"putting the SPRING back in our step - village support for depression and anxiety"

[LEMmingaround]

Heres the new thread guys. What is this, thread 9?

This is a thread that is situated in a virtual village of support for those suffering from mental health issues, or just those struggling with what life throws at them.

Please feel free to join in.

My chair wont be fixed til next week, they're coming to take it away, it lasted less than a mile today. This time of year always gets me down, anniversaries, who'd have them?

Well done on getting through things, LEM! Well done on getting out, vicar!

(((lem))) (((vicar)))

hi snowy and welcome appeltini. Hope everyone's in an ok place this evening. I am doing Ok. Had a good session in the garden this pm. Ds has worked up a high temp tho. But went out last night with friend from college and her dh and her friend and had a nice evening! so that's been a good boost. I know its partly hormonal - I always feel a lot better mid month, but am just trying to make the most of it!

Thanks for the kind welcome. Am in therapy, not on ADs for various reasons, have periodic bouts of depression, ongoing anxiety and PTSD.

Just feel overwhelmed by everything, it's all I can do to put on one load of laundry or wash one plate. DH is incredibly supportive but feel like such a burden.

Hello everyone - am back from Ireland. The journey over was horrendous, as my anxiety was sky high - I cried very quietly in the airport and took 2 x 2mg diazepam before we left the house, and the same dose in the airport, which helped a bit. However by the time our son met us at Dublin airport at 5 ish I was more or less ok. This happens more or less every time I go to Ireland as some of you have pointed out, but this time was particularly bad. Thing is it's the only thing I have to plan because of the flights. Was ok most of the week - had a few hours on a couple of mornings when I was flat and a bit tearful but nothing awful. It was lovely to see the family of course.

Lem so sorry to hear of your troubles. The trouble with health anxiety is once it is "ignited" there's little you can do until you know for sure that the lump is related to your fall. I honestly think the GP would have given you a "Rapid Access Appointment - seen within 2 weeks" if he/she had suspected cancer. What is the breast clinic then, presumably breast nurses?

Snowy hello - sorry to hear about your chair - how are you otherwise?
Hi Vicar sorry I can't commiserate with you because I am absolutely terrified of rats, and the idea of holding them etc sends shivers down my back. Are you ok though, I know you've had recurring chest infections and shite at work but you don't sound depressed - hope not. Think you are about to come off sertraline aren't you.

Hello CIQ - where are you DD and how are you?
Beer agree the woman in the shop was stupid and not worth thinking about. What meds are you on?

Welcome apple - sorry if I've forgotten anyone.

hi nana - im glad you had a nice time seeing the family. Travel always makes me nervous too.

no way can i come off the sertraline at the moment - work is horrendous - bullying at its worst and im struggling. ive told some superiors but they wont get hold of it and stop it. its put up or shut up. im trying to consider my options within the job because i realise the job is not what causes me problems, but the people i work with do. I also realise that it is not me - it is them. ive talked to other supervisors, and first contact advisors, my group has a reputation and its deserved. i need to get off this group and maybe things would improve. i dont know. i know i do a lot of good in my job for people. i enjoy that. i enjoy taking time to get to know people and their issues and trying to sort them. but i am always alone, i work alone, i eat alone, and i am very isolated. the people i work with are just not very nice people. selfish. self opinionated. cynical. they think im stupid because i believe people first and work it all out later. i know they take the piss all the time. i know what they think of me, but it is just them...i know that im well thought of by others and by the people who matter most - the people i try to help in the community where i work.

ds disclosed his disability to his employers and has been suspended. he does not feel he can go back and is very down, he has had the first asthma attack in 5 years and a panic attack trying to get on a bus. He had just signed a 12 month lease on a flat. i am acting as his representative and its taking its toll on me. im sick of playing games with people. we move. they move. we move. they move. they have discriminated against him due to his disability but its down to me to try and negotiate a settlement. he is paralysed to the point he cant even answer the phone to them.

