really well to be doing social work whilst still struggling a bit with MH issues. I gather Sertraline causes nausea but that it does pass off - would be worth it if it brought about an improvement but have learned not to be optimistic.

Snowy - haven't heard you mention therapy before - is it CBT as that's the usual one you get on the NHS. However given that you are in secondary care, would you not be entitled to a therapist without a 6 session limit and not necessarily CBT. I have had a lot of sessions with an NHS therapist who I really liked and trusted but it hasn't made any difference to my fluctuations. Be interested to hear how you get on. And no more meddling with those meds!

MP I know you aren't seeing patients at the moment - and I know you have a lot of sense! Aren't the meds for BPD meant to be very effective if taken as prescribed?

Hope you can keep the pa's at bay Giggleswick - would meds help - sorry I will have to scroll back to read your back story.

Mood lifting slightly but not enough to go and make the cakes I need to make for a christening next Sunday - not a christening cake as such, as that's already sorted, but chocolate cake and a sort of creamy gateau thing. I like to make them beforehand and freeze the sponges and then I only have the fiddly bits to do.

How are you Silvery - resting up I hope x

It's CAT (cognitive analytic therapy) that I've been offered, 6 sessions with my CPN. I don't know much about it. I hope you get on to the cakes, NN, could you break them down to manageable tasks?

Welcome back, hoochy!

Oh, everyone seems to be having a shit time :( Im sad about that.

Bit meh about the weekend really, its rushed by so quickly and we haven't really achieved anything, done any nice things together. I am VERY short tempered with DD this weekend - hate being like that. My lovely friend has her mastectomy on tuesday, i feel frustrated that i can't do more to help her. She has lots of friends, i wouldn't necessarily say we were close friends, more kids in the same class type friends so i don't want to overstep the mark, i just want her to feel there is someone there for her. I don't know why i feel this, maybe its because of my own lump (am still worried but anxiety keeping a low profile, not having any diazepam, it made me worse if anything).

Cakes sound lovely NN. I am a crap cook.

A friend tried to teach me crochet today - is all i can say about that, who said it was easier than knitting??

NN yes meds helped last time so hoping to go back on them. I've tried to fight them before but too exhausting so for now meds seem the best option. I'm ok with that. I want to enjoy life. Not just struggle.

I don't think crochet is easier than knitting. I can't do it at all, I can knit.

Good luck with the meds, giggle

I just had another go snowy - its bloody difficult! Im not great at knitting but at least i can do it! Might give it a miss - shame because my DD1 makes some stunning toys with crochet. I wanted to make a blanket - argghhhhhh :(

Hello everyone!

hi hoochy lovely to hear from you - you're doing amazingly well balancing your work with everything else. Giving yourself a year sounds like a v good plan.

lem wow, I'm in awe, can't knit or crochet! Glad yr anxiety is behaving a bit better.

snowy Knitting! Wow we are a talented lot

nana sorry to hear things are still rubbish. Really hope the sertraline helps.

giggle nice to hear you had a good weekend, but remember to rest too and keep those PA at bay...

mp sounds complicated, tho I can imagine, some of us find it reassuring that Psychs are human too. Hope you get things back on a more even keel soon.

swoop yes, it is exactly about changing thought patterns, and I'm realising that takes a long time and a lot of effort, but hopefully we'll start seeing some benefits fairly soon.

Well, I'm feeling quite reflective and thankful this evening.
Two years ago I was an anxious mess and then made redundant, DH suicidal.
20 months ago I started a painting course.
17 months ago I had a breakdown (severe depression and anxiety but the old fashioned breakdown word feels like a good description).
5 months ago I really felt I was getting better.

This weekend I sold my first painting, and another won the "viewer's choice" award at a local art exhibition. I am delighted

So wanted to say really to everyone, hang in there. For me meds, lots of counselling, lots of sleep, exercise and support from family and friends and amazing people on this thread has taken me to a much better place.

I'm still a work in progress - the anxiety can swoop back in with avengeance (GP says my adrenals are just wrung out from the last two years) and I need at least 9 hrs sleep a night pref 10 plus something active every day, but today I am feeling great

Love to all x

is anyone else here a single mum?

Fluffy im not sure but I know edwinasrevenge is a single mum. We can still listen thoigh. I have been a single mum many yesrs ago.

I msnagged 1 chrochet square!!

Fluffy I am and I was just reflecting on something written above re resting and getting goodnight sleep. I have had nearly two years of incredible stress as well as all the struggles of lp and sleepless nights etc. I think I have genuinely hit a wall and in reality need to sleep and do nothing but not easy with a toddler! Thankfully dm helping out a lot but I would kill for 12 hrs sleep and a lie in!

Feel very groggy today but could be the st John's wart I started taking while I wait for meds. Hate not feeling myself. Was riddled with anxious and angry thoughts last night plus lots of bitterness against exp:(

Lem I am jealous of your crochet square- I can only do extremely basic knitting. I wonder if people think crochet is easier than knitting because you only have one stick?

Congrats on the square, LEM I find I pull too tight to crochet.

WOW re the painting, CIQ! That's amazing!

I don't have children, fluffy

I hope the st john's wort helps in the meantime, giggle

I've just had my discharge letter from my old psychiatrist, not sure when I'll meet the new one. It's all very confusing as far as the new system goes, lots of people are getting new psychiatrists and/or care coordinators. I will miss mine.

well done with the crochet lem I can't do it.

I suppose I'm asking if anyone else is a single mum as I often feel like a teenager "no one understands!" and I wonder if exp was still here whether I'd be in such a mess now. Can relate to the bitterness thing giggle...it's difficult when you can see someone else's life going in a completely different direction to yours. How old is your toddler? My youngest has just started to sleep through the night. At nearly 4! But as luck would have it, now she sleeps, I can't. Does your DM have your toddler overnight at all?

I'm having great difficulty looking after kids/myself at the moment so they are mainly being shuttled between exp and my parents. This hasn't ever happened before. I'm very fortunate though. My dad phoned the other day to say that he was exhausted and that he doesn't know how I do it. I refrained from saying "well, I can't can I?"

In the beginning, I assumed that things would get easier with time, but it doesn't seem to be happening like that. It's nearly 2 years since we separated, and I don't know if it's just properly hit me or something but I'm just so miserable about it all, and feel so completely and utterly isolated and hopeless. Doesn't help that I struggle to leave the house at the moment due to seeing families/couples everywhere. I went to the shops on Saturday (well done me) but was like a blooming human fountain all the way home, could hardly see to drive. I'm wondering when it's going to get better.

Fluffy totally understand. Tbh exp was an utter shit and does nothing for dd but when I am low I blame him for everything that is going wrong which is not right either. Sigh. Hard to feel upbeat when him and ow seem to be living the life of riley and I'm struggling. I am allowing myself to be angry today and hopefully less so tomorrow :)

Dd is 18 months and dm and dsis both offered to take her o/n. Just formulating a plan. I swear I just want to go to a retreat at a nunnery. Skipped a playgroup this morning which makes me feel guilty and like a bad mum but really couldn't face it.

Dreading the side effects of citalopram (fuzzy in the first week's and huge weight gain) but know it's for the best to go back on them.