Not Driving Away!

[Pumble]

P1 splashing in the paddling pool and P2 having a nap. So pleased to be back and they are so pleased to be with each other again.

Can't believe we got to 1000 posts! You need to change your nn now too don't you wylye ?!

How's the Bingo going Pumble?
Did you make the tea wrong? Were the biscuits unsuitable?
They WILL eventually leave, hang on to that thought!

With the ADs, when I came off them I had a few wobbles of feeling panicky/overwhelmed but they were short-lived and I had so much more perspective by then that I found I could get over them quite easily. The despair wasn't there anymore.
I reckon the 'withdrawal' took a couple of months, and it's not a time to be complacent, you really need to be self aware and make an effort to keep on top of it. But then, the whole thing is a learning curve, and you have to stay mindful permanently anyway!
Kind of like boring pelvic floor exercises, you learn about them in pregnancy, find out you should've been doing them your whole life, and are told you have to do them til you fall off your perch.
Same with mindfulness. Boring but useful!

All's going well with me, had an early scan today due to some bleeding, our little baked bean is in the right place and has a heartbeat! All is well. Phew.

DS has been to pre-school three times now and is loving it! No crying, just having fun. Phew again!

A friend of mine has been Shredding seriously for a few months and has been v strict with snacks etc and her shape has completely changed, she looks great. Lots of weight loss, face shape changed, now has a waist - it really works.
She only Shreds a couple of times a week now, but the difference is amazing.

So pleased all went well with you scan *LTT& - what a relief. How many weeks are you now? Great news about DS and pre school too - how is it having time to yourself?

I don't think shred is doing much - especially as I'm eating so badly at the moment (pretty much don't manage anything until the evening) but the endophins are helping.

I will seriously think about ADs - or at least going to the GP about it.

Bingo went well. I did enjoy being told my children are spoilt (with material goods)....given how I didn't go back to work properly as we decided we'd rather have less money and me at home, I'm not sure how we would be able to spoil them but hey ho! Also, that we should leave the restaurant before they started causing chaos, even though they had been impeccably behaved up until that point - grrr. Thankfully they got bored of us after two and a half hours (we met at a halfway point) so that was good. And we keep telling P1 how lovely it was so they can't say we tell her they are horrible. And, I could NEVER leave the pumblettes unattended with the in laws.

A glass of wine is calling....unfortunately having two pumblettes with streaming colds, everytime I get near to the fridge, I'm needed again....!!

You sound much better today Pumble.

Please eat when the Pumbles eat, share their lunch and sit down and eat with them, evenif it at stupid o clock. I had lunch at 11.30 on school days last year,if I didn't, I wouldn't eat a proper lunch on my own - didn't want to prepare yet another meal. eating with them might slow down thatartof the day for you too, a short time to recharge your batteries.

I think there is a universal rule, anyone older than you, and related to you, is compelled at some point, (and most likely very regularly) to say, "I can't believe how many toys they have" "don't they have a lot" or some such thing. I think it is a compulsion.

V pleased to hear littlelongtail, has settled in to preschool and news of scan too.

A mere 7+2 according to the scan lady! I feel much more relaxed about it now, happy to wait for the 12/13wk scan. I didn't think I was worried until the scan was over and I realised I wasn't any more.

Haven't managed to have any time to myself yet, but planning to loaf about in a coffee shop with a mag for the duration on Thursday!

I think it would be a v good idea to discuss ADs with your GP, there are many different types available, I had one BF-friendly type, my neighbour had a different BF-friendly one, my mum and sis have had Citalopram in the past (DM very anti ADs but accepted help when she realised she was struggling), it didn't suit DM so she chose to stop entirely rather than try a different type. There are so many options. My doc told me they like to prescribe them for 4-6 months, but she had a monthly review apt with me.

Very glad you managed the ILs without wanting to throw them out of the window - well done!

Hope you have enjoyed your coffee today ltt

Snuggled on the sofa under a blanket with p1. Think I might doze off! Both pumblettes sooo full of cold so trying to encourage p1 to have quiet time whilst p2 sleeps! Plus it's grim outside-cold, dark and wet!!

Morning!
I didn't get my quiet time in the end, had to dash home and do boring crap like laundry etc, but never mind, one day I'll manage it!

You've reminded me, must get our blankets out again - sofa snuggles are the way forward! That and stew.

How're you feeling today?
It's nice and sunny here today, hope it's the same with you. xx

Hallo all. Have been away from internet for 3 weeks & am just catching up.

So sorry to hear about the bad times, Pumble. I think you should have a chat to your GP about ADs - I was on citralopram for nearly a year & it helped by taking away my anxiety while I learnt methods of coping with it. I came off it gradually & can now cope pretty well. I feel that not taking them would have been a bit like trying to heal a broken arm without having it in a plaster cast. The arm would have healed, eventually, but the cast helps it to do so faster & more easily.

And please try to eat during the day - even if it's just a yogurt or quick sarnie. Having low blood sugar will not help your mood. Nag over

So pleased all is OK with the scan LTT - when are you due?

I really need to shred & loose some weight - since I quit smoking 11 months ago (stealth boast) & moved to an ecig I reckon I've put on about 10lbs. It has to go asap. Please nag me!

Hello hello

Pumble, are you ok? You've gone quiet.