my rat was my pet and i loved him very much. losing him has been very difficult because he had such personality and we were both misfits, yet we fitted. i know it sounds stupid but i cant help how i feel. He was affectionate and he was lovely, he followed me around the house and was much more like a dog than a rat. He was very expressive in his love and im finding it very difficult without him. I cant talk about him at work. or my ds. my dh has been lovely even though he doesnt get rats either, he knew i loved him.

today i did not get up until 15.30.
i am just tired of the daily grind. tired.

i feel out of it. the sertraline is the only thing keeping me going at the moment so i dont feel able to come off it. im comfortably numb.

I cant sleep

So glad you made the trip to ireland nana - i will be seen within two weeks as that is standard for any referral, you might have been away but i went back and asked for a referral as i was going out of my mind. She prescribed me some diazepam, ive taken it once - been keeping busy which is helping. I just want to know, one way or another. I don't want to die :(

I'm so happy you went, NN! I'm feeling low

Oh (((( vicar )))) I'm sorry things are so bad for you

Thinking of you, LEM - you're doing so well.

So true

Vicar I can't help but feel you are in the wrong job. You have had to put up with so much shite because you are not a hard-nosed arsehole like so many of your colleagues. I have to say I have a very dim view of the police after all the lies they have told about so many things, Hillsborough, the G20 bloke some copper pushed him to the ground with no good reason, and then they got some medic to say he suffered a heart attack which was untrue and the true cause of death was internal bleeding caused by the fall. Even though it was on video the copper got away with it. Then there was the bloke killed on the London underground, shot several times when he was on the floor and surrounded by police.........they lied again and said he jumped a barrier and was wearing a thick coat which could be concealing a bomb - not true. I know it's easy to pick on stuff like this and of course I don't think all police are the same, but I suspect a high proportion of them are racist and sexist (you mentioned one recently who complained about going on another bloody domestic) or something similar.

You sound to be like you would be a better social worker but I wouldn't advise that now, as like all public services it is going down the pan for lack of funding. Absolutely agree that you should defo not come off sertraline. So sorry about your son - it is unlawful to discriminate against someone on grounds of their disability, so maybe that's the way to go. You could google - it - I think there's a law against discrimination on grounds of mental health too. Could you get the case before an Employment Tribunal?

Have you got a date for your appointment Lem ?

Ah Snowy sorry you are feeling low - usually music helps to muffle the voices doesn't it, as I know when you are low it makes it more difficult to shut the voices out.

As for me I woke feeling a bit crap, but not that bad but with over 2 hours on the phone to HSBC trying to access my on line account with Wally No 1 and Wally No 2 (and me bursting into tears and then getting angry....) and I do anger quite well (!) I finally got someone who knew what they were talking about. Feel washed out.............

Hi everyone.

Vicar I have to say thank goodness there are people like you in the police force. I know if I ever had need for the police I would be grateful to have someone like you. I hope you manage to change groups. I'm sorry for your son as well. My dcs are younger and I can still help them, but I can well imagine how heartbreaking it is when they're older and need help we can't provide. I really hope you manage to resolve it. The company sound horrible.

I've had a very flat week. In bed a lot. My ds1 says he feels he hardly sees me even though I'm in the house all the time. I did tell dp I appreciate his support. It felt a little bit of a breakthrough to get to that point. And the past 3 days I've managed to take myself for a walk. I'm determined to get out of this. Also, cut right down of caffeine which is helping. I really don't want to give up wine though...I don't drink much but I know it's a depressant so it stands to reason: depressed? don't drink. Yuk. Maybe I need to walk more. (anticipating no soles left on any of my shoes)

Just taken a diazepam :( not coping at all, shrieking at the dogs, one of the poor things is now sat on my lap shaking - DP is in a foul mood and i know its because i wont stop going on about this fucking lump - i can feel the thing, i want to get it out now - i want to do it with scissors. The only thing that is stopping me is that i know that you can make things worse if you leave any behind. DD made herself scarce upstairs. No appointment yet nana - maybe that will help having that. ive been down this road before when i was having pains in my breast, the dr sent me to the breast clinic and they confirmed nothing wrong, but that was at the time when DP and me nearly split up. He is starting to show signs of irritation with me just now, i hope this isnt going to screw things up.

