that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

[ThatVikRinA22]

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

hoochy good for you on the lippy front. Hope you get on ok this evening.

lem glad to hear you had a good time with your dd and the day was ok despite your mum calling. Free gym sounds great!

Ed hope you're tucked up warm with some lemsip and soon feeling a bit better. There seem to be a lot of rubbish viruses around at the moment.

I'm hoping I have Pmt as I feel rubbish this evening. Either that or I should never have got married or had kids! Was fine at college. But as soon as I'm in the car listening to dh telling me that charities have slashed their budgets (no really! And you wonder why I'm stressing about you going freelance) and dd being all gloomy about swimming at school she usually likes, I just want to scream/drink myself into a stupor or just walk out the door and keep walking.

I think I must have been depressed for a long time. I really think my family would be better off with a different wife and mother as I am the grumpiest ever. My dd never wanted to spend v time with dh only me, now it's the other way round

Sorry another yo yo from me I seem to be doing alternate days this week its nuts. Fluox seemed to get rid of Pmt for first few months so either my body is getting used to it or I'm just not coping with everyday life.

Sorry guys... x

Good evening.

I am on fire today.

I felt really really ill this morning. Slept till lunchtime. Felt worse. Bored in bed so got up and played on the wii (after getting dressed to level 3....makes a huge difference)...dtds have cooked tea under supervision. I have emptied dw and tidied kitchen. And even tonight's pans are already washed which is unheard of.

I feel like me. Ok I feel ill...but I'm me iyswim. My throat is much better but glands swelling making neck and thrpat uncomfortable. I stil have these wierd shooting pains in my bones from time to time...

I am about to crochet myself an owl brooch. hen play on the wii with dtds for the evening. Will also have an early night.

Must sort dd3s disco clothes for her to take to school in the morning

lem your mum sounds....erm helpful

CIQ Hopefully it is just pmt and you will feel more positive in a day or two...interestingly my frame of mind reverse completely half way through the day tuesday. When I woke up I had come on...so I did wonder if that was why my mood changed. Or whether I had just slept it out.

hoochy unfortunately I can't qualify with a part time placement. I should be able to do a phased return but will have to do 5-6 weeks of 20-23 hours.

Sorry you're feeling rubbish CiQ , hope things pick up for you. That sounds like a good evening plan Ed, and a very productive day!

I've been looking on the OU website to see what module to do next, it's complicated.

CiQ, poor you tonight - have a hug! I sometimes feel that my family would be better off with a nice, cheerful mum, but despite me being a basket case a lot of the time DP is still here and DD told me im the best mum in theworld this morning. I am pretty sure your family think you are the mutts nuts actually. You are so caring and empathetic (is that even a word?) I can't imagine you to be anything other than a loving wife and caring mum, who just happens to be poorly just now. Don't apologise - I am sorry that you are feeling crap but glad that you can come here to offload.

Ed - if you are feeling that good about the cleaning, i have a few rooms that could use your ministrations just now But seriously, its brilliant that you are feeling that the fog is lifting. A good day - this is good, ok, tomorrow may or may not be a good day, but today was (apart from the grollies) so that means you will have other good days too! Definately need pics of the broach.

This morning the doctor looked like this when i said i was still onthe waiting list for counselling, but she dind't comment further, this afternoon i got a call from them saying i have an appointment tomorrow!! Fuck, im scared shitless actually - she sounded really nice, but i am not sure, she sounded quite young - not sure i can pour everything out to someone young enough to be my daughter!

Today went to shit - tried to sort kitchen and cook dinner, ended up not being able to do it DP had to go and get takeaway - I just washed up (by hand - why? i have a dishwasher ffs) and ended up in tears. DP losing patience and is blaming the citalopram, its not the pills, its me.

(((( LEM )))) Good luck with your counselling. I'm sorry you've had a rubbish day, hopefully tomorrow will be better, it's a new day.

I have had a rubbish day today, really anxious and tearful, although I have taken a beta blocker which helped a little.

