we were all in the bed, this is the 2nd thread....roll over! roll over!

[ThatVikRinA22]

so we all rolled over and hellebelles told us to get our arses out of bed......

ive started a new one because there are only a few posts left on the old thread before it gets full.

nana ive described myself on the old thread just for you!

so.

nana hellesbelles mama ed silvery and basset and any one else who posted on the old thread or who relates to our experiences and wants to post on the new one....welcome to the new thread.

old one here

[NanaNina]

I don't understand the point of your appt with OH Vicar - why isn't she putting the things that are troubling you in the report. Does she have to make some recommendation as to whether you are fit for work - I thought that was the function of OH - maybe not?

I was on half pay when I had been off work for a significant period (can't remember the details as it was when I had my first severe episode of depression) but I can recall that with paying less tax that it was more like three-quarters of pay, so hope that's the same for you.

[HellesBelles396]

fortunately I recently showed ds WHO animation of "i had a black dog, his name was depression" and he seems more relaxed about it now than previously. until then I had told him that I had something wrong in my brain which meant I sometimes felt sad when I should have been happy and sometimes woke up tired. it is still difficult at times - Like when he shouted at me that there was nothing wrong with me, I was just lazy and everyone knew I was lazy!

[ThatVikRinA22]

Unfortunately - its his age - you show any sign of being under the weather and they take full advantage. it sounds like you are doing everything right - keep consistent and dont take it personally - he is just testing the boundaries im sure.

mama thank you for saying that. I hope i did make a difference. Sometimes the things we get sent to do try patience but i have bags of patience and i dont mind spending time with people. OH adviser did say not to make any decisions yet - i think they will do what they can to facilitate my return - even if thats a different role temporarily or part time - but the problem is i dont really know enough to go into another role i dont think - im so new in service in the great scheme of things. i really dont know what to do. plus if i just changed my hours but stayed on response i would be out of my comfort zone more because id be with people i didnt know....

nana the pay thing is a worry, but i need to make some kind of decision. going back feels so so hard though. i half expect people to be really pissed off with me. The OH advisor says i have brilliant insight blah blah blah....but the report she has done (ive read it) is very much glossing over some of the problems i have around management and colleagues, which is fine - our inspector knows of the problems around our supervision but no one will do anything about it anyway.

it just makes it all feel slightly hopeless. The problems are simply not going to change and will all be waiting for me when i go back, when ever that is.

it feels like my choices are
jack it in
go part time
temporarily do something office bound but that will probably involve more travel and is temporary anyway.

work seem desperate to imply that nothing around work has had any bearing on how i feel.

im still looking for other things but really not having much luck.

[ThatVikRinA22]

oh and i had a lovely text off someone i used to work with when i was a special here - he has heard through a pal that i arent doing too great and has offered a fresh pair of police eyes/ears....bless him.

while i dont want to inflict my misery on anyone else i just might take him up on that....

[HellesBelles396]

I think you're right vicar - he's gone out of his way to offer help at just he time when you need to find out about different roles wihin the force. make use of him.

just waiting for ds to come home from scouts (they were rock-climbing tonight so we were in different places and his scout leader is brining him home).

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Evening all.

I seem to be back on top after a very dodgy morning. I was very sluggish and had a morning nap which was naughty but sometimes I just feel so tired that I end up gagging and have to give in.

Eventually got up about 1.30 and have written a letter of complaint regarding what kicked off Monday. It will probably end up with someone losing their voluntary role but it is not unjustified...stuff has been going on for months/years and for one reason and another I have been a bit of a central point to direct informal complaints. Now it has all come to a head and am waiting for the s$@t to hit the fan which won't be pretty.

Anyway since then I've been pretty functional...cooked tea. Kitchen is so so.
I'm in bed already. Bit chesty so expect that to brew and knock me for 6 (my chest has been a bit of a weak point since I had pneumonia a couple of years ago...especially when I'm stressed). Very shaky but expected that due to lack of meds yesterday. I've mostly just rested tho.

Tomorrow I must phone dentist...I think dcs appointment is while we are away...

Anyway I'm going yo try and catch up on random things people have said....but want acknowledge individual s because I can't remember who said what....
Someone (silvery?) Mentioned a self diAgnosis of inattentive attention deficit disorder...that made interesting reading...I recognise a lot of traits in myself....perpetuation of negative self image ..low self esteem....procrastination...inability to complete tasks that are already start ed. .

I think you are right (nana? ) I do overexert myself then crash and burn....I am getting better at picking myself up from the wreckage. I am also getting better at recognising triggers and patterns which will hopefully help in the long run.

Sorry OH didn't appear tl be very helpful. It comes across that they are very much working for the employer rather than with you...but reading your posts you seem to love the empathetic part of the job. You sound as though you are very good at it. I think you would make an excellent social worker or support worker.

Waves to everyone else.