On the upside I have had a lovely day at a St. Georges day event with DD, there were horses and I have a bit of a thing for one of the re-enactors (he is beautiful!) so at least some eye-candy, i make no secret of it and DP just thinks its funny and in all seriousness, i only have eyes for DP. The horses were stunning and the riders were really impressive, although there was one point i thought the horse wasn't going to stop and go into the crowd DD had a fantastic day, i want her to have more days like today.

I may have a glass of wine later - a bit of a wine/citalopram/diazepam cocktail has to make for a restful nights sleep doesn't it? i think adding a zopiclone into the mix would be pushing it and i definately wont do that. I have actually been sleeping ok and i don't lke the sleep i have on zopiclone.

Vicar - do you have a union? I am not sure if you have ever mentioned one? if your bosses aren't addressing this bullying issue maybe you shuodl talk to them. I know it sounds mad but could you put in for a transfer, like, anywhere? do you need to stay where you are living? fresh start? What does your DH do? Don't let the fuckers get you down - you are a beautiful woman, on the inside and outside.

Zombie - how are you honey? I hope things are going ok for you just now.

Ciq - things ok? you sound like you had a good weeend.

Ed - you posted briefly - hows things? you said you had your dissertation to finish, if i can help in any way - referencing, bibiography then PLEASE let me know, i would love to help if i could as i need to occupy my mind over the next few weeks.

Swoopdewoop - you sound like you are really tackling this thing head on, good for you. Don't put yourself under too much pressure, i have learnt to my expense not to rush things and if the wine helps, have some. I have to be honest and say that if i have too much - so i stick to a glass or two now i do feel more anxious the next day. Caffiene is a killer for me too - i just can't cope with it, but a decaf espresso (and i love strong coffee) just doesn't have the same ring to it does it. My special treat is a chai latte - much less caffeine, but much much more fattening. Am going to go off on a search for some sort of calming tea.

Lem that was lovely of you to address everyone when you're feeling so frazzled yourself. I'm glad you had a good day, it sounds lovely. I don't know my way around meds but if you know it will help you then go for it. But obv don't push it! I'd love to slip off to a dreamy sleep. Hope it helps.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. This thread is an amazing support. I think you're all so lovely.

Hello everyone, I've just asked for a referal for CBT after suffering with this stupid anxiety for 8 years. I'm currently on 30mg of Propranolol which I think is helping(?). I am 24 years old and a teacher. I feel like such a failure for having constant anxiety/panic attacks.
Hope everyone is having a lovely evening x

Thanks swoop - i have resisted the alcohol, the last time i mixed alcohol and diazepam was many many years ago when my friend gave me one of hers as i was distraught at the loss of my cat i honestly thought that Satan himself was standing at my front door trying to get in the window .

Well done on asking for the referral batwings - CBT works really well for many folk. How long have you been on the propanalol? its a beta-blocker and good for beating the symptoms of anxiety but maybe you could talk to your GP about a proper anti-depressant such as citalopram or setraline (among several others). The propanalol will help with the panic attacks/palpitations but i dont know how it fares in stopping the actual anxiety itself. Teaching is pretty bloody stressful, are you getting enough support at work? I tried teaching (in college) and couldn't hack it so you have my respect!

Hi Lem . I have been prescribed Propranolol since December, but have only been taking it properly since March. I was given 30mg but only take 10mg - I know that's silly but I found it so inconvenient to take 3x tablets a day.
The thing that frightens me is that no one at work knows anything about it. I am so scared to mention it incase I am blacklisted . Most people I know think I am just being very dramatic and don't take me seriously.

