roll up for the village fete! move to our village if your 'fete' is to be happy!

[ThatVikRinA22]

6th thread folks....

keep talking/posting.

filee that is maddening. I take it you can't postpone Trowbridge?

Losing the cable will have felt last-strawish. I do that kind of thing all the time, and have had to resign myself to living with it. This morning I spent 20 min finding my cigs, FFS.

Yes the cable was an arse especially after we bought a broken one and I finally got round to takin it back and it was the replacement that I lost.

Gah

My marriage is not great either and I know it's because of my weight but its hurting me more and more.

I think from now on I have to accept that we are a celebate couple. I have told him.

What does he think? If you are low, and with low self-esteem this might be colouring things?

Nork I take zopiclone to go to sleep as nothing else works I.e antipsychotic or antidepressants. I take it at least an hour before bed time as it does work slowly.

filee sorry to hear ur having such crappy time. the thing that is getting me through it all is that I keep reminding myself I've hit rock buttom so things can only get better from here ((((hugs)))) I also agree with silvery talk to your husband before writing the marriage off. don't just assume it is because of ur weight. he probably isn't even thinking that way

Vicar glad to read u had a Fab time. y is ur DD against getting a job? tell her either the gets a job or your going to next spa break by yourself. Harsh but it might do the trick

I'm doing okish today just about to get DD ready for nursery then I'll have a couple of hours to myself. I've got so much to catch up on :( but hey at least it'll keep my brain busy!

hope u all have a good day :)

I hope you're enjoying your couple of hours to yourself, DD32 Hugs filee, sounds difficult. Primal screaming can be good, Norky!
Hugs and to everyone I've missed!

thanks snowy how are you doing today? (hugs)

I'm not intending to write our marriage off, just get out of this ridiculous situation where he denies me sex and it becomes pitiful. I will just accept we are not 'there' anymore

I'm struggling still, CT coming around later.

filee that sounds like a terrible situation to be in. can you both not sit down and talk about it. explain to him exactly how you feel. a heart to heart may solve the issue.

snowy hope the meeting goes well :)

I've done the heart to hearts, the telling him that my indifference scares me, that its becoming normal to me to not have sex with my husband and that it deeply, deeply hurts and scars me.

I've told him that I feel like he is only having sex with me when he does because I am bugging him so much it's easier for him to 'give in'

I have said it all, begged and pleaded, he has told me it is not me, that he is forgetful or lazy. My answer is always that making love is not a chore.

I told him calmly today that we were no longer sexually active and he said he was disappointed in himself but he has not fought against it because he knows we have been here before.

This is our lot now.

filee i am sorry that you are feeling so bad just now :( Does your DH actually say no to sex? Does he say this is because of your weight? Does HE actually say that or are you interpreting it as such? I only say this because it really makes such a difference to the situation here - if its how YOU feel about yourself, then YOU can fix it, you can work on your confidence and how you feel about your body - heres a thing, i have ZERO confidence in myself, self esteem is what i spend most of my time discussing with my counsellor. I am a BIG girl and I actually don't have too much of a problem with my weight, other than general health concerns - its on my to do list! So that we can fix! On the other hand, if what you say about your DH denying you sex is actually the case then you have to wonder if he isn't the root of your self esteem issues? How are things between you other than this? Don't worry if you don't want to answer this, you can PM me if you like or just not answer, tis fine x

Funnily enough, not being able to find something is fuel for head explosion for me - i can't stand it. I remember one time when i first had DD and DDog3 and i wanted to take him out, i couldn't find his lead and i litereally trashed the place looking for it looking back i was really quite unwell at that time!

I'm in Kent Norky, i did wonder if i heard a blood curdling scream today.......... I have actually done this a few times although its been usually in the kitchen of our terraced house i dread to think what the neighbours think! Are you on 7mg zopi? I only ever took one but my doctor said to take 2 if i needed too.

Snowy, i hope you are doing ok and you get what you want/need from the meeting.