Right...time to settle. Night all

[ThatVikRinA22]

goodnight ed

im going to bed soon too....im quite shattered. ive had a really busy week and tomorrow i can do nothing....i will walk the dog, i have to get up due to builders but i dont have to go anywhere or do anything which is a relief. dog will be walked. then i can crash. i did lots of housework today - but the mudbath outside means that within hours the floors are muddy again. its a losing battle.

tomorrow may not be a duvet day but will be an easy one....im planning nothing much.

[ThatVikRinA22]

well - i had planned to sneak back to bed for a bit but i havent - i was up at 7.30 and made the bed, got dressed as had to walk dog - she cant get out into garden - so ive not gone back to bed. think i might attempt some ironing. Im tired but didnt end up going to bed until 1am.

hows everyone else this morning?

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Wakey Wakey rise and shine



Anyone like to guess my mood this morning?

Am tired from waking quite a lot last night (and spending an hour reading the worra thread...) but am up. Am dressed (in jeans....my attire reflects my motivation...pj's being zero...trackie being middling...jeans being quite high...make-up is a bonus level).

I feel kindnof happy. Kind of functional.

I feel motivated but bored. I don't want to eons anything but I don't feel like I can't.

Now...therapist tomorrow....I had better find and fabricate this diary I've Been keeping since before Christmas...

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Xposts vicar :o

[ThatVikRinA22]

i shall call you "mrs motivator" from now on! well done ed

i ve not reached the bonus level yet - in fact ive not brushed my hair yet but i wore a hat to spare the public at large...

i have washed my face, ive just not put it on and i dont think i will be today!

right. off to find some ironing. (which wont be hard since i have 3 baskets of it)

[TheSilveryPussycat]

All well here. Have been feeling great - but still going for naps, reckon it is just part of my weird natural pattern. The joy of being retired .

I come from a family of nap takeres on DF's side - he has always had 40 winks after lunch, in a chair. And when we were kids and went to stay with his mum, DGM, the adults always had an hour's nap, in bed, each day after lunch. DGM (and DGD who I never knew) were from shopkeeper's families at the turn of the 1900.s, so perhaps it was a left over from that?

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Eons = do

Phone autocorrect error...

I might change my name to EdwiniaImpersonatesHellesForTheDay :o

I'm sure it won't last for ever.

I suspect a nap will be in order this afternoon...I just feel positive and chirpy with it...

[TheSilveryPussycat]

You might as well take the things off the computer, especially if it makes you feel better.

I am a trusting soul, however I have learned not to be (so much) in the workplace (one reason why I'm never going to apply for another job).

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Yes if you are going in I would take any personal effects, which includes electronic information.

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Wanders into thread.

Repairs curtain pole

Draws curtains

Level 1 dress code ladies :)

[TheSilveryPussycat]

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Ha ha...I made it up this morning...

Level 1 = pjs
Level 2 = comfy trackie that is only worn around house
Level 3 = dressed properly for going out (which for me is jeans)

Bonus level = make up :)

[MaggieMcVitie]

I hope you don't mind me posting on this thread, but I just wanted to delurk and let you know how helpful this thread has been to me today.

I am on citalopram (2 years now) for stress and anxiety related issues, I've always been prone to catrastrophising and being 'down' for periods of time, but things came to a head and I was no longer coping.

4 years ago DH - who has a long history of depression and OCD had a stroke completely out of the blue. Despite the mental health problems he was a young, active bloke so it was a huge shock. Having recovered from that, 2 years ago he was diagnosed with cancer.

He is in remission currently and all looks well, but he has had a terrible time going back to work, it has been mis-managed and it now appears that his boss is trying to 'manage him out'. So the last few days have been incredibly stressful as we try to decide how to proceed.

Predictably, I have returned to eating junk and wrapping myself up in the duvet. Not good for anyone. House is a tip, I feel dreadful and I'm setting a terrible example to our two DS's.

So. Thank you all. I have read through both threads and have made myself some rules.

1. Up at a regular time.
   
2. Walk the dog.
   
3. No bed during the day.
   
4. Eat well.
   
5. Clear the kitchen before bed
   
6. Bed at a regular time.
   
   You have inspired me ladies

[Shakinstevie]

Ed am most impressed :) so happy your having a good day.

Ua I would do as ed and spc suggest.

Dh and I are talking again, the Internet has been playing up on his boat so made communication a bit difficult, I can't bring myself to tell him yet, my mum and mil know so get some support, again I am having a bad day, ended up at ooh last night with dd1 and having to take her to gp today she has abdo pain and they thought she had a loaded colon, but she has been going to toilet everyday, so am not convinced, she is actually in agony when it starts. I am so teary today, and forgetting everything am also doubting I am any good at work, and feel like am failing my dd's, (what a moaner I am today).

[Shakinstevie]

ed love your levels

Hello maggie this thread is very supportive, I can relate to the catastrphising, but need to go to docs again with dd1, but will be back.

[TheSilveryPussycat]

and I'm on level 3 and have been out to buy milk and cigs