My GP offered me Citalopram at my last appointment but I refused it. My DP came off it last December and he didn't have an amazing experience with it, so I didn't know if I should try it.

I just want some people to talk to because I don't think my RL friends/family understand. I find it very stressful to do normal things such as food shopping, going to a restaurant, walking round town etc. My DP is very supportive.

I hear you about the shopping, i sometimes just have to leave my trolley where it is, i have to wash up by hand sometimes because i can't figure out how to load the dishwasher I was getting better, just had a bit of a knockback this week. I honestly don't think people can really understand unless they have lived it. Its so bloody irrational and the irony is that you end up trying to rationalise it

Your work would be breaking the law if they held MH issues against you, they SHOULD be supportive - sadly, it isn't always the way.

Everyone reacts differently to medication, just because your DP didn't suit it, that doesn't mean it wont suit you - it isn't without its side effects and can be rubbish for the first few weeks, that is often the case for many of the ADs. There are other ADs that work in the same way as citalopram so maybe give it some thought. I would probably advise you to have a couple of weeks off work when you were starting it though just because it can make you feel wobbly in the first few weeks, of course you may not feel it would be for you, and thats OK. It generally works well for me - this is my second time on it.

There is some good links on the MH section of mumsnet - there is a link to moodgym which is an online CBT course. Maybe that would be useful?

Thanks for the welcomes, this thread moves fast!

Bastard jet lag again. Have broken into the emergency aripiprazole top up stash. I'm beginning to hate America.

Hope everyone else is coping ok.

It does apple! not always but its on a roll this week (i seem to be hogging most of it, sorry) How are you?

Ive never been to america - its not high on my list of places i want to visit i must admit - i am probably wrong about that. what is the aripiprazole for?

Great advice, thank you so much . It's so irrational and ridiculous! I don't understand why my brain would freak out when I'm trying to buy washing up liquid?!
I had nearly 2 years of freedom of it until I had vertigo which I have had since November 2012 .
I had random attack today when I was installing updates onto my phone. I felt like I was going to have a seizure and die. Soooo stupid .

Does anyone have any experience of CBT? I have no idea what to expect.

Hi LEM, I have type 1 bipolar so the aripiprazole is an antipsychotic. I decided to give myself a few days off my meds last week because I am an idiot who always knows best so I was a bit high before getting here and am getting worse. The lure of lovely hypomania is always lurking.

You're not wrong about America although I'm in California which is lovely in parts. Long way for two days though.

Mentalpsychiatrist - DP & I are saving up for our honeymoon to CA if I can stop panicking about travelling there .

Ive had CBT - it didn't really work for me, but i didn't really engage with the counsellor and when i had traditional counselling, we touched on some CBT techniques. Its more about addressing the behaviours instead of going over and over things. It asks you to dissect your feelings and its very structured, it is quite logical.

The best bit (and very useful) bit of advice i got from CBT was when the counsellor asked me what i thoguht would happen during a panic attack or extreme anxiety - i would always think i would slip into raving insanity and it would just get worse and worse and my head would virtually explode. This never happened funnily enough - he explained ther reaon and drew a graph, it was a hyperbola so it goes up and then flattens out - it represented the adrenalin and other stress hormones that are released during extreme anxiety - your body can only produce so much at a time before it runs out so the panic will (and pretty much always does) stop. I find that very useful to remember when im getting stupidly stressed - my body just does not have the energy to maintain that level of stress, and it doesn't. Sorry, im probably not explaining very well. Other things were writing down how i felt about things that happened, when they happened, evidence for X Y and Z and how i could think about it differently. Its a shame i didnt get on wiht the counsellor for that really as it is a good technique. Have a look at the moodgym thing - i found that useful.

Im going to shut up now - im a bit spaced on the diazepam and dont think im making sense!