This is our Village, People! Need support? - Move In Here....

[ThatVikRinA22]

My Friends... theres no need to feel down
i said My Friends..Pick yourself off the ground
i said My Friends, cause youre in a new town
theres no need to be unhappy....

Our new thread folks (number 5!!).....i need to dash as im on nights but i will be back!
love to all. xxx

Worrying not wording lool

morning all
ciq so glad day went well on Sat
lem sounds like a productive morning
lonely glad your wkend seems to have gone ok
hello to everyone else...sorry my brain isnt functioning

I survived the wkend...which as an achievement!

I feel odd today though...not sure what, juts odd? Sort of fuzzy and not really here....could be all the antihistamines Im having to take at the moment...not sure.
Have been shopping and bought some nice bits and bobs with money I got for my bday
Done some basic tidying.
going to take dogs out in a bit.....then have dog training with ddog2 tonight...
will try and pop back later if brain de-fuzzes...I do feel odd

lonely x posts. sorry you're having a tough day. Could you put some music on to distract yourself? Read a good book or watch a film? Hope the day gets better.

Can you distract yourself, lonelybunny ?
Well done on surviving the weekend, bobbly , I hope your brain feels less fuzzy.

Hi everyone

snowy thanks I am good today . Hope you're doing ok today.

Exhausted but enjoying a huge feeling of relief. Went for a mile walk met a friend for coffee and bought some food for dinner.

(((Hugs))) helles hope you've had a good week and are being kind to yourself now.

Hi lem that is a v v v good quote.

Hi lonely hope you've managed to distract yourself a bit and are feeling a little calmer tonight.

bobbly thank you. Glad you survived the weekend, I tend to find the weekend tiring - could your fuzzy head be partly tiredness?

Take care x

Thanks , I'm a bit better , working tonight so that helps me , it's my days off I hate but should be loving as I can see my dc''s so annoying ! And a waste of life :,( I will get there I have to

I'm definitely in a blip, I don't want to let people into my flat, concerned about CPN coming tomorrow. I wish I had the guts to turn them away at the door (because they wont take thanks, but no thanks over the phone, they just point out that that is because I'm not well).

That aside, I'm feeling quite blank and .

Keep going, Lonelybunny

snowy what is it specifically about your cpn coming that worries you - do you get on with them? are they usually supportive? It may be not as bad as you're fearing once they come and may be helpful?can you do something nice for yourself to put it out of your mind for a bit?

I've been out with the dogs and had a nice walk. although choosing a route that involved crossing a field of waist high wild grass was not the smartest move for my hayfever anyway, it has cleared my head a bit and lifted my mood slightly....now just feel sort of flat?
doggies now asleep, I'm having 10 min break then will do a bit more last minute blitzing before dc get home (they're at after school club today so back a bit later)
then need to do tea, and off to doggy training.
bbl

It's just very hard to have anyone in. I don't know this CPN particularly well. I've just had pizza again. Nothing on tv except wimbledon (I have a portable aerial which doesn't get many channels).

Hi again. Feeling much better after a day of sloth.

In counselling today, we looked at my belief that I am a selfish person. The counsellor asked why I chose ti maintain that belief. I said it wasn't a choice but she challenged me to come up with examples of my selfishness and I didn't have any. So she asked me again, why did I choose to maintain that belief.

Of course, I couldn't answer her. I was in floods of tears because I have spent a lot of time and effort being critical of myself - hating myself. And all for nothing. I am not the person I thought I was. Which begs the question: who am I?

My besty came round once she realised I was sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. And, when I told her what had happened, she said I was one of the nicest people I'd ever met and not at all selfish.

Which made me cry...

Hugs HB, sounds like a productive session

I'm sitting here wondering why I'm such a screwup.

Helles, my counseller also tells me i am too hard on myself, i find it difficult and when she asks me to say things i am good at/enjoy i can't, i get so agitated and uncomfortable. I thoguht everyone felt like that .

Snowy, i am sorry you are feeling in a blip, would it help to suggest meeting your CPN on neutral territory? coffee shop? park? It would get you out of the house and feel like less of an invasion? Just an idea.

Since i have become unwell i cannot have the TV on during the day, i could live without it now to be honest i think thats only because i have the internet!

Blobby - i think the antihistamines are definately the culprit for the fuzziness, that is me at the moment, i try and avoid taking them at the best of times but sometimes i can't (like this week) and yesterday i timed it all wrong and ended up taking them at the same time as my citalopram. Hazy wasn't the word!! I ended up sleeping in the car while DP took DD to the swing park after riding. Poor sod.

Ed?? How are you getting on? Did you go back to bed?

Lonely, you sound like you are moving on a bit, well done - i know how much a bastard health anxiety is, ive had it pretty much all of my life, it has shifted to generalised anxiety now and for some reaosn im on top of the HA. You can move on from it - i remember being hysterical (im sure ive told you this) at the doctors, convinced i had throat cancer, err no, tonsils maybe!!

Hugs to everyone xxx

Snowy, you are not a screw up! no way!!!!

Yes Lem I do remeber lol ! In fixated on my breasts again it sounds so Pervy lol but they are so darn lumpy I'm terrified a lump has been missed. I feel a bit sick today too prob due to the anxiety :( please tell me this HA will go away one day.

snowy you are an amazing person asking after us and supporting others, despite a significant mh illness, and youre taking care of yourself. Sending ((((hugs))))) I believe it's very common to withdraw from people and is a common but unhelpful part of these illnesses.

helles sympathies re the core beliefs. I think it is so hard to let go of these beliefs that have been with us for years. One of my classic ones is 'I am unlikeable'. But these also for me a fear of letting go and the realization that I've been living by a stupid rule - hard to not self criticise and I completely get the 'so who am I then'. My dh has rediscovered a very positive interesting person as a result of his cbt, o hope we all can from whatever therapy we're in.

