Help, DH tied a ligature, don't know if I can cope

[Messandmayhem]

we had an argument this morning because he shouts at the DC all the time and I told him DS in particular is scared of him and it's not right. It ended up him throwing a diary at me, here he's been writing about wishing he was dead, drawing gravestones and people hanging, then becoming silent and refusing to talk to me or look at me. After a couple of hours of begging him to speak and to see a gp I told him I couldn't stay, that if he doesn't want help I can't stay with the kids and went downstairs to put DD for a nap in her buggy. I text him saying I love him but i can't stay unless he wants to get better. He text me back saying to tell the kids he loves them. I text him back saying "so you want me to go?" and he didn't answer. I was worried so I went up and he was lay on the bed eyes closed, I spoke to him and he ignored me. I don't know what made me do it but I pulled at the neck of his t shirt and he had tied his phone charger cable around his neck. I don't know how I called 999 whole trying to loosen it but I did, and I got the ligature off while talking to the operator. DH told me to tell them he didnt need an ambulance so I explained it was fine and promised to call back immediately should anything else happen. DH says he didnt want it to actually kill him and he will get a GP appointment. I don't know what to do. I love him. I'm scared. I just want the man I met back. I am afraid I will wake to find him dead. And I'm afraid that if I leave he will kill himself and I will be responsible because I left when I knew he felt like this.

I just want to wake up and this all be a nightmare.

[Ilikethebreeze]

Glad it has been moved to over here.
Not that we have all the answers.

op, I sincerely hope you have called the GP or 999.

[cestlavielife]

op please also tell a friend or your family what is going on. you need support here - Real life.

is there family or friend who can be with your H / take him off somewhere/get him to a and e or GP?

[Ilikethebreeze]

I hope cestlavielike that she is too busy right now to come back on here.

I feel shocked that some posters on MN put this man's life in danger.

[GracieLoo]

Some of the reactions on here are the reasons why I find it to tell people I'm ill and what their reaction would be. I took an od at the weekend, when you're in that state it can build up until the emotional pain gets too mind, you can't think clearly and can only see one way out. But I called 111, like he texted his partner. It is a cry for help, but he needs to talk to someone about it.

No one knows the whole story, and if the original post has been about a mum, the reaction would have been different.

[GracieLoo]

Meant to say 'find it hard'

[FoxyRevenger]

Some of the posts on here are truly disgusting.

The second thread on here recently that I've seen where a poster's DH has been suicidal and he's been slated and apparently 'needs a slap' or, equally lovely 'a kick up the cock'.

Really, really, shameful.

Hopefully you can ignore the shite, OP, and find the support you need, here and in RL.

[LEMisdisappointed]

Gracie - i hope that you are feeling OK now - please ignore the awful posts at the begining of these threads.

The one that made me laugh was the one that said "oh but he;s sitting with his kids now watching cartoons so he obviously didn't feel that bad" It did make me laugh, but quite sad too. Maybe he loves his children and is gaining some comfort from them.

No one on this thread has suggested that the OP doesn't need help - she does, desperately, i hope she does get it, she needs to address the urgent issues and get ome support for herself and her children.

[Ilikethebreeze]

Many hugs to you.

I am aware that there are some people in rl like the 6 on here.
Normally they are in the minority, though they sadly were not on this thread.

I am not necessarily sure that if the post had been about a mum that the reaction would have been different.

I read a thread, fairly recently I think, where there were a few posters who thought as they did, but the rest of the people on the very long thread were hugely supportive.
[it was 1 about how some travellers on trains get anoyed if there journeys are delayed when there is casualty on the line].

Yes, I sincerely hope that the op is getting professional help for her husband.

[GracieLoo]

Maybe the reaction would have been the same if it had been a mum. That's why I keep my problems to myself. I too have tied something round my neck, do you realise how desperate you have to feel to do that?! And the same day, read my dd a bedtime story. That's why depression is so hard to deal with.

[Ilikethebreeze]

How many people have reacted badly to you about it Gracie, if you dont mind me asking. Please do not answer that if you dont want to.

