roll up for the village fete! move to our village if your 'fete' is to be happy!

[ThatVikRinA22]

6th thread folks....

keep talking/posting.

Thanks Ed and Snowy its just that you guys have been through so much and you are really inspirational and i am just, well, a bit pathetic really. I had to cancel my counselling session yesterday because i couldn#t get anyone to look after DD and it has made me feel like i really don't matter to anyone. I know i matter to DD but well, she can't look after herself. DP is being vile to me and i don't really know what i have done - he is busy having a go at me now because the fridge was dirty :(

You are not pathetic.

You are ill.

You matter to me :) you have pulled me out of some dark times :) you are just as valued, and just as inspirational on this thread as anyone else.

Huge hugs.

Lem
Your posts matter to me and us on this thread, we all share how we feel here, no matter what the cause - if it's in your head then of course it matters. ED is so right. Please don't feel like u shouldn't post - this thread was set up for ANYONE.to vent / talk about anything at all. Big or small - it matters not. Sometimes the small stuff is the stuff that pushes us over the edge.... It usually is for me x

((( Lem ))) you are a bright spot in my life, and your posts have really helped me, made me chuckle and given me hope. These feelings are temporary, be kind to yourself.
So sad to hear of your past stuff Ed and Vicar, Ed in school there will always be a designated child protection officer who can take over responsibility if you are concerned about a child. I think it's just great that you want to be a teacher. Have you seen that there's a 'staffroom' thread on mn for teachers? I thought of you.
I failed to get a job the other day, and it got me down.I know I have to keep trying, and probably it's good that I just have a rest, but...

((( Snowy ))) you have the patience of a saint.

Filee you sound like a great friend, don't let the past put you off. You sound like your under a lot of stress right now.

Lots of love and hugs and to all

The talk of camping has made me want to go off with dh to the Gower with our little tent next week, might tie it in with a visit to my brother

Thankyou xxx

I am rather liking the new button. We have been for a nice walk and i found a dead fox (being the geeky freak that i am, i tried to get its head off as it was pretty much just a skeleton but DP and DD were pretty much jumping up and down in horror so i left it, but the skull would have made a great ornament and it was really interesting to see it's skeleton all clean and revealed)

i wanted to say to filee that vivid dreams are one of the side effects of citalopram and other SSRIs, i quite enjoy them however if they are negative dreams i find it disturbing.

I had to miss my counselling yesterday because i couldnt get anyone to look after DD. DP was working but he could have come home as he works for himself and my mother half offered to have her the night before but didn't contact me so i wasn't going to beg as i could tell that she didn't want to haver her. I guess i have been feeling sorry for myself about it but DP is being very off with me and i don't really know why.

Vicar, have you had any news from the hospital re when you will get your surgery? When do you have your pamper weekend?

hi
lem pamper time coming up - 28th - 29th August, cannot wait. (though am a little apprehensive now about driving there....)

i have to leave it 3 weeks to phone GI consultant and then chase up - so im hoping it wont be ages. That said i phoned in sick the day after my tests ( i hadnt realised how invasive they were) so i ve just knackered up my sick leave for another year....id managed 6 months without a day off.This means that when i do have the op i will be on half pay....

Talking of dreams i have the most disturbing one yet last night - i was watching parts of my childhood - i was there almost like a ghost, watching my childhood self being battered and abused by my step father - but the fear i felt was real and i woke up crying and really shaken up. Ive no idea why im dreaming of the past so much. Its never happened before and i am at one with my past now - so i just dont understand it. I know now why i find it so hard to answer back when people are being unfair to me....

ive had a nice day today though (however DH noticed i was distant) we went to a David Hockney exhibition and i bought my first xmas pressie, then tonight we went out for a lovely meal.

Ive missed my meds today but am tempted to stay missed - i dont want anymore vivid dreams tonight.

anyway - hugs to all and hope you are all managing ok - keep posting. That means you too lem! if hear any more talk of posting fraudulently i will come round your house and put a bat up your nightdress!
x

My wonderful vicar...you have just reminded me to take my meds again :)

I hope you didn't have that dream because it was in your mind because of your reply to me :(

Last night's vivid dream for me involved me developing a relationship with my 63yo tutor .

Good day here. Managed to avoid doing mg housework again. Had lovely morning (asleep). Had lovely afternoon with uni friend. Had lovely evening working on my latest craft project (codenamed Genghis....) and watching some t.v. one of my old favourites Wire in the Blood. Haven't really watched any random tv for ages.

Oh and if we have to storm lems house make sure you pick me up on the way down the M1. If you're playing bad cop I'll play good cop and bring some nice cakes....:o

Hugs to all. Night.

Good morning all, thanks for your support over the last few days, have been reading but not posting much, work has put the pressure on a bit because loads of the girls have gone ill or have planned holidays, I did a 12 day straight stretch and Friday-Friday worked 52 hours!

Plus of course looking after the children, shopping, housework and all the other things mothers do. This is my weekend off so I've chilled out at home and also we moved the baby into the big room, so me and Liam finally have our space back which is lovely but also quite sad, he is my little baby but he is growing at a rate of knots and I seem to be working so much...

