we were all in the bed, this is the 2nd thread....roll over! roll over!

[ThatVikRinA22]

so we all rolled over and hellebelles told us to get our arses out of bed......

ive started a new one because there are only a few posts left on the old thread before it gets full.

nana ive described myself on the old thread just for you!

so.

nana hellesbelles mama ed silvery and basset and any one else who posted on the old thread or who relates to our experiences and wants to post on the new one....welcome to the new thread.

old one here

Morning. I know exactly what you mean about feeling tired but not sleepy. That's what I was like last week. Hope it isn't as bad for you as me cos I found it hell.

I slept much much better last night and as a consequence feel better physically (still only got 6ish hours). I will have an afternoon nap though because I have to drive late tonight and will feel more comfortable doing that if ive had a rest.

Feel a bit demoralised by tge state of my house...compounded by the fact that dtd2 had a mega strop over a hair elastic. Behaving like a 3yo..sigh.

Got drs appointment this morning. But my regular is on holiday. ..so got to see what another has to say...bit nervous about that. ..

I'm in bed cos I am feeezing...but gonna get up (look I'm CHOOSING to get up) and tidy as I have a friend (that I haven't seen for a while) threatening to drop in randomly for coffee...so might motivate me to keep on top of it...

Well that was interesting....

Dr described me as looking like I was a pent up ball of stress energy...hmm...kind of makes me feel justified in being off sick which is kind of good but makes me feel...ill...wierd.

Got more meds...he reviewed bloods say all perfect (although there were a couple of red exclamation marks on the screen next to specific thibgs )

Got told off...its been 6 weeks since I had last presription and I get 30 days meds at a time...I've missed a few doses but I didn't think I was missing that many...

Also had (despite the dr running 30mins late) a 2 min lecture on pre booking my appointment so I don't run out....catch my dr when she has holiday booked...etc...

I feel like a naughty school girl...

Right. Lunch. Then nap.

I'm out at the theatre tonight. One of our brownies is in a significant performance at local theatre so all 3 leaders are going to see that.
Dtd1 is in school play all this week...so fair bit og trying to be organised for that. Tomorrow xp is going and sorting tho. Thurs I'm going. Friday I expect I will be her taxi...

Haven't heard back from school re bullying. I emailed yesterday morning. I sent to 2 people (pne being the bullying hot line). It got bounced from one address but I assume it went to the bully hotline...but I haven't heard a dicky bird...I at least expected an 'thanks we'll look into it and get back to you type reply' by now so think I'll ring you.

Need to ring uni support. I've got a lot of outstanding over payment from last year which im disputing. I don't know if I can get mg grant for this year and loads of stuff like that. Friend is coming with me to talk to them so I have someone coherent with me. She is also qiite good at that sort of thing to be fair. I am distancing tho...but why shouldn't I make use of her useful skills???

It's very hard for me to catch up on my phone, so general good luck and good wishes to all.

No changes this week, they seem to be taking their time. Very bored and feeling rubbish.

Hugs to you snowy, it does get v boring - as I am a smoker that kept me occupied a bit, and got me talking to other smokers.

There is always people watching to do though. I found that helped. And I drank even more tea than I usually do!

I am knackered but it is entirely my own fault Sunday of revelry. The house has reverted to chaos. I got up early this am (for me) but had two naps already. I am trying to track down where damn flies are hatching somewhere in my house - so am turning cupboards out one by one (well, I've emptied the first one). And still fighting neverending sea of paperwork.

Ed perhaps your dr is related to HB

vicar glad you are spoiling yourself a bit - you deserve it.

Waves to everyone, as I too have problems remembering all names.

hi all.

firstly snowy - sorry you are not feeling any better as yet - the nearest i came to feeling hospitalised was when DS was very poorly and i was in with him for 6 weeks - i used to smoke then too and i got really close to some of the other parents, we had a little 'smoking club' and all snook out for cigs in illicit places at 2am.... and would all sit in the day room on a day chatting....its very very odd but i look back on that quite fondly (not DS being ill obviously) but the camaraderie of all being in the same boat was a comfort....and it was just a moment - none of us ever stayed in touch. I hope you start to feel better very soon. x

ed you did better than me today - still level 1 here. i had a very late night, but then slept until 1pm which i now feel is naughty....i needed it though. I hope i havent buggered up tonights sleep as i need to be up early again tomorrow for the bathroom fitter....i havent had a pj day in weeks, which i take as a sign i am on the road to recovery.