[GracieLoo]

I can just tell people don't understand why anyone would do that when they've got children and a life ahead of them. Sorry to hijack thread. Hope he gets the help he needs, depression can make you irritable and say things you regret.

[Ilikethebreeze]

I fully expect more people understand than you realise.

Yes, if you do find someone like that, you would be wise to not have too much to do with them for a while, but the rest, I would see what happens and give them the benefit of the doubt.

And yes, I am hoping that the op is getting things sorted.
She is going to need a lot of help and support. Lets hope she gets it from everyone in real life too xx

[ouryve]

It's probably all been said, but

1. He needs to get help - he needs to take responsibility for that. You can tell him to do it, but only he can do it.
   
2. Don't let him emotionally blackmail you, no matter how desperate he seems.
   
3. Protect the kids from his actions in whatever way you can.
   

Again, whatever course of action he chooses to take is HIS doing. If you don't want the kids around him while he is such a mess, take them away. Mental illness does not provide an automatic bye for abusive behaviour.

[LEMisdisappointed]

Gracie - I have found people to be generally supportive and my experience of MH issues is that you would be surprised, once you start a conversation how many people are affected by it. I have had experience of other parents being reluctant to allow their children to mine for a play date because i am on ADs. They are the ignorant ones, it is really sad that MH prejudice seems to be so rife.

OP - I really hope you and your DH manage to get things sorted out in terms of support for all of you. You sound like a very loving and caring wife and he is lucky to have you. Please understand that this is not your fault, your DH is ill and needs professional help, whatever happens, sadly, he is the one who is ultimately responsible for himself, so if he ever did the unthinkable, it really isn't your fault, you must know this.

Depression is an illness, it does not make people bad people

[LEMisdisappointed]

ouryve - i have a MH problem, i can be shouty and I have been awful to my partner at times - im not proud of it, i don't use my MH issues as an excuse, far from it - but if someone had taken my children from me, i wouldn't be typing this now, id be in the ground. Only the OP can guage if her children are at risk, we are not there.

[SnowyMouse]

They would try to do the less restrictive option for him, not everyone ends up getting sectioned.

[SnowyMouse]

I wasn't trying to say he's not ill enough, just that an attempted suicide/self harm my not result in sectioning - I'm not sure exactly what criteria do. I've seen people who seem much more ill than me allowed to discharge themselves etc. It's definitely one to explore, god luck to you and DC.

[Ilikethebreeze]

I hope the op still has the diary.

[SolidGoldBrass]

The reason some people have little sympathy for this man is that domestic abuse is as common, if not more common, than mental illness. And he started performing when the OP called him on his bad behaviour and bullying of the DC. He refused to engage with her, refused to seek help, and when she (quite rightly) told him that she was not prepared to have the DC exposed to any more of his unpleasant behaviour, his response was to stage a suicide attempt. That sounds more like abuse than depression. HOwever, if it is a genuine MH issue he needs treatment and probably to move out of the house for the sake of the DC who shouldn't have to be exposed to this sort of thing.

[Ilikethebreeze]

He had been writing a diary.
It was not a sudden thought. He did not suddenly "stage it".

He is a very unhappy man, And none of us on here know why. Probably the op does not know exactly why either.

Please try to understand.

I hope this man is ok physically.
I hope he is safe.
I hope you want him safe too.

How can you or any of the other posters who helped the op delay calling help for 1 hour on this thread ,know what is going on, and to make anywhere near a clinical judgement, let alone any other sort of judgement.

[Chubfuddler]

How did people on this thread help the op delay calling for help? What a bizarre accusation.

[NotTreadingGrapes]

Ilikethebreeze. First you accuse posters (like me) of putting this man's life in danger, and now you accuse us of delaying her calling for help for him.

Don't you bloody dare. Just don't. The only person "putting his life in danger" (sic) is him.

[Ilikethebreeze]

Because the op got confused by posters saying that he may have been doing it to control her.