So, DD goes back to school tomorrow, i already have a knot in my stomach, she has kept me sane over the holidays and now i am trying to be positive and think of positive things for me to do in the house, i must not allow myself to slip into the old routine of switching on the computor when DD goes to school then having a mad tidy at 2 as i know that it contributes to my not feeling well. So am trying for busy busy busy. I still have the job thing on backburner, i just can't think about it at the moment, my key is to think that is ok, its not giving up, its just waiting til im ready, getting a job isn't going to cure me - i have to cure myself THEN get a job!

Ed, hows things? do you start back at school yet? I'm strangely envious - Maybe i'll get back to teaching at some stage, a PGCE next year? oh god, i dont know - im 43 now Good luck for the coming weeks, very exciting and very scary all at once, im sure you'll be fine.

Vicar, don't feel guilty about not taking your DDto the spa with you again, she doesn't have to come every time, it might do you good to have some time totally to yourself and it will be a useful lesson for her to learn that she needs to fund treats for herself sometimes.

awww filee sweetheart I don't know what to.say apart from give it time. sometime things have a way of working themselves out. hopefully this is one of those things. sorry really don't know what else to say :(

The rest of the relationship is good, the sex has never been particularly good but now it's just none existent. He had said my weight 'doesn't help' mind you I was a 10 when we got together and he just made me feel so so low about myself that I grew and grew.

Now it's a bit of a vicious circle I think.

Anyway it doesn't matter, I can't leave him because there is nobody else who would want to be with me and I know that. Plus we have the kids and a lovely life.

Just have to accept that we don't have sex now.

oh honey, this really sounds like your illness speaking - it is very hurtful of him to say that about your weight though. I was a size 10 when i met DP, i KNOW that he would like me to be slimmer - im a size 22 now but our sex life is good, he'd like more i think but im knackered and the citalopram does rob me of labido.

evening all - sorry to see so many of you struggling lately.

im up and down. worked with someone yesterday who really said some quite hurtful things to me. They clearly have an impression of me which is set in stone in their mind and yet couldnt be further from the truth - i find myself then trying to justify myself. i went in tonight with a mindset that whatever anyone said to me i would not catch it. almost immediately in briefing someone said something - or rather didnt. i worked with another person yesterday - we attended a job together to back up another officer - he was relaying the story to colleagues, and was about to say "then X and X turned up.....but he actually checked himself and omitted me from the story - so it was as if only my colleague had turned up.....its all very weird and subtle, so subtle no one else picks it up - but i do. i said nothing - i smiled. and i shut up. there was no point in trying to add or say anything because it was if i hadnt been there.

today i was single crewed and really really busy - which to my surprise i found i really enjoyed. (well - apart from needing a wee desperately for 3 hours before i managed to get a break and nip for a wee! everytime i got within reach of the station another immediate came in - one was in a woods and was on the verge of deciding whether to pee in the woods....knowing my luck someone would have bloody caught me, though it was pitch black....
anyway - supervisor actually praised my efforts tonight. For the first time i went from job to job, often on blues and twos, without feeling crippled by anxiety.
that has to be progress.

i just really wish that things either went over my head or didnt bother me. i cant even say anything because its so incredibly subtle that to anyone else i would look paranoid. maybe 6 months ago i would have questioned that - but now i know i am well, and im not imagining it.

im thinking about asking for a transfer closer to home.

Good thing virtual grub is infinitely shareable. Thanks snowy, hope you're a bit better today?

In other news: Ghengis The Eagle has Landed Thanks so much Ed

Brilliant. I hope he didn't get too battered on his treacherous journey :)

Hi everyone,
silvery I'm confused re the Eagle! Hope you've had a good day.

snowy Thanks for the treats and fortunately they have adverse effects on my poorly stomach. Hope your days not been too tough.

ed How's it going?

vicar can't believe what bastards some of your colleagues are. Transfer sounds well worth considering.