Managed to pop to the shops with my parents which was the first time I have gone out in a few days and which I managed ok, but my dad on the way home decided to make some very unhelpful comments that have really shaken me. Basically about my having a male best friend for so long (who is now my new dp, but we were not together nor did I have any idea how he felt about me when I was still with my husband), that it must have been hard for my husband and he would have felt challenged by it, and that 'it is very hard to save a marriage when there are three people in it'. Because obviously my husband being an abusive shit who was emotionally abusive and raped and threatened to kill me is nothing to do with it. I am now hiding upstairs upset. Not good.

Thanks snowy - you are right, i do feel i am making progress - this thread helps xx

Oh Glabella that was very thoughtless of your dad :( I am sure he didn't mean it to sound like it did (which is pretty shit if im honest) I think you have to put it down to him being older and a bit crap when it comes to these sort of things. Maybe have a word with your mum and tell her you are hurt by what he said. Some people really do need to engage brains before they speak!

hoochy good for you on the lippy front. Hope you get on ok this evening.

lem glad to hear you had a good time with your dd and the day was ok despite your mum calling. Free gym sounds great!

Ed hope you're tucked up warm with some lemsip and soon feeling a bit better. There seem to be a lot of rubbish viruses around at the moment.

I'm hoping I have Pmt as I feel rubbish this evening. Either that or I should never have got married or had kids! Was fine at college. But as soon as I'm in the car listening to dh telling me that charities have slashed their budgets (no really! And you wonder why I'm stressing about you going freelance) and dd being all gloomy about swimming at school she usually likes, I just want to scream/drink myself into a stupor or just walk out the door and keep walking.

I think I must have been depressed for a long time. I really think my family would be better off with a different wife and mother as I am the grumpiest ever. My dd never wanted to spend v time with dh only me, now it's the other way round

Sorry another yo yo from me I seem to be doing alternate days this week its nuts. Fluox seemed to get rid of Pmt for first few months so either my body is getting used to it or I'm just not coping with everyday life.

Sorry guys... x

No need to say sorry

Aargh what's happening with my posts?! I did just write one but my earlier one has duplicated!

Anywhow I went to bed after I posted and have been up half an hour. Bit less rage, just flat. Thanks everyone for kind words.

LEM understandable that you're daunted by counselling but its a good step on the road to recovery.

Glabella LEMs advice is good, sorry to hear your dad upset you - sounds rubbish.

Snowy what are options with OU?

My owl brooch is on my profile.

Not bad for an evenigs work. Was a bit more tricky than I expected so took longer than planned. Just needs a pin on the back of it.

Hugs to everyone. Especially those that have had a shit day.

Night all

hi everyone am posting from my phone but didnt wamt to drop off thread again, I check it regularly as ir is such a support to see people habing similar experiences, although awful that we are going throught them. I read vicars post about the negative filter and its so true I cam totally relate to that.

ua hope you are ok.
ed well done today sounds like a good day. I love it when I am motivated.
lem did you enjoy the time with your dd? hope your mum didn't upset you too much.
Sorry thats all I can remember without scrolling back again and cant do it on the app.

I got sertraline from the gp on Tuesday havent started it yet tbh I am so scared to start it, I want to take it I really do but am worried about the side effects amd taking time off work, I think I said it in my last post but its all I can think of

I get periods when am feeling fine then it all gets too much, I ams till functioning as in working etc so think maybe am not so bad, but then something happens at work and I feel I cant cope (I do because I have to) but am often a quivering wreck inside.

on a plus I went to dd2 school coffee afernoon as she starts p1 in August, so that was fun, then got to go and spend some time with her.

sorry I should have spell checked bloody phone

evening, i am sorry i am only here for a self indulgent whinge on many levels.

ds has failed to get his final assignments in on time and so has failed his degree.
i cant speak to him. he has just text me saying he is sorry but i cant ring him. i dont want to ring him. ive nothing to say. he had 2 assignments and one dissertation and that was it - done. So he has thrown away 3 years of work for the sake of his last two assignments. He had already had extensions so cant have more. he cant claim mitigating circs either as he took extensions.
i absolutely give up. 3 years of uni down the pan.

i also got the results of my complaint today. as predicted.

i have only just had my evening meal so not taken meds. I am having a glass of wine.
i feel weird. i cant allow myself to think too deeply about anythign or i will jump off a bridge.

i dont want DS to come back home. ive lived with his selfishness for 20 years and i cant comprehend going back again. This year he lived out and its been respite.
i am a terrible person. He needs me and i have absolutely nothing t osay to him because if i speak to him i will lose it.
ive text him. its as much as i can manage.