if you havent heard from school i would give them a call. I am hugely relieved that DDs problems seem to have stopped - school rang the parents of the bullies and told them about the egging of my house, also told them the incident had been reported to police. seems to have put a stop to it. DD reported it in the end which im pleased about.

i have sent the job application off into cyber space today. There are 3 posts going as family interventions workers - im not sure if it may be out of the frying pan into the fire but applied anyway. Not holding out much hope but its done anyway and means if i see anything else to go for it will auto fill the application instead of having to do it all again....

im debating getting dressed - i should do really - dog needs walking, and dd s boyfriend is meant to be coming over....im also going to not have a drink tonight. ive not got any in. if i get dressed the temptation will be to run out and buy a bottle of wine....im getting too reliant on it and the reflux wont be helped by alcohol....

TSP ive got ants....no idea where the hell they are coming from. I keep looking at stuff to put down but im worried about the dog and cats....none of it is animal friendly. no idea what to do, hoovered several up today and its not even warm weather....

right. off for something to eat. in a way im glad i have to get up tomorrow - i dont want to get back into the habit of lying in too late - i actually feel better for getting up, getting dressed and getting out for dog walks etc. Im waiting to hear back from work re the case conference - really trying to push it out of my head but its worrying me....

hope everyone else is ok. x

stp - how do you know I'm not ed's gp?

Cos you work in a school!!! Or so you say. ..

Evening all.

Had a pleasant evening out at the local theatre. Been home about an hour...

So...todays positives...
Filled dishwasher.
Went to drs
Made an appointment to speak to a student support person about my grant stuff
Posted mothers day card
Sent email to school about bullying
Sent reply email to school after being informed that, the girls involved had all been spoken to.
Make up
Found paperwork for tomorrow

Todays not so positives
Kitchen is a huge tip.
Bedroom is a huge tip...I had liads of washing waiting to be put away. I noe have half my wardrobe added to the pile from my what to wear dilemas...

Glad you are sounding posituve about staying out of bed vicar. From personal experience. ..it is easy to fall off the wagon...try and not restart the habit.

Nippon refillable ant traps are very good for ants. You use a gel that goes inside an enclosed dish. Not sure if that would be animal friendly?

Waves to all vicar, helles, tsp, bassett, snowy, awol nana, mama and all those that I've forgotten. And all those that are lurking. Night all.

Well watched some telly and cleared up at same time, then did hoovering at 10pm, the joy of living alone in a detached house. Mind you, without DS, who visited at the weekend, and is coming back today, who knows whether I'd have done it? He looked critically at the front room, and said it had been much better the last time he came. I said I'd been doing living in the living room :)

Bless him, he even cleared up the kitchen on Sunday or maybe Monday while I was a dirty stop-out (stealth boast)

At last I seem to have caught up on sleep and feel ready to tackle the day.

morning everyone.

went to bed at about midnight i think and woke at 6.30 to check DD was up, then got up at 7.40. dressed and took dd to bus stop. level 3 but no bonus points as yet....

bathroom fitter arrived at 8am.

ive tidied kitchen and living room, and hoovered. i need to walk dog but waiting until dh gets home. also need to nip to shops - we are out of everything. (except cake!) dont really want to go, also have to nip out tonight for dd to take her tutor a card and chocs, then think i will need to take DD to pals round corner for a shower - we have no bath or sink at the min...i hate it when days are filled with popping in and out....i want to go out once then come back and veg out....

i need to get more meds today too. or tomorrow. ive got 1 days worth left. i enjoyed yesterdays lie in but the day disappeared on me....and i felt tired all day.

feel better for being up i think. its hard getting out of bed, but i feel more like im back in the land of the living. not perfect, but better.

hope you are all having a good day.
ed you had more positives than negatives and it does sound like you had a very busy day. hope you have a day off today.

tsp - enjoy your day with you son. Ive texted DS now ive calmed down. no reply tho.

big waves to everyone else....thinking of you all.

Hello everyone. I am really scared because I contacted a CPN last week (who I knew because she had visited me for a short time a year or so ago) and she came out to see me. She's lovely and I can confide in her, but think I told her too much about my suicidal thoughts and plan which I am pretty sure is ideation, but she asked if I'd been looking on the internet for way of committing suicide and I confessed that I had on very bad days.

Anyway she said she wanted me seen by a psychiatrist and she had asked the consultant psych who admitted me to hopsital and followed me up for 12 months if he would see me. He said he would but was going on holiday for 2 weeks (and he is horrible and very intimidating) so CPN thought this was a good chance to refer me to a very nice psychiatrist (not a consultant but a senior registrar) who was very understanding and patient. She told me this morning that he will try and squeeze me in on Thurs or Fri of this week, and I said that there was no urgency but she said she wanted me seen "sooner rather than later" so I reckon she thinks I'm a real suicide risk.

