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Original poster

"putting the SPRING back in our step - village support for depression and anxiety"

999 replies

LEMmingaround · 03/03/2014 21:29

Heres the new thread guys. What is this, thread 9?

This is a thread that is situated in a virtual village of support for those suffering from mental health issues, or just those struggling with what life throws at them.

Please feel free to join in.

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMmingaround · 29/04/2014 13:02

cammomile tea isn't very nice - but it seems to be calming. I took a diazepam before i did the school run this morning, i wonder if that is why i cried actually, i might leave it alone for a bit. Get some bachs rescue remedy - i know its all woo but it used to stop my hands shaking during microdissections so there must be something in it? hands shaking good and proper today!

OP posts:
NanaNina · 29/04/2014 13:07

Have you still not got a date for that wretched appointment yet Lem - incidentally I have loads of diazepam and if you want to PM me your address I'll send you some. When I was in hospital the conslt psych was very fond of prescribing diazo and a nurse commented "Dr X will have you on these for ever." I am still written up for 3 x 2mg per day and as I get my prescription every 2 months, I have loads and rarely use them, as with me the depression is much worse than the anxiety. The GPs don't seem bothered about the prescription - suppose because a conslt psych has prescribed them. Sometimes I don't ask or any more on a repeat prescription. MY CPN says 6mg per day (if I needed that many) is still a very low dose. I know you can become addicted to them as opposed to dependent on them, so as you know, you have to be careful, but sometimes just knowing you have some helps the anxiety! I gave some of them to a friend recently - she's a teacher and there was an OFSTED inspection and she said they helped enormously. She only took 2mg x 2 per day and no more.

Maybe just have some spare until you get the apt and know what's what - I think the uncertainty is probably the worst part, and is very anxiety provoking - sorry you already know that!

Original poster
LEMmingaround · 29/04/2014 13:08

TUL - i just wanted to say, you are not NOT a horrible person (your DH on the other hand........) you are lovely, articulate, intelligent and you are a good mum. Sorry i didn't respond to that post earlier, i am in a bad place just now.

I feel like i have gotten into a cycle of anxiety that is bigger than the breast lump - i can't rationalise, keep crying - 1.5 hours of crying this morning FFS. TUL i do love my DD so very very much, i don't have the words to express it. I have two DDs, one has left home and of course i adore them both but my older DD is a tough cookie, she'll be ok - but dd2 is so so sensitvie. I am worried that my anxieties are rubbing off on her :( she is obessive about things - i tidied her room yesterday, she freaked out because i might have touched her wolf toy. Today she has covered all her toys up and told me not to touch them.

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 13:10

People do say rescue remedy works, it doesn't matter if it's placebo effect or not, take it if it helps. I once read some research showing that even morphine has some placebo effect.
Hang on in there, LEM

Original poster
LEMmingaround · 29/04/2014 13:11

Nana - that is so very kind of you. i have about 14 tablets left, i still don't know when my appointment is, but i might need a few on the day! I am trying to stick to one a day but actually after this morning i think it might have been the diazepam that sort of opened the flood gates. Cammomile tea is vile, but calming!

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 13:11

I used to take 40mg of diazepam (as a muscle relaxant), so you're right, it's not a lot.

Original poster
LEMmingaround · 29/04/2014 13:13

I swear my friends mum was on 60mg, but i could be mistaken. I took one of her tablets many years ago when my cat died, i thought the devil was knocking on my door - i didn't do that again!

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 16:03

I am so hungry, but can't eat anything until an hour's time, I hit 14 stone recently, put on 2.5 stones Sad

SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 17:24

I've had an egg and some veg...

Swoopdewoop · 29/04/2014 18:00

Hi everyone, I woke up this morning feeling so much better. Slightly high, which is relief, I think, at this episode being over (hopefully). I just wanted to drop by to say I'm thinking about toy and hope you're all holding on ok.

Sorry, I'm new so I don't know everyone's story, but Lem, do you have any kind of support network, or friends you can call on?

Snowy - that's healthy! Smile

SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 18:22

I'm glad you're feeling so much better, swoop Smile Yes, I'm resisting the urge to get takeaway Hmm

Swoopdewoop · 29/04/2014 18:58

Hmm of course I'm not thinking about toy, I'm thinking about YOU.

Snowy thanks. And ouch, good luck resisting the lure of the take away. I. Love. Take away. But dp's not a fan, unfortunately, so I have to wait till he's away. Or feeling weak. Grin

SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 19:01

Big hugs LEM

BatWings · 29/04/2014 19:26

Snowy, that's healthy :) On the other hand I just wolfed down a large Maccies due to work related stress. Pfffft. Hope everyone had a good day xxx

SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 19:51

I love it too, swoop I wish it wasn't so easy to order, especially pizza. McD's is ok every so often, I eat when I'm stressed.

Original poster
LEMmingaround · 29/04/2014 20:52

i just had mac donalds - not burger though, a chicken wrap, i didnt think dp had ordered fries but he had, so of course i ate them. ive just hit 14 stone snowy - i was actually pleased about that Blush

I don't know what to do - i feel insane, i can't go back to the doctor - she will get cross im sure. DP is losing his patience and I am so so stressed. Poor DD asked if i was crying this morning - i lied and said i wasn't - she didn't believe me. I really feel like i am losing my mind :( I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 20:56

(((( LEM )))) how long do you have to wait now?