Anyway I have a few days off next week but working in the evening which is great, I need a bit of a break and that happens more when they are at nursery my little cherubs. Going to try and get the uni assignment out of the way I need to do.

LEM I know you are feeling sad right now but I hope you can see that you are very much appreciated and wanted on this thread, I wouldn't have come on here if it weren't for you taking the time to pm me and let me know where you were all 'hanging out' its little things like that which make people feel included and able to share and it's people like you, who think nothing of taking that time out to send a pm, who are true angels. You don't see how wonderful you are because it's so natural to you but we see it x

My friend is in the later stages of cancer. I had no idea. Bottom out of world.

filee I am so sorry about your friend, it must be such a shock for you :( Bastard bastard disease. I believe that one day, maybe in our children's life time it will be a thing of the past but there is a long way to go yet. Thankyou for your kind words, it is Vicar who you have to thank for this thread, shes awesome she is!

I am tempted to say that i have had a miserable time today just so that I can find out exactly what sort of bat vicar intends to put up my nightie (good luck with that, i sleep in the nude!) and have some of Ed's cake!! But today has been lovely - we went to Eltham palace (another freebie thanks to english heritage school fete trumph) and it was great, even if there was a guy there telling stories about poo - my DD was disgusted . We were adopted by a local old man, who was probably lonely and a little bit barking and he stuck with us all day! I was mildly irritated but we felt sorry for him and it was actually quite nice really - it was like having an adopted grandfather for DD. Sad really that she wont have that for real. He was a nice man. Reminded me of Uncle Albert from only fools and horses. I kept joking to DP that he was probably a ghost, then i freaked myself out when he just disappeared off! ha! There were huge carp in the moat and they were happy to suck on fingers too, that was a bit scary because they were more like sharks

My vivid dream involved me being pregnant!!!

It is shit.

He is amazing and to think of him in so much pain is hard.

so sorry about your friend fil

x

Shit, Liam put up on Facebook that our youngest took his first steps yesterday and both of my parents have response to it, my father with 'it makes me sad that I didn't see it and can't see him' which has just really upset me.

Cannot post atm but sending hugs to all in need and then a few extra xxxx

Hugs to all.

Hope you are ok mama

Hugs to all.

(Oh and craft project Ghengis is on my profile)

hope you are ok mama?

hope everyone had a decent day. i am being rubbish with my meds....

I'm struggling, suicidal thoughts etc, and actions over the weekend. My CPN is going to see if anything can help until the new antidepressants start working.
How's everyone else doing, the thread is quiet?

Hey everyone the sun is being kind to me and am feeling ok had some nice beach days with dd and a couple of ADULT friends so that has been nice

hugs to all hope you are enjoying sun

Cross posts snowy so sorry to read you are struggling do you think it could be the meds?

I think the meds aren't helping, my old antidepresssant is at 70mg (used to be 210mg), and my new one is only at 15mg (needs to go to 30-45mg). The next few weeks are likely to be difficult apparently, so that's why she's going to ask the psych for prn (as needed) meds.

I'm glad you've had some nice days, LEM

We are all here to help if we can over the next few weeks snowy

Thanks

Hiya snowy, I'm having a rough time with mess too, just seem to be getting a handle on them and then end up finding another weird side effect!

hi snowy ive only ever been on sertraline so cant really offer much in the way of help regards the new meds - but am here for support if and when needed.
I think finding the right meds can be so hit and miss. I really hope the new meds begin to work for you very soon. Its a scary illness when the meds arent working.

lem glad you have had some good days.

wonder where ed is....hope her absence of the thread means she is busy and enjoying real life....

i am back at work tomorrow for training (which i am not looking forward to - its like PE at school and i seem to end up partner less - that said the last training day i went with another group of people and had a laugh - so im trying to hang to the thought that it isnt me - its them.....

doesnt make it any easier to bear while there though. Ive done no prep for work tomorrow either. i cant bring myself to think about it too much.

hoping it wont be a long day.
Right. Have had the jewel ratties out for a run while i was in the bath and now its the boys turn while i read and wind down for the night.

dd is staying at her pals - though her phone has run out of charge and i hate not being able to get in touch - i missed her when she came home for her things so not sure what her plans are for tomorrow but she has a key to get in if needed.
She is trying my patience slightly lately with another list of "needs and wants".....typical teen behaviour but wearing all the same.
DS has lost his iphone 5 and i thought i had sorted him out with the insureance company who wouldnt pay out - then he went and dropped a clanger by telling them that he lost it without the sim card being in it (dont even ask....its a long story) so we are back to square one. He keeps ringing me to try and get me to sort it but its in his contract that if he loses the phone without the sim the insurance is void - so there is really nothing more i can do. He is fretting because he is now phoneless, with a year to run on the contract for the phone and 7 months to run on the insurance premiums.
i wonder when he will realise i am good but not that good....nothing short of a magic wand is going to sort this one out, and im fresh out of magic wands.....
so im a bit worn down today with children and their neediness - well i say children - they are 21 and 16....
im going to take a zopiclone in a bit and try to get a good nights sleep - god knows how im going to get up at 6 tomorrow.....

goodnight all.
x