Whinge away.

Huge hugs coming your way.

You cannot control what your ds does. Yoh can only guide him. Whether he choses to be guided is out of your control. He has had a really rough time lately, but it is sad that 3years has come to nothing.

But I bet it isn't nothing. He may not have attained his degree (can he still get a degree without honours or a diploma or anything from it? Can he resit modules? Clutching at straws for you) but he will have life experiences. I know tgat it hasn't been easy for either of you but he has had a year of independent but supported living. That will be of huge value to him....university of life and all that.

Huge huge hugs.

Enjoy your wine. Have some ratty cuddles. Stay away from the bridges. Whinge away when you need to.

thank you ed

im just so tired. lat week i was talking to our lovely fed rep about everything, and i said we just seem to lurch from one crisis to another.
and thats it exactly.
everytime i have hopes for him and everytime it goes to shite.

i would love ratty cuddles but the dog will try and eat them and everyone else is in bed so i cant take them for a free range upstairs like i normally do - they do come for cuddles, but when the dogs about i darent risk it....ive got very attached to them and cant bear the thought of the dog or cat going for them....

i will have ratty cuddles tomorrow. i have a terrible head ache. i feel odd.

vicar can understand why your feeling that way, your doing the right thing not speaking to him immediately, as ed maybe he can get some sort of merit for the work he has done, he has been through it a bit lately ( not that know your ds back story but from what you wrote on here a few weeks ago). How are you feeling thus morning.

vicar we can never know what is for the best at the time - so your DS has failed his degree but he has done 3 years of work at uni, and am sure has learned his stuff. (Here at Durham in the 70's he might have got a Recommended Pass after late summer resits, uni's hate to fail people, but I guess these possibilities are really for DS to suss, not you)

Does he himself have any idea what he would like his life to be?

Glabella ignore your DF. My lovely bloke is one of my long term friends, I too had an abusive marriage (which I didn't realise until the last few years of it) and without LB and other friends I would not have got through it. (Feel free to stalk me on the EA thread, have been free for a year, but still post bits and pieces re my marriage)

That brooch is so cute

At leas give the meds a go Notsoblonde

Oh vicar, I'm do so sorry Is there any chance of supported housing for DS?

Love the owl brooch, Ed.

notsoblonde I think this thread (well the first one of the 3) started with vicar wrestling with side effects? And see how far she has come, it is brilliant. So you'll get lots of support, and you may, actually, not have side effects - it has been known!

Am at level 1, have been psyching self to have a shower for the last 1.5 hours, to no avail. Maybe I should run a bath... But then I'll have to wash hair separately...

Will run bath.

Well, I have just had the bath but did some useful stuff in the meantime. Sluttishly, I washed my hair in the bath

Right.

I've been a good girl.

I've took washing off airer and straight away (still have backlog to deal with).

Ive had a long nap.

I'm going to empty dw and get some foid and medication.
I'm going to either have a bath and read in the bath being a slut and washing my hair

Or

I am going to have a quick shower and play on the wii.

Feeling good today....2 and a half days in a row...woo hoo

Nothing wrong re: hairwash and bath, I'm jealous of the bath, only showers here! ;)

I was printing off a housing benefit form, ran out of paper. On the plus side, ocado sell printer paper , so I can get some next week. I don't like using the bus because of all the people.

So was it the wii or hairwash?

Ermmmm.....still in bed..

Would it help if I pretended to be Helles Ed and give you a kick?!

Hi snowy sounds like you've been having a productive morning.

Vicar sorry to hear about your DS and really sympathise with not wanting him home. Time to start looking at some independent living options? There are a number of charities that run houses that enable half a dozen or so adults like your DS to live independently. I hope you can find something like that.

I have managed to get supermarket shopping done and some hoovering and hanging up of washing. Do you guys get any satisfaction from getting stuff like that done? I did on Wed but def not today. Ho hum. TV break now and then DD has a friend round after school (DS going to a friends) so should be an ok after school session. I think a bottle of wine might be opened tonight!

take care all x