Well it's Wednesday. Monday I had a really good day and eve. Tue ok til about 3 then tackle and impatience set in and was exhausted in eve but spirits holding up. Today woke up feeling exactly the same - shattered, big headache. Managed to get out with dcs to meet friend and her dcs but shared now and feeling on verge of bursting into tears - mid slipping a bit. Weird, frustrating.

Dcs back to school tomorrow so have to be ok in the morning.

When I dream now in most of my dreams my legs won't hold me up!

Hello to everyone else hope you've enjoyed the sun today x

Good grief typos on phone

Should read

No adverse effects
Treacle and impatience
But shattered now (not shared)
Mood slipping a bit

Evening.

I am still going good.

Dcs have been back at school 1 full week and I have only had 1 nap (after a hideous night sleep) :).
Dr has put my meds on repeat so no review for 2 whole months :)
I still have a lot of bruises from my fall but getting better :)

I have a lot of craft projects on the go...so housework is slipping a bit. silvery inadvertently comissioned me to make a golden eagle (which is on my profile). Ghenghis the golden eagle has since had a tough journey to the home of our own silvery.

I have since comissioned to make...
A caterpillar or two.
Some playschool dressing up/role play stuff
A piglet
Bambi (crochet)
A selection of mini wordpeckers
And...my all time favourite another bespoke woodpecker.

I do still keep checking in, but feel a bit out of plave while things are positive my way...but I am not letting you go yet...you are still my security blanket :)

im not going anywhere either ed my twin in all of this......i think we must have been at the same stage of depression at the same time....

another incredibly busy shift for me tonight - but i feel so much more confident to deal with things. I think ( i hardly dare say this for fear of jinxing myself) i am for the first time in 3 years actually enjoying the job. I like helping people and that is what 95% of the job is for me.....just helping people.

was alone again tonight but fearless - am throwing myself in with gusto to jobs that 6 months ago i would have been afraid to go to.

i feel like i have turned a corner. I just wish some my colleagues would fuck the fuck off and leave me alone......

i am going to have to go to minor injuries with my finger - its been 3 weeks now and its still swollen - i split a fight up 3 weeks ago and did something to my finger - god knows what but its still swollen and wont go down.
i mentioned it to a colleague the other day who in their infinite wisdom told me i must have a low pain threshold......i had natural childbirth ffs - if anything i have a very high pain threshold (which i put down to my shitty childhood - there was never any point in moaning because nothing ever got done about it) - so i am actually starting to wonder if i have a broken finger......

going to go to minor injuries when i come off nights i think - its swollen to twice its normal size and has been for weeks - i cant bend it. low pain threshold my arse. i do wish i worked with nicer people.

Hey chicks,

Love to Norky, DD32

Hope it goes better with dh filee I always think I'm fat but dh still likes me, it's tough with his MS and my loss of libido due to A/d's, but it's worth the effort. Give it time, it'll be ok, just be kind to each other.

Inspired by Ed I bought yarn and a scarf pattern, I am wildly excited to start it

Lots of love to Vicar ouch about the finger!. Lem 43 isn't old, I was 50 when I started the SW course. Lovely Snowy-hope you have a good day with the MH team. Hope your better Ciq.

Traumatic with the kids starting stuff at this time . Ds is off to his 6th form today. What trauma it all is. I feel exhausted by it all. I keep on looking for jobs but happy to be SAHM atm. As Silvery once wisely advised me!

Have a good day my lovelies, nice and sunny today here.

hi all :)

I've beven lurking in the background sorry did not have any energy to post :( hope u all are doing good big bear hugs to all.

so today is my appointment with the psychiatrist & I'll be asking for a medicaction change as the current one is not working at all. wish me luck people as I know it's going to be tough to get this done. I have decided I'm not leaving that place until I get them to listen to me properly!

will post later. take care all x

Hope all goes well, DD, keep calm, be persistent, try to take someone with you (((hugs)))