Just been diagnosed with bipolar. Feel utterly grim about it all

[LeGavrOrf]

Bipolar and elements of PTSD apparently.

Have been off work for 8 weeks and initially diagnosed by the GP as depressed, am on 225mg of venlafaxine which hasn't worked at all. Last week saw CPN and now have been given quietapine to take as well, 25mg.

I feel so low and have had suicidal thoughts mixed with feeling very down, and then other days where I am dashing about feeling as if I have had 20 double espressos.

I am just so down at having bipolar and worried about work and what this all means, I have also looked on the Internet and seen that 25mg of quietapine is a very small dose and should have a higher dose, I haven't been told to increase this at all. Plus I haven't seen a psychiatrist at all. Is it normal just to see a psychiatric nurse? I am seeing her again tomorrow, she is coming to my house as when I spoke to her yesterday I was so low and worried.

It's just a bloody horrible thing to come to terms with.

Wicked? Good grief I don't think I've ever heard you say anything remotely wicked in years. Hilariously mischievous, yes, but wicked no.

Thanks, Hearts. Managing any kind of routine seems beyond me most of the time - med times included Must have more faith it'll make a difference!

LeGavrOrf, you are pretty high on the FabScale? and I very much hope you'll soon find the ability to appreciate that for yourself!

It is making me feel very ashamed and think that you don't know the real me, I have met quite a few of you and chatted to lots of you on here for years, I feel the real me is someone wicked.

Now this is a load of bollocks, for sure.

Don't be so daft. There's a fair few people on this thread who have an excellent sense of when someone is being 'real' and when they're not, and if they think you're lovely, they're probably right.

GetOrf - am so sorry you are feeling like this. As crackfox says you are one if the good ones.

My sis is bipolar and we are going through hell right now as she'd thought she knew better than everyone how to cope with it and we believed her. She is thousands in debt. Tens of thousands. Her DH is very close to walking. But they have five dcs. So how would that help? You sound quite self aware so I hope you will be ok. I'm sure you will. Sorry this is rambling but I'm in a state of shock tonight. We thought we had hit rock bottom ten days ago. Apparently not.

Keep posting. There is lots of good informed advice on here. I wish you well.

(Am not a million miles away - am in Taunton)

You are wicked, only in the sense that 'wicked' means 'great'

Well, you might be wicked I suppose. We've never met so I don't have conclusive proof either way. I find it very hard to believe though.

Personally I believe you are a good person who is having a rough time. Nothing more nothing less.

Hopefully the meds will kick in soon. The main thing is that you know the beetles weren't real and you know that it's just a symptom of the illness, no different to having a fever in a cold room. An illness, that's all. You wouldn't feel ashamed if you needed to take antibiotics for tonsillitis would you? So no need whatsoever to feel ashamed now. That's easy to say I know, but it's true.

I don't think I've ever heard you say anything remotely wicked in years.

I don't think that came out quite right.

What I meant was, I don't think I've ever heard you say anything remotely wicked in all the years I've known you on MN.

Calling Peter Andre a giant nobber isn't wicked, that's just insightful commentary.

Had a thought on the TV front - 4OD have got quite a lot of old stuff backed up haven't they? You could maybe try Curb Your Enthusiasm (it's a bit marmite, but you might take solace in the fact that you'll never be as socially inept as Larry David) or both The Good Wife and Scandal are quite fun, in a slick but utterly unrealistic American drama type if way.

Morning LeGavrOrf.

Just checking in to see how you are this morning and to offer you a ((slightly clammy and creepy hug)).

Sorry for just disappearing last night, fell asleep and woke up at 3 dribbling on my iPad.

Feel very calm today, last night was a bit scary and looking back I was talking utter bilge. In the cold light of day I can't understand why I get so panicky. I am very tired today, combo of Valium (which always knocks me sideways anyway) and the increased dose of quietapine.

Thank you all for listening to me and for the lovely PMs you have sent me.

I am now going to get in the bath. I have had a healthy breakfast of a cornetto and some party rings which I saw in dd's bedroom and pinched.

I talk utter bilge all the time.

I expect meds will take a bit of time to settle out. Panic isn't something you can understand, that's why it's powerful. But you can always come and chat on here.

Yy, what better place to come when you're getting those panicky feelings? I think the internet is great for that - there are always people around to ground you a little. And in this case, people who care about you as you have been such a pleasant and funny contributor :)

What a great breakfast!

Big hugs from me darling, I don't know anything about Bipolar have no useful words to say, but help I' here for you. Always a welcome in Prestbury if you need an ear to bend - welcome to stay too if you fancy it.

Ledkr still has our box of wine too, so that will need to be drunk

I reckon a red leather cat suit would be perfect for you, or one of those very shiney ones at Wychwood!

Ill bring over all five seasons of the wire when I come over. that should keep you going.for a bit.
If you don't like the story don't worry cos it's got that fit Idris Elba in it. Innit?

Ledkr I just text you!

I tried to watch the wire and all it did was made me say motherfucker a lot! I gave up halfway through the series when I realised that Stringer Bell and Avon Barksdale were not actually the same person.

But yes you are right, I have just watched the latest series of Luther and am OBSESSED with Idris Elba. What a beautiful man. The way he walks and talks so I need to try again with the wire and actually pay attention to the plots this time.

Hands off Idris. He is mine.

Thanks very much dolly.

I loved those blokes at the festival in those terrible cat suits. I also loved that that group were having a domestic and we were all watching and wondering what the domestic was about.

That was a great day. We just parked ourselves, drank a wine box, ate nachos, blew bubbles and shrieked.

I just can't cope with him. The way he WALKS. Bloody hell I was practically salivating when watching Luther, I only watched the last series, didn't see the others so need to find them on DVD. He is beautiful.

Me too. I'm ashamed at the effect he has on me. It's really impure!!
He was dh ing in chelt not so long back.
I have never forgiven ds for not telling me.
Delicious.

Of forgotten about those cat suits. Yes it was funny to see the one trying to look serious during the argument.
We are defo going again next year. I'm already looking forward to it. What good times.

Hah, my meds have reduced my ability to lust by at least 90%! Idris is safe from me, he'd no doubt be relieved to hear.

Bloody meds.

garlic I'd suggest with Idris that 10% is sufficient

Good point