I'm scared of changing meds in case it leaves me in a worse place than I am now, and because of the trial and error factor.

Sorry I have just railroaded through everyone's posts.....

snowymouse hello and thnking of you (and everone else)

nana try and stay positive. If you are positive that will surely come across in your favour. And its a nice man not a nasty man.

vicar I wasn't really busy yesterday. They were all tiny tasks. Probably took an hour in total and I slept the rest...

Today I am pooped. Shattered. Exhausted. Knackered. And it shows in my conversational ability.

Spent all day with 'friend'...but mainlg so she could help me with student finance. Badically it looks like they have mad an error and paid me £1.5k too much and although it is almost certainly their fault (waiting for copies of the paperwork) I will still be liable for it...also did some mosying around town...it was just all day and I'm knackered.

Dtd1 is out performing in the school play and wont be back until nearly 10pm. I am aiming to be in bed and lights off by 11pm tho so hopefully won't crash tomorrow. I am out at school play tho...so we'll see. ..

Waves to everyone...zzzzzzz

nana - you have the most insight into your own condition - more than anyone else, more than anyone here probably, you have lived with it for long enough to understand it, more than the CPN probably. If you know that even while you are looking at suicide plans that its not a reality for you, if you are certain that it is indeed ideation, then tell the psyche you are going to see exactly that.

You have lived with HM for a long long time - you have a very clear idea about him, about what he does to you, how you cope with him, and if having a "plan" is part of coping then you need to explain that.

but do be honest. I know that the prospect of changing meds is worrying - he will surely have your notes but if he doesnt, list everything you have ever tried, and when you tried it, and for how long.

i feel for you nana -but maybe your meds do need tinkering with??? HM isnt giving you much respite lately....maybe he needs a shake up with something different?? go with an open mind. engage with him. see what he has to say. They want to help, it might be worth seeing what he has to say.

ed negative filters on.....yesterday you listed the positives and the negatives but you did a far bigger list of positives - so what if they were little tasks. the good stuff list was longer! good idea about bed tonight - im doing same. i definitely feel better for getting up in the mornings,

ive had a day of job searching with absolutely nothing to apply for to show for it. Bathroom fitter here most of day so stuck in.

have booked for a facial and some beauty treats for next week.
but im overdrawn - again. must try and be more careful this month - pay day tomorrow. need to keep a closer eye on spending as pay may be cut soon. Also thinking about opting out of the pension if i am certain im not going to stick the job out, that would give me an extra £210 per month. Will decide when i go back - i think i will soon have an idea of whether im staying or going.

i am dreading going back and dreading this bloody case conference.

I love the term negative filter...am I allowed a positive filter...

Trying to do my positives for the day...

Out of house by 9.25 to collect friend on time.
Put bin out
Sae someone in student support who are going to try and deal with my student finance
Did a bit of shopping

Negatives
Was out all day without doing much for me. Lots for friend but not masses for me.
Not done anything significany in the house .

Definiteky think I have a negative filter on and the exhaustion is making me incoherent.

In bed . lights off....phone going off. Anothwr positive list thing. ..

Night all

well done on the early night ed - i failed at that one. it was 1am when i went to bed. and now im feeling it.

level 3 but only under sufferance - because bathroom fitter is here again. no hair and no make up. in fact ive not washed face - given a lick and promise with a simple cleansing wipe....i look pretty terrible.

i am putting off checking the bank. No job hunting today.

how is everyone else this morning. its a lovely morning here, cold but sunny. i want to walk dog but bathroom fitter is in and out so dont want to go out and leave front door unlocked.

ive washed up and hoovered. now im bored. upstairs is a tip but there is nothing i can do about it until bathroom finished.

Morning vicar

I slept solidly from turning off my phone to about 2.30 when dd3 appeared in my bed. Then I slept solidly until about 6. Then dozed until just after 7 So reckon I had a good 7-8hrs quality sleep.

So why am I so sleepy???

Have already emptied dishwasher. Going to get up and finish the other kitchen bits in a mo.

Then I think I'll see if there is anything on the box while I crochet....

Afternoon nap likely to be in order as I am out...again...tonight and driving on dark country roads and dodgy single pass hump back bridges with crap visibility so need to be alert.

Also need to put my computer on and pay some bills.

Feeling like its going to be a crash day but I am determined to work through and not let it be completely wasted.