Just come back from a party we were both looking forward to going to, but my babysitter forgot to come, so after an hour or so looking for alternatives, I went alone.

Full of cold too, so back home about to go to bed and give DH a big big cuddle. I missed him beng there tonight, and its the first house party we've been to in a long time.

Hello back. Am I ok? I'm just not sure if that makes sense.

Hope you had a great time away magi.

Hope you had a good cuddle with your DH row and cold is long gone soon.

Just feeling a little hmmmmm if that makes sense?

I just lost it with p1. I need all this to stop now please

We all lose it at times with them, Pumble.

I remember when DS was about 3 shouting at him & dumping him very firmly in his room on his bed - so firmly it was almost like throwing him onto his bed. They do know exactly which buttons to press at times & not one of us is perfect.

Have a cuppa & something to eat - now!!

Having a cup of tea which is making life seem a bit better.

We all sorted the bathroom cupboards together and life a little calmer but feel so guilty for being so so awful.

Stop feeling guilty. She won't remember it all by the time she's your age.

Can you go out to the park or something for a good breath of air this afternoon? It's lovely here - hope it's the same with you.

PS Have you eaten?? If not, please do so - low blood sugar is not going to help you.

If I was nearer I'd be bringing you yummy food parcels!

I had a chocolate and some cucumber....does that count?!

I'm off to work later but having a gentle sit down with p1 whilst p2 sleeps. I know she won't remember-but I do

Choc & cuce is better than nothing but................... I don't want to nag.

Are you back at work on a regular basis now? Am I right in thinking you are a teacher?

Today Will be a better day.....

Am sort of back at work-I'm a freelance music teacher so can pick ad choose. Currently just an hour a week. P1 doesn't like it though-she had her face pushed up against the door as I left yesterday saying 'mummy don't go'!

Morning Pumble, yes, today IS a better day!

Keep deleting what I type, can't seem to form a useful sentence. Gah.
The point I think I was after, is that you have to think like a fish, keep moving forward and you will survive, if you stop and wallow you drown. Does that make sense?
No matter how shit a day has been, there is no benefit to you or the Ps wallowing in it, you have to move on and deal with each day as it comes.
Also, what makes one day hard often doesn't apply the next day - children have bad patches, growth spurts, angelic phases. We have low patches, energy bursts, etc etc.

But yes, feed yourself better please! Even if you just make double of whatever P1 is having, a Petit Filous and a cheese sandwich is better than a slice of cucumber and a piece of chocolate!

I'm loving the fog today, DS and I stopped to look at all the cobwebs that were sparkling in the hedge - nice start to the day.
The sun will be out this afternoon.

Yesterday was yesterday, today is all new. We all beat ourselves up for how we've acted sometimes, but as longtailedtit says, you have to move on. You feel bad for it, so accept that feeling and then send it away.

Have a nice lunch with the pumblettes (I fancy beans in toast today if that suits you I can heat some for you too).

Then, do some lovely things, away from home. stomp through the woods, take a trip to the library, a run in the park, anything.

And if you keep thinking back, then make yourself think of 3 nice moments from yesterday. Your snuggle sounds like one.

Turns out today is not a better day and it feels like I'm back to square one at the moment. I know I'm must be damaging the girls but I can't stop. P1 has had massive wee regression which isn't helping at all and I'm sure that's all my fault, especially as I haven't always coped well with it.

I have at least phoned mr p and told him I'm nt coping so I suppose that something.

Thank you for being here

Definitely a good thing to share this with Mr P. Will he be home at a reasonable hour?

Can you call the docs and book an apt for discussing ADs? That would be a good thing, it doesn't mean it's necessarily the right choice for you, but I do think you should discuss it with your doc.

&

He'll be home very soon which is good. I keep thinking that if I just for some sleep things would be better-insomnia is killing me!!

Pumble, sweetie, I think you really do need to see your GP - I think I'm right in remembering there is one you get on with well?

You need a bit of help here & there's no shame in admitting & taking it.

We're all here for you.

(((XXX)))

For a while I went to bed straight after DS, and I still do maybe once a fortnight, or whenever I feel the need. It feels a bit weird the first few times, but it helps. Maybe do that tonight?

I agree with ^^ these two.

You have felt like this before, and each time you feel like this, you manage to climb back up.

Well done speaking to your DH, even though he is in the same house, it doesn't mean he realises the with of of feelings on any day unless you talk to him. Now he knows, tell him what he can do to help, a hug, a rest, a sounding board, whatever it is. Talk to your doctor too, for some options and some encouragement.

You will feel better. Remember the tools you can use to help yourself cope on the tougher days - sleep, and yes, that does mean bed straight after the children, regular food, some time outside every day for a bit of exercise, or even the shred (still not tried it!). And, some company in the day from somewhere. pop to the neighbours, arrange a playdate.

The doctor can help what you need to do on top of that.

Don't worry about the girls, my mum had PND and anxiety for a long time. if you asked me for my pre 5 year old memories are, I'd say the walk home from playgroup (my neighbour and I would hide in the same place from our parents and delight in it) and getting my fisher price school. No memories of any of mums illness.

Now I'm going to plump up those pillows so you get a good night sleep and get you a cup of cocoa. You get your jammies on.