Original poster
LEMmingaround · 29/04/2014 21:07

swoop - my background is that of anxiety mostly, ironically i had gotten over the health anxiety that first put me on ADs about 7 years ago. I came off the ADs and then stupidly took on a job that was too much for me just over a year ago and had a mini breakdown. This thread has been my lifeline - the people on here are just so lovely and understanding, even when i spout irrational shite, someone gets it and can empathise.

Actually Dumdum I am worried about you - not seen you on the thread for a bit - its been moving pretty quick (mostly my bloody panicky posts). Be good to know you are ok.

CiQ are you ok too? and you Ed?

Nana - i took another diazepam and it helped a bit - am thinking of going to see my Dr on thursday and talking about upping my citalopram dosage to 40mg.

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMmingaround · 29/04/2014 21:18

Snowy - i still haven't had the appointment through, was told would def be seen by the 10th may. I managed (somehow) to finish tidying my DD's room today, have a bath as i looked awful this morning, walk my dogs,, do a load of washing, hang it upon clothes horse, then pick DD up (best part of the day!) do the dishwasher and sort her a snack, help her with her homework. Then we took her to karate and went food shopping while she was there. So there was no way i was cooking tonight, macdonalds was the lesser of the takeaway evils i think and i had eaten the grand total of two cocktails sausages and a mini egg today. All day to day things that ordinary people take for granted but in my present state its quite an effort. Maybe i'll have a lazy day tomorrow. Wish i had netflicks or something

OP posts:
ColouringInQueen · 29/04/2014 21:25

Hi all and thanks for the hug snowy hope you survived the hunger pangs. I'm trying to do the fast diet too now... not easy is it?!

(((lem))) really feel for you and wish I could give you a real life hug. It is ok for dc to see us cry sometimes, and you could find an excuse if that's easier. Crying is OK. I rang the Samaritans once when my anxiety was completely out of control one evening when I was supposed to be looking after the kids. It did help - talked me down if that makes sense. But like you say may be worth seeing GP (try not to worry about bothering them). Are you able to do any exercise outdoors - I find that helps sometimes if I'm bad. Hang in there and rant away on here as much as you like.

Hi nana, swoop welcome batwings and everyone else reading.

I am doing ok. Back to counsellor today after three weeks off. I am wondering now if I need to continue and was brave enough to raise it. She said we could talk about working towards finishing in the summer. Hope I'm making the right decision. Have been better in April I think in part cos of light, holiday, more sleep and recently more exercise. But am aware that I wasn't well in March so don't feel like I can take it for granted iykwim.

SnowyMouse · 29/04/2014 21:40

Good luck with the diet, CIQ. I'm glad you feel better Smile

Original poster
LEMmingaround · 30/04/2014 09:42

Can anxiety make you insane, like truly deeply insane, forever? This is how i feel - i am in hell. I have never ever felt so bad in my entire life - how bloody ironic because when i first started posting on here i thought i was suicidal. Maybe i have got my wish eh? But i feel desperate, desperate for my little girl - i love her so much i can't describe it. I have two daughters, one is older she will cope - i was a shit mother to her. She will be devestated of course but she will cope. I worry that her and her sister will lose touch with each other. They hardly see each other as it is. They will both be alone. Ive no brothers and sisters. I feel unhinged with worry, i can't stop crying - the diazepam isn't working. I want to tell my mum but she wont be helpful and it will make things worse. i miss my dad. My DD2 wont remember me an DD1 will only remember a crap mother who was more interested in herself. I derserve this

OP posts:
TheUnemployableLeech · 30/04/2014 10:15

I don't know lem. I'd guess not. I don't believe it is your wish and anyway, wishes are allowed to change. Just because you thought that then doesn't mean you wish it now. How many things did you wish for as a child that you don't wish for now? I always wanted one of those trolls with the spiky hair. Couldn't care less now! They would not be alone anyway, they would have each other, your DH and most importantly you. Don't tell your mum if you think it will make things harder for you. (Have you spoken to your DD1 about it?).

You don't deserve this. No one does. I don't believe you would tell another person that they deserve to be in your situation. Would you? Could you? Go on, tell me that I deserve it....

ColouringInQueen · 30/04/2014 10:21

I don't think it does lem but I know when my anxiety is at its worst I feel like I am loosing my mind. Although its horrendous, its not a permanent thing. I would go back to your GP as you sound like you're really struggling. Are you able to sleep at night? Lack of sleep also makes it worse.

Can you try and tell yourself that this is a temporary state? Acknowledge your anxieties about your DDs but then tell yourself that your having these thoughts because your anxiety is off the scale? You will feel better again. (((hugs))). You are a lovely person having a really tough time waiting for reassurance re: a worrying medical symptom. xx

Swoopdewoop · 30/04/2014 11:28

I don't think so either, Lem. I think it's a temporary thing that skews our thinking for a while but it's hard to remember it's temporary when we're in the middle of it. I echo what TUL and CIQ said - you're struggling and your doctor needs to know. I understand that feeling of thinking they're not sympathetic and I'd be the same (I HAVE been the same) in your shoes - but from here on the outside it's clear that you need more support than you're getting. And you deserve the support too.

Your little girl is so bloody lucky to have a mum who loves her so much and who is so aware of herself. Try to find and hold on to the positives - it WILL pass.