Thank you Vicar for your wise words - I got myself completely overwrought last night and was crying to DP that i could get sectioned. I'm still very anxious and hope he phones today and says he is coming tomorrow so I don't have it hanging over me all weekend. I am very anxious today but have decided to go and meet my DGD from school and see my son and dil to try to take my mind off it. Just hope it's a good day when he comes because then I can be far more rational about the suicide ideation. Thanks ED too - I will try to stay positive - it comes over me in waves, but it does make me less anxious when I can think that he is only an ordinary mortal and maybe the change of meds will be beneficial...........but still scared!

Have to confess that when I read sometimes about someone dreading a meeting with someone (like someone from work, or a medic of some kind) it sort of by passes me, but now I know what it's like!

Incidentally Vicar I think you have recovered so much since you started on sertraline(?) lovely to hear of you going off for beauty treatments next week. Do you feel that you have improved so much. I know the work thing is hanging over you but from your posts it sounds like the depression has really lifted.

Ed only 1 question! Do you know what is making you so tired, is it a side effect of the meds or your mental health condition which I have to confess I don't know, but assume depression/anxiety?

Wish Snowymouse would make contact....are you there ...?

NANA

I have no idea. Im probably due a crash day. Think I've only slept during the day once this week. That combined with my hideously poor sleep last week its probably just my body just asking me to catch up on the sleep my body is used to.

I'm not sure what my technical diagnosis is. On the gps screen it shows as 'depressive episode' but I think on my mental health assessments my anxiety scores are generally higher than the depression scale ones.

Right. All my washing up backlog (some from sunday ) is cleared. Ive paid 2 bills. I've been ssearching for new crochet patterns. Now I am going to rest for a bit before my evening out.

Hope all is well everywhere else.

Thinking of sveryone, particularly NN
I'm not feeling well.

Incidently I feel as though I could get through the afternoon if I keep myself busy. However, I feel anxious about my alertness for driving tonight. Particularly this particular route. Therefore I feel justified in taking a nap.

Oh snowymouse sooo glad to hear from you, and you can't really hope to be feeling well at this stage can you, and I know how you hate being in hospital. Do you have your own room this time. None of the nurses bothered talking to any of us when I was an inpatient, just doled out the meds and that was that. Wish there was something I could do for you. Love NNx

Evening everyone.

snowy - hang on in there. Ive only had a tiny taste of mental health problems but its taken me up until this last 2 weeks to feel anything like back in the land of the living....from november last year. You will feel better - it will just take time. Try to go with the flow...each day as it comes. You will feel better lovely.

Glad you feel a bit more positive too nana. Hope they do make contact before weekend for you.

ed hope your evening was ok, and your drive safe. Im going to really attempt an earlier night. The upstairs is such a mess though with the bathroom - why is it when one tiny room gets done the entire house gets turned upside down? it mystifies me.

im having a weekend off from the stables this week - things got a bit fraught last week (sometimes yard owner forgets im not staff i think) and i cant do anything around the horses until i can bath or shower properly again! im having to resort to washing in the kitchen sink....we should have a bath by tomorrow hopefully but its not going to be finished properly until monday - so im going to go to dunelm mills on sat and try to get new towels etc. if i can paint on sunday i will. (we are just having it half tiled this time, so have spent today picking colours, towels and accessories) i am really looking forward to seeing it all finished and having a lovely leisurely soak in the shiny new room! the shower hasnt worked in 6 months so it will be so nice to be able to use the shower and not have to lay in bath looking at a mouldy ceiling! it was grim before.

im hoping that no one contacts me re the case conference before next week now. it feels unreal and i really wish i didnt have to go back. walking back into the work place is going to be a horrible horrible feeling. im so nervous about it all - its fine at min as im trying not to think about it much but once it becomes reality.....i just hope i can cope with it.

anyway. enough of my waffle. i hope everyone else is ok. love to all, hope everyone is still around, lurking if not posting.
xxx

Ed I find I need to be well rested, not hungry, and empty-bladdered before I am fit to drive :) Your nap is perfectly justified not that you need to justify it!

snowy it all gets a bit Groundhog Day, but I'm sure you will make progress. Remember, anyone can ask to see a chaplain, they are good listeners if you need one. Do you have access to the great outdoors? (I imagine so, cos of the smokers if nothing else)

NN, another one saying a change of meds is well worth a try. There has been some concern in recent years in the psych world that some people have been on the same meds for a long time and might benefit more from a review and a change of meds.

vicar did you find a way to alleviate the boredom?

x-posted with you vicar. Don't overdo it at the weekend, will you?