Hi lem, bobbly and everyone else. Keep going x

And lonely too sorry pushed for time at mo will try and come back later, take care x

thanks all. I find it very frustrating that my views are ignored, and deliberately over-ruled. Can't do anything to change it, as even when I'm well they question things. The SW said that the notes from the CPN said that I was middling, I felt fine.

evening all
snowy you are definately not a screwup. I imagine it must be horrible having people you dont know very well in your home. Could you suggest going for a walk with CPN? I think some will do that. Maybe have a list of ways in which (s)he could support you ? rememeber it is their job to be supportive and usually they are fairly nice and actually want to be supportive and not threatening...good luck for tomorrow.X
lem yes...antihistamines + citalopram is not a good combination....still feeling odd but have now had a glass of wine which I know hasn't helped
lonely poor you. I have never really had HA (although have plently of other anxiety!!) Did you manage to get app with practice nurse? maybe book app with GP to discuss possibility of cbt? Hope you can distract yourself this evening.
hb that sounds hard. I really need to get some counselling but not sure I could cope with it just now.

so...went to dog training which was good.

then stress at home.
chance DH may loose his job, then we will lose our home.
may lose my marriage at this rate. How the hell will I manage with 6 dc on my own.
stressed beyond belief and have resorted to drinking left over b'day wine
oh and have broken news to dc that we can't actually pay for holiday we had (provisionally) booked that they all thought we were going on in summer....
have promised nice days out instead but feel like worst mummy ever....sob

Arrrrgggghhh.

Rubbish day.

Too much going on.

I have shit to deal with school uniforms.

My mums had a nervous breakdown and can't deal with some shit going on there.
She doesn't know I am/have been ill (physically or mentally) so just thinks I'm an ignorant callus daughter.
I'm trying to avoid physycing up myself to sort out uni.
I'm trying to avoid opening my mail.
I've had to go grovelling to my 'friend' (some know a bit of yhe back story) cos I just don't know how to deal with everything.

I hsve to drive half way across the country tomorrow to try and sort my mum out...and to try and avoid burdening her with the fact that I have been ill...not finished my course etc...

I am going out tomorrow night too.

Sorry it's a whinge. Struggling.

Haven't taken my (reduced) medication yet today. I will be taking it with a huge glass of wine.

Oh...and in a turn up for the books...I am in bed...fully dressed. And I can't be bothered to get up abd get undressed so think I will sleep fully clothed.

oh ed hang in there. things will pick up. Life likes to thorw us everything at once doesn't it? this is a tough time for you with reduced meds. Just remember things will get better. sorry about your Mum. Parents are hard.

resisting the urge to run away ... (literally) just want to walk out the door with dogs and not come back...
have been looking for rental houses but all not much cheaper than mortgage. feel so trapped.

(((Hugs))) for lonely, bobbly and ed

lonely am I right in thinking you can see the practice nurse tomorrow? Really hope you get a restful nights sleep.

bobbly that sounds really tough re your dh and holiday. Sounds like a sensible decision and is a useful lesson for dc even if disappointing tonight. They will come to terms with it. Really hope things work out ok for your dh.

ed so sorry to hear about your mum. That sounds tough. Do you have to go into detail about your situation? Could you say youve put yr pgce (hope thats right) on hold for a year or something? Take care of yourself tomorrow.

Bit headachy and knackered tonight but mood seems to be holding up. Counselling tomorrow...

Night all x

Forgive me folks as on phone so not read pages I've missed..... Had the day fro HELL today - but coped. Can even laugh about it now. Faced my worst fears at work today, and survived. onward and upward ....it can only get better .... I made some mistakes today, I'm sure I'm getting slated, BUT I had the busiest day ever and did my best. I dealt with a head on collision today where I was first one there by pure fluke.... My absolute nightmare job - and I'm here to tell the tale. Plus another 2 nightmare jobs where I was on the spot....one I cocked up, 2 I didn't. I have I will survive running through my head as the soundtrack to today!

bobbly i know how hard money worries are, it is soul destroying :( There are a lot of "mays" in your post there - try not to jump too many steps ahead with things. For one thing, the mortgage company actually has to try and help you with things - this is the law now (we've been there, its horrible, but they are actually a lot more understanding than you might think). So shite about the holiday, that is a blow :( Ive been through the wringer with debts and money so do feel free to pm me if you want any advice over who to contact etc.

Ed is there anyone else who can deal with your mum? its too much for you - i totally cannot deal with my mums shit when i am ill. I'll entertain you all with her latest antics tomorrow, too tired tonight, just had a friend on the phone sobbing because her DP is an utter cunt etc, i just had to say yay an nay in the right places as my head is in foggyland today. Don't let your mum make you feel guilty! I am sorry she is poorly too, but you are not able to be the one to fix her.

lonely I am not sure what made my HA abate, its still there under the surface and sometimes it does come to the fore. It isn't made any easier that my background is in biochemistry either (my dad used to tell me a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, he wasn't wrong). I think i just got to the point where i would say out loud "I aint having it", those exact words, out loud whenever a new worry manifested itself. I absolutely will not allow myself to google and i wont open threads in general health on here either. I think the first step for you is to sack Dr Google! I know you are trying to reassure yourself but you will only make yourself worry more because whilst your symptoms are innocuous, there will be a worse case scenario that you will have ebola when all you really have is a head cold!

Again, sorry if i have missed anyone who has posted and ive missed it, so tired - forgot my medication, can't decide whether to take it now or not.

Go vicar - you are a bloody inspiration you are!!